by Emjay Soren
I laugh and lay off her clit for a minute while making her ass and cunt my focus. "Deeper Cal." She says, and I want to make her say that shit louder.
"Can you take it?" I ask and slip my ring and middle fingers deep into her ass.
"Yes!" She says, and I watch as she slips two fingers into my mouth, wetting them before she goes at her pussy, as we both finger fuck her.
God damn!
There is only so much a man can take and I passed that point the minute she let me at her ass. I pull my dick out and use my free arm to lift her and roll her, until she is over the front of the chair and her ass is right there for the taking. I slip into her in one thrust and bury myself in her tight pussy as chills roll through me like fuckin crazy.
I pull back and slam into her again until I am more fascinated by the deviance of this moment with her than I am of the fact I am getting good and fucking laid. I pull her ass cheeks, so she is bare to my eyes, and spit on the spot I am desperate to fuck. I slip both fingers back into her and go to town, fucking her in the rain on the porch.
"Harder… God yes, Cal!" She cries.
I know she is close so I pull in deep and hover over her back, so she can hear me. "Play with your clit Jen, come for me."
I feel her hand between her legs, her fingers brushing my balls as I bang into her. "I am so fuckin close Jen. I am gonna come so hard."
Her scream of pleasure and her pussy clamping down on me told me she came; the flood of hot wet perfection was the second clue. She perched up on her elbows and looked over her shoulder at me. "Own it Caly."
"Oh. Fuck. Yes." I spoke through clenched teeth and forced myself to stop long enough to get her ass wet enough to take my fingers as I fucked her. I fingered her, drew her orgasm up and played between both until she was coming again, and I couldn’t wait. "I need to see you." I say, I don't know why, I just do. I want no thoughts, nothing to interrupt this.
It is the first time in six weeks I haven't felt empty.
"Let me…" She says and has me sit in the chair, then straddles me. She strokes my dick along her pussy repeatedly until I am ready to say fuck it and give a surprise ending to this show. But she slipped forward on me, leaned back, adjusted us both and then I felt it all as she encased me fully in her tight little pussy.
Here… here I knew who I was inside of with a clarity I haven't ever felt. This was a primal trust and she was getting off on it as hard as I was. "Is it good Cal?"
"God… fuck…" I don't know how, or why or what triggered the breaking point in me. But everything broke and I started to cry. I was ashamed but couldn’t stop the moving train of bullshit inside of me, and it made me want her more.
"Sssh baby…" She said and pulled me to her chest, riding me, loving me? How we both needed maybe? I don't know why I needed this, but I did. Tay had broken me with her infidelity, and Jen was doing as I asked. She wasn't fixing me, but she was healing me. I couldn’t stop the tears, or the need to take her deeper and longer, but she was right there with me through every tear and every moan. "Let me love you Cal." She spoke against my temple as she placed kisses on my face.
"I am so sorry…" I cried, I apologize not just for this moment of true sadness and need, but for it all. For using her, hurting her, judging her. I had done my part in the ruin of Jenny Pope, but here maybe I was healing her too. "What are you doing to me?"
I ask it through wet eyes and a sadness and need so profound they fee one another. "I am being me and you are you baby." She says and kisses me again. I am on an endless reel of years with her in my bed, in my friends’ beds. Here and now, I hate that I used her knowing she might very well be what fixed a ruined part of me.
"So sorry…" I cry.
She shook her head no and leaned back, riding me. She took my hand into hers and kissed my fingertips before guiding me over her body, first her breasts and then to her stomach… along the scar our son's birth gave her. Something so special and profound I missed and see the evidence of who we really are, in that scar. She then takes me to where we joined. Where we touched her together. "We are all that's here. No sorry Cal, just feel it."
I watched her, through wet eyes as she got off on riding both my dick and my hand and felt it to my bones. No, it wasn't love, or seduction. This was being there for someone regardless of history or resentments. I asked her to fix me, and she was as best she could the only way she knew how.
I wasn't ending this with tears though. I stood, still inside her and laid her down on the floor and released on her my full need. "Legs up high Jen." I say and watch her place her feet on my shoulders. She is open to me fully and I want to come inside her, overwhelmed with the need to. And that shit ain't happenin'.
I lick my thumb and go down with it on her clit, needing her to come as I come. "Oh, fuuuuck!" I groan and pull out at the last minute as she comes against my hand and I spill my seed across her stomach.
I fall back against the chair, one of my legs perched up with my arm on it, the other lays stretched out beside her and she is still spread before me. We are both breathing heavy and she starts to giggle which makes me laugh. "Jesus Jen, that was so fuckin good."
"Yeah it was ." She agrees, and we lay there, until I see her start to shiver. I don't know why, I really don't know why I did this, but it seemed natural and I went with it. I lay beside her until she was curled into me, topless because her shirt became the tool in which we cleaned up. I kiss her temple and pull her blanket down over us.
"Wanna go inside?" I ask and rub my hand down her arm.
"No, I don't wanna move from this." She says it, but I feel it too.
"I want to go on record with one thing here." I say, and I want her to know that this was good, and I definitely feel something. That I won't hide it.
"Is this the 'I am just not emotionally ready' talk? Because if so, I don't need it." She sounds hurt even though I know she would rather spit nails than admit it. Lucky for her it isn't that talk.
"No, it isn't. So, tone the bitchy down sweetheart." I say it playfully and thankfully she knew that. "I am most definitely confused on the emotional front because I do love Tay but hate her equally. The one mistake I made with Tay was fucking. We would fuck in private and did so for a few years until I faced the fact it was more. According to her, it was a little too late and she was already fucking Black when I went and tried winning her back."
She rolls to her back, so she can see me. "Holy shit! Really?"
I nod, realizing I haven't spoke to anyone about this. I have said very little since Thanksgiving. "Yeah. They’ve been fucking since a week before I found out about Axe. She says she tried to break it off, but she was drawn to him. She said she loves me, then and now, but too much has happened to move on." I stretch and scrub my face, smelling her on me…does something to me for sure. "Anyway, she wants to be with him. Now, I am just waiting to see what that means for Axe. I can't rip her out of his life to make me feel better, but she hasn’t shown me enough to really want him."
"Yeah, I am over the Tay and Black show. I care about Axe in this. He misses her so much Cal."
I nod in agreement. "He asked if he was gonna see her at Noah's and I had said no. Fuck me… seeing her bring Black was the final straw." I recall her slapping Tay and laugh. "For both of us apparently." I say, and she laughs.
"I haven't hit another person ever." She rolls into me, and I to her until we are face to face. "I can't lie, I saw your face when you walked in the door and B-lined to the kitchen. She pandered to Axe for all of five minutes before telling him to go play. The minute she was out of ear shot, I wasn't playing nice."
"The gloves are definitely off all across the board." I say, and hope that whatever happens next doesn’t hurt my boy. I trace her lips with my thumb and lean in kissing her softly. "I don't do emotional shit too easily, but I have gotten a little better at expressing myself, and I need to express something." I roll until I am on top of her, her wet against my growing hardness and I know I am gonna get another ro
und.
"Express yourself." She says and laughs at her Madonna reference.
"I like this. I can say that I like you Jen, and I didn't before. I didn't like me before either. I want you here and I want us to see what happens because I am a mess and I love her. I am into you, there is no denying it, but we are and need to always be his parents first. I don't want to confuse him or give him a false sense of hope. I want time… time alone with you to let this become whatever, but also as a family because we all need it. I won't lie to you or hurt you unnecessarily. I have to get over this betrayal to both Axe and I, but I want you with us in whatever fashion you can handle." I kiss her soft again, slide on her because I can't not.
"I don't want to just fuck, so if that's it you need to tell me because I won't do it again. It fucked Tay up and it fucked me up. It's why this all happened, because I was too busy chasing the wrong shit and it was too late by the time I saw the big picture. I can't do it again."
I wait on her response for what feels like forever.
She rocks her hips against me and kisses me just as soft. "I want sex, but I want it like this with honesty and friendship and that its okay to know we are feeling it together." She looks at me then and shakes my entire foundation. "I have been in love with you for the better part of a year, so knowing you are even seeing me… Cal I am very much on board."
I can't speak at her words, and she is still moving around making it impossible to not want to fuck her again. "I know it’s a lot, and I know you don't feel it. We have been on separate continents emotionally. I never intended for you to know and I hoped that in time I would move on. It's why Noah helped me to get certified in piercing, so I can leave Skin and make more money and be around better people than the dirty guys at Skin."
"What?" I ask and rise on my hands to look at her fully. "You are gonna be at the PIT?" This has me fucking overjoyed. Watching her come home the last two weeks in that fucking outfit created some intense whacks of my dick. I may not admit that shit to Noah, but hell yes, I fantasized.
"Oh shit… Noah." I say and now I know why he was asking me about Jen. "He knows how you feel doesn’t he?" I am not mad or offended by the thought, just it makes sense he would know because they are BFF's and shit.
She nods. "I tell Noah everything."
"Will you tell him about this?" I ask, and shit happens here because I am back inside of her.
"Aaaah… mmmm… yes I will." She says, half moaning as I begin to glide in and out of her.
"You gonna tell him how good I fuck you?" I am only half fucking with her, because I am curious if she will tell him.
"He knows… I've told him that, he's also seen it." She laughs, and I laugh. I know it should irritate me that Noah and I have partied with her together, fuck we all shared her. It's so fucked up now, and wrong and I feel like shit about it.
"No more Noah… Feel me, remember me." I say and kiss his name from her fucking memory. This whole time… I thought she loved Noah, I had no clue she was wanting me. I hate the way it fucked us all in that. Maybe I fucked it all up, falling for Tay when I should have been paying attention to the hottest redhead on the planet.
"I only ever felt you." She rolls us until she is riding me and talking has stopped as we get down. I am fully fucking aware I have fucked her twice now without a condom. As much as I love Axe, I am not about to repeat history.
"I need a condom." I say and groan, fuck me she is so tight and hot and wet, fuck so wet.
"I am on birth control and haven't had sex in over a year." Oh, fuck my life, I want to so fuckin bad. But this is where shit gets ugly if I let it.
"I have though. I have partied since Tay. With rubbers, I double up that shit…" I just stop talking because she is rolling her hips so fucking good and I am so close, and she is sexy as fuck.
"I am gonna come all over your dick Caly, you can come in or out of me once I am done." She tightens on me and cries out, right there and…
"Fuck me, God dammit!" I roar and grab her hips exploding.
Fuck yeah. I did it. I came.
In Jenny Pope.
No condom.
And I am pretty fuckin sure that I am where I need to be. That we all are. This is a mess and its gonna suck at times, but everything tells me in time… In time I will end up here with Jen.
I just need to wait for Jen to write her story… Mine was written and I still lost in love. But here and now?
Here and now I think this is where I was always meant to be.
Copyright © 2020 by Emjay Soren (2018 as Melanie Walker) All rights reserved. This book or any portion thereof may not be reproduced or used in any manner whatsoever without the express written permission of the publisher except for the use of brief quotations in a book review.
Printed in the United States of America
First Printing, 2018
Second Printing, 2020
ISBN 9781720109259
Fix Me
TAT: A Rocker Romance
Book 7
By,
Emjay Soren
Dedication
To Bryson Norman for the inspiration and light he brings to me.
You are the brightest star in the sky Bry.
I love you to the moon and back!
There have been many moments in my life, that if I look back I can see how I changed because of them. There is one defining moment however… the moment I got stuck.
Jenny Pope
Chapter One
Jenny
I walk up the steps to my one-bedroom apartment and I am dead on my feet. It’s just after midnight and I left skin exhausted. I hate days when I work at both my jobs, but building clientele is rough and it takes time and patience, so like it or not I need to keep working full time at Skin.
I hear the text come through like clockwork and smile. Before I can get my door locked I hear the alert to another text.
I drop my keys and purse on the floor swiping the screen of my phone seeing my text.
Noah: You home okay?
He sends this every night that I work at Skin and I respond letting him know I made it safe as I kick my shoes off and sigh.
The second message comes like clockwork too every night, but it is full of sexual tension, unanswered questions and heartache... for me anyway.
Cal: Hey Red, you get home okay?
I know he asks out of general concern and some sort of meek obligation. I am the mother of his child and lately I have been the rock he breaks himself against to ensure he still feels. He knows I love him, but he can’t possibly understand the depth of that love. I have loved every version of Cal Dorian for most my life. Since Jr High it has been him, and for him it was anyone and everyone. I loved that boy and it morphed and changed before he found his success as the Lead guitarist of Thick as Thieves. That love destroyed me... and as he found his fame and success in the nation’s number one band, I found myself alone and pregnant in the pits of hell that only worked to draw me deeper.
In it all I loved him, when he hated me for the neglect our son experienced as I worked nonstop knowing he needed care. For the night our son was exposed to the ugly things in life and for the times he saw me as that loser Jenny Pope.
Me: Yes, thank you for checking. Goodnight
That was all it ever was. He never texted to ask about my night and I never asked about his. We were so fragile, even at our strongest. Because of that, I didn’t cross the boundaries we had made silently. The last time I did, was over a year ago and it cost me dearly in the end.
I learned that night I couldn’t be anything casual with Cal.
I slipped out of my work clothes and stood beneath the spray washing off the nights memories. I wasn’t one of the dancers that Skin employed, but the men never hesitated to push the envelope with a cocktail waitress and too many hands touched me tonight.
When I started working there when I was just twenty-one, I allowed the behavior. For years I would push that same envelope and it was always about the hus
tle. I would hustle every cent I could when I danced and when I became a server. I would work multiple doubles and spend my days off on tour busses and partying.
Now though, hell I don’t even recognize who I was.
I think that’s a good thing, it isn’t like I could forget. I am weighed down by that guilt every day. It is why I continue to let Cal use me, to buffer his hate against me. He isn’t cruel or unkind, but he pushes even my limitations, and with him there are very few.
I close my eyes against the onslaught of memories as they flash through my mind. His hands and teeth all over me, every inch of my skin covered in his skin and it has ruined any innocence I could have still held on to.
I shut the water off and step from the shower, wishing I could wash his memory away. I see my phone flashing another text message alert and I know it is my third and final check in for the night, and he will want to text me.
CD: Hey babe, how was work? Are you ready to let me take care of you forever?
CD works at the PIT. He is one of the newer tattooist that Sully and Noah brought on over the summer. He is from Barking and Dagenham, a borough of London and ohmigawd he is sexy. He has a blue mohawk and green eyes, lip piercings and tattoos. He is everything I would want, even without the sexy accent.
I should want to attack him and sometimes I do, but his name stops me. Cal is engrained in everything I think and see and the name CD is like a bucket of ice water.
Me: Hey Hun... Work was ok. I made good tips and so sadly I have to deny that gracious offer of support LOL
His response was immediate.
CD: Jen, when will you bloody realize I am crazy for you?
I try to picture us together and it is easy at first. I see us going to movies and concerts and laughing like we always do. But, like always the minute I try to picture being in bed with him it gets destroyed by the image of Cal fucking me senseless on his covered porch last Christmas.
