The Lovers: Cards of Love Series

by Cole, Fiona

  I yanked his hips toward mine, matching his groan when our hard cocks bumped against one another. One hand slid up his back to his neck then held him to me as I took command of the kiss, pressing my tongue into his mouth to taste every hidden space he had. I wanted it all, and now that he'd given me permission, I wasn't holding back.

  As I bit at his lips and soothed the bite with my tongue, I walked him backward until we hit a wall. I pressed my hips into his and swayed to gain friction between our aching cocks. He was so hard through his slacks, and I went to wedge my hand between our bodies, so I could stroke him.

  Before I could, he gripped my wrist and flipped our positions, so I was pressed to the wall with my hand pinned above my head. But he still thrust against me, grinding his erection on mine, pulling groan after groan from my chest. I became lost in his kisses, in the way his scruff chaffed at my lips and his thick fingers closed around my wrist. The way his chest flexed from holding my arm in place when I fought him.

  When he broke off to take a breath, I pushed my hips hard at his, throwing him off balance and changing the positions again, pinning both his hands to the wall. I bit at his strong jaw and worked my lips down his neck, sucking at the soft skin, loving the vibrations of his moans against my mouth. I let one hand go, and it immediately dropped to my hair and yanked me back up to kiss him, and I hissed at the sting on my scalp.

  Using my free hand, I successfully got between our bodies and wrapped my fingers around his thick length. I couldn't wait to feel it stretch my lips again, couldn't wait to feel it slip to the back of my throat until his salty tang exploded in my mouth.

  I needed to feel his skin. I needed to be closer.

  Fumbling with his belt, I kissed him harder, trying to find any way I could to meld myself to him so he couldn't turn me away again.

  But when I finally pushed past his waistband and almost shouted for joy at feeling the soft head of his cock at my fingertips, he pulled back and shoved me away.

  "No," he breathed as I stumbled back. "No. I can't. Carina. Fuck." The words tumbled out of his bruised lips. "Fuck."

  His escalating panic had me remembering the sharp pain of waking up alone and calling for days with no answer. My chest squeezed in on itself, making it hard to breathe. I couldn't go through it again. I couldn't have him in my life, just to watch him storm out again. I couldn't.

  Swallowing past the panic, I jumped into damage control.

  "Okay," I said slowly, holding my hands up like I was warding off an attack. "I'm so sorry. It's okay. It was just a kiss. It didn't mean anything." The words hurt coming out because the kiss meant everything to me. "It's okay, Jake. We just need to calm down."

  He quickly fastened his pants as he paced back and forth. His hands dug through his hair, clenching and tugging in frustration like he was in his own mental battle.

  "Jake, it's fine. It didn't mean anything. You don't need to say anything to Carina." Just saying her name made me feel a whole other kind of pinch of regret. I liked Carina, and I didn't want to hurt her. I felt like an asshole knowing the amount of pain she'd feel if she knew what had just happened. I wasn't a cheater, but I always stretched the limits of who I was when I was with Jake.

  "It's not just that," Jake muttered.

  "Jake, look at me," I pleaded.

  "Fuck."

  "Jake." I tried to get his attention, pull him out of his mental anguish.

  "It's not just her."

  "What?" I asked, confused. "What do you mean it's not just her?" I didn't understand. He was in that moment with me, just as much as I was with him. Just like he'd been with me five years ago. Why did he keep doing this? Why did I let him? I was a confident man. A confident, bisexual man who scoffed at the idea of changing a straight man. But then there was Jake, making me question everything just for him. And for what? Why did he keep doing this?

  My panic of him bolting took on a sharp edge, building my frustration. "Do you want me? Because I sure as fuck want you and I'm dying here with this back and forth."

  "It's not that simple."

  "It is. When you're with me, do you want more from me?"

  "I want your friendship," he said, giving a non-answer.

  "It felt like you wanted a hell of a lot more than that when you had me pressed against the wall with your tongue in my mouth."

  His eyes blazed with heat.

  "That," I said pointing. "That look right there says everything. It says I'm not alone in this. So, what is it?" I felt like I waited centuries for his answer like I had enough time to believe he was going to welcome me back into his arms.

  But I was wrong.

  "Because you're a guy," he shouted, turning to me, arms wide.

  I closed my eyes and shook my head. "Yeah, I noticed. Did you happen to miss that at some point?"

  "I'm not fucking gay!" he yelled, like saying it louder would make it more true.

  All it did was hit me harder. Hurt me more with the vehemence that he said it with. It knocked the edge right off me, and I slouched my shoulders in defeat. I knew that. I knew that, and I gave in and held out hope anyway.

  Taking a deep breath, I looked away. "Yeah," I muttered. "Okay."

  "Don't. Don't fucking act like that."

  That had me snapping my head up. He could reject me again and again, but he was out of his mind if he wanted me to pretend it didn't fucking knock the wind out of me.

  "Don't act like what? Like I'm hurt? Because I'm being rejected?" Each question escalated in volume. My lips tipped into a sneer, old resentment rising to the occasion. "Are you going to disappear again tomorrow? Never talk to me again?"

  He stood tall and clenched his jaw. "You have no idea what it's like."

  "What? Being gay?" I asked incredulously. "Spoiler alert, Jake. I'm fucking gay."

  He took a step closer, getting in my face. "It's not just about being gay. All my life I've listened to my parents go on and on about continuing our legacy. To marry and have babies and raise them to carry on the Wellington name. My whole. Damn. Life." He turned, took three paces away before turning back, arms wide. "And do you know what my father's dying wish was? For me to get married. To give my mother grandchildren. To take care of Carina and build a life for myself." His hands dropped in defeat, his eyes glazing over. "He was dying, Jackson, and I would have given him anything he wanted. I'm glad you had the support to be the man you are, but I have heavy expectations I can't let go of. Expectations I can't meet by loving another man."

  My heart stuttered over the last few words. Loving another man. Did he mean me? Did he mean loving me? Taking a deep breath, I tried to calm down. Tried to lower my tone and bring us back from this angry precipice.

  "Do you think your father would really want you to sacrifice your happiness just to carry on a name if he truly knew what you really wanted?"

  He stared at me with his brows furrowed. I hoped he was processing my words in his head, actually hearing them so they would have the chance to make a difference. But he stood tall, pulling his shoulders back. "I'm happy with Carina. Happy with my life."

  "Are you?"

  His whole posture sagged, and he dragged a hand over his face, giving a heavy exhale. "Yes." His tone was hard and left no room for argument, no matter how much of a lie it sounded like.

  I threw my hands up in defeat. "Fine then." Doubt about the next step roared through me. I struggled to keep my breathing under control as panic set in that this would be the last time I saw him. A fire burned the back of my throat, threatening to spread to my eyes, but I somehow fought it back.

  "Can we just," Jake began. "Can we just move past this. Please?"

  His eyes pleaded with me and once again, I began stretching the limits of who I was. Allowing myself to stay in a situation that hurt because I wanted Jake in any capacity I could have him.

  "Sure." I swallowed and then pulled my shoulders back and moved toward the door. "Come on. I'll take you back to your car."

  I shut off all the lig
hts and we left. Neither of us said a word on the drive. We didn't say goodbye when he got out, even though a part of me wanted to make him promise me again that he wouldn't abandon me, that we'd have drinks and laugh together again.

  I tossed and turned all night, tormented with memories of the taste of his lips. Tormented with questions about who I was allowing myself to become for him.

  Somewhere between three and four in the morning, resentment set in. My pride had me building my own walls up. No matter what Jake said, I knew him well enough to know last night changed us. I had to accept that the next time I saw him, he wouldn't be as carefree as before. We'd come so far the last month, and all that would be gone now. We'd act civilized, be polite and then he'd leave me for good.

  Well, if he was going to leave me anyway, then there was no reason to walk on eggshells. Feeling good about my decision, I promised myself to be the real me. If Jake didn't want to be more than friends, then I'd revert to the way our friendship was in college. If he was so straight, then he'd have no problem with me taunting him and making jokes. He hadn't cared before our kiss. And if friendship was what he wanted, then a Jackson Fields friendship was what he'd get.

  Sexual innuendos, flirting, and all.

  11

  Jake

  "After Jackson and I had a more thorough discussion of design ideas, we felt this would be the best set up for Voy." Carina clicked the tab on the iPad to bring up the swatches all laid out together so Daniel could look it over. "Obviously, you won't be advertising Voyeur at Voy, but we wanted to keep a similar feel for the customers that will come from Voyeur. Word of mouth will be your friend."

  "I really like the more modern feel, but it still has a classic tone to it," Daniel said.

  "Just a little something different from Voyeur. We want the customers from Voyeur to take their friends and family to this bar and still feel comfortable in the environment."

  "And the numbers look good with this?" Daniel looked up toward me.

  "Yes. I ran an algorithm to analyze the likelihood of people trying things outside of their norm, which focused solely on restaurants and bars. I know we discussed the possibilities of a whole new look for Voy, but people tend to gravitate toward something similar to what they know, even when trying to experience something new. Using the numbers Jackson provided and plugging them in, I think you will have the best return if you utilize your current customer base as a foundation for Voy."

  "Jake worked me over hard, but eventually I was able to get him those numbers," Jackson said.

  I jerked my attention to his smirking face and tried to keep my eyes from bugging out of my head. I didn't know how he was still throwing me off when he'd been making comments like that all week.

  "I bet he did." Carina laughed and smacked his arm like they were best buddies ganging up on my sanity. Why? Why was he doing this after what had happened last Friday?

  "Ouch." Jackson rubbed at the offended spot. "I'll have to pay you back for that later."

  Carina rolled her eyes but still blushed.

  "We can visit the building next week, that way you can get a better idea of the layout," Carina said to Daniel.

  "Jake," Jackson began. "Do you want to see the bar again? I know you really liked the kitchen."

  "It's gorgeous," Carina gushed.

  I clenched my jaw and forced a smile that felt more like a grimace. Jackson returned with a cocky ass smile and a cockier wink.

  All. Fucking. Week.

  We'd left that kitchen, agreeing to let it go and put it behind us. At least pretend we were. I did my best, but still found myself zoning out, wondering how far we'd have gone if we hadn't stopped. Comparing his kisses to how they felt five years ago. Comparing him to five years ago.

  Honestly, this past week, Jackson reminded me more of the guy I knew in college than he had in the past month. Making comments to try and make me uncomfortable, and usually, I'd just fired back, and we'd laugh. His sexuality hadn't bothered me.

  At least it hadn't until I'd been an active participant in it.

  And I didn't want it to bother me now. I wanted to believe he was just acting like the friend I'd wanted him to be.

  But each comment, joke, and barb that should have been said in good humor had a sharp edge behind it. The smirk that stretched his lips didn't quite meet his eyes. I began to feel like Jackson was punishing me for pushing him away. And maybe I deserved it.

  Fuck, I knew I did. But it wasn't like I'd premeditated anything. I didn't know how to handle the thoughts going on inside my head, and I kept screwing it up, just like I'd done before.

  Despite knowing I messed up, his comments still got under my skin. Like he was showing me a mirror and making me look at who I was. I didn't like what I saw. So, I took my frustration with myself and turned it on him.

  He was the one making me feel this way.

  He was the one pushing my buttons.

  He was the one that was making me question who I was.

  He was the one challenging me all freaking week long and I was tired of it.

  If he was going to continue to push me, then it was time I pushed back.

  I shrugged. "Yeah, the kitchen was okay."

  Jackson's eyebrows slowly rose up, surprised by my response. Good. Then a glint lit up his eyes before he said, "I don't know. You were pretty impressed with all the large equipment."

  I didn't miss a beat. "It will be better once Carina gets her feminine touch on everything."

  The glint died from Jackson's eyes and sucked the air from my lungs with it. I looked away from the hollow stare he gave me, not feeling any victory that I'd won that round.

  "Carina," Daniel said before Jackson and I could continue. "What did you think of Voyeur?"

  "It's pretty amazing," she answered. "The list of choices was a bit mind-blowing. Made me realize I haven't tried as much as I thought."

  "I'm sure Jake would love to help you check off your list." Jackson was staring right at me when he said it but quickly looked back to Carina.

  She shrugged with a flirty smile. "Maybe."

  "Come on," Jackson cajoled, leaning closer to her over the arm of his chair. "What's your top choice? What would you want from Jake the most? No limits. Go crazy." He sat up straight and challenged me with a look. "After you, Jake can share his. We'll go around the room like circle time."

  I almost laughed, tossing around ideas of what I was going to say to shock Jackson. I thought about saying I wanted to fuck a guy. Or maybe doing sixty-nine with a guy all while Carina watched. Sucking a guy's balls as he fucked Carina. So many ideas and not one made me want to think about why it all made my cock twitch when I imagined them with Jackson.

  "Jackson. Behave," Daniel warned, stopping me from probably digging myself in a deeper hole.

  Jackson gave an innocent look. "What? I'm just asking a question."

  "Well." Carina laughed. "That is a question that would need a lot of alcohol to answer."

  Jackson gave her his most endearing smile, and my chest pinched that she smiled back. That was my fiancé and he was starting to push my limits too hard with the flirting on top of everything else. One more shove and I might fall. I didn't want to discover what I'd find at the bottom.

  "Speaking of drinks, why don't you come over for dinner tonight?" Carina asked.

  No, no, no my insides screamed.

  Instead, I tried to calmly stop the train wreck setting up to happen. "I'm sure he's busy with someone else or work."

  With a wide smile, Jackson pushed me a little bit closer to the edge. "You know what? I'd love to."

  * * *

  Carina handed me another glass of bourbon—the second in the last hour since we got home. She stood behind where I sat on the couch and stroked her hand from my shoulder down my chest until she flirted with the waistband of my pants.

  "Are you upset that I invited Jackson over?" she asked, leaning down further to suck on my earlobe.

  I grunted when she bit into the sof
t tissue. "Not if it means you keep touching me like this." She giggled and kissed down my neck. "You don't expect anything to happen tonight, right?"

  She sighed. "No, but just the possibility has me turned on."

  I reached behind me and dug my hand in her hair as I tipped my head back to look up at her. "Do I need to worry about Jackson?" The irony of me asking her that question was not wasted on me. I was the one that had a past with him. I was the one who'd kissed him last week. But the likelihood of me ending up with Jackson was nil. The likelihood of Carina leaving me for someone who matched her playfulness like Jackson did seemed much higher. Add in all the blushes and smiles and it had me asking stupid questions to soothe my male ego.

  "Yeah, right." She reached down between my legs. "I have all the man I need right here. Maybe later we can use that new dildo you got, and you can make my fantasies come true."

  "Fuck yes."

  I tugged her down so I could press my lips to hers, but before she reached me, there was a knock at the door.

  "Our guest is here," she whispered.

  I arched up to reach her lips, but she pulled back, laughing.

  "Later."

  "Tease," I growled.

  I took a deep breath before taking a hefty drink from my glass, preparing myself for our guest.

  Our guest who had been chipping away at my sanity for the past seven days, one sexual innuendo and flirtatious look at a time.

  Each time felt so obvious, I waited for someone else to take notice. To call him out and make him explain why he constantly messed with me. But I knew what he'd say: we were just friends, and this was the same way we acted in college.

  It was just that in college, I hadn't known how hard he could make me. I hadn't known that the questioning attraction I'd experienced could explode into a raucous desire.

  One more swig of my drink before I stood to greet a smiling Jackson.

  "Hey, Jake. This is a nice place you've got here."