Second Chance with Her SEAL

by Gillian Blakely

  “Sabrina--”

  “Just let me get this out. I’ve figured out that I hurt you when I kept turning you down for a second date.”

  “You hurt me when you cut me out of your life like I never existed.” A harsh sigh echoed through the car. “We were best friends for over a decade and then it was like I didn’t exist anymore.”

  “I didn’t exist. I didn’t want to.”

  “Wha—”

  “It’s all there.” She nodded toward the worn journal in his hands. “The depression, the bullying, the war with my weight. I almost lost, David. Almost. Read it.”

  He was silent for so long she thought he might refuse.

  “For me. I want you to understand. I want your forgiveness. It took a long time for me to forgive myself. But God sent me an angel and he taught me how to live. Maybe he can teach you too.”

  His Adam’s apple bobbed, and he nodded slowly.

  “That was never important to me, you know? Your weight. That was just...a body. I knew your soul.”

  The tears she’d been holding back fell. She’d thought she was strong. Stronger after everything she’d been through, but he still had the power to break her. And she’d just handed him the key.

  “Read it.”

  He nodded and reached for the door handle.

  “Will I see you tomorrow?” he asked.

  “I’d like that.”

  She watched until he disappeared inside and then she let the tears fall. In an hour or so he’d know. He’d know about her childhood crush, about her struggle when he’d moved away, about the day Ethan had stopped her from taking her own life.

  Panic stole her breath and she choked on a sob. What had she done?

  A raindrop hit her windshield. It was a fitting end for an otherwise perfect day. A moment later the heavens opened, and his rig was obscured by sheets of water. A lamp flicked on in the living room.

  Part of her wanted to run in there and take the journal back. She’d never let a soul read it, not even Ethan. But on her road of fixing the wrongs in her life, David Jameson was her last mountain to climb.

  She’d made her peace with the mean girls at their ten-year high school reunion. Not only did they not remember her, they’d attempted to befriend her.

  She’d worked her ass off, growing her business into a wild success. Money wasn’t nearly the concern it’d been during her youth.

  She’d tackled her diet and found a workout regimen she could stick too. When she tried on the latest fashions, she no longer cringed in the mirror or ate a donut to assuage her pain.

  Most importantly, she’d learned to love herself in a way that she never had during high school. But David was the last piece of the puzzle. The last relationship that needed mending.

  Even if it changed nothing, even if he pulled out of here in a month’s time and never spoke to her again, it would be enough. He’d know the truth.

  Sabrina hiccupped and wiped at her tears.

  She’d trusted him as a child. She trusted him with her body now. She could trust him with her heart and soul again.

  14

  David skimmed the first dozen pages. He’d recognized her handwriting immediately. The deeper he went, the more elegant the letters became. Even as a kid her penmanship had been extraordinary.

  No wonder she’d become a master calligrapher. Jill said Sabrina taught classes all over the country, even Europe and had her own line of inks, papers and pens.

  The entry from August of their eighth-grade year caught his attention. That was the month his mom had married his step dad and they’d moved across town.

  Mom says I need to stop eating so much junk food or I won’t fit into my clothes. It doesn’t matter what I eat, my legs are still going to be too long for last year’s jeans. I hate wearing high waters.

  David smiled because he read the words and heard Sabrina’s voice. They’d had the same discussion in his fort. He remembered being mystified about girls and their sudden interest in fashion.

  The next entry was also from August.

  Is it possible for your life to end before it begins? David moved out today. Moved away. He’s across town in his fancy new house. He called me, and I tried to sound happy for him.

  I am happy for him.

  I just miss him already.

  David ran a hand over his cropped hair. He felt like a voyeur.

  But Sabrina’d been adamant. Somewhere in these pages was the key to her past, the answer to his questions. She’d been steadfast about that.

  So, he pressed on. Through what, by all accounts, was a rough high school experience. He could feel the desperation in her words as the years passed. Felt her confusion as hormones took their toll. Was surprised by her crush on him.

  How well she’d kept that hidden. He’d never suspected there was more behind her smile than friendship and affection.

  Her home situation had grown bleak, bleaker by the month, it seemed. Her father had lost his job during their sophomore year, then he’d left them.

  Why hadn’t she told him?

  He’d thought he’d known everything, but she was right. Once he’d moved to the nice side of town, he’d stayed there.

  But who could blame him? He’d been a kid himself.

  Guilt needled him. He should have checked on her more. Those quick glimpses in the halls where he’d told himself he was so busy, and she’d assured him she understood.

  And there it was.

  I told David I have a big art project due. He seemed relieved. I feel guilty for lying to him, but I can’t take the snide comments from his menagerie anymore. Leslie never misses an opportunity to needle me.

  I gained two more pounds. Mom says we can’t afford new clothes. Not like they’re new anyway. They’re always secondhand crap from the Tumbleweed.

  I’ve been thinking about getting a job, but I’m not sure what I’d be good at. Drawing isn’t going to come in handy at McDonalds. It’s not like the library is hiring.

  David read faster, his heart breaking for the young woman spilling her heart onto the pages.

  It’d been too easy to get wrapped up in his own life, to let their friendship slide. They’d told each other everything as kids. Maybe it’s because they’d been so close in age or perhaps because their interests had been practically identical.

  He tried to remember their conversations in high school. Surely, they’d spoken on the phone.

  But these entries made him realize just how much his absence had affected Sabrina. He’d played the field and she’d burrowed deeper into her shell.

  And when he had showed her attention, she’d paid the price. The girls he’d called friends had been ruthless.

  How had he not seen it?

  David held his breath as he approached the date of their date. Already he felt sick. Sure, there’d been bright moments. Winning an art competition their senior year and having her work displayed at the local gallery. But mostly, her words were filled with loneliness.

  I had the best night ever. You’ll never believe who showed up at the front gate driving a brand-new truck. It’s gorgeous. Black as a stallion and big. I think I’ll be a Ford fan for life. But that’s not the best part.

  David took me to the fair. Like a date.

  A real date.

  I still feel like I dreamed it, but he won me a bear in the shooting game. It’s white with a red heart on its tummy. He’s so sweet. The whole night was amazing.

  He bought me dinner. Ribs. Our favorite. I still think he’s weird for loving mustard sauce more than sweet and spicy, but I’ll forgive him.

  It was so nice having him all to myself for hours. No parents, no siblings, no snarky girls from school. Just him and me and funnel cake.

  Gosh, I don’t need the extra fat, but I couldn’t say no.

  And when he brought me home and all the lights were out, he insisted on walking me to the door. Mom was at work and Roger hasn’t been around for weeks.

  He looked like he wanted to kiss
me. I wish he had. Like more than anything else in the entire world. I wonder why he didn’t. But he said he’d call me.

  Her enthusiasm brought him back to that night. After he’d moved across town, girls had started throwing themselves in his direction. He’d dated plenty of them. But that trip to the fair with Sabrina had changed everything.

  Suddenly, thirteen years of friendship were confusing. He remembered watching her laugh as the Ferris wheel had whooped through the sky. If he had to guess, he’d spent two thousand days of his life with her, but he felt like that was the first time he’d really seen her.

  That night had reminded him of his childhood friend who’d held nothing back. They’d gotten lost in the moment. And he’d fallen for her somewhere between the rib shack and the skeet shooting booth.

  He blew out a sigh and closed his eyes, reliving those moments. Torture as it was, knowing what happened next.

  Except, he didn’t know.

  He quickly flipped the page. Unlike the previous page, the purple ink on this one was smeared and spattered.

  It was marked the Sunday after their date.

  He remembered calling her that day. She’d been doing her chores, had two new books from the library.

  She’d told him how much she’d enjoyed herself the night before and thanked him again for buying her dinner. There’d been no awkwardness between them, they simply picked up where they’d left off. He’d breathed a sigh of relief. Even as a horny eighteen-year-old he’d known that she was special, their friendship was rare. He didn’t want to mess anything up.

  Last night I was on top of the world and today I’m in the valleys of hell. I went walking on the beach today. Well, I was going to. I was on the dunes when I heard his laugh.

  No one laughs like David. Gut deep, rich, so full of joy.

  He was with her. Them. The menagerie.

  There were a bunch of guys from the team tossing a ball around.

  They didn’t see me. If they had I’m sure they would have pointed me out. Even when they’re trying to be inconspicuous, they stare and snicker.

  I’m different. I get it. Half black. Half white. I fit in nowhere. They don’t need to point it out all the time. Maybe I should just get brown contacts, so I’ll fit in better.

  David gasped, shattering the quiet in his living room. Brown contacts? Fit in? Sabrina Duncan was born to stand out.

  I shouldn’t have listened. Nothing good ever comes from eavesdropping. I’ve learned my lesson.

  Leslie was pouting about why David hadn’t called her last night. They wouldn’t leave him alone. He said he’d taken me to the fair.

  She said it was so sweet that he was still friends with me, but he shouldn’t string me along.

  I froze behind a clump of tall grass.

  David insisted it wasn’t like that.

  So how is it? He sounded so different on the phone earlier. Like he liked me. Finally. After all this time. He flirted with me.

  But maybe it’s all a lie. Maybe he was just being nice and I’m reading into things.

  I didn’t stick around. I was kind of worried I was going to puke and give myself away.

  David barely remembered that day. He’d remembered hanging out with friends, anxious to see Sabrina again. He’d even driven to her house, but her mom had been camped out on the porch and he hadn’t wanted to deal with her. She’d been suspicious of him ever since he’d moved.

  Taking a deep breath, he kept reading. The next entry was from a few days later.

  I hate them. I hate them so much.

  I hate them for all the mean things they’ve said. Leslie and her posse won’t leave me alone. I don’t understand what I did to them.

  I wanted to die today.

  David sucked in a sharp breath and his fingers traced the words.

  They all fell out when I opened my locker. A dozen photocopies all over the hall of me naked in gym. As I was on my knees grabbing them before anyone could see, Leslie walked up.

  I’m so fat in it. Why am I so fat? Why can’t I be thin like her?

  She had a thousand copies of the photo. A thousand. She had the whole stack right there in her arms. I almost puked on her fancy ass shoes.

  If I don’t stay away from David she’s going to tape one to every locker at school and give him a copy herself. I burned all the copies I could but what am I going to do if she posts my picture? I’ll be laughed out of school.

  Maybe I was silly to even hope he’d like me like that. I mean, I know I was stupid to think that. I got fatter and he got taller and now it feels like my life is just over. The mean girls win. I hate them. I hate my hips, but I hate Leslie more.

  Frowning, he tossed the journal onto the couch and stepped down into the kitchen where he could pace without having to duck.

  Why hadn’t she told him?

  How had he not known?

  Why hadn’t he pressed harder?

  Curiosity ate at him, and he took the stairs in a single step. The next entry was from a year later.

  David frowned.

  That was it?

  He put the journal down again, leaving it cracked to the page. Disappointment assaulted him. He burned with it, knowing how painful her life had become only made him ache more.

  Closing his eyes didn’t stop the memories. It didn’t stop the visions swimming before his eyes.

  And then the rage began to bloom. Twice he’d been in the wrong place, the wrong space, too wrapped up in his own universe to save the woman he loved.

  Vanessa hadn’t been able to forgive herself. She hadn’t been strong enough to overcome the excruciating pain. She hadn’t wanted to. She hadn’t wanted him.

  And Sabrina…

  What was her next chapter?

  How had she become the gorgeous, confident woman he now knew?

  The answer had to be in there.

  Swallowing past the lump in his throat, he picked up her journal again.

  I tried to do it today. I had the pills out, the bottle of vodka open. I even wrote the note. Finally decided that anyone who cared should at least have an explanation. I hate a cliffhanger. An unsolved mystery.

  David’s breath left in a whoosh.

  I was holding the bottle and this guy knocked on my door. I don’t know why I left the door open. It’s not like me. But he stepped into my dorm room as if I’d invited him. I’ve seen him around. He’s chubby like me. White as a snowflake. He asked me to go to the movies with him.

  Just like that. A movie. He didn’t even tell me his name or anything, just asked me out.

  I told him I couldn’t. He glanced at the pill bottle in my hand and I swear he just knew. I don’t know how he knew. But he glanced over at my desk. I don’t think he could read the note, but he saw the vodka.

  He didn’t even ask how I’d gotten it.

  He just said I shouldn’t drink alone. And then he left. A second later he popped back in. He’s super cheerful in that annoying kind of way.

  He wouldn’t take no for an answer. We saw the movie. Morgan Freeman has always been one of my favorite actors so that was no hardship.

  We’re going to walk the track in the morning. His name is Ethan and he’s on some exercise kick. Says he’s lost 24 pounds and he wants to lose another one by the end of the week. I think my eyebrows hit the ceiling.

  The idea of exercising makes me nauseous. I don’t want people looking at me and I don’t have anything to wear but Ethan says that doesn’t matter. They’ll all be looking at his fat ass.

  He made me laugh twice today. And somehow, I didn’t feel the least bit awkward around him. He’s majoring in architecture.

  I’ll report in after our walk.

  Tears leaked from the corners of David’s eyes and he gasped for air. But he didn’t stop reading.

  Her next entry was a week later. She’d been busy exercising and hanging out with Ethan. David read about their late-night gab fests, as she called them. Afternoon movies. Saturday morning walks in the park. Slowl
y, the tone of the entries began to shift. Her confidence grew as did her happiness.

  All the while she maintained her beautiful penmanship.

  That Christmas they decided to stay at school rather than going home. Sabrina’s family life had finally bottomed all the way out and Ethan didn’t want her to be alone, so they celebrated together.

  He finally brought it up. I knew he knew. I knew he’d seen the pills and vodka and put two and two together.

  I told him I didn’t know what he was talking about, but he said he’d passed my door and saw me standing there, looking like I was at my rope’s end and ready to cut my losses.

  Something told him to turn back and to talk to me.

  He had cancer in high school. Total shocker. I didn’t believe him at first because he’s always trying to tease me. Says I’m gullible.

  When I realized how serious he was, everything started to make sense. His zest for life. How easily he makes friends with anyone and everyone. I caught him talking to a squirrel in the quad the other day.

  He’s just so flipping happy all the time and it’s started to rub off on me. I find myself smiling all the time and giggling at random things. He’s got this zest for life that’s contagious. I can’t help but want to live life to the fullest when he’s around. He doesn’t let anything hold him back, especially his weight.

  As if that wasn’t a bomb enough he said he knew how I’d felt. Outcast, out of road, like life was pointless and he just didn’t want to fight anymore. He had planned his death. Every last detail was prepared, just like me.

  But right before he ended everything, he wondered if tomorrow would be better. What if he was giving up right before life started getting good?

  I’m crying. I haven’t really stopped.

  I just can’t imagine the world without him in it. I can’t imagine not hearing his voice every day. I couldn’t bear not hearing his jokes or his goofy impressions.

  The world is better with him in it. Complete.

  He saved my life that day. I can see that now. And he was right. It’s just starting to get good. For the first time in years, I can’t wait to see what tomorrow brings.

  David cleared his throat and swiped at the tears running down his cheeks.