by Cole, Fiona
“Fuck, Jake. Fuck, me. Fuck.” The words tumbled out in frantic gasps and moans. He was so damn tight. He was everything and my chest filled to almost bursting at everything laid before me. “I love you.”
I leaned down and kissed him, opening my mouth to eat his groans as I pulled out and sunk back in. A few more slow thrusts and I couldn’t stop my pace from speeding up, needing more friction, needing to reach new heights with him.
“I love you,” I said again.
He held me to him and pressed my forehead to his. “Love you too. So much.”
Needing to see it all, I sat back and up and stared at the way my cock stretched him. I couldn’t take my eyes off the way I disappeared, pulling out until just my head barely rested inside him and then pushing in hard all over again.
“You’re so fucking tight. So fucking good.”
Thrust after thrust had me racing toward the finish. When the pressure built in my balls, I knew I was close, and I needed him to come. I needed to feel him come with me still inside him. Gripping his cock, I stroked him hard and fast, rubbing my thumb over the soft tip. His moans grew louder, and his head rolled back on the pillows, his hips going wild under me. I used my other hand to stroke up his chest and rolled his hard nipple between my fingers and jerked him until finally his body grew stiff as ecstasy gripped him. White ropes of cum shot over his chest, splattering from his neck to his belly button.
I rubbed him softly, letting him come down from the high until all that was left were groans and sighs.
“Holy shit,” he breathed.
A lopsided smile tipped my cheeks, and I sat back and held his thighs again. “My turn.” I began fucking him hard and fast, racing for my own climax. He stroked my arms and my chest, anywhere he could reach, bouncing from each rough push inside his hot hole. His fingers latched onto both my nipples and pinched, his abs contracting from the sit-up, cum coating his body, his soft cock and balls resting above where I fucked him, taking his virginity.
“You’re mine now,” I growled, thrusting harder, needing to be deeper—closer. “All.” Thrust. “Fucking.” Thrust. “Mine.”
My body broke out in goose bumps and I held myself inside him as my vision closed in around the edges, my world tilting, as I climaxed harder than I ever had before, emptying myself inside my best friend. My lover.
When the world came back into view, I collapsed over him, leaning down to lap up his cum from anywhere I could reach. The salty tang exploded on my tongue as I worked my way up his neck to his mouth where I kissed him with every ounce of love I had inside me.
“I love you,” he whispered. “I’m so fucking in love with you, Jackson Fields.”
I breathed a laugh and brushed my nose along his jaw, loving the smell of sweat on his skin, the way it mixed with the scent of our sex. It was intoxicating, making me drunk. I slipped from him, already wanting to get back inside him again and again but settled on falling to his side.
We laid on our sides facing each other, hands clasped between us, our legs intertwined.
“Was it good?”
“Yeah.” But he sounded almost confused by it.
“It’s okay that you liked it. It’s okay that you only imagine that with me and no other man.” I laughed. “I mean, I prefer that. But don’t let it be so black and white. Just because I can make you come harder than anyone else by burying my thick cock in your tight ass, doesn’t mean you want to fuck other guys. Frankly, it’s doing great things for my ego that I’m the only man who turns you on.”
“Oh God,” he moaned and laughed. “The last thing we need is for your ego to be bigger.”
We laughed and kissed for a while, but I could tell he had more questions, so I pulled back and waited him out.
“How does it work? Will you only fuck me? Am I bottom? Or am I top? Can I fuck you again?”
My chest rumbled with laughter at his slew of questions, like asking one just opened the floodgates for all of them.
“Jake, I want to feel you inside me often. And there will be times I want to pin you down and fuck you.”
He scoffed. “You could try.”
“I can’t wait to, because I will win.” When he opened his mouth for a rebuttal, I kissed him, needing to finish. “This is our relationship. We can make it what we want. And maybe it’s not specific top or bottom. All I know is I like sucking your cock. I like feeling you fuck me. And I know how much you love to suck my cock, and the cum gluing our stomachs together right now is proof that you love me inside you. And that’s okay. We make it what we want.”
“Okay. I can do that.”
“Good. Because I’m ready to feel my dick shoved down your throat.” I rolled him over and pinned his shoulders down. He shoved back and—naked as the day we were born—we wrestled for dominance, laughing like a couple loons in love the entire time.
At least until he pinned me and fucked me hard and crude.
After a shower, I pinned him again, just to feel the fight and flex on his muscles against my skin. We didn’t stop fighting for dominance until we filled our mouths with each other’s lengths and explored the other’s bodies until the sun came up and we passed out, wrapped in each other.
30
Jackson
I wrapped my lips around his shaft and sunk all the way down to the base. By the time I pulled up, Jake was panting with his hand buried in my hair. I bobbed my head a few times before sinking down and pressing my lips to his groin, using my throat to work the head of his cock. My eyes watered when my gag reflex kicked in, but the way his hand fisted in my hair and the shuddering groans rocked his body, I pushed on, breathing through my nose.
“What the fuck are you doing to me?” Jake gasped.
I continued, only bobbing up for air a few more times before he was shaking, and I swallowed every drop of his release.
“Oh, fuck me. I could wake up to that every damn day.”
By the time I’d kissed my way up his chest, he was just starting to get his breathing under control. I loved seeing the blush stain his cheeks and his eyes glazed from his orgasm. “I’d be happy to have you for breakfast every damn day.”
“My turn,” he said, trying to shove me to my back. But I held him off, giving him a gentle kiss as I pushed him back to his pillow and curled up next to him.
“Not yet. You can return the favor in the shower later. I just want to enjoy waking up next to you. I never got the chance when it was the three of us. If I did wake up next to you and Carina was already up, I didn’t linger because it wasn’t my place.”
“I’m sorry. I didn’t realize how much it was hurting you. I was selfish and having my cake and eating it too without thinking of anyone else.”
“Don’t be sorry. I knew what I was getting into. I guess I just hadn’t planned on falling so hard. I’ve never cared for anyone the way I do for you.”
He blushed again, and I pressed a smacking kiss to his cheek.
“Tell me about Carina. You said she came to see you.”
I laughed and told him about how she stormed in, all fire. I told him about how she laid into me and my guilt over it all. I told him about how she told me he loved me and threatened to make a stocking of my penis if I broke his heart.
“She didn’t?” he asked, laughing.
“She sure did.”
He rolled to his back and threw his arm over his eyes as he laughed. “God, she’s something else.”
“Do you uh…do you regret not being with her?” I hadn’t realized how much that fear had weighed on me until the pressure on my chest was gone, setting the doubt free into the room.
“I feel like an ass saying it, but I don’t. I regret how it all fell apart. I’ll always love her, but it wasn’t the kind of love she deserved. It wasn’t an all-consuming passion and I think she knew it too.”
“Yeah. How it all fell apart will be one of my biggest regrets. She’s a wonderful woman.”
“She’ll bounce back. She’s strong like that.”
I hated hearing the pain in his voice, knowing that my presence caused it. “I’m sorry.”
“You don’t get to apologize either.”
He rolled back to face me, and we pressed kiss after kiss to each other’s lips, until he pulled back and rested his forehead on mine, eyes closed.
“I’m scared,” he whispered. It might as well have been a shout for how much it punched me in my heart. “I’m scared of this big change in my life. Of sharing this with people.”
I had to close my own eyes and swallowed the lump in my throat before I could speak. His feelings were fair. I had to remind myself that this was all new to him.
“I know I shouldn’t be, but I’m worried about what people will think. I’m worried about the judgment.” He looked up through his lashes at me for reassurance. “That’s stupid, isn’t it?”
“No, Jake.” I chuckled, thinking of when I was a teen. “I know I play it off, but I hear the whispers and slurs. They’re there and I hate them, but I can’t let it control my life—my happiness. I have to make a conscious effort to move past them and it’s not always easy. I have to remind myself that if they want to be angry about something that doesn’t affect them, then fuck ‘em. I won’t hide my love for you. You make me happy.”
“You make me happy too. Just…be patient with me. Please.”
“We’ll figure it out. As long as I have you by my side, we can withstand anything.” I lifted his chin, making sure he heard me and took it in. “I love you.”
“I love you too.”
I gave him a peck before tossing the sheets off us. “Now, let’s shower. You owe me a blow job.”
We were still drying off when I heard my phone ring. I rushed out, in the habit of keeping my phone on me to be available anytime I wasn’t at Voy, in case an issue popped up. I considered not answering it since it wasn’t a number I recognized, but I did anyway.
“Hello?”
“Mr. Fields?” a male voice I didn’t recognize asked.
“Yes?”
“This is Andre Mills. I’m a nurse at the University Hospital. Your brother was just brought in and you’re listed as the emergency contact.”
My whole world faded on the edges, and my legs gave out. I dropped the towel from my numb fingers and fell to the bed. I saw Jake move off to the side, but he was a blur and all I could focus on was brother and hospital.
“What happened? Is he okay? What happened?” The words struggled to fight their way out.
“He’s currently in surgery for a pulmonary embolectomy.”
I could barely hear him, his words sounded like they were coming from far away. “What? Is he okay?”
“The doctor will explain more once you get here.”
“Is he okay?” I asked more forcefully.
“I’m sorry, sir. You’ll need to come here for more information.”
I didn’t even say goodbye before I stabbed the red button and tossed it aside. I hunched over and tried to take deep breaths. Burying my head in my hands, I let out a growl that came from deep within me, picking up speed by the time it escaped my body.
“Jackson. Please. Please, talk to me.” Jake’s voice somehow permeated the fog.
I looked up to find him kneeling in front of me, concern etched all over his face.
“Talk to me. What is going on?”
“Andrew’s in the hospital.”
“What? Is he okay?”
“I—I don’t know. I don’t know. Fuck, Jake. I don’t fucking know.” My shoulders rose and fell rapidly with each breath before he grabbed my cheeks and brought his face a foot from mine, his deep voice, demanding I hear him.
“Look at me. Focus on me.” I could still feel myself breathing too fast, but his touch helped focus me. “Get dressed and we’ll go to the hospital. I’m driving.”
“Thank you,” I breathed.
He gave me a quick kiss and then tossed jeans and a shirt at me. Thankfully we wore the same size, so I didn’t have to show up in yesterday’s clothes that still held the stench of alcohol.
Staring out the window during the drive, my mind flooded with thoughts.
What if he was dying? What if I lost my last relative—my brother?
Was he hurting while I was getting off this morning? What about last night? What if I went to see him instead of Jake?
Could I have prevented this?
“We’re here.”
Jake parked, and I got out and ran bursting through the hospital’s front entrance. The lady at the front desk greeted me with a smile and I wanted to shake her. How could she be smiling at a time like this?
“Fields. Andrew Fields. Please.” Her smile dropped, but thankfully she didn’t call me on barking a name at her.
She clicked away on her computer and I willed her fingers to go faster. Each second felt like a lifetime. What if he died while I stood there as she looked for his name? I wanted to tear the place apart, shouting his name, until I found him. Until he looked at me with his lopsided smile and eyes just like mine and called me an asshole.
“Jake?”
Jake’s hand that had been holding mine, jerked free and I immediately felt the loss. I turned to see a guy holding a blue stuffed animal, flowers, and a coffee. Jake’s eyes flicked to me before they looked at the guy speaking to him.
“Hey, man,” the guy said.
“Yeah, hey Todds. What are you doing here?”
My mind registered that it must be a guy from work, but my attention was still mostly on the receptionist and how my hand was now empty. I couldn’t ignore the way Jake’s voice was hesitant, and he took a few steps away from me to talk to this guy.
“The missus finally had the baby. We missed you at work last week. Carina too.” Then as if something just occurred to him, he cocked his head to the side. “She okay? Is that why you’re here?”
“Oh, um no, Carina’s fine.” His tone sounded nervous and he kept looking to me, so I finally fully turned to him, but he struggled to meet my eyes. “My, uh. . .my friend’s brother is here. I drove him.”
I clenched my fists at my sides and had to close my eyes, giving all my attention on not throwing up right there at Jake introducing me to his coworker as a friend.
“He’s on the third floor,” the receptionist spoke up. “Ring the bell and give them your name. They’ll be able to let you through. Make sure you keep this visitor’s pass.” She handed over a card with a clip and then looked over my shoulder to Jake. “Will your partner be needing a pass too?”
Jake froze at the word partner and his eyes flicked back and forth before staring at me, pain and regret pinching his face.
“Un-fucking-believable,” I muttered. I couldn’t believe that now, of all fucking times, he was going to pull away. Anger lit a fire that raged through my body. When I needed him most, he was pulling away. “I don’t have time for this.” Then I turned to the receptionist. “No, it’s just me.”
I didn’t look back, but desperately hoped I would hear his footsteps chasing after me. But by the time I turned in the elevator, he was gone.
* * *
I was in the waiting room for two hours before a doctor finally came out to see me. During that time my mind raced, alternating between thoughts of Andrew and Jake. Both hammered at my heart and broke me down. Google didn’t help when I began searching pulmonary embolectomy. It all sounded terrifying. If I saw the word death one more time in a search, I was going to crack. Then thoughts of Jake just pushed on my already fractured sanity. He’d left me. Fucking left me standing there in a moment of need. It wasn’t just us out and about. I’d needed him, and he’d left me.
Andrew’s surgery was almost less painful to think about. So, I went back to searching survival rates and asking the nurses questions. Thankfully one of them took pity on me and kept me updated, telling me he was still alive in surgery.
“Jackson Fields?”
I shot up from my chair. “Yes. That’s me.”
“Andrew’s going to
be fine, but his recovery is going to take some time.”
“What happened?” I almost begged the doctor to help me understand.
“Apparently Andrew had been sedentary, refusing his PT all week. In that time a clot that had formed became a pulmonary embolism. It’s very rare that they become as severe as Andrew’s and need surgery, but thankfully we got to it fast enough. He’s lucky to be alive.”
Every muscle in my body sagged in relief, and I stumbled back a few steps, falling in a chair.
“Thank you,” I mumbled to the doctor.
“Of course. The nurse will come get you when you can go back and visit him. He’ll be out of it for a while, but you can stay in his room.”
“Thank you, sir.”
The nurse walked me back thirty minutes later, and I had to close my eyes at the sight of my brother looking so frail in bed. It brought back all the memories and what we’d lost the last time I’d had to visit him in the hospital.
“Make yourself comfortable, it may be a while,” the nurse instructed before leaving.
I pulled up a chair and sent a message to Daniel and my assistant bar manager in case I couldn’t cover my shifts. And then I waited and begged he opened his eyes and made some crude joke. Anything to let me know he was going to be okay.
After about three hours by Andrew’s bedside, Jake began texting me and I couldn’t bring myself to respond to any of them. I was too lost in my own hurt and anger. Anger at him leaving me. Anger that it took him so long to even check on me.
Anger at myself for not having known how bad Andrew was. I’d been so good about keeping on top of his care, always knowing how he’s doing. But the past week, I’d become lost in myself. I hadn’t taken the time to worry when Andrew hadn’t called me. I hadn’t thought twice when he sent a message saying he wasn’t up for visitors last weekend. I’d been dumb. I’d been selfish.
And being lost in that tornado of emotions didn’t leave room for Jake. It didn’t stop me from reading each one though.
