Revival

by Kirkpatrick, S.

  “What were your demands? What do you want?”

  “I want you to shut the fuck up.”

  “I have to pee, can I at least go to the restroom?”

  “Have I taken you to the restroom one time since you’ve been here? Then there’s your answer. You have no one to impress. No one here gives a fuck if you’re covered in your own shit and piss. The only person it bothers is you. And that makes it that much better for me. Now shut up before I gag you again.”

  With that, he turns and leaves the room smiling. I so badly want to react, but I know it will be pointless. I’m nothing to him. He won’t hesitate to kill me. But I need to stay alive. Not for myself, but because I need to be the one he hurts instead of Max.

  I close my eyes and try and think back to the night that will help keep me sane through all this shit.

  My night with Dex.

  Tonight feels different. I haven’t figured out yet why, or how. But it does. I’m at Dex and Abel’s house. I’m here more than Abel is nowadays. He’s practically living at Max’s house now and I couldn’t be happier for him.

  I’m glad that Dex hasn’t asked why I’m always here considering my brother never is. But we’ve been friends for so long, he’s always seen me as just another one of the guys. If he knew that I chase after time with him like a dog begging for scraps, he’d run for the hills. But I can’t help myself. I’m drawn to him like a fucking moth to a flame. There’s no way it’s healthy, sane, or even fucking logical.

  But the heart wants what the heart wants, right?

  Gosh, that sounds so lame. I can’t believe I’ve turned into one of those girls. It’s gross.

  And depressing.

  How much longer am I going to keep doing this to myself? How much longer will I let myself love him to the point of pain?

  There are so many reasons why I don’t do relationships, but if I’m being honest with myself, there’s one that ranks higher than any other on that list.

  I only want Dex to love me.

  No one has ever affected me like he does. Not even close. Why would I waste my time chasing a flicker when Dex is my flame?

  Too bad he doesn’t even know…

  I physically shake my head, forcing away how overwhelmingly pathetic I’ve become as I finish plating the dinner I made. Chicken parmesan with garlic butter asparagus, one of Dex’s favorites. Abel makes it better than I do, but mine is still pretty good if I do say so myself. Dex will eat so much he makes himself sick, so that’s got to mean it’s pretty decent right?

  I walk over to the table and I’m setting the plates down when something comes up behind me and grabs on to my shoulders.

  “Damn you, Dex. Are you trying to give me a heart attack?”

  He just laughs at me

  Gosh, he’s such a child sometimes.

  “No. I just like hearing that adorable little squeal you make when you get startled.”

  “I don’t squeal, you ass!”

  But I can’t help but blush at his words. Dex has never once called me anything remotely close to adorable. I’m honestly not sure how to respond without swooning out loud. Composing myself internally, I try and play it off so I just slap him on the stomach as I make my way to the fridge to pull out the wine.

  “Oh come on, Breezie. Don’t be like that.”

  “You know I hate that nickname.”

  He’s the only one that’s ever called me that and I secretly fucking love it. But I can’t bring myself to ever admit that. I’ve learned to take what I can where I can when it comes to Dex. I’d rather have him like this than not have him at all. And I know if I admit my feelings to him, then I’ll lose him. Dex doesn’t even fuck the same girl twice, let alone consider giving them what I want from him.

  Everything.

  “You always say you do, but I see the twinkle in those beautiful eyes when I call you that.”

  Adorable sounds. Beautiful eyes. Since when does Dex talk like this to me?

  I quirk an eyebrow at him. “Are you drunk?”

  He jerks back a little, completely stunned by my question. “Not at all. I haven’t had anything to drink in weeks. Why would you ask that?”

  I put the wine back in the fridge and take out two bottles of water instead. I need to stay in the right frame of mind tonight so I don’t read too far into the words he’s using. I can’t let them get to me. He has no idea how I feel about him and if he keeps saying stuff like that, along with wine, I may end up doing, or saying, something I can’t take back.

  “Never mind, let’s just eat.”

  “Yeah. Okay… I’m just gonna put some music on. I know you hate the quiet.”

  I take a seat at the table and set each of the water bottles in front out our plates. Dex comes back in the room with his phone and selects a song as he takes his seat. As the iHome beside the table starts playing the soft melody, I let out a soft sigh.

  It may be embarrassing to admit, being 24 years old and all… But I love this song.

  “Are you making fun of my secret love for One Direction, Dex?”

  He smirks. “Not at all. I actually really like this song.”

  “I do too.”

  He smiles his charming boyish smile that just liquefies my insides, not a care in the world that he’s obliterating me for any other man and he’s never even touched me. When he responds, his voice is serious and full of emotion.

  “I know you do, Breezie. I know you do.”

  He restarts the song and then picks up my hand, holding my stare as the lyrics play out around us. It’s the only noise in the entire house, apart from my deep intake of breath.

  ‘Your hand fits in mine like it’s made just for me. But bear this in mind, it was meant to be. And I’m joining up the dots with the freckles on your cheeks. And it all makes sense to me.’

  Holy. Shit.

  What’s happening?!

  ‘I know you’ve never loved the crinkles by your eyes when you smile. You’ve never loved your stomach or your thighs, the dimples in your back at the bottom of your spine, but I’ll love them endlessly. I won’t let these little things slip out of my mouth. But if I do, it’s you, oh it’s you they add up to. I’m in love with you and all these little things.’

  “Dex… What’s happening?”

  He only responds by singing the next part of the song. The song he’s made fun of me before when I made him listen to it in my car because he tells me that I am literally exactly like the girl in the song.

  ‘You can’t go to bed without a cup of tea. Maybe that’s the reason that you talk in your sleep. And all those conversations are the secrets that I keep, though it makes no sense to me.’

  The tears start to fall from my eyes. We’ve actually had this conversation before. I have to drink a cup of Tazo, Zen tea every night before bed and he tells me it’s too much caffeine. He says that must be why I talk about nonsense in my sleep but he never tells me what I supposedly say. I don’t believe him though. No one has ever said that I talk in my sleep before. I think it’s just something he says to drive me crazy.

  And it works.

  He keeps singing as I silently cry, as he starts rubbing small circles with his thumb on the back of my hand, sending shivers throughout my entire body. I can’t decide if this is a dream or real life, but I’m too entranced to try and find out.

  ‘I know you’ve never loved the sound of your voice on tape. You never want to know how much you weigh. You still have to squeeze into your jeans. But you’re perfect to me.’

  As the chorus plays out again, he scoots closer to me and brushes back the hair that’s fallen in front of my eyes. Something he’s done thousands of times before, but this time it feels more intimate. His hand cups the side of my face as he leans in close and whispers.

  “Pay attention, Breezie.” And then starts singing again.

  ‘You’ll never love yourself half as much as I love you. You’ll never treat yourself right d
arling, but I want you to. If I let you know I’m here for you, maybe you’ll love yourself like I love you.’

  And then he kisses me. And it’s a kiss that steals all the breath right out of my lungs. It’s soft and passionate, but it’s like he’s trying to kiss his words and his thoughts inside of me. He slips his tongue into my mouth and my body gives out, I just melt into him.

  There’s no way this is happening… Right? This has to be a dream. There’s no way the guy I’ve been in love with for twelve years just sang one of the most romantic songs in the world to me and is kissing me while it continues to play in the background…

  ”Pinch me.” I say against his lips.

  He pulls back and looks at me with his eyebrows cocked in absolute confusion. And I have to admit, he’s never looked more adorable than he does at this moment.

  “Um… what?”

  “I need you to pinch me, Dex. I need to know this isn’t a dream.”

  He laughs a little but leans his forehead against mine.

  “It’s not a dream, Breezie. And I’m not gonna pinch you. You bruise as easily as Max.”

  I have to giggle at that.

  “Where is this coming from Dex? Not that I mind. I had to ask if it was a dream because I’ve literally been dreaming of this for over a decade. I just… I need to know what’s going on in your mind.”

  He pulls his head back and leans against his chair so that he can look at me more as we talk. He takes both of my hands in his. It’s a very comforting action that has me scooting to the edge of my seat so I can be closer to him.

  “I’ve had feelings for you for years, Breezie. I’ve just never been in the right place to act on them. And to be honest, I wasn’t sure if you felt the same way. I still didn’t until just now to be honest, but I had to try. I was hoping that you did since you’ve been spending so much time around here when it’s just been me.

  One of my favorite parts about work is knowing you’re going to be there. And every day when I come home, I hope it’s another day that you come over. When you fall asleep in my lap while watching Netflix, I feel at peace. Every time I go to the grocery store, my cart feels empty if I don’t have a box of Tazo tea and Baby Ruth’s in it. When I go to change a roll of toilet paper in the bathroom, I make sure it goes ‘over and not under’ because I know that’s how you like it.

  You never said anything, but I couldn’t go another day without saying something. I needed you to know. I wanna be with you, Breezie. I’m not talking about just having sex, I’m not talking about sneaking around behind everyone’s backs. I’m talking about telling Abel and everyone else. You being my girl and comin’ home to me every night, sleeping in my bed and waking up the same way. This is what I want. You are what I want.”

  I don’t respond with words. I just climb in his lap and kiss him with every ounce of me. I love this man and he loves me. Tonight, I just want him to hold me. To know that I’m his.

  This memory is powerful enough to get me through these dark times. I know Dex and Abel will find a way. Somehow, someway, they will find us.

  Chapter Nine

  ABEL

  Forty-eight hours.

  Two fucking days.

  That’s all the time I have left before my sister dies and my girlfriend disappears with a deranged drug-addicted lunatic for good. Rob wants me to let her go, to move on and let him have her. He’s lost his goddamn mind. He should know by now that I have no intention of ever letting her go.

  He told me if I want my sister to live that we will do an even exchange. He wants me to give him Ollie, since Max is so attached to him, and transfer $100,000 in an offshore bank account. Then he’ll meet up with me and give me Bree.

  I have no intention of giving him a damn thing, but I can understand why Max was so desperate to give in to his demands when he first made them. It’s easy to think that if I pretend to do what he wants, that we can somehow trick him in the end. But Shane was right, there’s no way it’s that simple. I’d be risking all of our lives by agreeing to actually do that. Even if it is just a ploy.

  Everyone’s back at the house, in the den, going over everything as we try to crack this before we run out of time. Well, everyone except Shane. Being an attorney, there are some things he can’t just drop and come running whenever we call. I can’t fault him for that. I left him a voicemail and I know he’ll come when he gets the chance. That’s good enough for me.

  We’ve got one more nameless person to identify from the third row in Rob’s cellar, but we’ve made good progress on everything else. We have lots of theories so far, but nothing concrete. We’re running out of time to track everything down.

  “Okay, Abel, tell us again, word for word what Rob said.” Kat demands, pacing in front of the marker board.

  She’s flipping a marker around and around in circles, trying to find some way to expel the nervous energy we all share.

  I go through the conversation, word for word, not sure how many times I have to repeat this before they decide it’s not worth wasting any more time on.

  “Wait, did he actually give you the account number?” Jake asks.

  “Yeah, I wrote it down in case I decided to do something stupid like play along. I gotta say you guys, I’m getting closer and closer to pretending to play along. It almost seems worth the risk to get them back. We’re running out of time.” I say as I dig the account number out of my pocket and hand it to Jake.

  “Oh, Abel, don’t be crazy. You freaked out on Max when she suggested the same thing.” Karen chastises.

  “I know, but what other choice do I have?” I say defeated.

  “So here’s the thing,” Jake says. “I can backtrace this account and see if there’s been any deposits or purchases made with this. I can also run this against all the accounts for everyone we have up on the wall, see if there are any connections. If so, then that will give us a lot more information to go on. It will narrow down our window of who all we’re looking into instead of spreading our resources throughout everyone.”

  “Well stop talking to me and get to typing, dude.” I yell. I know I shouldn’t take my frustrations out on him, but I’m struggling to not rip my own hair out over here.

  While Jake gets to work on sifting through all the bank account information with his hacker skills, the rest of us are going through all the details of the other people on the wall. We’ve been able to take four people down, eliminating them from being a part of Rob’s scheme when Shane comes running through the den, a file in his hands, and a triumphant smile on his face.

  “You guys are going to want to see this. Come here.” He says as he lays his file out on the table we’ve got set up in here.

  “Okay, so I was able to find out a lot while I was at the station today. The last guy you had up on the wall, the one you hadn’t identified yet, that’s Josh Little. He’s the cousin of Rob’s cellmate in prison. His ex-wife’s sister is Lauren Palmer, one of the parole committee girls you have on the wall.

  Turns out that little Lauren has been having an affair with Josh. Her husband busted them last night. He had a late-night meeting with the executives of the same hotel that she and Josh were hooking up at. He caught her doing the walk of shame through the lobby. Deacon Hill PD has Josh in for questioning right now. Apparently, the guys got into a fistfight at the hotel and both got arrested. The cops were going to let them go, but when Officer Jones saw his face, they held him.”

  Well what do you know, Officer Dumbass is good for something after all.

  “Holy shit, should we go down there? This is huge, this guy knows something!”

  “Calm down, Abel. I’m not even supposed to be telling you any of this. For now we need to let the cops handle him and we can dig into what else I found.” Shane tells me, picking up something else in the file he brought over.

  “There a grand total of three people to ever visit Rob in prison. Josh, his attorney, and this guy. Martin Hernandez. Martin has been u
nder investigation for years, but there’s never been enough evidence to make anything stick so he’s never been arrested. That’s the only reason why he was able to get through DOC checks to go see Rob.”

  “Okay, you’re missing a few steps. Who is Martin and why is he important?” Dex asks before I get the chance.

  “Martin is suspected to be the biggest heroin producer in North Carolina. He’s got connections to people in the Mexican drug cartel, but again, there’s nothing they’ve been able to pin on him so far.”

  “When we were at Rob’s house there was heroin paraphernalia everywhere. He’s gotten pretty loaded since he got out of prison.” I say.

  “Exactly. And Martin visited every other week like clockwork until about a month before Rob was released. I’m telling you, on paper, this guy was a model inmate the entire time he was in there. That doesn’t happen unless you’re able to buy some type of protection.

  Kat mentioned that Rob was using pretty heavily before he went to prison. If Rob was a customer or even a partner in Martin’s business, that would be enough to provide him with Martin’s protection on the inside. And I’m willing to bet that Martin’s money and influence have something to do with how he was able to get out so early too. Like I said when this first happened, he should have been denied on his first parole request.”

  “Why did no one in the police department tell us any of this? Why are we just now finding this out?” I ask him, growing more and more pissed off by the minute.

  “I think I have the answer to that.” Jake says, pulling all of our attention to him.

  “Show me what’cha got,” I say as I make my way around the table so I can sit next to Jake and see what’s on his screen.

  “Okay so while I was backtracing everything in Rob’s offshore account that he gave you, I was able to see lots of activity that linked Josh Little and Martin Hernandez. Well, it’s a shell company owned by Martin, but yeah, same thing.”

  “In English, Jake.” Karen says.

  “Martin Hernandez was regularly depositing money in Rob’s account. Not just that, but Rob was paying Josh Little pretty frequently when Martin’s visits to the prison started increasing. He also made a big payment to Lauren Palmer.”