by Lucia Franco
I swallowed hard. "Is that okay with you?"
"Why would it not be? It would be unwise of me to say no. I may do questionable things at times, but I am not stupid enough to hinder your performance."
"But you're mad."
"No, I am not mad."
"You're mad at me?" I pressed, a little timid.
Kova was most definitely mad, I just didn't know why. His clipped tone was like little needles poking my skin.
His shoulders turned lax and his voice softened. "I could never be mad at you, Ria."
Ria. He only used Ria to get his point across.
I bobbed my head subtly and tried to fight the smile on my lips. I didn't want him to be mad at me. I wouldn't be able to handle that on top of everything else.
"Okay, well, I'm going to condition now."
I turned to leave when the sight of his sofa caught my eyes. I paused to stare at it, thinking about the night we’d spent tangled in each other's arms and the words Kova had said to me. Crazy how that felt like years ago when it had happened. My cheeks bloomed with heat remembering the positions we were in, how he’d added pressure to my throat at just the right time before I orgasmed…
"Is there something you need?" he asked, his voice taking on a huskier tone. I didn't miss the double meaning in his question.
I swallowed before replying. "No."
"I did not think so."
Nine
"You look terrible," Kova said an hour later.
I'd just finished conditioning and I was sweating profusely. I shot a brief glance at my teammates, hoping they hadn't heard.
"Very…white," he added.
My nostrils flared, but I pretended his comment didn't bother me. Propping my hands on my hips, I shifted my gaze up to his.
"I think you mean pale. Sometimes your Russian gets the best of you," I said, and Holly chuckled.
Truth was, I was suffering inside. After I left his office, I climbed the rope ten times in pike position and did so many crunches I lost count, among other core workouts that left my muscles screaming in rebellion. That blooming pain in my lower back returned and it was all I could focus on for the last hour. It was growing stronger with each passing minute.
Kova didn't respond to me, but instead turned to the team. "Today we are doing jump conditioning, also known as plyos, which I am sure you know. It is used to increase speed strength. Your muscles will exert maximum force and you will thank me later for it."
Kova wore arrogance with pride. It worked for him.
"We are going to be doing quick switching of the feet, with bending and jumps. Lots of leg power here. Quick, quick, punch!"
Kova had us stand in a line on the floor with a folded mat that stood about ten inches tall in front of each of us. I jumped on and off, pin straight and as quickly as I could, making sure my body stayed tight.
"On and off the mat. You must jump way higher, quickly," Kova shouted. He was circling us like an animal eyeing its prey with his laser gaze trained on our feet. "Nice, extend those ankles and pop off. Off!"
I was afraid to extend too much in fear of worsening my injury.
"You can go a little lighter on your extension, Adrianna." I swear he’d read my mind. Strange. After a few minutes, he said, "Now do the same thing on one foot."
My thighs were on fire as we switched legs again and proceeded with the same technique. I looked at my teammates and we all wore the same pained expression.
"Okay. Enough. Get in line over here." He pointed to the white tape on the floor.
I stood with my hands on my hips and watched as Kova added two extra boxed mats that were waist high and chest high. I knew where he was going with this.
Kova instructed us to jump over the mats with our legs straight and tight together. Sounded simple enough, only it wasn't. Nothing that looked easy ever was, even if the floor had springs underneath and helped boost us.
One by one, we jumped over four spaced-out folded mats like we were little toothpicks bouncing around. As I neared the end, I dug deep and pulled my knees up to jump onto the taller boxed mat. Drawing in an audible breath, I shot up to reach the top of the last mat and crouched on it. Finally! Jumping down, I released a strenuous pant and got back in line, but not before I stole a quick glance at Kova to see if he’d caught how fatigued I was. His eyes were already on me.
"Extend, ladies. Reach and jump. Light and easy on your toes. This needs to be as clean as possible. If toddlers can do it at birthday parties, there is no reason you cannot."
I chuckled under my breath. World Cup hosted birthday parties like most gyms did. The youngest child he allowed for a party was four years old, and they weren’t leaping over mats this high.
"Excellent, ladies. That is what I want to see."
We were all a little out of breath when we reached the sixth round. I looked at the clock and realized we had another two hours of this. I was already more winded than the rest of the girls.
A tickle in my dry throat caused me to cough. Covering my mouth, I fought back another cough as a choked, hoarse sound came from the back of my throat. Reagan watched me. Deep lines formed between her eyes like she was trying to figure something out, which only made me feel more insecure about my coughing fit. My stomach tightened as I fought a cough back again. I offered a smile like everything was okay and inhaled a deep breath and held it. Once I exhaled, I felt better.
"On the next set, squat and touch the floor with your hands on each jump. Like frog jumps over the mats."
Breathing through my nose, I watched Holly go first, then Reagan, then I went. I missed the last mat I had to jump on top of it, and tried again.
"Pull those knees up, Adrianna." My thighs were blazing hot and shaking. I almost kneed my mouth. "Good. Just like that," Kova added.
Since there were only a few of us, the sets went quickly, and each time it took longer and longer for me to catch my breath. I avoided Reagan's nosy eyes and looked ahead. Rubbing the side of my face into my bicep, I wiped away the sweat from my temples.
"Touch the floor, now jump! Again. Touch…touch…touch. Jump! That is it!"
I hopped over the mat to the next mat, overanalyzing over my reality. I was okay. I'd be okay.
Had I never worked out hard enough? I'd always used the extreme exhaustion I experienced as my motivation. Now that I knew about the kidney disease and lupus, it was my crutch, and I feared the possibility using it as an excuse to slow down. It would be so easy. But just like all those other times when I’d struggled, wrestling with my aching muscles and strength to keep going, I always got back up and pushed myself ten times harder.
I wondered if I was dealing with the repercussions of what I'd always done now.
Springing off the floor to the last box, I brought my knees up and crouched on top. I smiled a little to myself. It took a little more energy, but I did it.
My smile grew a little bigger. I just had to get my head clear, that's all I had to do. Then everything would be okay.
With the folded mats about seven feet across from each of us vertically, Kova said, "Large hop twice, front tuck onto mat, set. Turn around, hop off, front tuck. Let us go."
Taking a deep breath, I released it and got to work. Two hops and I was rotating forward into the air in a tight ball onto the mat. My feet punched the mat as I landed, and I stifled a low grunt in the back of my throat as pain shot up into my back. My body hardened, waiting for the pain to leave. When a gymnast performed a tumbling pass on the floor, the force of pressure was nine times greater than their weight. When doing conditioning skills like I was, the pressure was half that, but obviously enough to affect me.
I swallowed, almost afraid to land and exhaled through my nose, telling myself it would be okay. The thought of landing on my toes crossed my mind but I knew there was no way of getting it past Kova. He had eagle eyes and saw everything, which sometimes was a curse.
Blocking out the throbbing in my back, I traveled across the floor again, springing off my toes then front
flipping to land flat on my feet. I held my breath and bared down, squeezing every muscle in my body. My abs were rock solid and burning from the stress of holding back the groaning pain.
On the next conditioning pass, this time, the pounding across my lower back intensified, and I clenched my eyes shut hard. My mouth fell open and I let out a gasp.
"I got this," I mumbled to myself.
There was no reason why I couldn’t push past my thoughts or the pain and go on like I always had. I’d come this far not knowing I was sick. I had worked through the side effects the illnesses brought, on top of the Achilles injury, Kova's secret marriage, my torn friendship with Avery, my parents’ impending divorce, and the discovery of my real mother. Even the sadistic camps I had endured. There was no reason not to continue just like I always had. If I got through all of that, I could get through anything. This was just another obstacle I had to overcome so I could move onto the next.
Only, it really wasn't. And that scared me. Because no matter how much I lied to myself, I still knew the truth and it messed with me.
I looked around. I needed to pull inspiration from my surroundings. I was grasping at straws, needing something, anything. My gaze skipped from each teammate until it landed on Kova.
I was already looking for him, but he always found me first. In this moment of self-doubt, with a sea of insecurities growing inside me with each breath I took, the pull was too strong to ignore. I could deny it all I wanted to, but the truth was, I needed Kova, and he knew that.
Chest rising and falling like there were resistance bands holding me back, every nerve in my body was reaching out for him to breathe life into me.
The pain taking over my body frightened me.
He could see that.
The gripping fear caged by my ribs consumed me.
He could see that too.
His eyes flickered with anguish and his body moved to take a step toward me, only for him to falter. Like it was in his nature to protect me.
My heart dropped.
I didn't want him to look at me like he had earlier. I didn't want him to think anything was wrong with me, because there wasn't. I was still the same old Adrianna, only now I came with a label.
No. Scratch that. I didn't want a label.
I didn't want to be known as that sick girl. Labels brought pity and sympathy and restraint from friends and loved ones. A label was a disappointment, and the thought of that was like a burning boulder in my gut. I couldn't bear it.
As much as I wanted to be wrapped in his arms, listening to his comforting words, I didn't want him to help me. I needed to do this for myself and prove that I could get past the mental block. I could do it, I knew I could.
"Stop daydreaming, Adrianna, and get your ass in gear."
I gave him a faux flat glare and playfully rolled my eyes. I knew he wasn't purposely trying to be a jerk. It was just his way of helping me, and I appreciated that.
Holly chuckled under her breath. Leaning into me, she whispered through a guiltless smile, "It's okay. We all daydream about him. Trust me."
I grinned. If she only knew.
I started up again. Each tuck I landed shot a new flame of pain up my back.
"Punch that ground, ladies. Stick that landing and make it tight," Kova said to all of us.
Another aching bolt shot through me the moment my feet hit the mat. I clenched my eyes shut for a split moment, forcing myself to block it out. And I went again.
"Quick! Quick! We want speed!"
"Yesss,” he hissed happily. "Like that. Feet and knees together."
"A little cleaner, Reagan," he said. "You look like you are squatting to pee." Kova clapped obnoxiously. "We have five more rounds before we move on. Let us get it, girls!"
Bearing the pain, I bit the inside of my lip and completed the task. Five rounds felt like an eternity, but I smiled to myself, happy that I’d endured it.
We stood shoulder to shoulder waiting for our next assignment.
"Now we do handstand hops that we will add a back tuck to. What you are going to do is handstand onto the mat, whip your hips down and jump onto the floor, then onto the mat where you will jump backwards. When your feet hit the ground, whip them into another handstand. Let me show you."
Kova walked over to the mat and stood in front of it. He took his hat off and dropped it to the floor next to his feet. I rubbed my lower back with the heel of my hand trying to soothe the throbbing ache as I watched.
With his arms poised above his head, Kova flipped over into a handstand. His shirt fell down around his chest and revealed his toned, flat stomach with a peek of the rings tattoo. He snapped his hips down, feet pounding into the ground, then jumped right back onto the mat before jumping backwards into another handstand. At what I had to guess was two hundred and thirty pounds of solid muscle, the springs ricocheted loudly, and the vibration of the floor hit my feet. He did it twice, showing us exactly what we needed to do, and each time the fabric of his shirt bounced with him.
"Got it?" he asked us. We all nodded in unison. "Great. Get moving."
Ten
I stepped into a handstand and kept my palms flat on the mat and my fingers spread wide. I breathed in through my nose and whipped my hips down in a pike position.
"Snap your legs under faster, Adrianna."
I made sure to next time.
"Flatten those hips," Kova said to me. "Snap. Snap! Same for you, Holly."
I followed his instructions and pushed harder, shoving the increasing pain out of my mind. It only got worse with each hit into the floor. The more I did and the faster I went, the more lightheaded I became.
"Four more sets, then we are adding a back tuck."
I groaned inwardly. Adding a back tuck would make the skill more demanding on my body. It wasn't anything new to me. I'd done this set so many times I could do it in my sleep.
More importantly, I'd done this before I even knew I was sick. There was no reason why I couldn’t do it now.
I bit down on my lip, angry that I’d let myself get so deep in my thoughts.
I snapped my hips down hard then popped right into a handstand. Repeat. I moved faster than I had before, driven by aggravation. I was so mad I could cry.
"Good, Adrianna. That is what I want to see. Holly, see if you can keep up with Adrianna. You too, Reagan. Make it a competition. Who could complete the last round the fastest—but safest?"
Once my last four sets were done, I stood with my hands on my hips in front of the mat out of breath while I waited on my teammates. Kova walked toward me.
"Nice job, Adrianna. Now add the tuck. Do it off the mat and set it," Kova said, and looked into my eyes.
I nodded, but my stomach plummeted to the ground. I hoped he didn't see my worries. Adding the tuck required additional force, which instantly said additional pain in my head. I had to whip harder and use more stomach muscles.
This should be fun.
On the first one, I saw stars. True, sparkly, silver stars floated in my vision. I knew seeing stars was a sign of dehydration. My mouth was dry, I just didn't think it was that bad. I slowed down on the second one to gain my stance correctly and glanced at the other girls. I rubbed my back again. They were moving so fast without pausing in between. Like little machines.
"What is wrong with you?" Kova asked me quietly in the middle of my handstand. I folded down and looked at him.
"What do you mean?" I asked, out of breath.
"For one, you keep rubbing your back."
"Oh." My jaw bobbed. "I think I just pulled a muscle or slept wrong or something." He gave me a pensive stare but I continued. "It's fine. I'm fine. Everything is fine. I plan to stop at the store after practice and get some of that Icy Hot stuff since I can't take Motrin. It should do the trick. I'm fine, though."
"You are fine," he said, his voice low, only for me to hear. And I knew what that meant.
I threw a smile at Kova, hoping he wouldn't say anything else.
&nbs
p; "Come by my office before you leave today."
My smile faltered.
Fuck. My. Life. Damn it.
He knew. He had to know.
I nodded, then he turned to face all of us.
"I want twenty handstand tucks," he ordered. "Once you are finished with those, after you land the first back tuck"—he used his finger and drew an imaginary circle—"add one more back tuck, jump, jump to a handstand, whip down to the two tucks. I want twenty of these. Go."
Reagan and I glanced at each other. We both had the same thought: He was totally trying to kill us.
Or maybe just me. Maybe he knew I’d lied and the only way he could get revenge was through his lunatic training methods.
"Come on, girls! Get moving!" Kova yelled, clapping his hands loud enough to draw attention. "We have hours of work ahead of us! This is just a walk in the park for what I have planned."
Bringing my legs down, I snapped my hips and rebounded hard by punching my feet into the ground into a standing back tuck.
Searing heat reverberated across my back and I almost lost my footing. I gasped and palmed myself just below my ribs where it was nearly all-consuming and past the point of excruciating. I paused to arch my back, and inhaled through my nose. Bile tossed around in my stomach and I blinked rapidly a few times to get my head straight. I thought I was going to throw up. Eyes were on me, but not just any pair. I knew Kova was watching me without even looking at him. I could feel it.
I turned around and spotted him. He observed me again with his head tilted and stared deep in concentration. Kova was a perceptive man and that only raised my guard even more. The way his chin dipped lower and to the side caused a fluttering in my chest.
Pulling out my ponytail, I pretended I had to fix it. I shook out my chalky mop and flipped my head over to gather my hair, thankfully breaking the gaze. I stumbled for a second from dizziness, then I retied my thick locks into a messy ball. My shaky fingers sought the loose flyaways around the sides of my face and I brushed them back behind my ears.
"Kick those legs down hard, girls," Kova demanded.
