Forgiveness and Permission

by C. L. Stone

  The officer’s head tilted toward me. “That doesn’t seem like Ecstasy to me.”

  “He could be wrong,” I said, worried I’d said too much. Maybe I should call Mr. Blackbourne. “I don’t know if he knew for sure. But shortly after we figured out what happened, North started acting crazy.”

  The officer sighed. “I could take him.”

  “No,” I said, lunging a hand across the console toward him in desperation, my fingers brushing at his arm. “Please. We were hurrying home so he could sleep it off. We’ve got a friend who is a doctor. We’ll keep an eye on him until he gets over it. If he gets too bad, we were told to call the doctor.”

  The officer’s face shifted, softening. “I guess if there’s a party out there where people are dropping drugs into cups, I need to be there. But you really should call your doctor friend right now. You don't know for sure what was in that drink.”

  “I can call him now. And I’ll make sure Silas drives slower,” I said. “He was just in a hurry to get North someplace where we wouldn’t cause trouble. We were having a hard time keeping him in the back seat.”

  The officer smiled at me, opening the car door on his side. “I can at least help with that,” he said. “Stay here for a second.”

  My heart thundered through me, rattling my entire body as the officer climbed out and shut the door. He pulled something out of his belt, a long piece of plastic. He said something to Silas, who seemed surprised, gazed in my direction but nodded. The officer pointed to the boys in the back. Silas replied and stepped up to the side of the car, opening the door on North’s side.

  North fell out onto the asphalt, sprawled out on his stomach. The officer put a knee to North’s back, holding him down. He collected North’s hands, brought them behind his back and used the plastic piece, which I realized was a zip tie, and tied his hands behind his back.

  I nearly fell back into the seat. I’d just gotten North arrested.

  But the officer waved Silas over, and he assisted him with getting North back into the car. The officer said something to North, pointing at his face and shut the door.

  Silas remained by the car as the officer jogged around to the door where I was sitting. He opened it.

  “Come on. They’ll take you home,” he said. “I’ll give your friend a warning this time.”

  I wedged myself out of the car. “Thank you. I’m sorry for the trouble.”

  “Just tell me where this party is.”

  I bit my lip, unsure. It felt like tattling, and I thought maybe it would get all of them in trouble.

  “If anyone tries driving home after another one of those, I might have dead teenagers on my hands tonight. Tell me where you were.”

  I sighed, nodding and relayed about how far back down the road the house was and what it looked like. “There’s a bunch of cars around it. It’s the only one like that.”

  “Tell your friend to drive slower and call that doctor.” He motioned for me to head back to the car. “And if I were you, I’d stay away from parties.”

  “Thank you,” I called after him fully agreeing. He nodded, getting into the driver’s side and pulled the cop car around, driving off in the direction we had just come from.

  Silas approached me. “Sang?” he asked carefully, looking surprised and relieved. “What did you tell him?”

  I turned, my finger hovering over my lip. “The truth.”

  AFTERMATH

  Silas drove the rest of the way home. A couple more cop cars passed us on the way but they didn’t stop and Silas kept at the speed limit.

  North was cursing in the back seat, but with his hands tied, he couldn’t lunge after us anymore, so there was some benefit.

  When we finally got back to Sunnyvale Court, Silas pulled into Nathan’s drive. Kota’s car wasn’t parked at his house, so he must have still been with Victor. I wondered if he had an easier night and almost wished I’d insisted on going with him.

  By that time, North had quieted. Now he mostly just giggled and rambled off under his breath. I was wondering if he was losing his voice.

  Nathan got out, and Silas opened North’s door.

  Nathan whistled at me. “Peanut,” he said, flashing keys in my direction. He chucked them at me. “Open the front door.”

  I ran ahead of them, trying to find his house key in the near dark. I was shaking where I was standing, tired. I pushed Nathan’s door open, seeking out a light switch to turn on.

  “Out of the way,” Silas thundered at me. Nathan and Silas were struggling with half carrying North. North was grunting like an animal, dropping his feet down and trying to launch himself off of his friends.

  I backed up, unsure which direction to go. I ran for Nathan’s kitchen. Nathan opened a door next to the laundry room, revealing a second bedroom. There was a large waterbed in the middle. The floors were wood, bare. The air inside was stale, and I suspected it was his father’s bedroom.

  They planted North on the bed. North rolled onto his stomach against the short wave of the water.

  “Don’t fall off,” Silas warned. “I’m not picking your ass back up.”

  “Fuck you,” North slurred into the pillows. His eyes half opened, and narrowed on me. “Sang,” he called. “Baby, untie me.”

  “Get out of here, Sang,” Nathan said, nudging me out.

  “No,” North wailed. “Sang,” he called louder. “Sang! Come back.”

  I cringed. Hearing his pleading for me made me feel so sorry for him. He was sounding so sad and lonely now.

  Silas followed us, closing the door. Nathan and Silas lumbered toward the kitchen. I followed.

  “Will he be okay?” I asked. “Aren’t we supposed to keep an eye on him?”

  “Let him sleep it off,” Silas said.

  “I’m going to bed,” Nathan said. “I’m done.”

  “Sounds like a plan.” Silas opened the front door. “I’m going to lock up. And I'll call Dr. Green. Be right back.”

  Nathan turned to me. “Tired?”

  I slumped. Yes! I was tired. I could have slept for weeks. “Please tell me we don’t have to do that again.”

  Nathan laughed. He ducked into me, scooping me up and carried me down the hall toward his bedroom. “No more party closets for you, Peanut.”

  ♥♥♥

  The moment I touched down on Nathan’s bed, and warmed up under his blankets, I was dead asleep. I didn’t feel Nathan climbing in on one side, or Silas getting in behind me. The bed was big enough to fit the three of us if I kept myself thin in the middle. When I woke up sometime during the night, it comforted me that they were both there.

  Sunlight filtered between my eyelids in the morning, but I ignored it. Silas had an arm propped up under my head, acting as a pillow. Nathan had a foot tucked between my ankles. There were a couple of different blankets mashed up between us.

  “Sang,” a familiar voice whispered to me.

  I was so out of it that when the room quieted again, I started to drift back to sleep.

  There was a chuckle. “Sang. Wake up.”

  My eyes fluttered open. I blinked at Silas sleeping next to me. I turned to spot Nathan, still on his side and asleep.

  “Sang,” the voice spoke louder now. Kota stood at the foot of the bed, dressed in a green T-shirt and jeans. He shifted a fingertip over the top of my foot sticking out from the covers. “Come help me make breakfast.”

  I sat up, rubbing my face and glancing around for a clock. It was nine a.m. That was super late to sleep in for the boys.

  “Come on,” Kota said, waving a hand to me.

  Kota held a hand out for me and I took it. He pulled me away from the others and steadied me when I touched down to the floor.

  “Where have you been?” I asked quietly.

  He pressed a finger to his lips, winking at me. “We’ll talk out in the kitchen.”

  I tiptoed out with him, closing Nathan’s bedroom door behind us. Kota opened Nathan’s fridge, ducking his head inside and gathe
red eggs, a packet of bacon and a loaf of bread and butter. He found a bottle of Starbucks Mocha Frappuccino coffee and tossed it at me.

  I wasn’t sure if I wanted the sugar rush that morning but I opened it anyway, wanting something to help clear my throat. Once I had a sip, I was feeling better. My stomach was dead empty since we hadn’t eaten dinner last night. I realized I was still wearing the clothes I’d worn the day before, including Kota’s hoodie.

  “Have a good time?” Kota asked. He found a couple of frying pans and set to work making bacon.

  I stood next to him, leaning on the counter. “Probably not as much fun as you did.”

  He smiled quietly, waiting for the pan to heat up. He approached me, putting his hands on my hips and he picked me up until I was sitting on the counter top. He placed a hand on either side of my thighs, looking up into my face. “Tell me what happened.”

  His request lured me into talking, sipping the coffee to wake myself up more. I started with when we got to the party. Kota went to work, frying up eggs and bacon. I wanted to get up and help but he held up a hand, insisting I just talk.

  I was just getting to the part about shoving North into the second bedroom when Nathan stumbled in, bleary eyed and rubbing the back of his mussed bed-head hair. “Mornin’,” he yawned out, not seeming surprised that Kota was there and making breakfast.

  “The bacon’s almost ready,” Kota said.

  Nathan crossed to me, taking the bottle of coffee from my hand and draining the last sip from the bottom. “Please tell me we have real coffee.”

  “Haven’t made it yet,” Kota said. He glanced at me. “You want to go get Silas and North?”

  “Don’t send her in after North. He’s probably still tied up.”

  “Then it’s probably best she go in after him, isn’t it?”

  Nathan huffed. “Good point.”

  That didn’t sound fair. Wouldn’t he be mad at me?

  “Get to it, Sang,” Kota said. “He’ll be late for work.”

  I grumbled, slipping off of the counter. I opted for waking up Silas first.

  I tiptoed back into Nathan’s bedroom. Silas had turned over in the bed to face the wall, with a couple of blankets covering his body. I crawled over the bed on my knees. I put my hands on his arm, shaking. “Silas?”

  He grumbled, tucking further into himself.

  I had to smile. It wasn’t often that I was the first one up and had to wake them. “Silas?” I called, a little more sing-songy.

  “Aggele mou,” he half-sung back.

  “Ready for breakfast?”

  “Not really.” He sniffed, flopping over onto his other side to face me. “Hey,” he said in a quiet voice. “I’m sorry about last night.”

  I blinked at him. “Why? North drinking from my cup and all that wasn’t your fault.”

  “Not that,” he said. He sighed. “I mean, I’m sorry if I made you uncomfortable. I didn’t mean to turn you into a trophy.”

  My lips parted. “Silas ...”

  “North was right.” He sat up, shoving his palm at his eye to rub away the sleep. “I wasn’t thinking. I thought it would be fun. I thought if you stayed with me all night, some of those rumors would calm down.”

  “What do you mean? What rumors?”

  He frowned. “It’s in the notes you get. The ones North takes from you.”

  “I thought we weren't reading them.”

  “North reads them,” he said. “He reads all of them.”

  My eyes widened. “Why would he do that?”

  Silas smirked at me. “To make sure they aren’t going to eat your liver,” he quipped, quoting something I had joked about when North first started intercepting notes for me.

  I shook my head, waving my hand dismissively in the air. Even when I didn’t know it or wasn’t thinking about it, North and the others still looked out for me. In the moment, I really didn’t care what anyone else thought of me or why. The guys were what mattered. Victor was right. Worry about those who matter. “You meant well,” I said. “You were doing what you thought you should do. Don’t be sorry about it.”

  Silas pursed his lips. “It’s not the only reason why,” he said. He turned in the bed, putting his feet on the floor, standing and stretching. “It was kind of fun thinking of you as my girlfriend for the night.”

  This sent a river of sparks shooting through my spine. “Silas ...”

  He beamed after me. “Next time I ask you out, I promise, no parties.”

  Silas followed me out to the kitchen. My mind was barely able to tolerate the idea of being sent in to wake up North.

  Nathan handed me a pocket knife, the blade open. “Be careful with this. It’s sharp. Don’t cut yourself.”

  “Or North.”

  Nathan smirked. “If you accidentally cut North, I’d call it karma.”

  I chuffed at him. How could he say that?

  “I’m kidding!” He held up his hands. “Don’t give me that look. I didn’t mean it.”

  I rolled my eyes, padding my way across the house toward the second bedroom.

  I knocked this time, unsure I liked the idea of entering alone. The last time I saw North, he was so wild and saying such bad things. I half expected him to be super angry and still in the same state.

  When I peeked in through the crack in the door, North was on his side in the bed, facing the opposite wall. His arms were still tied behind his back. His hands looked puffy.

  “North?” I called softly.

  “Hm?” North murmured, not moving.

  “Can I come in?”

  “I’m not stopping you.”

  This didn’t exactly sound like an invitation. Were the guys sure I should be doing this?

  I opened the door, leaving it slightly ajar just in case I had to call in the others for help. I tiptoed near the bed, gazing down at North.

  “Are you okay?” I asked him quietly.

  He shook his tied arms at my direction. “Do you mind?”

  I supposed it was safe enough. He wasn’t cursing. I used the knife Nathan had given me, being extra careful to aim it away from North so I wouldn’t cut him.

  When the zip tie snapped free, North yanked his arms, rolling onto his back and pushing his hands above his head, flexing and making fists. His eyes looked blurred, but not with the same crazy expression, just tired. “Sang,” he said.

  “North.”

  He grunted. There were indentions on his wrists and spots where the skin had rubbed raw. “Now I know how you felt tied to that damn stool. Almost.” He sucked in a deep breath. “At least you didn’t put me in the shower.”

  “Why would I do that?”

  He put his arms down, sitting up slowly and turning on the bed to put his feet on the floor. “You probably should have,” he said, gazing at his bare feet. He must have kicked off his socks and shoes during the night. “I deserved it.”

  I released a breath, wanting to reach out to him but I wasn’t sure how or if he wanted me to. “Don’t say that, North.”

  He turned his head from me, avoiding my eyes. “I said some really bad things.”

  “You didn’t mean it,” I said. “You were drugged. It was the ...”

  “It was the drugs that made me say it out loud,” he said, his head lifting, and his eyes finally meeting mine, shining with sorrow and an anger bubbling somewhere deep inside. “It wasn’t the drugs that made me think them.”

  I tried to recall exactly what he had said the night before. I was doing what Nathan had said and tried to not pay attention to it so I didn’t give it any credence. “It wasn’t what you said. It was how you were saying it. But none of it was your fault.”

  His eyes narrowed at me. “Will you stop softening this?”

  I blinked at him. “What do you mean?”

  “Why aren’t you angry? Why aren’t you yelling at me?”

  My lips parted. “I didn’t know I was supposed to.”

  He chuffed, shaking his head. He fell onto his bac
k on the bed. The black T-shirt rode up his stomach, revealing his dark trail that lead to his belly button and the definition in his abs, temporarily distracting me. He pressed his hands to his eyes. “I didn’t mean to do that to you in the car. I mean I wanted to, but I knew I shouldn’t. I couldn’t stop myself.”

  “North ...”

  “Will you let me finish, please?”

  I flinched, taking a step back. A finger fluttered up to my mouth. “Okay.”

  “You should have pushed me off,” he said. “I was about to ... I mean I was going to ...” He sat up. His voice strained. “Why didn’t you tell me to stop?”

  I couldn’t stand this anymore. He was beating himself up over something he couldn’t control.

  I stepped forward again, closing the gap between us. He sensed my approach, sitting up higher, surprise and anger simmering together under the surface. He opened his mouth again with what I was sure was some more self-pity and desire for me to be angry and hurt him. I didn’t have any of that in me.

  I dropped my fingers from my mouth, bringing them to his lips. It was his turn to flinch, but I didn’t give him a chance to respond.

  I closed my eyes and planted a kiss on my fingers.

  I drew back, opening my eyes. His eyes fluttered open, locking with mine. It was all the courage inside me could give to him. I didn’t know what else to say or do.

  His hands gripped my arms. He drew me to sit in his lap facing him. My knees found the bed on either side of his hips.

  He pushed my hand back to his mouth, kissing the fingertips. His lips slipped down to my palm. Sparks sailed from his mouth to my hand, and fluttered into my heart. I clutched at his chest, feeling unbalanced on his lap but I wasn’t willing to move. I wanted to be there with him. North, the fierce, ever vigilant watchman.

  “Sang Baby,” he murmured against my palm. He kissed it and sighed heavily. “God, don’t hate me.”

  I broke. I pulled my hand away from his mouth and slipped my arms around his neck, burying my face into his shoulder. His big hands closed in on my back, pressing me to his body. His lips buried into my hair.

  “Do you still like me?” I whispered.

  His mouth twisted into a smile against my head. “Yes. Do you still like me?”