In Helen’s Hands

by Nanisi Barrett D'Arnuk

  I knelt there with my mouth open. Did I want to go?

  Helen pulled a stool up and sat. “If you stay, you will relinquish all rights within this room. You will be here solely for my pleasure, not your own, and you will obey everything I say. No matter what. Do you understand?”

  I didn’t. Not fully.

  Helen leaned closer as she reached out and caressed my cheek. “Confused?”

  I nodded, my mouth still open.

  “Then we will start slowly. This is my room. You will not come in here again without my permission. Once you cross that threshold, you will obey everything I say, and you will not question it. Is that understood?” I nodded. “If you disobey, you will be severely punished, but if you please me, you will be rewarded.” She glanced at Neisy, who was wiping her face with a towel. “Neisy is my slave, my sweet little girl. She has earned that status by pleasing me. You will be subservient to her as well as to me until you prove your worth. What happens in this room stays in this room.”

  She studied me.

  “If you have questions, ask. There are very strict rules here; don’t guess at the answers.” She released the clasp that held my shoulder-length hair back and ran her fingers through. Grabbing a handful, she pushed my head back. Tears came to my eyes as the pain seared my scalp.

  “Neisy,” she commanded, “bring the paddle.”

  It felt strange that I didn’t mind the pain, and it aroused me even more. It almost felt right. Was that wrong?

  Helen let go of my hair as Neisy handed her the black paddle. As she laid out the rules, I watched her turn the short leather paddle over and over in her hands. “You will feel pain because it pleases me to give you pain. And you will be grateful that I have allowed you to please me. You will not complain or refuse to obey me. Is that clear?”

  I looked at her as I slowly nodded.

  “You’ll begin to welcome the pain. It will become a sign of my love for you.” She stopped as she again grabbed my hair. Her voice was lower, softer when she spoke again. “You’ll want to be able to take as much as I want to give you, but there will be times when you’ll be unable to satisfy me. If you’ve tried, tried very hard, but find you can’t go on, you’ll have a special word. If…when…you use it, I’ll stop. It’ll be your safeguard, your safety word. Use it carefully. Using it too often will greatly displease me. Do you understand?”

  I nodded, some of the terror beginning to ebb. At least I had a way out if I got in over my head. I wanted to laugh. Over my head? Damn, I was already in way over my head. What had I gotten into? My stomach started to flip with nervous anticipation. Was this the way I really wanted to please Helen Robins?

  Helen chuckled. “We’ll start slowly, little one.” She leered. “But I have every confidence that you will not disappoint me. Will you?”

  I looked into her eyes. No, I didn’t want to disappoint her. If this was what pleased her, what made her happy, then I was in it. I wanted to show her how strong and tough I was, how I could give her everything she asked for. I was sure my eyes were still wide.

  Without waiting, she pulled my hair, and I sprawled across her lap like a child awaiting a spanking. “Is Boston your home?” she asked.

  “Yes.”

  “That will be your safe word. If you cannot continue, just say Boston, and I will stop. But use it judiciously. Using it too often is likely to make me very angry.” She forced my panties down over my ass. I took a deep breath as her hand brushed there, slightly filling me with trepidation.

  “Neisy,” she said, “it was you she interrupted. You’ll take the first swing.”

  I started to object but Helen’s firm grasp on the back of my neck prevented me from moving. I jumped as the first whack of the leather paddle hit my rear. The pain spread through me, harder than I’d imagined it would be.

  “Again.” A second, then a third, then a fourth landed. My breath was ragged, tears already wanting to escape my eyes.

  “Now, these are from me,” Helen whispered. “Don’t disappoint me.”

  Before I could draw my next breath, I was struck with a whack far fiercer than the first ones had been. I moaned as the pain spread through my entire body. I gripped the chair leg beneath me and held it as tightly as I could. As the shock of the paddle began to subside, I felt another pain, harder and more intense than anything I’d ever thought could be. As whack after whack hit me, I wasn’t even sure where I was being hit; my entire being seemed completely engulfed in the pain. I wasn’t even sure I was still conscious, but my heart was singing. The pain added a thrill.

  At last, I realized that the beating had stopped. How long ago, I wasn’t even sure. I began to realize that I no longer gripped the chair leg but held desperately to two hands. I tried to draw a breath, but it was ragged, hesitant, as any movement brought the pain back again. I stared into Neisy’s eyes as she knelt in front of me, holding my clenched hands.

  “Very good, little one,” Helen cooed close to my ear. “For a first try, you have pleased me.”

  I still gasped in short, quick breaths. Tears and sweat covered my face. Helen caressed my neck with one hand as she gently wiped my face with a soft towel.

  “Well, Neisy!” Helen laughed. “I think we have ourselves a new houseboy. What do you think? Should we keep it? Or throw it back in the street?”

  There was a moment of silence.

  “We could keep it for a while, Mistress, as long as it amuses us.”

  Helen laughed again as she caressed my back. “You have earned a reward tonight. You did well, for your first time.” The words seemed like music. “Neisy, help this new little houseboy to the horse.”

  “Yes, Mistress,” Neisy said as she lifted me from Helen’s lap.

  As she laid me over an upholstered bench, she whispered in my ear. “Such a good little girl to please the mistress so much on your first try. We like to please the mistress, don’t we? Keep at it and you stay.”

  I slumped forward over the bench which was just a few inches short of waist-high. I felt so weak, so drained, I couldn’t have held myself up if I’d tried. I saw a series of handles along the other side. Neisy placed my hands on one set.

  “Hang on tight,” she whispered and stepped back.

  Helen’s hands on my ass felt cool and soft as she gently stroked my aching flesh. I closed my eyes, letting the cold of her hands soothe some of the fire that still raged in my skin.

  Soon, Helen’s hands worked their way closer to my cunt, and her fingers gently caressed my lips, softly probing, gently pushing into me. First one finger, then two, then three.

  “Oh, yes, oh, yes,” I moaned. I loved the feel of her touching me.

  But Helen just chuckled. “You think so, eh?” She laughed and added her fourth finger and her thumb and drove her whole hand deep within me.

  I held my breath. That hand, that beautiful hand that had seemed so small and graceful yesterday was suddenly the largest, most merciless weapon in the world. I was lost between ecstasy and devastation. I could feel her flexing her fingers, feel her fist pulsing larger and larger, felt it twisting and turning within me. I’d lost hold of anything else. The only reality in existence was the pulsing hand within me. I knew I was going to die; I’d made my peace with the world, and I’d said good-bye to anything else. Everything except that magnificent fist balled up in my heart and brain and the sublime pain as it pushed into me and pulled back again. And in the midst of the pain, I was coming. I could feel my muscles starting to tense.

  Her other hand dug deeply into the bruises on my ass cheeks. I let out a weak moan. “Hold on to it, my little girl.” She was laughing. “I’ll let you know when you can come. You’ll wait until I give you permission. I haven’t finished fucking you yet.”

  Then she rammed her fist even harder. As she continued, I started to plunge over the edge. Only Neisy’s grip on my arms, her nails digging into me, gave me the strength to continue. My safety word roared through my brain as Helen encompassed my being.


  Only her words kept me from yelling “Boston.” “Oh, yes, little girl. You are so hot. And so tight! This is very good. Give me all you can.”

  My body felt as if it was going to explode. My brain was on the verge of spilling out my ears. I didn’t think I could go on. I didn’t think…I didn’t think. I just felt. And felt.

  Then I heard the most wonderful words I’d ever heard. “Yes! Come to me. Now!”

  I let go of anything tangible as my body erupted. I let it happen. I gave up whatever thread of control I thought I had. I didn’t want it. I just wanted to be awash in the feelings that surrounded me. The orgasms—there had to have been many more than one—washed over me, drowning me in sensations. Would it ever stop?

  Finally, as my body started to relax, Helen pulled her hand from me. Again I came, hard.

  Slowly, I became aware of Neisy prying my hands from the handles, which I’d held in a death grip. I slumped against the horse. Where had they taken my legs? I knew I had them when I came in here.

  Helen pulled me back, and I sagged to the floor, finally realizing that I lay in her arms, my head against her shoulder. Her arms were around me as I lay covered with sweat and tears. It took several minutes to realize where I was and what had just happened.

  She held me tightly, rocking me. As my breathing started to slow, she stroked my hair.

  “You will be such a wonderful little girl. There is so much to teach you, and you learn so quickly.” She continued rocking me as I sank into her. I started to become aware of my surroundings as my breath started to even out. I looked up into Neisy’s face. The smile she gave me made me feel almost as warm as Helen’s arms did.

  Helen laid me on the soft carpet and started to get up. “Just rest a while,” she whispered. “I have other business to finish.”

  As she caressed my face, I felt myself drifting off to sleep.

  Chapter Four

  I was still on the floor beside the horse when I awoke Thursday morning. Someone had wrapped a blanket over me. I was cozy and warm. The lights in the room were slightly brighter. Dressed in a white cotton robe that was so sheer I could see the red streaks across her ass, Neisy was cleaning up the remnants of last night. I watched her for a few moments as she lovingly washed each lash of the whip. I could hear her humming.

  I moaned as every muscle in my body objected to my attempts to sit up.

  “Well, well, good morning.” Neisy smiled.

  I smiled back weakly as I forced my aching body into a sitting position. My ass definitely did not want to be sat on today. And I had thought I was sore after my night with Stephen.

  Neisy laughed and slid over to hand me a glass that had been on the floor next to her. “Drink this. You lost a lot of fluids last night.”

  I took a sip of the pink liquid. Peach juice! I could feel the cold liquid worming its way through my body to my stomach.

  “Drink it all,” Neisy ordered as she sank onto the floor in front of me. I drained the glass.

  “What time is it?”

  Neisy glanced over her shoulder at a large clock I hadn’t noticed before. “7:10 a.m. How do you feel?” she asked as she took the empty glass.

  “I’m not sure. Am I still in one piece?”

  Neisy laughed. It seemed out of character. I’d barely even seen her smile before. “Yes. One piece. And a great piece at that.”

  I joined her laughter. It felt good to be talking to her. It felt like a shared camaraderie.

  “You did pretty good last night,” she said. “I thought you were going to break a couple times, but you hung right in there. I was impressed. I know that one’s first time can be rather terrifying.”

  I smiled. It felt good to be praised. I wondered how I’d survived last night. It was so different from what I’d imagined this sex life to be. I never thought I’d want some of the feelings I’d experienced just a few hours ago. “Can I ask a question?”

  “Ask away. Helen said you’d probably be full of them this morning.”

  How could I phrase this? “Is it always so…well, is it always like this?”

  Neisy smiled, almost to herself as she nodded. “Isn’t she incredible? I adore her. I’ve been with a lot of dominants. Men and women. She’s the first woman I’ve ever really admired. She’s so strong. And sure. I love submitting to her.” I could hear the love in her voice. “No, it’s not always. Lately she’s been preoccupied with something, but you seem to have lit a spark in her.”

  “Me?” I was amazed.

  “Yes, you. Ever since she returned from Boston, it’s been different. I didn’t like you at first. I thought you were too weak…too vanilla…really wimpy, but Helen said you had potential. She just didn’t know how to tap it. I guess your mistake last night was just plain dumb luck.”

  “Helen discussed me?”

  Neisy looked at me, seemingly amused. “Yes, Helen discussed you. That surprises you?”

  I stopped for a moment. “Well, yes.”

  “You really are just a baby, aren’t you? You have no clue what you’ve gotten into.” She sat back and studied me.

  I shook my head.

  “Well, my dear, I’ll help with what I can. I’m probably crazy because I have the feeling that when you really start to learn the ropes, so to speak”—she chuckled at her own joke—“you’ll probably replace me, and I’ll be out on my ear.” She seemed to think about it a moment. “Ironic, isn’t it? I guess that’s the mark of a good bottom, always think of your top’s happiness first.”

  She got to her feet and held her hand out. “Come on, there’s a lot to do today. I’ve got to show you how to care for all this stuff.” She glanced around the room. “From now on, it’s your job to clean up.”

  I took her hand and let her pull me to my feet.

  She showed me around the room, explaining each piece of furniture and its use. There was the stool where Helen always sat, its padded seat oiled to swivel silently as she wished; the padded horse with handles; and the wide bench with metal eye bolts where ropes and chains could be attached. Neisy explained the chains hanging from their pulleys on the ceiling over the four-foot-wide platform built in the corner. And, of course, there was the armoire. As Neisy opened the large oak doors, I gawked at the wonder of a large assortment of whips, lashes, chains, shackles, belts, and many other forms of torture devices. Each had its own special place, carefully labeled, so that each was ready when needed.

  “You’ll learn what each is for.” Neisy smiled at my wonder. “And you’ll learn how to care for every one. The leather has to be carefully taken care of, especially if there’s any blood on it. You have to make sure it’s cleaned and sanitary and treated so it doesn’t dry out. Dried leather hurts like a bitch.”

  She reached to the bottom shelf and took out the longest, thickes, dildo I’d ever seen. And I’d thought Stephen was big. This was much bigger and harder and attached to a thick black belt.

  “This is my favorite.” Neisy smiled, fondling the shaft. “Helen is a master at its use.” She turned to me. “Have you fucked with a man?”

  I nodded. “Yes, but no one quite that big.”

  Neisy chuckled as she put it back in its place on the shelf. “You’ll never get enough. It’s marvelous. Makes most men pale by comparison.”

  As she closed the doors of the armoire, a voice rang out behind us. “How’s he doing?”

  We looked up to see Helen standing in the doorway. I almost expected her to have transformed into an angel or a sinister apparition out of a Walt Disney movie, but there she stood in her jeans and soft, flowing shirt, the same Helen Robins who had greeted me on each previous morning.

  “He’ll be fine,” Neisy answered.

  I looked at her. I knew that I was now the “houseboy,” but I still wasn’t used to being referred by the masculine pronoun. Well, maybe I’d have to get used to it sooner or later.

  “Any second thoughts?” Helen asked.

  “I…don’t know. I don’t think so,” I answered tentat
ively. I still wasn’t sure what I’d gotten into except what I’d experienced last night.

  Helen nodded thoughtfully. “Shower, dress, and come downstairs. We’ll talk.” With that, she turned and left.

  I looked at Neisy, who shrugged and pointed toward another door that was slightly ajar, a bathroom. “Don’t keep her waiting. I’ll finish up here. We can continue later.”

  Once again, I’d been dismissed and left with questions still rolling around in my head. Was this what I wanted, and what exactly was I getting into?

  * * *

  When I went downstairs, Helen was in the music room at her desk, the same as she’d been that first Tuesday morning. Was that only two days ago? She was reviewing some of the manuscript I’d worked on yesterday. As I entered, she laid her pencil down and turned to me. Pointing to the floor in front of her, she said, “Have a seat.”

  I sat down, cross-legged, and waited. She studied me for a moment.

  “Regrets about last night?” she asked.

  I shook my head. “No.” I didn’t regret what had happened, but I wasn’t sure where it was headed.

  Helen smiled broadly. “I thought you’d enjoy it.”

  “Enjoy is a strange word. I don’t think it would have been my first choice to describe it.”

  Helen laughed. “Do you want to change your mind? You can back out now if you want.”

  I stopped. How could I describe my feelings? I wanted to be with her, I wanted to be close, to be intimate, to make her happy. “I just hadn’t considered this possibility before.”

  “And now?”

  I thought for a moment. “I guess I’d have to know more about what I’m getting into.”

  “Have you any experience at all with sadomasochism or dominance and submission?”

  I shook my head.

  “None? Not even any movies? Fantasies? Anything?”

  There was this one movie I’d gone to with Frank in Boston’s Combat Zone, and the long discussion we’d had after, over a full bottle of rum, both of us admitting after a few glasses of the mellow blended malt how turned on we’d been.