TAT Box Set

by Emjay Soren

  I made sure to be gone before he was out of the bathroom, stealing his towel and basketball shorts because my three thousand-dollar Armani suit was destroyed. He thought I was a coward before? Well I just proved him right by the squeal of my tires as I left.

  Was this over before

  Before it ever began

  Your kiss

  Your calls

  Your crutch

  Like the devils got your hand

  Chapter Eight

  Cal

  I grip the sink with a white-knuckle clutch and bow my head. I don't feel a moment’s anxiety or panic over what just happened.

  Intense doesn't describe what just took place in my gym. That was fucking religious. I flip the faucet on and wash my release from my hands. I dry them and flip the light off. I'm getting back out to my girl and I'm talking her to my bed and keeping her there forever.

  I come around the Corner and pause, dread an overwhelming presence the minute I see she's gone. I dash to the stairs taking them three at a time, dick swinging because I didn't bother dressing considering I wasn't done with her.

  I search the upstairs, but the beeping tone plays through the speakers in my house letting me know the gate opened.

  She's gone.

  Fuck. ... She left?

  I get it wasn't my best performance, but I haven't had sex since the night of the wedding because my cock only wants her. He got her off and he got the job done, albeit quickly he got it done.

  I know Tay and try as I might; everything we have been fighting over just came to an explosive head. Enough with the talking our bodies took control.

  I figured that we were finally on the same page, but we clearly went even in the same book.

  I don't know how long I sat on the couch trying to figure it out when the gate beeped again. I threw on my jeans and opened the door expecting to see her there but surprised to see Noah.

  "Hey..." I say and try to hide the disappointment in my voice, but he caught it and clasped my shoulder.

  "Yeah I get it. Not who you wanted eh?"

  He makes his way inside and I switch the sound system off. "She called Carrie in hysterics.” He looks at me with an eye roll. "I bailed obviously.”

  "So, what? You came to lecture me on making her cry? You can save your breath because I didn't do anything this time. This is on her stubborn crazy ass."

  I say that last part with a laugh that has nothing to do with thinking is funny and everything to do with being frustrated.

  “I know.” Noah says, shocking me.

  "So why head over here?” I ask. It's no secret Noah is the constant to us all but when it's these damn women crying he trends to yell at us guys regardless.

  "Because I've spent the last week watching you eat shit and try your ass off and she's being a brat. I figured she can piss and moan to Carrie who will call Roni and Cassa and they'll form the bitch brigade. I bailed, Chad will be here soon when he can duck out and Shame and Mike are on their way. "

  I say nothing but nod totally vindicated that my boys have my back.

  "Do you ever miss the old days?” Noah asks, and I'm taken back.

  "Define old days.” I say.

  "Pussy parties, bonfires in the PIT or back of my spot. Playing at the Aloha house for dimes. I don't know. I feel like I'm spinning these days and I go back to when it was easy. "

  I smile remembering the days when we were small town stars. "We did throw the best parties.” I say smiling at the memory.

  "Right? “Noah says and laughs.

  I'm cautious to test these waters but as I always do where the band is concerned I dive right in. "It was awesome jamming with you at the Sue."

  "Yeah it felt like it had been long overdue.”

  "And. ..." A simple word, but the weight of a thousand men. I hung on that word.

  "Can't do it Cal. I'm barely getting by now and I'm still slipping. I get out on the road and playing every night. The drugs are too accessible to me. Here I have the shop and I can stay focused and it’s simple. Sam keeps the fangirls at bay and I can think and live easy."

  "What about a rehab?” I ask because above all things I want him clean and we all know he isn't. Noah slips away from us all for days at a time. We don't know where he is or what he's doing. Just that he comes back with dark rims under his eyes and reeking of dirty sex and liquor clouded in the foul stench of heroin.

  "Good fuck really? You've lost your mind if you think I'm letting a shrink anywhere near me. Those doors", he pauses and taps his temple indicating the trap doors in his mind. "Those doors were sealed shut and buried years ago. They won't ever open. Feel me? "

  I nod unable to say anything even though I want to. Noah reads minds though, because he looks at me with mock. "What? Just say it or that shit will fester like it always does with us lately. "

  Knowing he's right I put on my kitten gloves and hope what I say comes out the right way. "You need therapy though. Like bad dude." Apparently, I confused my kitten gloves with no gloves. It most definitely didn't come out right.

  "I know it. But it'll never happen. “This tone of voice, the certainty and the command in it I've heard a million times since meeting him. It's a voice reserved for Carrie and every time she wanted to come to a show or a party. This voice leaves no room for argument. Too bad I'm not Carrie. “Then you'll never get better. All this shit? Your dad, Candey, the band; all of it, won't ever get better until you take that shit and kick it for good. I'm sorry Noah. For all the shitty luck you have but this addiction is a choice. You're the strongest guy I know... and the weakest."

  He just nods effectively shutting the conversation down. Before I can say anything, I hear the alarm telling me that gate opened and it's my boys.

  "Fucking women.” Chad says, and I know this night is about to go down in history.

  "Carrie flip when you left?” Noah asks with a laugh.

  "Fucking Cassa and Ron show up Cass is barking at Shame on the phone. Jesus when women get pissed at a guy they take us all down." He takes his seat beside Noah and runs his hands over his face in frustration. “Seriously, I hardly ever fight with my wife, but I was about to sit through girl talk because Tay won’t swallow her pride.” He looks at me with his own pride. “We have watched you set yours aside every day for months. I cannot sit through the boo-hoo BS tonight and if Carrie can’t accept it, then she’s gonna have to be pissed for a while.”

  I laugh because these guys’ marriages are strong, and they’ll survive but fuck I do love it when they are in the shit house because those nights are epic.

  "So, what's the word? What did I do wrong this time? “I ask and grab beers for the guys. “I don't care what crazy ass thing she cocked up I'm not sucking up after this one. "

  Mike being Mike has all the details. "Well apparently and this is according to the info Roni gave me. When you guys are together after the wedding you ran off to hide in the bathroom. "

  He looks to me for confirmation. I nod because everyone knows this. It's why I've been eating shit to win her back.

  "Well she says you did it again. She finally cracked and kissed you I guess and when you finished with her you ran to the bathroom. "

  Oh. My. Fucking. God!

  I completely lose my shit and throw my beer against the wall. "Fuuuuuuuuck!”

  I turn and look at them and fuck a filter. She can tell everyone I dodged out like a pussy I'll fucking explain why. “I fucking went to wash my hands.”

  "Lame reason dude.” Shame says, and I flip him off.

  "There was fucking cum all over them dip shit. I didn't have a condom and pulled out. I went to wash my hands because I was gonna go caveman and carry her to my bed and keep her there. I was gone all a minute and a half. "

  "Seriously?” Noah asks and shakes his head.

  "If that dude, she was gone and stole my shorts. I ran after her, but she was squealing tires gone. "

  "So, I am Devil’s advocate here, but why not save your ass some trouble and sa
y something?” Mike asks.

  "Like what? I need to go wash the spunk from my hands, so I can fuck you again? "

  Mike cringes and I laugh. He's such a fucking sap. I swear to God sex with Roni is probably boring and emotional to the point of awkward. ... But hey it works for them.

  "Fuck that! She had been on her high horse all week. She should have stayed to yell at you for dipping out, not running like a pussy."

  This is Chad and he must really be in shit because he isn't the type to choose sides especially when it's a side against his wife.

  "Fuck this. We all are in the shit house. Let's make it worthwhile. “Shame says and within minutes we called Seven and Nate and Sam and. ... We'll we did what rock stars do.

  We jammed all night and wrote songs... all my tunes played a sad song for the one I couldn’t get.

  Losing him was blue like I’ve never known

  Missing him was dark grey all alone

  Forgetting him was like trying to know somebody you never met

  But loving him was red

  Chapter Nine

  Tayla

  Six Months Ago

  I just shut my laptop and directed all calls to my voice-mail when his text came through.

  Cal: Guys will be gone by seven. No panties tonight.

  I feel a heat spread through my body, the same heat I always feel with his blunt need, but I hate the first part of that message. It says loud and clear that no one is to know about us. Two years now I have been doing this with Cal. Two years of falling in love with him. Two years of orgasmic bliss unlike anything I even knew was possible. Two years of lying to the people I loved most.

  Me: Is that an invite for dinner?

  I hit send and smirk knowing he won’t read between the lines, but instead get more graphic. I close my office door, lock it and drop out-going mail on my assistant George’s desk. Then my phone chimes a new message.

  Cal: The only thing I have to feed you is my cock. Your pussy though is my feast.

  See.

  Blind as a bat and so fucking dense. I drop hints all the time about us making it official and coming out of the straight closet. In return I get sexy messages where everything I say, everything, is taken as innuendo.

  Me: Who needs romance when I have that kind of sweet talk?

  His response is almost immediate.

  Cal: LOL

  Then another message right after.

  Cal: Romance isn’t in my vocabulary. Pussy, fucking, cock, blow job, doggy style and sixty-nine. Those are the words I know. Fuck romance, who needs it when I have nine inches of heaven for you anytime you want it?

  Yup.

  I gave up in general because even if he knew what I was getting at, the amount of time he spent distracting me and avoiding any serious talk was enough to make me stop asking. It was depressing, and it gutted me to know he only wanted sex and nothing else. I am the fool who sticks around for the scraps and I do it because I love him and the thought of losing him is harder to handle than the thought that it’s all fake. I’ll deal with it if he ever meets the woman of his dreams. Until then I accept being his booty call.

  I am pulled from the memory when Cassa and Carrie are waving in front of my eyes. “Hiya Chicca’s!” I say with way too much enthusiasm and it’s a dead give-away.

  “That bad huh?” Carrie asks and gives me a sad smile. I launch into the details of this failed attempt at hearing him out.

  “Well, first things first I am so proud of you and your vagina for being able to walk away.”

  I laugh but it’s a frustrated laugh. “My ‘V’ is going to go on strike soon.” I say and squirm in my jeans. Just the memory of his fingers inside me last night puts me on edge.

  “So, you got as far as the secretive shit and that’s a start baby doll. Don’t get defeated. Stick to your guns when it comes to getting what you want. You got him in the right direction last night. Those texts he sent you at the bar were hot in the non-Cal pervert way. The way he was with you at his house… I don’t know but it sounds like he is realizing exactly what’s going on.”

  Carrie is such a cheerleader when it comes to those she loves. She wants nothing more than to see everyone happy.

  “By reminding me what an easy target I was?” I say with slight humiliation.

  “Yes. Some of what he said is valid Tay. You went to him willingly. You may have been in love with him, but you also went because you liked what he was giving you. I’m sorry Tay but you are not the type of woman to let a guy walk on you. If you weren’t enjoying every second with him, you would have made sure he knew it.”

  I am reminded of my thoughts just seconds before they got here. I knew that if he told me I was just a piece of ass for when he was bored, I would have skinned his balls and made jerky out of them. The truth is though; I like his filthy mouth back then and even now. I may have hated being the secret or the fact I was a foregone conclusion but either way I egged him on with my texts and he always delivered how I knew he would.

  “I know it doesn’t sound romantic, but it is. He is making everything personal. Eating my pussy, he makes it sound like he’s writing me a sonnet. Jealousy over Sam? He acts like I have always been his and Sam is kidnapping me. He tells me that a kiss meant everything including his biggest fear and he tells me in a promise of redemption. He is giving me everything I want, and I am so scared he will stop.”

  “Honey you killed him when he played that song. You have got to remember this is Cal. He isn’t romantic or deep or mushy unless it’s rare and he can't control it. So, coming from him, this whole thing is overboard.” Cassa says and I can see in her eyes that she is rooting for Cal.

  “He may have been scared playing that song and then sad by my reaction, but it isn’t fair for him to assume I’ll roll over because he said he was sorry, wrong and horny.” I take a deep breath as we walk into Talon a clothing store for children that sell a lot of the edgier baby clothes, the sort of clothes the child of a rocker would wear. “It isn’t like he stated anything last night. He didn’t tell me a fucking thing. Instead he marked his territory like a fucking dog and then went to sulk. Is it too much to ask for a group acknowledgment that he likes me? Or to ask me on a date? Why does he have to be so damn aggravating?”

  “Give him a break Tay. A small one. I have faith in Cal to figure this out. Think of when I was in the hospital. It sent him over the deep end for a minute to see me hurting. Did you know that until Shamus was in the picture full time and drama free, Cal called me every day to see how I was and made sure I didn’t want for anything?” Cassa says passionately.

  I am stunned by her words. Stunned. The Cal I know of course worried and loved her like a sister, but to be involved meant caring for something more than TAT and success. It stumped me. “No, I didn’t know that.”

  “Yep.” Carrie says, and I can tell she is pushing me at something, but I don’t know what. “He yelled at me once too. I had gone to Seattle, the same show that you were at when they finished the tour with Sinners of the Slipstream?” She asks, and I nod remembering the show and knowing Cal remembers me at that concert.

  “Yes. I remember.” I say but my voice is soft, half locked in a memory.

  “Yeah I showed up to pour my heart out to Chad and fall to my knees and ask forgiveness. The minute Cal saw me he flipped, accusing me of hurting Chad so deeply that he called me toxic. And Jerry James funeral when he spoke.”

  I recall the funeral and Cal’s speech honoring Jerry and giving Shamus a gift from Jerry he never knew he was missing. “I knew I was in love with Cal the night of the funeral. Seeing him talk at the funeral had melted me. After everyone had left Cal and Shame had stayed a little longer and Cal came clean to Shamus about us. He was nonchalant about it, but I saw it as hope that he would tell everyone. Clearly that didn’t happen but like usual I sucked it up.”

  We sit in silence looking at cute skinny jeans for little boys, lost in our own thoughts when Carrie breaks the silence.

&nbs
p; “None of us give him enough credit, do we? I mean when it counts. He is always putting everyone else first; even over his own life he puts your career and TAT first.” Carrie sounds just as guilty as I feel once that revelation is out in the air.

  “No, we don’t. I never took a minute to see the soft side. I focus on the arrogance and the bullshit, completely overlooking his heart and soul.” I feel the tears spill from my eyes and I am so defeated.

  “I am willing to bet Cal likes that he flies under the radar. Now that I look at his soft side as you put it, I think when he does come around and sweeps you off your feet; I think he’ll blow all the guys away.” Cassa says and takes a pair of the little boy’s skinny jeans from the rack, one in every color in size 2T?

  “And if he doesn’t?” I ask knowing how possible it is that he will always be distant no matter how easy we all make it for him.

  “It isn’t okay what he has done to you over the last three years Tay and no amount of awesome takes away what he has done. All I am saying is that keep in mind he is deeper than we all think. I don’t think he will ever be able to sit back and watch you walk away. I believe what he told you. I believe he is going to win you back, it’s just a puzzle trying to figure out what the hell he’ll do next.”

  “Time will tell.” I say and those are heavy words and hold so much weight. “What’s the deal with all the boy clothes? Are we now dressing our princess as a Prince?” I ask with humor, but the uncomfortable silence they give me has my body covered in the heebs. “Wait, seriously are you?” I can only ever see Noelle in frilly pink dresses and girly girl. This...is news to me. Before they can explain another more deafening case of the heebs encompasses me.

  “Oh fuck, we need to go now.” I say and gather the boy clothes they were stock piling and throw them on the rack. Just no more than fifty feet away from me and fully aware of who I am being the purpose she is here I want to crawl under a rock.