TAT Box Set

by Emjay Soren

  I knew all too well the capacity of Noah. He danced in the dark and liked it. He has always had this creepy affair with drugs. At times we were scared we would have to fire him from the band. Times over the last four years where he almost lost everything including Carrie. The drugs make Noah think he is healed when really the destroy him more.

  “I can’t get this deep Gramps. It’s barely nine and Noah will be here soon enough to give me my piercing. I don’t want this vibe in the air.”

  Gramps nods and stands to rinse his coffee cup. “I hear that boy.” He turns and folds his arms as he looks at me. “What the fuck you piercing now? Not your dick I hope?”

  I choke on my coffee. “Jesus, Gramps!” I laugh and wipe up the mess of coffee on my chin and chest. “What the fuck is wrong with you? I swear.”

  “Wrong with me? I know what you guys do in the shop. Men everywhere wanting earrings in dicks. Its repulsive.”

  I just laugh. “It’s not an earing, they’re gages.” I decide to mess with him. “It enhances the pleasure for the woman, Gramps. Think of all that tail you get knowing you could give them just a little more…” I leave the seed and walk away.

  “They have me in there, they don’t need more.” He says as I walk away laughing.

  “Noah, good to see ya boy.” I hear Gramps say as he lets Noah in. I was in the kitchen finishing setting up. Noah was piercing my lip and after I was going to do some shading on the tattoo on his left arm.

  “Harvey.” Noah says as the door closes. “How’s the fish been?”

  “Always biting.” Gramps says, and I stop setting up to listen. Gramps isn’t big on fishing. “But I’m a catch and release type. Can’t keep em after the catch.”

  I groan knowing he’s talking about women. Fuck, he really is an old ass player. The OG if you will.

  “Don’t blame ya. Monogamy is for wildlife.” Noah talks a bad game. He is completely in it with Candy. He just won’t admit it.

  “What’s up?” He says to me when he walks into the kitchen.

  “Listening to Gramps talk like a legend.” I say and laugh knowing it irritates him when I act like he has no game.

  He rolls his eyes at me and sits opposite Noah, who is now setting up his kit. “So, how’s that sweet sister of yours doing?”

  Noah nods and looks at Gramps with a smile. “She just got home the other night. Nailed her finals like I knew she would.” Noah talks with pride and I get it. We are all proud when one of us succeeds.

  “You did right by that girl Noah. You need to bring her along with you this summer so I can see her.”

  Noah looks at me pointedly before threading the needle with the hoop. “I would if I thought she was safe around you two creeps.”

  Gramps laughed and patted him on the back. “I don’t cradle rob like my grandson here. I’ll keep her safe.”

  I swear to God I would kill him for that. I see Noah smile, but the humor isn’t there. He knows exactly what gramps meant. It is no secret I have always had a spot inside for Carrie, knows that it morphed into something else the last two years or so.

  “She is safe around me. You’ll have to face it at some point.”

  Noah doesn’t even flinch at my words as he marks my lip. “Never gonna sit back to see it, Blake.” He says right as he shoves that needle through my lip with no hesitation. He hooks the ring through my lip with the ease of the professional he is and sits back to remove his gloves.

  He expects me to fight like we do every time he reminds me Carrie is too good for me. I don’t. I let the time pass with gramps chatting him up as I work on his arm. The first hour passes then the second and now it is just Noah and I with the sound of my machine and Breaking Benjamin playing in the background.

  “Look, it’s not that I don’t trust you to keep Carrie safe. I do. In fact, I will hold you to that fact.” He says, shocking me with his words.

  “Dude, I’m many things but a douchebag I am not. I wouldn’t hurt anyone I care about.” I pick my words carefully because I’m anxious where he is going with this. Noah doesn’t ask for help, ever.

  He nods, still silent.

  “What’s up?” I ask and pull back stopping my machine. It was time for a breather anyway. I wipe Noah’s arm as he uses his lips to pull a Camel from his pack.

  He nods toward the back door, smoke hanging from his lip. I follow him and wait for him to light it and take a few drags.

  “Seriously, Noah. What’s going on? We gotta be worried?”

  “Look, you know our dad is bad news. I have proof of what a piece of shit he is and it’s why he let me take Carrie and disappear.” He says and pulls another long drag of his Camel.

  “Yeah, I know that. What’s going on? He trying to make waves? Because this big ass harbor is ours, so we control the waves.” Anyone would be in denial if they tried to mention our names in Gig Harbor with anything less than a pleasing tone.

  “That won’t matter to him. He’s corrupt as fuck and carries a badge. My concern is he has been trying to reach out. The trust meeting is coming up fast with Carrie in her final year at UW and almost twenty-one The Joint is pretty much ours. He knows we have to face him in that meeting, and I don’t trust him to not fuck shit up for us.”

  I hear him and see him, and it is two different things. His face shows nothing, calm as can be. His tone though controlled, still reeks of desperation and with Noah that is telling. Think of a duck on a pond. Beautiful and calm on the surface as it floats along the water. Underneath is a chaotic mess of feet struggling to stay afloat. That’s Noah always has been. He will never let you see him sweat, but he sweats none the less.

  “He is making waves then?” I ask, worried now for both. I know he was abusive. Noah has been fucked up so many times in my presence and when he is high his lips are loose.

  He nods, then shrugs. “A few small ones I can handle. He knows I have him by the balls. This is a fear tactic and nothing more. My point is if it is more, be alert.”

  I nod knowing he isn’t finished.

  “I know you think picking up shifts to get close to Carrie will somehow slip my notice, but for now just know I’m glad you are there. That doesn’t mean get close Chad.” He points his eyes on me then and stares. “Carrie is too fucking good for the life we live. She isn’t a fangirl or a tatterfly. I keep her from this side of my life for a reason. Know your place Chad because I would die for Carrie and her me. I tell her it’s me or you she will pick me. Fair or not doesn’t matter. She doesn’t need something dirty. She is clean, feel me?”

  “Double sided coin you handed out there. Watch her but don’t get close? I am already close.” I step up to him, not threatening but making my point. “I know who Carrie is and I know she would pick you. So do the right thing and don’t make her choose.”

  He takes the last drag of his smoke and looks me square in the eyes. “The wrong thing is always easiest though. You do this and go after her, knowing how I feel will change things.”

  I shrug, just as he would if I threatened him with that bullshit. “That it?”

  “That’s it. I said my piece it’s up to you what comes next.”

  I nod, but I’m anything but cool. He treats me like I am some fuck who wants ass and to bail. “So, you ask me to look out, keep her safe when she is near me and then in the same breath tell me I’m not good enough? Think on that for a while. Chew on it, taste it and then swallow it because you served that horseshit you eat it.”

  I walk inside letting the door slam behind me, conversation done.

  “We will see.” He says as he takes his seat back at the table. “Finish my tat while I calmly eat the horseshit as you call it.”

  Like that it was over. I don’t know if he sees my side and will back off, or see’s my side and will interfere. I have faith in the latter.

  Chapter Three

  Chad

  I pull up to Noah’s and honk the horn as Shinedown Cut the Cord plays. I sing along thinking of my best friend needing the ad
vice of this song. We have had time to cool down since the heated chat over Carrie. I haven’t given up on seeing if anything can happen, regardless of what he thinks. He should know she would be the safest dating me.

  Noah gets in a few minutes later and turns it down. “We need to swing by the bank.” He says and shuts the truck door.

  I know by bank he means The Joint. I’m sure he has a bank, but that’s all he sees The Joint as. Money when he needs it and that’s that.

  I flip around and make my way toward the pier. “Fuck, I forgot my cap.” I say and hit the wheel. I look at the dashboard clock and know I don’t have time to grab it.

  “Go without it.” Noah says as he rolls guitar strings.

  I look at him annoyed. “I have long hair dude and it sucks to sweat with a mop on my head.”

  “Jesus…” Noah grumbles beside me before handing me a bandana from his back pocket. Wear this Princess.”

  I snatch the bandana and flip him off as I pull into the parking lot to the pier. I wrap it around my head wishing it was my cap as Noah laughs at me. “I may be high maintenance, but the image of Chad Blake from TAT is important and I bust my ass to maintain it.” I argue as he laughs harder when I start ticking off my point. The gym, tats, hair, and piercings. These things are my image and I am one of the rare musicians who give the truth. I stay in my lane and go with what works.” I realize that he doesn’t get it as he laughs hysterically beside me.

  Frustrated I open the truck door and look at him. “A bandana isn’t my thing. I’m not fucking Yelawolf.”

  Noah is in a fit of laughter now and I am livid, but my anger dies down when I notice Carries car in the lot.

  Suddenly my irritation is gone as I quickly debate wearing it in or going in hair down when Noah walks in front of me. I decide to keep it on and follow him in ready to punch him in the throat if he dares tell Carrie about my tantrum.

  I hadn’t seen or spoken to her since the day shift, we’d worked together. She looked just as effortlessly perfect as always in her short shorts and oversized Joint shirt. She was wiping down the counter unaware we were there or that I was watching her. Noah ignored me as I watched her, effectively ruining it as he bitched about something, most likely me on his way to the office.

  When Carrie saw me standing there watching her, I watched as her eyes lit up as she took me in. Suddenly the bandana was a Godsend because I could see her interest as if she spoke it out loud.

  Carrie Beckett is giving me fuck me eyes.

  Unexpected but welcome.

  “Well, hello, Carrie Becket.” I drawled and popped a toothpick in my mouth. God knew I had to bite something.

  “Chad Blake!” She squealed like a fangirl. “O-M-G I am so going to Facebook this later.” She screeched in the worst bubble gum chomping accent I have ever heard as she bobbed her head side to side like a dingbat.

  “Such a smart ass.” I chuckle, but love that she isn’t afraid to tease me. I know I deserve it considering the trail of women I have dated.

  She nodded, still playing the dumb blond role. “I’m in college. It makes me smart, right?”

  I can’t help but laugh at this lighter side. “Busy night tonight?”

  “No, pretty slow.” She looks up at me, eyes on my mouth as I watch her swallow. When did you get the lip ring?”

  She likes it, I guarantee it.

  “After our show last week at the Broken Spoke. It was our hundredth sold out gig, so this was my reward. Speaking of…” I say and step in closer to the counter so only she can hear me. “I thought you were fishing for the details about that show. I figured you would show up.”

  “Yeah, right.” She mumbles and looks away. “We were short that night, so I stayed for the extra money. I’m trying to save up to start shopping for fall semester, so the extra shifts help a lot.” Not that I am against any opportunity to be near her without Noah, but she works too much for a college student with zero debt.

  “I don’t know why you’re here at all. Why not do what Noah does and not conform to the big shot Seattle trust fund dudes. Hell, you’re selling soon enough anyway.”

  “Because Noah can do what he wants. He isn’t attending school as per our mom’s stipulations. He went into a trade where he apprenticed at an early age and now makes a particularly good living at it. However, I am attending school, hoping to become a writer. I would like a degree to back that up. It’s never been about the money or the business. This place is like a giant thumb we’re both stuck under. It comes with memories we don’t want and money that is dirty.” She said the last part quietly and looks ashamed for it.

  Whiskey Tango Foxtrot?

  “Besides, in case you haven’t noticed, Noah is completely hung up on you guys going national one day. He won’t sleep till TAT has gold records.”

  “That makes two of us then.” I agree. “But I refuse to go platinum though till you see a show.”

  She laughs, not because what I said had humor in it, but because she doubts me. “Well, I can’t promise…busy and all.”

  “You’re hard to get, Carrie, but I’ll find a way to catch you.” I say it low enough only she hears as I lean in. There’s a solid three feet between us as she steps back, I smile. I like knowing I make her nervous.

  “Want a clue?”

  Did she… did I hear… oh fuck yes, I do want a clue.

  “It would make this a lot easier.”

  “Make what easier?” Noah asked as he walked up to us. Fucker cock blocking me even when he doesn’t realize it. Knowing Carrie will never tell him I am full blown hitting on her, I answer him.

  “Getting your sister and all her pretty girls to come to a show.”

  She looks at me shocked knowing that was not our conversation. I keep my eyes locked on her, daring her to call my lie out. She doesn’t and that was all I needed to know.

  “Not fucking happening, bro.” Noah said and then leaned over the counter, popped the till and snatched a fifty-dollar bill. He slammed the drawer shut and kissed her cheek. “Going out with a little hottie after the show, so I might crash there. Lock up and call me if you need me.”

  We turn to leave but I hold her stare if I can. There was the smallest glimmer of hope in her eyes that he would have said yes.

  “Good luck, break a leg and all that.” She called out, the playfulness gone as we leave, and I feel like I am leaving Cinderella to work as I go play.

  “Fuck him! Be your own person and come to the show. I’ll kick his ass if he gets pissed.” I say and make my way back toward her.

  She seems to think on it, biting that bottom lip and making me crazy as I wait for her to be just a smidge reckless and selfish.

  “I can’t, Chad. More importantly, I won’t.” She sounds so lost as she says it, but also so determined and I want to know why she is so concerned with Noah’s opinion.

  “Carrie?” I yell as she walks further from me.

  “Yeah?”

  “The clue….what was the clue to catching me a Carrie Becket?” I ask and the pink dusting on her cheeks and that sweet smile confirm I am not out of the game yet.

  “Stop treating me like a fangirl or tatterfly and put in the work.” And like that, she mic dropped and headed to the office.

  It’s cool though, hard to get is just my speed.

  *

  In bed late that night I lie there looking at Carries number in my phone wanting to text her. Maybe it was the protection of the night that made what I wanted to know easier, less vulnerable if I was rejected. I didn’t text her, but instead replayed our earlier interaction through my mind. She wanted what I was hinting at. Hinting because I do think of what Noah said to me. He knows me better than most. I am that guy. It doesn’t matter if I don’t want to be him anymore, I am him.

  I think about my last girlfriend, Tricia. She was fire at first. I was eighteen when we first hooked up and she was wild. But she had stars in her eyes. There was always a getback with her and in the end, it destroyed anything that
made me want her.

  She was the first girl to hurt me. She didn’t break my heart, but it stung, and I promised myself that was it. That was close enough and from there I kept that promise. But year after year Carrie took my resolve without even knowing it.

  There are moments that I have had with Carrie that we both swore would never go further than us. Talking with Noah these past few years tells me that she held up to that secret. I think of those moments now, and honestly, I am a damn fool for not jumping in head first on her birthday last year. Her birthday was a thing between them. Bad music and junk food or something, but for me it was another year older and maybe another year toward Noah seeing I was for real and not budging.

  Her twentieth birthday though… there were sparks and a few touches that said more. Noah was there as we sat at the small kitchen table with Candy, Cassa and Shamus playing a drinking game. Noah wouldn’t let anyone come until after they did their ritual and unlike her eighteenth, I didn’t crash this time. Twenty was different, twenty and she had become a woman. She grew into her body more, her baby cheeks were gone and her hair longer, wilder with the streaks of ash blonde in them. She was wearing makeup now, not a lot but enough to tell me if I saw her on the street I would fall to my knees and change my ways for good.

  I sat beside her and for one moment I leaned in and placed my hand on top of hers on her lap. “Happy birthday Carrie girl.” I whispered. She shivered and the scent of her cherry vanilla shampoo made me instantly hard.

  She turned to look at me, a buzz from the booze making her giggle as her soft eyes looked at me. “Thanks, you, Chad. You always make it special.”

  My heart was full to bursting just knowing she knew I tried in some small way to show her she was important. I always knew on some level, even when I first met them, that they were only important to one another. I wanted to matter to Carrie.