TAT Box Set

by Emjay Soren

  I was curious though on what their status was. “What’s the deal with you and Noah. You keep dancing around the issue making it clear your with him but also very evasive about him and you together?” I really thought she would tell me everything even if some could have been left out, but she was mum about it all.

  “What’s there to tell Carrie? Noah is Noah and that will never change. I am giving him till we head back to school to decide what he wants. It’s making me crazy because when I see him it’s like he’s distant and off putting, but alone…” She gets this dreamy look in her perfect almond eyes and I know by that look alone she loves him.

  “But alone?” I prompt hoping her answer has nothing to do with his … ‘moves’ or anything in that genre.

  “When he has me alone and we are in bed, or on the couch watching TV, cooking in the kitchen…anything, he is so attentive and sweet. He’s not the serious guy with me, I see all of him and in those moments I tell him I love him.”

  “You do?” I ask, my voice ready to crack because I want and need Noah to see how much she loves him, to see he is not broken, not bad and that he is perfect because Candy says so.

  She nods and tears fall from her thick black lashes without leaving a streak of muddy black. “He tells me he loves me too. God Carrie, he…” She stops and shakes her head ‘no’. “Never mind.”

  “Oh hell no Candy True! You need to spit it out right now.”

  “He just says things that melt me and because they are from Noah I believe him. I know he would never spare my feelings with half truths. Noah is crazy honest and at times he gets so deep that I don’t remember to breathe and wind up looking stupid saying some lame ass thing like thanks.”

  My own lack for follow up this morning and my awesome choice being, ‘me too’. “I know what you mean there. Chad does that and you know it’s not fair. Boys aren’t allowed to out romance us women. They are freaking songwriters and that gives them an unfair advantage.” I am rolling my eyes and letting my annoyingly perfect romantic boyfriend piss me off.

  Candy laughs in agreement. “What was yours?”

  “Are we talking just today because I have so many to chose from. He makes me look emotionless at least once a day.”

  “That’s it. Emotionless is the word. It’s like they take all the fun out of normal average Joes and the one liners. I had a guy actually tell me that he hit his head looking at me and that I needed to give him my phone number because of insurance purposes.” She looks at me with laughter echoing her words. “Seriously Carrie, he said that and I gave him my number because I thought it was funny and well thought out. That was all it took. That is a normal average Joe and after the likes of Noah Beckett and Chad Blake wooing us, we could never go back.”

  I am laughing now too. “We need to make a conscience effort to come up with some swagger when they start getting deep.”

  She is nodding and still laughing softly. “So what was the perfect thing he said today that made you feel lame?” She asked handing me a black cowl neck sleeveless top that I immediately knew I would love.

  “You’re my it, my all, my everything.” I cringe remembering my reply. “I stealthily responded with the tried and true ‘ you too’.”

  She started laughing again and so did I but I wanted to hear her smooth responses. “What about you? What did Noah say that made your reply less than stellar?”

  “That my kiss is his treble to his bass, my touch is his fingers on the strings and my voice is the tune he finds in every song.”

  Shocked out of my skin. I am shocked my brother had it in him. “Holy fuck Cans that is good. What did you say?”

  “Aw thanks.”

  I busted up laughing knowing where she was coming from and so ready to romanticize Chad into stupidity. “We need to seriously spend the rest of the night watching every cheesy chick flick out there and come up with something that leaves them stupid.”

  “I’m ready for that, more than ready to make Noah eat my words and not just my pussy”

  “Jesus Cans really? I never needed the visual.”

  She just laughs and walks away like she didn’t just traumatize me for life with that filthy tidbit. “You just wait till I tell Noah I heard about more than his vocal skills but his oral as well.”

  Her face dropped at my joke and she began pleading with me. “Please don’t Carrie. I…”

  My heart broke for her. “Your still scared he’s gonna run.” It wasn’t a question but an honest truth. She was scared to lose him, my Cans the craziest most awesome girl I knew with confidence coming out in waves, was terrified of my brother breaking her heart.

  “Aren’t you scared of Chad breaking you? Think about it Carrie, there is only two ways this eight day gig ends, with a label coming for them or an epic fail and we both know what one it will be. They are too talented, too pretty and too perfect when it comes to music to NOT be signed soon. We both compete with fangirls and tatterflies, but the big leagues like stadiums, tours platinum records and Grammy’s… I am terrified I won’t compare.”

  Once again, Candy and her truthful truth has awoken another sleeping monster in my brain.

  *

  We called it quits after the last store where Candy reminded me that we were small town and they were destined for the world over. We left the store bound and determined to watch chick flick with a pen and pad of paper to prepare to knock their socks off. Only now I wanted to plead my case, tell him why he should pick me, why I was it for him and that no other woman could ever love him more than me.

  We stared with the classics like ‘Say Anything’, then next ‘Jerry McGuire’ and Candy even said she would use the ‘Ambassador of Kwan’ line used my Cuba Gooding Jr. at the end. I was in hysterics by the time we made it to the ‘Nicholas Sparks’ portion of the late night. It was five in the morning when we finally fell asleep, but my dreams were twisted with images of random beautiful women like Trisha Chad’s ex, or the girls from the first show I went too. Girls like that all over Chad all while he was on the phone telling me ‘You’re my it, my all, my everything.’ while the fangirls had a heyday with him.

  My phone alerted me to a text at nine in the morning and I grumbled that anything before ten was cruel and unusual punishment. Of course I was hoping the text was from Chad telling me some totally over the top sweet thing. It was amazing to me that he could be so cheesy and not once come off as a sap. He was all swagger and confidence and cocky, dressed in bad boys skin and rock n roll clothes, spewing words of love and forever that make me swoon and not want to laugh. He was an anomaly my boyfriend and a sexy one at that.

  Looking at the message alerting me it was from an unknown sender made me extremely uncomfortable. Just like curiosity killed the cat, well I am said cat.

  Princess I will be at the trust meeting with you and your brother. I would like a moment alone with you before or after the papers are signed over. Can you call me as soon as you get this? I know a late night of movies with Candy kept you up late, but really, what’s a phone call to dear old dad gonna cost ya? I miss you Princess, more than anything.

  I threw the phone across the room and watched it shatter on the ground all while screaming.

  Just like that I was stuck between sanity and reality, and no they are two very separate things. “Kiss me princess, tell me you love me…” bile rose in my throat as I fought to keep my memories clear. I could see Candy freaking out trying to talk to me but I was stuck in that place, its captor, and there was no getting free. “Please princess, suck me deeper like I taught you. Do that and I’ll go easy on your brother. Fight me and I’ll make it last all night for both of you.”

  This time the bile came up and out and nothing I could have done would have stopped it. His voice was in my head, the stench of whiskey strong and overwhelming me. I could feel his hips pressing against me, ripping me apart with every thrust and I wanted to scream that I was free, it was over.

  I felt a burning pain on my face, then again and again.
My throat was raw from screaming and then I was back and Candy was screaming and slapping me. She was screaming into her phone and I knew, just knew who she called. When her hand was making its way back to my face I caught her wrist and spoke, “Stop hitting me please?”

  It wasn’t intended as a question but my mind wasn’t clear yet. “She’s back but I have no clue what just happened. She got a text and then threw her phone across the room and started screaming nonstop for like five minutes.”

  I knew she was talking to Noah because her phone was on speaker and I did all I could do and held my hand out for the phone. She looked at me, tears streaming down her beautiful face and I felt the worst shame for her seeing me at my lowest point. She didn’t know what I was seeing in my mind but she knew enough to know I was hurting and terrified and that had her crying. She placed her arms around me and pulled me close as I spoke in the phone.

  “Bubba?” I barely got the word out before I started crying in loud painful wails.

  “Calm down baby girl and talk to me. Let’s play some trust me yeah?” His voice was a balm to my fear, it always had been my entire life and he is who I needed right then. I realized that Chad may be with him and seeing this unfold from Noah’s end and I knew it would almost always need to be Noah who pulled me out. I just didn’t want to lose Chad because of it.

  “Chad?” I ask unable to form a complete question due to the fact I am in a full blown panic mode, hyperventilating and all.

  “Chad’s right here baby girl, he don’t mind you coming to me.” His voice was soft and gentle like talking a sleeping baby to bed.

  “He-he-hhhe-cccant-gget-muh-muh-muh-muh-madddd.” I tried so hard to get my words out clear and free of the overwhelming panic inside of me. I could hear Noah barking orders to whoever was there with him. Chad in the distance telling him to make it stop and that he was crawling out of his skin with worry.

  I could tell Noah muffled the phone but I still heard his conversation with Chad. “I can’t make her stop, she will when she calms out.” His voice was again muffled and then back to me. “Look baby girl I have you on speaker so you can hear Chad okay? It’s just us guys here so no fear. Trust me yeah? Tell me what the trust is.”

  “Fff-fff-ff-freeeee-dddommm fff-from h-h-him.”

  “Yeah okay sissy. You’re free from him, here with me and the boys in the bus making our way to Seattle right?” Noah was so gentle and soft, speaking as if his voice was to lose the delicate notes I would shatter. I could hear shuffling as the phone muffled and then open air again. “Yeah Chad’s here with me baby girl and he was missing you something crazy so we flew you in to be with him.”

  The entire band and Candy were all sitting there, listening to Noah talk me down with a child’s game intended to keep our minds healthy. It was both embarrassing and beautiful.

  I squeeze my eyes shut as tears fall, Candy crying silently against me as I try to calm myself and speak clear. “Ch-ch-ch-ch-chad-d-d-d.” I stutter and cry all over myself wishing I could find the fighter inside. I just need to breathe.

  “Yeah baby what’s up?” Chad’s voice was as soothing as Noah’s but something else entirely and I felt a calm come over me.

  “N-n-n-nothin’.” I hiccup. “I c-c-can’t wait to see you tomorrow.” I took a deep breath and pulled back from my safe world terrified Chad would think I was completely insane. I don’t know why Noah and my creations worked but they did no matter how much sense they didn’t make. It was make believe and trusting each other enough to see it wasn’t real but safe all the same.

  “What do you mean baby? I thought you were here?” I can hear the fear and worry in his voice, even when he tries to smother it with a soft chuckle and play along.

  “I’m fine now.” I say through hiccup sobs as my tears dry and I try to regain a sense of composure I’m not sure will come. “I promise I’m okay.”

  “What set this off Sissy? Did dad contact you?” The note of complete disdain and fury didn’t go unnoticed when Noah asked.

  Nodding I stopped because they obviously couldn’t see me. I tended to go into myself when I got scared using one word answers or simple nods until I got my bearings. Noah knew this. “Candy is she nodding?” He asked over the speaker of Candy’s phone.

  “Yes, she’s nodding yes.”

  “Carrie girl you have got to tell Noah what happened.” This was Shamus in the speaker now and I could hear jumbled curses coming from both Chad and Noah.

  I told them what the text said and listened to dead silence for what felt like hours. Noah’s voice in the background told me he was either talking to the cops or to Seth and Lilly. Either way one of them was on their way here. “Chad?” I questioned not sure if anyone was listening.

  “Yeah baby.” He spoke softly and I knew this was killing him.

  “I want you home.” I cried and hated myself for saying such weak words. How could I ask him to drop his shot at fame, to forget the Seattle show and rush to me because of a scary text message? I asked myself this and knew it was wrong but I couldn’t stop from wishing he was with me.

  “I want Noah here too.” I cried, because clearly I had not only wanted to cost Chad his future but Noah as well. Chad didn’t get to answer me though when he came back on the speaker.

  “Listen to me Carrie. I need you to get your shit, bag it up and leave with Candy. I’m giving you five minutes sissy, that’s how long until Uncle Seth is there to lock down the house. Get in the car with Candy, do it now and call me from the road.”

  He left no room for arguments of defeat as the line went dead. Less than a minute later Candy’s phone rang a notification from Noah but I didn’t bother asking. Noah was obviously in survival mode so I did as he asked and packed my bag as best as I could. Uncle Seth was there with my final minute to spare, pulling me into his arms and hugging me close.

  “I called the cops Carrie. They are on their way now, I told them safety was key and that you can give your statement over the phone. Their gonna take what’s left of your broken phone with them and see if they can figure out where the hell he is at. Go with Candy and call me when you’re settled.” I pulled back and looked at my uncle. He was over six feet and a burly man with dusty blonde hair and beard to match. He was nothing like my father, not even in appearance let alone the differences in soul. Uncle Seth and Aunt Lilly were the only parents Noah and I had.

  He stepped back from my hug and held the door, walking us to Chad’s truck looking over his shoulder and in every possible direction for my dad. He looked to Candy who was the driver this time and smiled sweetly. “Call me the minute you girls get to Seattle. Shouldn’t take more than an hour and a half.”

  Candy agreed and started the truck, the engine growling in excitement for the drive ahead as we headed off toward Seattle.

  Seattle.

  Chad may not be coming home to me, but I was going home to him.

  I was his Dorothy.

  *

  The minute we pulled up to Quest Field we had to go through a series of security gates and show our ID’s. By the third one Candy called Noah and told him we were there but getting ID’ed at every gate. After she ended the call we didn’t have to stop again. How he had the pull that early on was beyond me but I was grateful.

  We pulled into the spot the last guard told us to look for and parked Chad’s monster sized Ford next to Diesel haulers and the tour bus a few hundred feet away. I saw Noah step off the bus, Chad right on his heels as they came toward us. I jumped from the truck and ran toward my safe boys, flying myself into Noah as soon as I could reach.

  “Shh’ Sissy. Your safe now, c’mon look at me and see you’re safe.” He was cupping the back of my head, his hand stroking my back trying to soothe me. I couldn’t look up because I knew Chad was beside him and I didn’t want him to see me like this.

  “Chad man, give us a minute?” Noah asked, politely even which shocked me. Too bad Chad didn’t care.

  “Not gonna happen Beckett. Give me my girl.”
He said just as politely and I wondered how these two who constantly fought about me had somehow managed to not spit demands at one another.

  At Chad’s words however I gripped Noah tighter. I was scared of everything sure, but more scared that Chad wouldn’t be able to handle this. I heard a door from the bus open and clomping feet as Shamus, Cassa and Cal barreled down the stairs and came toward us. Candy was talking to them softly and I heard Cassa gasp at the story.

  “She needs me right now Chad. This is heavy and ugly and harder for Carrie to deal with because Carrie had it the worst. Think of what you to do behind closed doors with her and imagine her mind right now knowing, that you know that our dad did the same fucking things to her.” Noah wasn’t being nice anymore and I hated him for his bull in a china shop ways, even if his point was spot on.

  “Fuck!” Was Chad who stormed off into the bus. I could hear shouting and shit breaking but I held tight to Noah.

  Noah looked behind him at Candy. “C’mere baby.” He said softly to her and pulled her close kissing her on her forehead. “You did so fucking good Candy, solid baby. Give me five with Carrie and try to calm his ass down so he can see where I’m coming from, where Carries coming from.”

  “Yeah of course.” She said her voice shaking.

  “You did good babe, just give me five and then I’ll come for you and help calm you down.”

  There was an innuendo in there somewhere but right then I didn’t care how gross they were. Noah didn’t speak again until everyone had dispersed. “Look at me now Carrie.”

  I looked up and saw the same look he always wore, determination and anger mixed with guilt and sadness. Never fear though, I never saw fear on Noah. “Chad isn’t gonna run from this sissy. You need to let him in on this, let him see you broken and defeated so he can help you too.”

  “I can’t Noah.” I cried and tried to burry my face in his neck again.