Forgiveness and Permission

by C. L. Stone

  Uncle shook his head. “Maybe a little bit, but I wouldn’t want to ruin those fingers, and you will if you start washing dishes all the time.” He picked up a piece of chicken, and started chopping it into pieces. “You can be my prep cook. We need to get started on piecing desserts together. Banana strawberry pie, apple cobbler and chocolate cake. Plain and simple. Luke, set her up with chopping fruit and start working on crusts and fillings. Kota run the counter for now. Nathan find some tables to clear and do the dishes.”

  The way Uncle relayed orders reminded me a lot of Mr. Blackbourne and Kota. Luke had mentioned other Academy folks might show up. Did that mean Mr. Taylor was part of the Academy? It hadn’t occurred to me before, but now that I was here, it really did make sense. If he was the owner, and he was in the Academy, he’d completely understand if North or the others had to disappear. He’d hire Academy members without question.

  Luke had said he wanted to keep me a secret from the Academy. Was Mr. Taylor not a problem?

  Nathan and Kota didn’t miss a beat. They were off together back the way we had come from. Luke nudged me toward the big silver door. He opened it to reveal the walk in freezer. “Let’s get what we need.”

  The front of the freezer wasn’t as cold as I thought. There were collections of fruit and milk and other supplies that chilled on a shelf. Further in the back and around the side, there were cardboard boxes, but I couldn’t tell what was inside.

  Luke found a box of strawberries, bananas and apples. He handed me a few of the boxes and collected some other supplies. When he was done, he nudged me out, kicking the door to the freezer shut behind us.

  We put the boxes of fruit down on the silver table. Luke found a knife and a chopping board. He placed them on the silver table. He placed me opposite of where North was stuffing his mixture into a several baking dishes. I finally recognized it as some type of meatloaf.

  Luke picked up a strawberry, and chopped off the green bit. “We need them this thin, Sang,” he said, slicing the strawberry. “Bananas, too. The apples, do like half this thin and half into chunks. Do the apples last, though. Start with strawberries.”

  I nodded and Luke stepped out of the way. He hovered over me, making me nervous as I picked up a strawberry, cut off the green and started slicing.

  When he was satisfied that I was doing it right, he clutched my hip, bringing his lips to my ear. “Perfect,” he whispered. He backed off, winking at me and started sorting the other ingredients he needed on the table next to me.

  Uncle caught my eye, letting me know he’d seen Luke getting close. He winked at me, grinning suggestively. He approved, and slightly encouraged this relationship. I felt he hardly knew me, but I remembered he also heard of me before he met me. I wondered how much the guys had told him. Did he know my parents were gone?

  I was doing fine with the strawberries, grateful for something to do and excited at the same time. I was working with them! Would I do this all the time? I thought it would be incredible. Luke was there. North, as grumpy as he was, was in front of me and focused. I was thinking once he wasn’t so tired and maybe calmed a little, this would be the best job ever.

  And there was Silas and Nathan and Kota lurking around close by, too. Maybe it wasn’t as fun as hanging out at the pool or playing video games together, but if we had to work and do a job, this seemed like a great thing to do. Was this what their life was like when they were at the Academy, too?

  North had put his meatloaf into one of the ovens and washed his hands. When he finished, he was toweling off and watched me. I sensed his dark eyes on me and it had my insides rattling. I knew my fingers were shaking. I kept slicing, trying to focus.

  North grunted. He slapped the hand towel onto the counter by the sink. “Sang, scoot over,” he said, holding his hand out for the knife.

  I blinked at him, my mouth open as he took the knife from me. “Why? I was doing fine.”

  “You’re making me nervous. You’re about to chop a finger off,” he said.

  Who was making who nervous? “I can do it.”

  “Just open the bananas or something,” he said, picking up a strawberry and taking over my job.

  I sucked in a breath, feeling humiliated. He wouldn’t even let me cut strawberries. I shot a look at Luke, who met my eyes but shrugged, trying to offer a reassuring smile. He wasn’t going to intervene. Maybe he was afraid of angering North when he seemed grumpier than normal. Uncle had his back turned, doing something over the stove and staring at it. I didn’t think he’d heard.

  I sighed, making a grab for the bundle of bananas. I broke one off of the bundle.

  Luke knelt by the silver table and fished out a dish from the shelves underneath. “Put the clean bananas here.” He put another dish beside it. “Put the peels here. It'll make cleanup easier.”

  I nodded, turned the banana over in my hands and holding the bottom.

  North’s dark eyes narrowed on me. “Are you paying attention?” he asked.

  What now? “Yes.”

  “You’ve got it upside down.”

  I checked it. I was holding the banana stem side down. “Yes,” I confirmed.

  His eyes flared. “What are you doing?”

  “Opening it,” I said, tilting my head and moving my hands to the banana’s bottom, pushing my fingers around the black nub end.

  “Do you not eat bananas?” he asked. “You split it from the stem.”

  “No, you don’t,” I replied, pausing in what I was doing. My heart raced. Was this the aftermath from the drugs like he’d warned me about?

  “Sang,” he barked at me, dropping the knife hard on the table and snatching the banana from me. “You open a banana like this.”

  “I know how to open one, North,” I barked back.

  He flinched, but narrowed his eyes at me as he tried bending the stem. The banana bent, but the skin didn’t split open. He grunted, tracing the edge of his fingernail along the rim and splitting the skin that way.

  I smirked after him. “You’ve bruised your banana.”

  “You can cut that part off.”

  “But you took my knife,” I said. “Will you please let me do my job? I can open a stupid banana.”

  “You were fucking around.”

  “I didn’t even do it yet!” I flared my eyes at him and my voice waivered to a squeak at the higher pitch. “You took it from me before I could open it.”

  “What are you squealing about?” Nathan asked, wandering in with a tray full of dishes. He placed it by one of the sinks, wiping his brow and turning to us. “What’s wrong?”

  “North won’t let me open a banana.”

  Nathan raised an eyebrow. “Dude. Seriously?”

  “She’s doing it wrong,” North, said. “She’s getting back at me for last night or something.”

  “Good,” Nathan said, grinning and turning to start up the hot water.

  “What? No!” I said. “I was opening bananas. I’m not getting back at anyone.”

  “Then do it right,” North said. He put down the banana he was holding and folded his arms over his chest. “Do it.”

  Nathan smirked at us, leaning against the sink with his hands behind his back. He was enjoying this! When I glanced over at Luke, he was doing the same thing, quietly enjoying the show. Uncle, too, was behind the counter, observing, his lips tilting in a smile.

  I twisted my lips at North, embarrassed that he was making me feel like an idiot for something so small. Why was he being so mean? I snapped another banana from the bundle, held it stem side down, putting my fingers to the bottom black nub.

  “I said do it right,” North barked, holding out his hand and reaching to take the banana from me.

  I took a step back out of his reach. I glared at him, pinched the black end of the banana, and the peel split easily under my fingers. I pulled the peel away, revealing a clean banana without bending the stem or bruising. “I can open a stupid banana, North.” I held it out to him, showing what I’d done.r />
  He paused, his mouth falling open. He zeroed in on the banana and then at my face. “Do it again.”

  I stepped forward slowly, wondering if he was tricking me or was going to pop me on the thigh or somewhere else like the others seemed to do when I wasn’t doing something right. I snapped another banana from the bundle, held it stem side down, pinched the bottom and split the peel easily. I pulled the skin clean from the banana.

  His eyes followed what I was doing, the glare suddenly gone and in its place genuine curiosity. “Where did you learn that?”

  “Monkeys.”

  His eyes widened. “What the hell do you mean?”

  “It’s how monkeys open bananas.”

  Nathan and Luke busted out laughing together, hands on their stomachs.

  “Oh my fucking god,” Nathan said, wiping his eye. “Peanut, that’s awesome.”

  “She just told you, North,” Luke said, beaming.

  Uncle’s shoulders shook like he was laughing. He seemed pleased again. There was something else hidden under his quiet smile. It seemed like approval, like he expected the boys to be friends with someone like me.

  North chuffed, shaking his head and moving back to cutting the strawberries.

  I sighed. Was he done picking on me? I didn’t mean to be so smart aleck about it, but he didn’t even give me a chance. I calmed the fire in my heart, setting myself up to split bananas, cleaning the fruit and dropping the peels on to the plate.

  When the others got back to work and I was starting on another round of splitting open a second bundle of bananas, North elbowed me in the arm.

  “Yes?” I asked, trying not to sound peeved. I was tired of fighting.

  North turned to me, holding up a thinly sliced piece of strawberry. He held it out toward my lips. His eyes met mine, softer now. His thin frown asking me if I was still mad without asking out loud.

  I picked up on what he wanted. I opened my mouth. He pushed the strawberry toward my lips, popping the berry into my mouth. The tip of his finger brushed at my lips before he pulled away.

  I chewed the strawberry, sharing a soft smile. I wasn’t angry. I only wished he trusted me like he often asked me to trust him.

  Something caught my attention, and my eyes found Uncle’s.

  My heart thundered at his expression.

  He was frowning after North. He’d witnessed the intimate moment I’d shared with North and disapproved.

  I focused on my job, confused, unable to ask anyone the questions formulating inside me.

  THE LIMIT OF JEALOUSY

  We spent a couple of hours prepping desserts, dinner rolls, cutting up vegetables and more. When it was getting close to dinner, though, Uncle shooed me, Nathan and Kota out. We’d helped enough and he had other people he wanted to train.

  That evening, I fell into bed at Nathan’s house. After trading punches with Kota and Nathan and working at the diner and the late night the day before, I was spent.

  I woke up wrapped up in blankets in Nathan’s bed. I blinked, stretched and yawned and sat up, finding myself alone. Did they ever get to sleep?

  I smelled Kota’s spice scent, and Nathan’s leather and Cypress. There were pillows on either side of me that looked used, so I thought perhaps they did sleep next to me but maybe got up before I did. The clock glared ten a.m. at me. That surprised me. They were letting me sleep in? They never did that.

  I crawled out of Nathan’s bed, stumbling on the carpet and blurry eyed. I padded out to the hallway. “Kota?”

  Silence.

  I stepped into the kitchen, eerily still. “Nathan?”

  Nothing.

  I flinched. The kitchen looked clean. The living room was quiet. I checked the bathroom. The house was empty.

  I checked outside, the shed door was closed, the pool and the yard abandoned.

  I paused in the living room. I wasn’t sure what to do. Were they at the diner? I suspected if they didn’t wake me, it was probably Academy business. I was surprised they didn’t tell me they were leaving. Or if they did, maybe I was too asleep to remember.

  What surprised me the most was that no one had called or checked in.

  I found my phone in Nathan’s bed, mixed up in the sheets. When I pushed the button, the phone didn’t turn on. I groaned, realizing I must not have charged it.

  I stood in Nathan’s bedroom, unsure of what to do. It amazed me at how much I relied on the others now. I felt awkward being alone inside Nathan’s house and I wasn’t sure what I was supposed to do for the day. It amused me. Before I had thought it odd that Kota seemed to guide my every move and here I was lost and waiting without him. How crazy was that?

  I checked Nathan’s closet, finding shorts and a shirt to wear for the day. Even then, I hesitated, wondering if there was something I’d end up doing and would require me to wear something else. Without knowing what they wanted, every move seemed awkward. It was tempting to spend the day relaxing and doing whatever I wanted to do, but a deep part of me knew what I wanted was to be around them. The truth was I enjoyed their company a lot and it made me happy and satisfied when I was with them. I didn’t feel so lonely and felt much more confident when they were by my side.

  I dressed quickly. I knew Nathan had a similar phone and I could probably charge my phone there but I didn’t know where he kept it and I still felt awkward being in his house alone. I left, making sure to lock up behind myself and walked home.

  When I got to my house, I felt a strange sense of returning to something not quite right. At first, I thought it was because I’d spend two nights away from the house, and I’d never been gone for that long before.

  I stepped into the living room. Soda cans and water bottles littered the floor, along with an empty bowl, popcorn kernels still at the bottom.

  More than what a single person would consume.

  Eyes wide, I tiptoed through the house. Out of habit, I checked my parents’ bedroom first. It was empty, the air almost stale from disuse.

  I treaded my way through the hallway and up the stairs. On the landing, I paused, listening. Quiet.

  I tiptoed to my room, twisting the handle and when I’d opened it a crack, letting the handle go slowly as to not make any noise. I pushed the door open, careful not to let it hit the wall.

  A figure was outlined in my bed under my blanket. Someone was sleeping there.

  I figured it could be Luke or Gabriel or one of the other guys. Why did he come here and not over to Nathan’s where I was? Kota would have told them I was there. Or maybe they slept over here for another reason. It didn’t bug me, but I was confused.

  I sniffed at the air, trying to figure out which one it was, only I couldn’t catch a scent I was familiar with. I thought for sure it must be Gabriel. He smelled different all the time. I tiptoed closer, and smiled to myself. I’d surprise attack whoever it was.

  I angled myself, trying to figure out the best place to jump on the bed so I wouldn’t hurt him where I landed. I counted off from three in my head and jumped.

  I landed with my knees on either side of the body, my hands on the blanket to pin whoever it was down. “Boo!” I called out, but my voice cracked with laughter at the end.

  A shout barked from under the blanket and I was flung from the bed. I landed hard on the carpet, tumbling. I cried out in surprise, not expecting to have been thrown that hard.

  The blanket was yanked back. Derrick’s sleepy face appeared, looking stunned and creeped out.

  My mouth fell open and I sat up quickly. “Derrick! What are you doing here?”

  He blinked at me as if he was unsure what I was asking him. His eyes flittered around the room, he shook his head, recognition settling in. “Oh. Sorry. Your sister said you were at Kota’s.”

  I got up on my knees. “You spent the night?”

  Derrick nodded.

  “Did you stay up late?” I thought I should have been upset, but I wasn’t. It simply surprised me. I didn’t know Derrick and Marie were friends.
<
br />   “We were watching movies downstairs,” he said, moving to the edge of the bed and rubbing at his face with a palm. “My sister is over in Marie’s room.”

  My eyes widened but I recovered before he stopped rubbing at his face. Danielle was here. How much did they know? “Sorry about jumping on you. I thought you were ... um ... I don’t know. Gabriel or someone.”

  He smirked. “Marie said they slept here on occasion. I didn’t know it meant in your bed.”

  I blushed. “It’s not like ...”

  Derrick rolled his eyes and waved a hand at me. “No, I know. They’re perfect gentlemen. They probably sleep in their clothes and facing the wall and everything.”

  “You’re not going to tell people at school, are you?”

  Derrick laughed, standing up. He was wearing jean cutoff shorts and a t-shirt advertising a band I’d never heard of. He combed back his bowl cut dark brown hair. “And risk the wrath of Blackbourne? No, thank you.”

  “He wouldn’t be like that.”

  “Oh yes, he would,” Derrick said. “Are they downstairs?”

  “They aren’t here.”

  He blinked at me. “Seriously? Are they on their way?”

  Why was this hard to believe? I knew they were around a lot. I couldn’t blame him. They seemed to be my shadow lately. “I don’t know.” I showed him my dead phone. “I woke up and they were gone. Forgot to charge this.”

  “You better do it,” he said.

  I hesitated. My problem was the phone charger was in the attic, and I wasn’t sure I was supposed to tell anyone I used that space. He knew about the Academy though, and he hadn’t told anyone, as far as I knew.

  That alone was tempting. He might be able to tell me more about it. If I showed him some trust, maybe he’d show me some in return.

  “Can you keep a secret?” I asked.

  Derrick shifted an eyebrow up. “I guess so.”

  “I just don’t want Marie or Danielle finding out,” I said, and moved to the half-sized attic door. I knelt on the floor, and opened the door. I reached in, flicking the light switch.