In Helen’s Hands

by Nanisi Barrett D'Arnuk

  When I was finally able to breathe, she took a deep breath and started her next set of instructions. “For the next few days,” she began, holding me at arm’s length, “you will stay here in this room. You will always be ready for my visits, which will be often and unannounced. You will never stand but will always crawl on your hands and knees. You will sleep under the padded bench, and Neisy will bring your food. You will not speak to her, nor will you refuse to eat what she brings. If I come in here and find that you are not on your hands and knees, I will punish you with a switch much sharper than this. You may use the bathroom when you need to, and you may bathe to get the sweat off and make yourself ready for me, but you will stay here until I release you. There’s a blanket in the bottom of the armoire if you get cold. You’re not to have any other clothing. Have I made myself clear?”

  I glanced at Neisy for reassurance. “Yes, ma’am. I understand. But the music…” I started but bit my lip to keep from questioning her.

  “The music can wait a few days. It’s not going anywhere. And neither are you. Do you understand?”

  “Yes, Mistress.”

  “Good boy,” Helen said as she started to get up. Almost as an afterthought, she added, “I’m very proud of you.” With that, she leaned forward and kissed me gently on the mouth.

  “Thank you, Mistress,” I stammered, not knowing how to react.

  Helen got to her feet and offered a hand to Neisy. “Come on, Sweet One, the boy needs his rest.”

  At the door, Neisy turned back and gave me a thumbs-up. I sat there as the door closed behind them, proudly feeling the ache in my rear. I’d pleased my mistress. And I prayed I could continue to. Why had I ever doubted that decision to stay, the fear I wouldn’t please my mistress? I was suddenly overcome with a love for Helen Robins that frightened me with its intensity.

  Chapter Six

  “Come out here!”

  The words woke me from a sound sleep, and I sat up. My head collided with a very low ceiling. It took me a minute to realize where I was, curled up under the padded bench in Helen’s dungeon. I crawled out sheepishly, rubbing my head, and looked up into the very amused face of Helen Robins.

  “Did I give you permission to abuse yourself?” she asked from her perch on the edge of the bench.

  “No, ma’am.” I smiled back. “I thought it was you who caused me to bump my head.”

  She laughed harder. “Yes, I guess it was. Nice comeback.”

  She circled my neck with her hand, thumb pressing hard against the side of my throat. “Look at me,” she ordered as she pulled me almost to my knees. Then she looked deeply into my eyes. “Well, what do you think, Little Butch? Is this what you thought it would be? Are you satisfied or disappointed?” Her gaze unsettled me, and the feel of her strong hand around my throat sent chills down my spine.

  “I…I’m not disappointed, Mistress,” I stammered, finding it hard to talk and swallow with her hand so tight.

  She studied me for another moment before she released her grip. “I just want to make sure you’re ready to go on before we take the next step. Are you?”

  I felt sweat forming on my upper lip. What was the next step? “Yes, ma’am.” I could feel the fear in my voice. My body craved whatever the next step was even if my mind wasn’t sure where I fit in.

  She held up a handful of leather straps and rope. “Up on your knees. I have some new attire for you.”

  I straightened on my knees as she handed me a brown leather belt.

  “Put this on, the metal loop in the back.”

  I buckled the belt around my waist and twisted it around me, making sure the silver metal loop was in the center of my back. She then buckled a brown leather collar around my neck.

  “Tight enough?” she asked. “Can you still breathe?”

  “Yes, ma’am,” I answered, feeling the leather at my throat, but it didn’t restrict my breathing.

  She tied the end of the rope to the collar, then slid the rope between my breasts and through the belt. “Bow your head, chin to chest,” she said. “Spread your legs apart.”

  I bowed my head and widened the space between my knees.

  Kneeling, she wound the rope between my legs and up between my ass cheeks. She reached into my crotch, spreading my labia and placing the rope there. Pulling the rope tightly, she knotted it onto the buckle loop at my back.

  “There,” she smiled, sitting back on her heels. “A new G-string. Now, straighten up.”

  I gasped as I tried to straighten. As I lifted my head, the rope bit roughly into my clit. There was no way I could straighten without it grinding into me.

  Helen got to her feet and towered over me. “That will remind you of the posture you’ll need in order to be a good little submissive. Always keep your head bowed and never look up at your mistress. You’ll wear this until I allow you to take it off. Waking or sleeping. Am I clear?”

  “Yes, ma’am.”

  “Good, now get some rest. I’ll be back soon.” She turned to go.

  “Mistress…” I started, not moving a muscle.

  “What?”

  “What if…what if I have to go to the bathroom?” I asked, always thinking of the practical things.

  She chuckled that evil laugh that always made me shiver. “I guess you’ll find a way, won’t you? Just don’t take it off.” Laughing, she left the room.

  I sat there a moment, contemplating how to move without the rope biting into me, then I slowly, carefully, crawled back under the bench and curled up in a fetal position to try to sleep.

  * * *

  I was fully awake but still lying under the bench when I heard the door open. I watched from my cave as bare feet approached.

  “Breakfast,” Neisy’s voice sang as she placed a bowl of cereal and a glass of orange liquid on the floor. “Come on out. You can’t hide forever. Helen said I have to watch you eat this.”

  I crawled out from under the bench, a little rawness between my cheeks.

  Neisy broke into laughter when she saw me. “I was wondering if she’d put you in a harness.” She smiled, or at least it sounded as if she was smiling. I couldn’t raise my head to look without the rope digging into me.

  “Don’t laugh,” I said, reaching for the glass. “Is this her carrot concoction?”

  “Oops. You’re not supposed to talk to me, remember?” Now it was Neisy’s turn to be amused. “She said I could slap you if you did. But seeing as that’s only the first time, I’ll let it slide.”

  I sighed deeply and slouched back, trying to relieve some of the tautness in the rope.

  “There’s no way to get comfortable in that thing, so relax and enjoy it,” Neisy said. Was that sympathy I heard? “But eat up, you’ll need your strength. Believe me, you’ll need all the strength you can get.”

  I sat in silence, eating the cold cereal and sipping the carrot juice. Thankfully, Neisy had thought to put a straw in the glass. I couldn’t have lifted my head to drink if I’d wanted to.

  “Would you really slap me if I spoke to you?” I asked, setting the empty glass down on the floor.

  Her answer was a sharp slap across my face.

  “Yes, I guess you would,” I murmured, rubbing my face.

  “Just finish your cereal so I can go back downstairs. I think Helen has a few other surprises for you today,” Neisy said, picking up the glass. “Oh, and I brought your toothbrush. I’ll leave it in the bathroom for you.”

  “Thanks,” I almost said but checked myself before the word was out. Silently, I finished the last two spoonfuls of cereal and handed her the empty dish.

  She stood and walked into the bathroom to leave my toothbrush. Then she was gone.

  I crawled into the bathroom to try and wash the taste of the carrot juice from my mouth. I’d always liked carrots, but the taste of the celery-flavored juice that early in the morning seemed a little much.

  Crawling back out of the bathroom, I tried to raise my head to look at the clock, but that only ma
de the rope tighter, so I sank down in the middle of the floor. I hit a position where the rope pressed but didn’t rub my clit. It was almost enjoyable. Moving slightly, I found it very enjoyable indeed. All of the pain and rawness seemed to slip away as I pressed into the rope, grinding back and forth as my body began to heat. I rocked back and forth as the sensations increased.

  I must have enjoyed it more than I realized because Helen’s voice startled me, and I jumped, causing the rope to bite into my flesh.

  “Amazing,” she said. “I leave you here to writhe in agony, and you find a way to enjoy it.” She laughed deeply. “You are such a brazen hussy, aren’t you, my Little Butch? Have you been jacking yourself off all night?”

  “No, ma’am,” I said, embarrassed that she’d caught me.

  “But you are enjoying the harness, aren’t you?”

  “Just this time, Mistress.”

  “You are such a slut, aren’t you?”

  “I guess so, ma’am.” What else could I say?

  “And enjoying every minute of this bondage, aren’t you?”

  “Oh no, ma’am,” I said, raising my head before I thought about it. The rope reminded me not to move.

  “Well you certainly look like you’re enjoying it, my little whore. In fact, I suspect that you enjoy the sensations of the pain and pleasure much more than just wanting to please me.” As she spoke, she paced slowly, like a panther stalking prey.

  “Oh no, Mistress,” I said, trying to placate her.

  “Are you correcting me?”

  “No, Mistress. I couldn’t do that. But I like it only because it pleases you.”

  She stopped so that her blue mules were directly in front of me. “But you’ve been rubbing yourself on that rope. Pleasuring yourself without my permission. Did you come?”

  “No, ma’am.”

  “It’s a good thing you didn’t. There’d be more than four marks across your backside. Or would you enjoy that, too, my Little Butch slut?”

  “Oh, Mistress, I wouldn’t like that at all.” I didn’t like the way this conversation was turning. I seemed to be getting deeper into trouble.

  She paced several more times in silence. By the time she finally stopped behind me, I could feel the sweat all over my body.

  “Why are you afraid?” she asked.

  I swallowed. Was I that transparent? “I…I’ve displeased you, Mistress.” It was all I could think to say.

  “Oh no, Little Butch,” she said. “You haven’t displeased me. Not totally because now, at least, I have very good reason to discipline you for your transgression. Don’t I?”

  “Please, Mistress,” I begged, putting my head to the floor as my mind began to buzz with all the possibilities. “Please forgive me. I didn’t mean to disobey you.”

  “Then you admit that you disobeyed me.”

  Damn, I’d just backed myself into a very uncomfortable corner. “I didn’t know it at the time, Mistress.”

  She answered with a hard smack against my rear. It was painful, especially where I was still sore from last night, but at least it hadn’t been the crop.

  “Yes, ma’am. Thank you, Mistress,” I mumbled, drawing a deep breath.

  She straddled me, my body caught between her strong, hard calves. She released the rope. “Stay right where you are, boy,” she whispered. “Don’t move a muscle.”

  “Yes, ma’am,” I said as she removed the rope from between my legs but left the belt in place.

  Her fingers explored my crotch. “You are wet, though, aren’t you, boy?” she murmured as her touch glided through me. “You must have really enjoyed pleasuring yourself. Maybe that’s something I should see.”

  I froze as she walked away. I could hear the doors of the armoire open and the sounds of equipment being chosen.

  She then knelt directly behind me. “Well, if you enjoy pleasuring yourself so much, maybe that’s something that will please me, too,” she said, her voice lower, evil. I felt her moving, then something hard pressed against my hole. “Fuck yourself on this, boy.” With what could only be that long hard dick Neisy admired so much, she drove into me. I gasped.

  “That’s it, boy. Don’t make me do all the work. Show me how much you can enjoy it.” She took hold of the belt and started guiding my body back and forth along the hard rubber shaft. “Rock yourself, slut. Show me how much you want this. Show me how much you want to please me.”

  I started rocking forward and back as the shaft slid easily in and out. The breadth of the rod filled me completely as each pass aroused me more and more. At times, I felt the extra nudge she gave it; other times, she’d pull back just as it was about to ram me. I rocked harder. I wanted to feel it spreading me wide as it moved. I craved being filled completely. It was so good that I didn’t want it to ever stop.

  “Easy, boy,” she whispered, her voice much breathier than before. “Slow down. Make it last. We’re nowhere near finished, are we?”

  I blinked and tried to calm my ragged breathing. I knew what she wanted. It would be a long time before I’d have permission to come. I tried to slow, but the sliding shaft with its rippled edge rubbed against my clit on each pass. It made me buck harder and faster. Each time I rocked back, the feeling of the shaft ramming into me ignited my entire being with light after light. The stretching of my clit as it passed sent shock waves clear to my brain. Before long, I was lost in the sensations, going from motion to motion, my breath labored. Forward and back, forward and back, the rhythm pulsed through me like her music did. I was lost in the ecstasy of the feelings. Pumping back and forth, the instrument filled me with more than just sensations. Waves of pleasure washed over me, drowning me as my mind went blank, only physical senses entering my consciousness. I wanted to write poetry. I wanted to write songs of love and lust. I wanted to sing them out as my body was singing from the pleasures it was taking.

  Then, just as I couldn’t control it any longer, as I was going to come, she pulled back, taking the shaft out of my body. I gasped as the emptiness filled me, my muscles searching for the instrument that had been there.

  “What, boy? Do you want more?” she asked as my body shook with frustration.

  “Yes, please, Mistress.” I panted, shaking my head from side to side as tiny quakes rocked me, telegraphing my need.

  “My little slut needs more? Enough to beg?”

  “Yes, please, Mistress, I beg of you,” I said, about to lose my mind as I shook. “Please, give me more. I want to please you so much more.”

  Then she laughed, that cold sadistic laugh that chilled me. “No, not this time. Not yet. I think you need to learn who’s in control.”

  I closed my eyes tightly, trying to keep my mind from trembling with fear that I’d done something terribly wrong. “Please, Mistress, you’re in control. I beg you…” Tears ran down my face.

  “Not good enough, boy. Who’s in control?”

  I was frantic, wanting to complete the marvelous sensations, frenzied with trying to find a way to appease her. “You are, Mistress. You’re in control.”

  “How much in control, boy?”

  “Total control, Mistress.” I wanted to scream, the pain of the tension between my legs becoming unbearable.

  “Why do I have total control, boy?”

  My mind raced, trying to find the right answer. If I could just think straight.

  “Is it because I own you?” she prompted.

  “Yes, Mistress, yes,” I wailed. “You own me. I’m your boy. I’m yours totally.”

  “Then you’ll do whatever I ask?”

  “Yes, please, whatever you want, Mistress.”

  “What if I want to stop now?” Her voice was getting that cold aspect that scared me because I needed more.

  “Yes, Mistress, whatever you wish.” I was almost hysterical. I prayed it wouldn’t be that. “I only want to please you, Mistress.”

  “Then are you sorry that you tried to pleasure yourself on the rope without my permission?”

  “
Oh yes, Mistress. I was bad. I beg your forgiveness.” I was groveling, but my body still tensed. “Please forgive me, ma’am. I’ll never try that again. I promise.”

  “A promise? Not without my permission?”

  “Yes, Mistress, I promise. Never again.” I was ready to pledge her anything, I was so tied in knots.

  “Such an obedient, repentant, contrite boy.” She stood as if to walk away. I lowered my head to the floor. Her footsteps paused. Was she trying to decide when I’d had enough? The minutes crawled by.

  “If I were to continue…if I were…you wouldn’t come without my permission, would you?”

  “No, ma’am. Never.”

  “Never?”

  “No, Mistress. Never.”

  She lurched forward, driving the shaft deep within me. I almost cried out. I was flying off but trying to keep what control I had. I gasped as she rammed me again and again. Finally, I heard, “Come to me, boy.”

  “Thank you, ma’am,” I screamed as my body exploded into thousands of magnificent sensations.

  Chapter Seven

  I barely felt her helping me up from the floor where I’d lain in her arms for a long, long time. She sat me on the wide bench, saying “Stay right here.” Then she was gone.

  I let myself float in the magnificent aftermath of the deepest orgasm I’d ever experienced. I chuckled as I glanced at the long rubber dick discarded on the floor. Yes, Neisy had been right. Helen certainly was a master at its use. I lay back and drifted in and out of sleep for quite a while but finally had to get up to use the john. Helen was standing there as I came out.

  “Didn’t I tell you to stay on the bench?” she asked. “And what are you doing on your feet?”

  I dropped to my knees. “Forgive me, Mistress. I had to go. And I was so overtaken by your magnificent training that all else fled my mind.” I waited, head bowed. Would she buy that crap? It took all I could give to keep from laughing.

  There was silence.

  Then she broke out into her wonderful laughter. “You are so full of yourself, boy. I don’t know whether to reward you or beat your butt raw. Crawl over here.”