by Lucia Franco
My eyes searched his hoping he'd see the truth.
"Stop telling me you love me. I can't handle it."
He looked so wounded. His green eyes pierced me with immense grief and for a split second I felt bad I asked him that. Kova swallowed and his Adam's apple bobbed like he was struggling to breathe.
"No, I will not stop. I love you, and whatever you are scared to tell me, it will not make me love you any less. Just, please, Adrianna, what is it?"
"Stop it. You won't love me after this."
"Impossible. You are an integral part of me now and forever."
I slapped his chest, angry that I didn't have the courage to speak up.
"I'm sorry."
I broke down inside. I hated that Avery had pushed me to do this. I knew I should’ve just handled it on my own.
Kova’s face fell and it crushed me to see him like this. The last thing I wanted to do was hurt him.
“For what? Please, tell me. I cannot stand to see you suffer like this.”
Shaking my head, it was my turn to apologize to him. I crumbled in his arms and cried until I didn’t have any tears left. Until he finally let go and stopped pushing me to tell him.
Instead, he just held me the entire time.
Sixty-One
Knock. Knock. Knock.
Groaning, I dragged my feet across the living room to the rapid knocking that hadn’t stopped. My eyes were heavy and drowsy from lack of sleep. Without looking through the peephole, I knew it could only be one person, and opened the door.
“Kova…” I said, and yawned. “What are you doing here?”
I opened the door wider so he could come in, then shut it. He turned to look at me with wide eyes like he was on the edge of something beautiful, but I was too tired to show any interest.
“I know I was not supposed to see you until tomorrow, but I had to come.”
I frowned, rubbing my eyes with the heel of my hand. Before I left World Cup last night and my tears had dried, we’d agreed we would go to the little town together on Sunday. It was the perfect plan for me, strategic really. I'd planned to rest all day while mustering up the strength to tell him about the pregnancy tomorrow night after our day out. There was no way we would have another day like that anytime soon, or if ever, so I figured waiting until the end of the day was the best time to drop the bomb. I just had to figure out how I was going to.
I glanced at the clock and noted it was barely seven in the morning. I was beyond worn out physically, and needed to go back to bed.
"Kova, I didn't sleep at all last night. I'm really tired right now. Can this wait?"
"No, it cannot. I had to see you to tell you the news."
He was resolute in his decision and my shoulders dropped. I waved a hand, signaling him to go on and blinked. Kova regarded me, his eyes taking in the length of my body. I was only in a tank top and bikini underwear since I was so hot at night.
"I am filing for divorce."
My lips parted in shock. "What? What do you mean?"
"I found my way out," he said excitedly, almost as if I should know what he was talking about. "I am leaving Katja for good."
My heart raced a mile a minute trying to process the words Kova just delivered. I blinked hard, and blinked again.
"What did you just say?"
He was grinning like a fool. "I am getting a divorce and you will be all mine." He stalked toward me while I stood frozen in place.
His smile was so big and happy and I would've smiled in return if I wasn't in such a state of absolute shock. Kova pressed his body flush to mine and grabbed my face. I stumbled back and he stepped with me. Planting his lips on mine, Kova's kiss was filled with relief, like the restraints had been cut and he was finally free.
My hands were flat to his hard chest. He flexed under my touch and groaned in the back of his throat.
Breaking the kiss, I said, "What are you talking about? What happened?"
Kova gripped my hips and lifted me up. My legs automatically wrapped around his hips.
"Open your mouth and let me kiss you first."
"No—"
With his hand at my nape guiding me to him, he closed the distance. His tongue slid along my lips. A stream of desire roared through me and I kissed him back.
"I need you."
I pulled his hair and he arched his neck back. His eyes glistened with heat and I knew he had one thing on his mind. Sex.
"No, you don’t. Tell me what happened first."
"Yes, I do," he said, walking with me in his arms toward my bedroom.
"You're confused."
He flipped on the light and quickly climbed on my bed with me in tow. "No. I am more awake than ever. I see clearly now."
I shook my head, baffled, as he dropped his weight to mine. I tried to move him away so I could get answers, but Kova was quick and pulled both my hands above my head and secured them to the bed in his grip. His other hand glided up my thigh to my ribs. In seconds, his mouth found my neck and his tongue licked a wet trail. All sensible thoughts left my mind when he pulled my tender skin into his mouth and suckled hard. My back arched and a gasp of bliss escaped my lips. His tongue was flat and moving in slow sensual circles. My body shivered and my eyes rolled shut as pleasure hummed through me. He feverously peppered kissed along my jaw until his lips met mine.
"I don't understand. What are you talking about?" I managed to get out.
But Kova didn't stop the torment when he said, "Katja. The marriage."
"What?" I asked, yanking away in breathless anticipation. "What changed? I don’t understand."
"We had an argument and she slipped up. Do you remember when I told you I thought she was up to something? I found out everything she was hiding. There is so much to tell."
Jaw trembling, I said, "Kova, I can't give my life up for you, though. I'm sorry, but I just can't."
As selfish as that sounded, if I wouldn't give it up for my kidneys, then I wouldn't for Kova.
"You do not understand," he said. He pulled me to sit on his lap and I placed my hands on his chest, feeling the warmth come off him. "I am not asking you to give anything up, I would never do that. I will wait for however long it takes for you to be mine."
I shook my head in disbelief. Tears clouded my vision. "But why? Why? What if we can never be?"
"You will be a legal adult one day, so you will not have to report to anyone. What we have is something people search their entire life for. You understand me, I understand you. Do you honestly think a coach and an athlete have never fallen in love? It has happened more times than you can imagine. A coach knows more about his athlete than anyone."
"But, Kova, I'm only seventeen."
"I know," he said softly, brushing a lock of hair behind my ear. "And even though I am thirty-three, I will wait for you. However long it takes, I will wait because I love you and I want us to be together one day."
Stupid tears fell from the corners of my eyes. I didn't even know why I was crying, but I was, and they started coming out faster. A gentle smile formed on his full lips. His kissable lips.
Kova wiped my tears. I shook my head, staring at his chest. "I just don't understand."
"Love does not ever makes sense. You just go with what your heart feels. The way you look at me, the pain of wanting something you cannot have, I know that look because I feel the same for you. I know it is there for you, even if you do not tell me."
I chewed on my bottom lip and glanced up to meet his eyes. The corner of my lips tugged up. "I may…"
His lips formed a huge smile. "Admitting you are in love with someone is much harder than it sounds. The most important things in our lives are the hardest to get out. Is this why you do not like to admit your love for me? Because I am important? I did not say I love you for you to say it back, but I can feel it in your touch, the way you grip my skin, the way you reach for me. I know what you feel in your beautiful heart without you having to say it."
I took a deep breat
h, and asked, "Can I ask what your argument was about?"
"Oh, so much. It was like a domino effect and it could not have pleased me more. After I learned she was pushing for the marriage to get her citizenship, I read an email between her and a friend. Her friend encouraged her to take what she can get out of me. I knew she loved money, just not that much. Even before you came around, I always gave her what she wanted without questioning her. Money is just money. But it hurt to see she was using me for both."
My brows bunched together. "She still doesn't have her citizenship? I assumed she did."
"No, she is on the faster track to receive one, but she still does not have it. Without marriage, it would take much longer for her. The last person we spoke to said she should have it in a year or so."
There had to be more. "What else?"
"I had the strangest feeling she had been cheating on me."
My eyes softened. I wrapped my arms around his shoulders and pulled him down to me. I kissed his lips and couldn't help it, but I smiled at him.
"You can’t possibly be upset if she was cheating on you, Kova."
"I know what I do is wrong, and I feel bad about it, but I never, ever used her. I love her, Ria, I always will, but I will never love her the way I do you."
"So, let me get this straight. You're divorcing her because of the citizenship and because you think she cheated?"
Kova dragged his teeth over his bottom lip and averted his gaze. His hands skimmed my thighs and over my hips, the tips of his fingers slipped under my tank top. Leaning in, he pressed a kiss to my chest.
"What is it?" I asked, my voice shaky. My chest rose and fell faster and harder with anticipation.
"Do you recall the night I sent you to my office and she happened to be there?"
Unfortunately. "Yes."
"Do you recall the white envelope she shoved at me that I threw on my desk?" he asked, and I nodded blindly. "I never opened it. I actually placed it in my desk that night and never thought about it again."
Oh, God. Somehow I knew where this was going before he finished explaining himself. My heart was burning. I could feel it in my gut. I tried to scoot off Kova, but he held me in place. I didn't have the strength to fight his hands off.
"She's pregnant," I whispered, chills tightening down my spine.
Something inside me crumpled to dust and I let out a breath of defeat.
I'd never win when it came to him. I'd never be first.
Sixty-Two
"Yes," he said, dropping his head to my chest.
I cupped the back of his neck. The anguish in those three letters crushed my heart and I realized Kova now had two women pregnant. I was so glad I hadn't told him. This made my decision that much easier.
His hands tightened on me. "I drank a half bottle of vodka straight from the mouth after your father told me about your kidney disease. An hour later I finished it off. I blacked out."
"You had sex with Katja when you found out I was sick?" I stated in utter and complete disbelief.
Of all the things. Of all the things he could tell me, nothing could amount to this kind of devastation now consuming me. Numbness crowded me, sweeping everything else away.
His voice was low, quiet, and surprisingly remorseful. "I do not remember all of it. Just flashback moments of that night. I have tried so hard to remember but my memory is just not there. I woke up naked and disoriented. I could not believe it, and since then it has never happened once."
"You slept with your wife when you found out I basically had a death sentence," I said slowly, trying to wrap my head around it.
Kova didn't respond. His silence was his answer, and his truth would cause me to suffer considerably more.
He tightened his arms around my waist and dropped his chin onto my shoulder. He was warm, but I felt nothing. He was shaking, but I was still. I thought his marriage had been devastating. This was soul-crushing.
"I never planned to tell Katja about us. I was going to eventually leave, but Joy had other plans. She is a woman with vengeance, power, and money. I have yet to know why she is after me. I thought possibly because she was concerned about her name being ruined and the humiliation it would cause." He paused, running a hand over his jaw. "It was Joy who found my jacket in your room on New Year's Eve and shipped it to Katja. That was how it started, until Joy took it a step further and hired a private investigator to follow us. They have so much against us, Adrianna. So much damning evidence. Joy was able to retrieve all of our text messages from the cell phone carrier. She read every message, saw every image, including the video I sent to you while you were sleeping. They have photos of us at the gym, from meets, my home, your condo. She handed everything over to Katja, and from what I have gathered, used it as bait for your father to get what she wanted. I was cornered."
We were both quiet, lost to our heavy thoughts and the reality of our lives.
"I had no choice but to marry Katja. She had been begging me for years, but I could never bring myself to get down and ask her. After Joy gave her everything about us, she was devastated when I told her I would never marry her. I will never forget the way she looked at me, like she had revenge in her eyes. She was angry, saying I wasted her life and that I will get what is coming to me. She wanted me to expel you from training at World Cup. When I told her no, that was when Joy stepped in. I bargained with both over expelling you from my gym. There was no legitimate reason to kick you out, and you would never just leave on your own when there were coaches after you for the Olympic team. Too many questions would arise and bring unnecessary attention to all. Both of them knew this. It was either marry her, or your gymnastics career would be over, and I would be taken away in handcuffs."
"Joy isn't after you." My voice was hoarse. "She's after me for what my dad has done, and has continued to do. She's taking it out on me because I'm a replica of my biological mother, and because my dad is still talking to her after he promised Joy years ago he wouldn’t. Why would Katja go through with this after she found out about the infidelity?"
"When she found out I was cheating, and with you, all she wanted was for me to kick you out because she knew you would go back to Palm Beach. After I refused to, and she spoke to Joy, she threatened to go to the police. She knew I would lose everything if she did that, but so would she because she had no legal tie to me. As the saying goes, money talks, and Joy paid her a large sum. Her heart grew hard from Joy whispering in her ear. Since then she has been just as bad, and it has been two against one."
Kova shook his head in defeat. I remembered my dad telling me Joy had something on me that she couldn't show him because she was actually worried it would give him a heart attack. He thought she was lying. Now that I knew the truth, it would kill him, and I was actually grateful she hadn't shown him, but I was also terrified if I did one more thing wrong, she’d show him everything.
"Dad said Joy’s spiteful and jealous, but I find it difficult to believe she would be jealous of me. I think she sees me as the same as my dad, with you." My voice was quiet. "I wouldn't put it past Joy to tell my dad one day, but I don't see her going public with it."
I didn't recognize my own voice. It was as empty as my chest and as dead as my heart. I felt ruined. We were both pregnant, but the difference was that Kova and Katja would be able to raise their child.
For the first time in a long time, tears didn't fill my eyes. Rage didn't fill my blood. Hate didn't seal the wounds on my heart. I was just really sad inside.
I unwound my arms and placed my hands on his shoulders. Kova sensed what I was about to do and hugged me tighter, placing his face on my chest like he was holding on to me for dear life and didn't want to let go.
"Kova—" My voice was cold, distant.
He cut me off so he could rush out his next set of words. "Katja is pregnant, but it is not my child."
I lowered my eyes. Would he deny our baby too?
"Of course it’s not your kid. You would say that."
He spo
ke faster, his eyes hard. "No, it is definitely not my child. I walked in on her taking a pregnancy test when she thought I was working out in the garage. The shock was written all over her face, and I know my sudden appearance flustered her. She started stammering and said since she never gave me the test stick as proof the first time she took one, she wanted to make up for that now. I had no idea what she was talking about. When I questioned her, she claimed to have told me she was pregnant, but I had no recollection of that. A man does not forget that vice grip on his heart feeling when he finds out he will be a father. She said it was in the envelope she gave me in my office the night you were there. I was completely ruined when she told me that. So, I drove to World Cup and went through my drawers and found it. I tore it open and sat in silence for hours trying to figure out how it happened when I realized that none of the dates matched up. None of them.
"Maybe you got her pregnant the night you found out about my kidney disease," I spat out.
"Not possible."
My eyes widened. "You said you didn't remember."
He held up a finger. "Just listen to me. I logged on to her accounts and scoured her emails and went through her social media pages. I found conversations between her and multiple men, one of whom I expect is the father."
My brows shot to my forehead. "I didn't take Katja for a cheater."
"Neither did I, so I called her doctor's office and spoke to the nurse since Katja has me listed as an authorized person to receive medical information on all her files. While Katja is indeed pregnant, she is very early in her pregnancy. Just a few weeks actually. My conniving wife had given me someone else's ultrasound photo and was trying to play it off as ours because she knew I did not want her, but also knew a baby would tie us together forever."
