TAT Box Set

by Emjay Soren

  "Yes. A son." I close the latch and look at her. "Get a guitar case and treat that guitar like your lover not your ex. Feel me?"

  She laughs and nods as we get in the Jeep. "So why you wanna help me? Too rich and too bored so you wanna take the poor girl to the top?"

  I shrug. "Something like that."

  "Sounds Robin Hoodish." She says with a chuckle as I look at her deadpan. "Robin Hood stole from the rich to give to the poor, so I guess that makes you Robin Hood."

  "I guess so." I watch her out of the corner of my eye while I drive. She looks back at her guitar, then at me. "I got that guitar out of a dumpster two years ago and fixed it as best I could. I can’t afford a case."

  I look at her shocked. "You rebuilt that from the trash?"

  She nods as I look at her shocked, a little proud. "You did a hell of a job. I would never have known. I can tune it for you so the sound isn’t choppy."

  "Yeah that would be great."

  "Did you take lessons or self-taught?" I ask as we pull into Ihop.

  "Self-taught. I only play it on a few songs that don’t have piano."

  I nod as we wait for the waitress to seat us.

  "Can I ask you something CD?" She says and again, I know she says it for my sake, but it makes me sick.

  "Only if you never call me that again."

  "What? CD?"

  I nod, cringing again. "Call me Cal or even Calvin, but not fucking CD."

  "Okay Calvin.... why do you hate CD so much?"

  "Because it isn’t a name it’s a disk for music. If it was a name then it belongs with some British asshat with blue hair or some shit."

  I hate that guy for everything she wants him for. It isn’t fair and it isn’t rational and I don’t give a fuck.

  "Sounds personal Calvin."

  I darkly chuckle as I scrub my hands on my beard. "You have no fucking idea."

  An hour later we sit in the booth drinking coffee and talking business. "So, wait, you want to collaborate on an album with me or Thick as Thieves wants me to collaborate a few songs?"

  "Well, that’s where it gets complicated. We are taking some time off for a year or so. Chads wife is about to start her book tour, Noah is moving and at some point, going to get married I am sure. Shame is a new dad and another kid on the way and I have the time, but nothing could be final until I talk to the guys and have their support."

  "Do you think they would be okay with it? I mean, it could affect your brand."

  I shake my head no as I drink from my coffee. "Most guitarists at my level of skill branch out on projects or guest a spot in a song. It's more that I want their support because my band will always come first. This collaboration will be unlike anything I have ever done, mixing rock with R&B the way I hear it in my head."

  "I wish I had that ability. I can write the lyrics and sing but musically, like creating it? I can’t. I can’t hear it in my head, create it and then add the words."

  "Don’t let it break your confidence. I can’t write lyrics for shit. I feel that emotion that comes from writing in the composition. Sad, haunting, exciting... I put the emotion into the harmony."

  "So, what? You'll write the music and I will write the lyrics?"

  "I want to hear some of your stuff before I task you with it, but yeah hopefully."

  "You’re kind of arrogant." She says leaning back folding her arms.

  "You’re right, I am arrogant. Most definitely when it comes to music. You need to be a little arrogant too or you will get chewed up in this industry." As bad as I want to help her find her brand, her style I can’t pretend it will be easy. I need her to believe in it, find the hunger for it.

  "Answer me this. Are you doing this because it is your hobby or is it more?" Her answer will tell me if it’s worth the chance or to walk away.

  "Honestly, I think it’s both. I love to sing and create the beats, but I don’t see me as the MTV music awards winner either. It's a hard dream to reach."

  I know where she is coming from, but she needs the fire, the desire to make it happen.

  "Can I be frank?" I ask and I have had way too much coffee because my fingers are tapping on the edge of the table and my knee bouncing under it. It's excitement and fear equally. Music inspires my life not the other way around. I eat it, breathe it, live it.

  "I thought you were being frank?"

  I roll my eyes. "Ha, ha. Funny." I say sarcastically and lean forward. "Every musician fears the day they have to stop and follow a different dream. More fail than win in this industry so you have got to find the hunger for it. Be starved for it, survive by it."

  "Okay... but help me build that confidence."

  "I can help you find the right sound and you’ll find confidence, but you have to believe it."

  "What if I suck at writing?" She bites her lip and it has become the quickest sign that she is terrified.

  "Well, I doubt you do. You have these weaknesses in the beat but I can’t see where you want to be. That’s the hunger. The fact you can write them and sing them au Capella tells me you don’t suck, but its where you need to be hungry."

  "Do you believe in me Calvin?"

  "Without a doubt, I do. I wouldn’t do this if I didn’t." I want to tell her that she can sing and it is powerful. Her beats suck but it’s an easy fix. Her look and her sound will take the industry by storm. But I don’t tell her this yet, and wont until I see her bleeding it.

  Jenny

  I wake up exhausted from yet another argument with Noah where Cal is concerned. He was out with that red head last night and my stress call to Noah told me I deserved it for not owning that I feel the same.

  Right now, I needed all the drama to go away so I could focus. Sully booked out four hours today to prep me on some new techniques for dermal and branding. I had some volunteers that were getting free work to allow me to try the techniques on them. Supervised by Sam who would be using volunteers of his own for instruction.

  He was a great teacher. He knew what pace I needed and lead me easily. It helped we were friends before I started here and he wanted a stable life for me. There were more and more walk in's coming for my section in the studio and he would convince them to schedule if I wasn’t in there.

  I had a feeling at the end of this training he would tell me it was time to leave Skin. Change scared me though and Skin had been my job for over six years, since I turned twenty-one. It is comfortable because I know it.

  I came early to have lunch and talk with him on this shit storm with Cal, in hopes of getting some advice on actually leaving Skin for good. It was hard to discuss that with Noah, knowing he was biased to both our sides, plus he hated that I worked at Skin. As I walk in the door of the PIT I could hear the screaming from the entry way, but now I saw the couple fighting and my heart broke. Sully looked at me. "Go wait in my booth Jen, I'll be there in a minute." He says and dismisses me when Deja yelled to me.

  "He can be there now Jen. This shit is over and nothing left to be said." She yells, setting him off.

  Oh, shit this is uncomfortable. There are customers, and the volunteers. Asa, CD and Noah all had clients on their tables and Otto was due any minute for his first client. This was bad, but I figure Noah would stop it if it got out of hand.

  I had wanted to vent about all the shit with Cal, but after seeing this blow up... no I couldn’t.

  Everyone in the studio listened while he deals with his ex-wife. Honestly this was the first time I ever saw anyone not be captivated by him- or his presence. Sully was commanding. He had the ability to be both magnanimous and lethal depending on who he dealt with.

  He was neither with Deja. I suppose it’s because they suffered a loss of monumental proportions that nobody ever wants to experience. Seeing her in a fit of rage fueled tears and his voice cracking from the shear force for which he yelled was uncomfortable.

  We all knew they lost a child, a toddler. We all knew it destroyed their marriage, life and the opportunity to heal or recover. There was
n’t a right or wrong here, it just was.

  I ran back to the seat by his drawing table and tried to look my cool as he stormed in the room. One look at me was a dead giveaway. “In case you missed it, she flipped me the bird after she kicked the front door open.”

  Feeling like shit for not attempting to pretend like I didn’t notice, I look at him and give him the realness he deserves. “Sorry, but it was hard not to Sull.” I stay sitting, wishing I could hug him or a pat on the back…something that told him I may not understand, but I feel the pain. “Wanna talk?”

  He shakes his head no and I understand. He looks like he is fighting tears and there’s this underlying frustration that is always present in him, but now it is visible and undeniable. My friend was hurting. “Sully…” I don’t know what I think I could say, but I want him to talk to me. The silence is so much worse.

  I decide not to say anything and stand to leave. He deserves silence and time to think and honestly, my issues are pointless in comparison.

  “Why’d you need to talk to me Jen?” He asks and doesn’t turn around. He is walking around his room looking at the various things needing a touch up… straightening his art… putting his phone on the charger. He is going through the motions as best he can.

  “Don’t worry about it.” I brush it off and place my hand on his. “It’s not important.”

  I go to leave and he stops me by grabbing the hand I had placed on his. “I know you’re a good mom Jen. Axe is alive and well because you knew what was best for him. Deja and I were selfish and didn’t do what was best for Kace. If that’s what is on your mind, then rest assured I am the bad parent between you and I.”

  I couldn’t understand why he was saying it. I wasn’t a good mom… the best intentions excuse is a cop out when it comes to kids. I know I was a selfish asshole and I had to accept it. I couldn’t change my past any more than Sully could. I don’t know what I will say to Axe when or if he asks me one day why he had it so hard in the beginning of his life.

  But me complaining about it isn’t fair because I have the chance to explain myself to him and pray he forgives me. He will have the chance to lash out and tell me to fuck off if he wants, but Sully never will. Kace is gone and he will always be seeking answers he will never get.

  “Why would you say that Sully?”

  He just shakes his head and looks at his machine sitting still on his cart. “We fought that night, Deja and me.” He looks at me and I see dark desperate eyes looking at me. “I left the party pissed off assuming that Deja was staying with Kace. I didn’t know that Deja had left too assuming I had her. I ignored her calls for three hours, but it was too late when I checked my voicemails. Six hours she had been gone before I knew.” He looks at me now, those dark eyes pooled with tears as he reopens this wound. I had no idea if he was telling me for my benefit or his, I just let him talk.

  “We threw parties all the time at the shop. Everyone knew Kace because she came to work with Deja and I every day, but there were people there that we didn’t know. The party that Halloween spiraled out of control…” He shakes his head again and I know what he is seeing in his memory is shaking him to his core. “She was gone. Taken…” He looks at me, tears falling. “Her body was never recovered…”

  I cover my mouth with my hand shocked that my assumption of how Kace died was not what I thought. I assumed she was sick. I never asked, I just assumed she was taken too soon after fighting for the short life she had. Looking at him now and hearing him, I am heartbroken that he survived every parent’s absolute worst nightmare. “Sully…” I want to tell him it wasn’t his fault, but he is too deep in his pain to believe and so all I do is confirm what I know. “You are so much stronger than you know Sully…”

  I hug him then. I needed to hug him and even if he couldn’t feel the connection to me, I felt the connection to him, now more than ever.

  “What the fuck dude? Really?” Cal says, his voice drenched in accusation as he stares us both down. “Is it possible for you not to work your dick into every fucking girl I want?”

  “Cal!” I snap and oh the mother fucker how dare he? Before I can rip his ass one end up the other, Sully cocks back and swings at Cal, connecting with his jaw and knocking his lights out.

  Cal

  I wake up on a hard surface, dazed and annoyed at Jenny slapping my face. "Stop fucking hitting me." I say, glaring at Sully.

  "If you want to take this shit outside Sully, let’s do it. I guarantee there won’t be cheap shots a second time. I'll knock your fucking lights out."

  He walks slowly to me eyeing me up and down. "I don’t need to hit you again, I made my point. Watch your mouth and your accusations in my shop and with my staff."

  Before I can respond Noah comes in the room after hearing the yelling. "What the fuck is going on in here? I let you and Deja do your thing because I get it, but now you three decide to have some fuckin lovers quarrel in MY shop?" He eyes Sully as he says it, and though they are fifty/fifty partners, Noah still has the upper hand because he paid for this studio to be what it is. Every penny that he deposited into this shop to make it a bad ass ink haven. His fame alone builds the clientele, so yeah, he had every right.

  This lovers quarrel shit was a hoax though.

  "Well maybe tell your two BFF's to stop fucking with my head then!" I yell and Noah charges me. I move to the door prepared to fight them all preparing for a hit that never came.

  "Forget them and come talk to me so you can chill the fuck out. This place is for business." He turns from addressing me and looks to Sully and Jenny. "Not fucking high school cattiness. Fucking feel me?" He yells forcing a flinch from Jen. Sam waves his hand at him and saunters from the room not bothered by Noah’s demands.

  Jen went to follow him, stopping in front of me and Noah. "He was telling me about Kace and he looked so broken, I wanted to comfort him." She looks at me then as Noah nods in understanding. "That is what you walked in on." She tries to pass me but I block the door with my arm, resting it on the frame.

  "Cal, enough!" Noah warns, but he is calm and fully aware I have lost my mind as I taunt her.

  "Yeah go chase after him and baby him. Give that love to everyone but the one who wants it." I lick my lips, blow her a kiss before I was shoved from the room by Noah.

  "I chased after you the last time I recall." She says to my back and I stop, Noah between us now.

  "Oh wanna’ talk about that night? Let’s do. Lay your bullshit bare for your buddy here."

  "Get the fuck outside both of you." Noah says through grit teeth, but we ignore him staring one another down. "Now!" He roars and starts pushing me toward the back door that leads to the overhead parking area and roof.

  Once outside I shrug his hands off me and roar into the dreary gloomy sky. "Calm, the fuck, down Cal."

  Jen walks out the door and I start in at her immediately. "Why him Jen? Why fucking let him be the one you toy with me on? You know God damn well what he allowed when Tayla fucked with my head." I shake my head as she tries to come to me, to rationalize herself, but Noah stops her.

  "Give him room right now Jen, for real."

  "I know we have a fucked-up pile of bullshit between us right now, but never, fucking never would have thought you would do shit just to spite me." I don’t know who Casey was or if it was some ruse to break me so I would beg her... but there isn’t an excuse to this shit. Not where Sam is involved. He and Tayla caused that rift, not me.

  "Bro, Kace is Sam’s daughter who is dead." Noah says in his blunt, no bullshit way. "She was two."

  My hands go to my face and I try to scrub my psycho mistake away, to no avail. So, I do what it seems I always do and just start screaming fuck.

  Repeatedly.

  By the time I stop roaring like a fucking lunatic... fuck I try to apologize in some way.

  "I didn’t know her name or her age. I knew he and his ex-wife lost their kid and it was bad enough. He doesn’t talk about it and I am not the type to pick at
scabs. I didn’t know."

  I want him to understand that, and I will apologize to Sam to. As if summoned on my personal oath Sully comes down the steps from the roof after having his smoke. "That’s why she hugged me man. I don’t talk about her, it’s too raw and its unresolved. She was abducted and murdered, or presumed murdered because we never recovered her body or know who took her."

  Jen takes a tentative step toward me. "He and Deja were fighting in the studio and I had come early to talk to him for lunch before we did technique study on new fads. I am trying to build more clientele so I can leave Skin."

  The idea of her never stepping foot in that place again makes me insanely happy.

  "Sam, I over-reacted..." I want to find the words but my head is buzzing.

  "I get it man. I want to go on record here that all that shit with Tayla, I was doing her a favor and didn’t know what was up with you guys or your past. Once I came to the Sue for that gig you set up for her favorite song... man I told her what she was doing was wrong and it stopped there. I get it though and I never would have done it if I knew that you would never trust me or get to know me."

  I nod and look at him, take the few steps with my hand out to shake his. "Not like we ever confronted it either. It's cool and honestly, I deserved that hit man. I didn’t know what I walked in on and I was immediately defensive."

  "All's cool man." He says as he shakes my hand.

  "Jen, I’m gonna’ reschedule the training today." He flips his smoke and looks at us. "I'll give you guys a minute to sort this shit out, because whatever it is, it’s killing you my man. Your acting crazy." Sam addresses me but looks at Jen with the same concern.

  "He's right, this shit is getting out of hand Cal." Noah says as Sam heads back inside the shop.

  "I know it!" I laugh uncomfortably. "I am certifiable these days."

  "So, I guess it’s my fault you can’t see past your ego?" Jen says, hand on her hip and stares me down.