The Girl in the Love Song (Lost Boys Book 1)

by Emma Scott

  I drank too much that night, which made me overly emotional.

  I had a crush on River, and he’d finally asked me to a dance. Achievement: unlocked!

  Miller was free to date any girl he wanted, and I’d be happy for him.*

  Except that mental asterisk wouldn’t go away. If he and Amber got together, why wouldn’t I be happy for him? Why would it matter that he chose our song to introduce himself to the world as the brilliant musician he was? He was my best friend. Being happy for him was my job.

  Except that my best friend never called or came over anymore. At school, he’d barely look at me.

  Like now.

  “Bathroom emergency,” Julia said, tugging my arm and breaking me from my thoughts. “It’s Evelyn.”

  I hurried with her and Caitlin to the nearest bathroom, outside the gym. Julia shooed out a freshman who was washing her hands and tapped softly on a closed stall door.

  “Evelyn? You okay?”

  “I’m fine,” came the throaty reply. “I got my period.”

  Julia looked to me and shook her head. I cleared my throat. “Ev? It’s me. You sure you’re okay?”

  “I said, I’m fine. Jesus.”

  Caitlin shrugged and went to the mirror to redo her lip gloss. “So, tell me, my queen. What’s the story with Miller Stratton?”

  I flinched and shot a glance at the bathroom stall. “What do you mean?”

  “We’ve been dying to talk to you about him, but you’re so busy all the time.”

  Julia pulled her cell phone from her bag, swiped at it, and then aimed it my way. “She means this.”

  A video played: Chance’s darkened living room but for lit lighters and ghostly phone flashlights falling over Miller as he sang “Yellow.”

  Julia smiled dreamily. “All this time he was…this, and we never knew.”

  “Yeah, what else are you holding out on us?” Caitlin said with a nudge.

  Oh, the irony.

  I’d been telling anyone who would listen how talented Miller was for years, but it took visual proof to dispel the aura of poverty and homelessness.

  Caitlin peered over my shoulder at the video. “He’s got this scruffy, alternative-rocker-hottie vibe going on. You two ever…?”

  “No, never,” I said, stepping back and leaving the two of them to watch the performance.

  “Really? You’ve been friends for years and never…? Not even a kiss?”

  “We almost did. Once. Two years ago.”

  I leaned against the sink, the memory falling over me. Miller and me in my room, hanging out as usual. He played his guitar and sang for me. Emotion beyond his years pouring out of him. I watched his mouth the entire time, mesmerized by how his full lips moved and the sounds that came from them. And for some reason, at that moment, I started thinking about how neither of us had ever been kissed. No one had kissed that mouth of his and that was crazy.

  “What happened?”

  “We were fifteen, and neither of us were getting any action,” I said. “I told him that we should kiss for practice. So when the moment came, we wouldn’t be totally helpless. I told him that it wouldn’t count toward a real first kiss or anything. Just research.”

  “And?” Julia asked, jarring me from my thoughts.

  “He refused.”

  “I’m not kissing you for practice,” Miller said, the last word coming out sourly. “So that some other guy…” He bit off his words and went back to his guitar, messing with the frets.

  My cheeks burned. “Sorry. Forget I brought it up. Probably better, anyway. It might be weird.”

  “Yeah,” Miller said, still not looking at me. “Weird.”

  I looked up to see Caitlin and Julia offering cringe-y glances on my behalf. I waved them off, my cheeks flushed again like they had been then.

  “No, it’s…fine. It just proved what I thought: that we’re only friends and that he’s not interested in me in that way.”

  “He seems pretty interested in Amber Blake,” Julia said with a sigh and put her phone away. “A pity. Seems like we missed the boat.”

  My brows wrinkled. “You’re interested?”

  “Maybe. Intrigued, definitely.”

  “Can’t blame her,” Caitlin said. “What girl wouldn’t want to be sung to like that?”

  The stall door banged open, and we jumped; we’d all forgotten about Evelyn. She went to the sink and washed her hands. The girls and I waited, tension coiling, and then Evelyn caught our glances in the mirror as she smoothed a stray hair from her ponytail.

  “Periods can suck it, am I right?”

  Julia and Caitlin smiled with relief as Evelyn turned to me, a sweet smile on her face. She put her arms around me and hugged me close.

  “Congratulations, Vi. You deserve it.”

  “Oh…thank you. It’s kind of surreal.”

  “Did you tell the girls?” Evelyn put her arm around me. “Violet doesn’t need anyone’s practice kisses. Very soon, she’ll be having the real deal with River Whitmore. Homecoming King and Queen are going to the dance together. How perfect is that?”

  I searched Evelyn’s face for a sign that my coronation bothered her more than she was letting on, but her smile seemed genuine.

  The others congratulated me excitedly.

  “And not a moment too soon,” Evelyn said. “Vi’s our sweet little Snow White. Our Drew Barrymore—never been kissed. Girl, you have a lot of catching up to do. A lot.”

  Caitlin stared. “You’ve never been kissed? Really?”

  I shrugged, my eyes on the tile floor. “It just never…happened.”

  Julia giggled. “You set the bar high by going straight to River.”

  “Right?” Caitlin said. “Like eating dessert first, without having to choke down the vegetables. God, I remember my first kiss. Thirteen, with Danny Cunningham. Blech.”

  We exited the bathroom in the bright, mid-morning sunshine, the girls reminiscing about their first kisses, their first everythings. They were all so experienced compared to me, having rounded all the bases with more than one boyfriend, while I’d been sitting on the bench, studying and working and letting those events pass me by.

  Maybe Julia was right that I’d been holding out for River. My long-standing crush was finally coming to fruition. Maybe we’d be boyfriend and girlfriend, and we’d make up for everything I’d missed. Then he’d go off to Alabama or Texas for football, and I’d take the first steps toward becoming a doctor. All according to plan.

  Except that my grand plan felt dry and hollow lately, and the reason was as stark and simple as a math equation with only one answer: because Miller wasn’t in it.

  I drove to the Whitmore’s after school for my volunteer time with Nancy. River’s truck was parked in the drive. Dazia had told me to let myself in from now on, since she was in and out, and Mr. Whitmore worked at the Auto Body shop until late.

  I took the stairs up to the second floor, to Nancy’s room. The door was ajar and low voices came from inside. River’s voice. I started to back off to give them privacy, but something in Nancy’s tone—soft but intense—arrested me.

  “…more than anything, I just want to see you happy.”

  “Don’t know about that right now, Mom,” River said. “There’s a lot going on.”

  “I know. But keep your heart open. That’s all I ask. And please don’t force anything on my behalf. I was just curious if there might be anyone special.”

  A short silence fell, and I turned away, ashamed at myself for eavesdropping.

  “Violet,” River blurted.

  I froze, my heart crashing.

  “My Violet? Really? She’s lovely, but—”

  “Yeah, and actually, I have some news. I think I heard her car pull up. Hold on.”

  Oh shit.

  I started down the hall, but it’d be obvious I’d been running away. I turned back around and reached for the door just as River threw it open.

  I jumped back with a little cry, my nerves lit
up.

  “Shit, sorry I scared you,” River said. He rubbed the back of his neck, looking just as nervous as me.

  “It’s fine. I can come back if—”

  “No, come in. Please.”

  I followed River inside. Nancy, looking wan and jaundiced, smiled to see me. A beam of warm light streamed over her from the window.

  “Hello, darling.”

  “Hi, Mrs. Whitmore.”

  “Nancy, please. Remember?”

  “Right. Okay.”

  To my shock, River took my hand in his large, rough one. I glanced up at him—he towered over my 5’4”—but his gaze was on his mom.

  “Violet and I are going to the Homecoming dance together after the game on Friday.”

  Nancy’s eyes widened, though her smile remained the same. “Is that so? How lovely.”

  “He’s the King and there was a glitch in the matrix, so I ended up as Queen,” I said with a little laugh. “I think he’s contractually obligated.”

  “Ha, no. I’m happy to.” River gave my hand a squeeze and let go. “I gotta get to practice.” He went to his mom and kissed her forehead. “Bye, Mom.”

  “Be safe, Dear.”

  River flashed me a quick smile. “Call you later?”

  “Uh, sure.”

  That’s a first.

  “Great.” He gave me an awkward peck on the cheek and left, leaving Nancy and me alone in the silence.

  “He’s really sweet,” I said finally.

  “He is. You two are growing close?”

  “I’d say baby steps. We’re both really busy.”

  Nancy nodded. “Indeed. Might I trouble you for some tea?”

  “And a Hot Pocket, maybe?”

  She grinned. “You read my mind.”

  I smiled back and headed down to the kitchen. Nancy rarely had the appetite for more than a few bites of food, but I wanted to get as much nutrition in her as possible without being obvious. Feeding Miller all those years had been good practice for being smooth about it.

  I took the stairs down, moving through a current of River’s cologne. Faint, but potently masculine.

  And he told his mom I’m someone special.

  I put the kettle on the stove and put a Chamomile packet in a mug and inhaled, letting a little positivity in. Since the crazy party, life was finally starting to settle down. My parents hadn’t had a blow-up in weeks, River and I were going to the dance. If Miller would just talk to me again, things would be perfect…

  My phone chimed a text and a little sound of joy erupted out of me to see that it was from him.

  I’m sorry I’ve been such a dick lately. Was thinking about coming over tonight? It’s been awhile.

  My thumbs flew. YES! I miss you.

  The rolling dots came and went. Then came back.

  Me too.

  Chapter Ten

  “Stratton. Let’s roll.”

  I blinked out of the lyrics I’d been messing around with and set down my pen. Ronan and Holden were at the door of the Shack, waiting.

  “Yep. Coming.”

  I glanced over the words once more. Snippets of thoughts. Sketches of feeling. For Violet. Because, of course, it was for Violet. Every note, every tune, every phrase and lyric were born from the same place in me that loved her and always would.

  But I have to let her go.

  I stashed the notebook with my guitar case in a locked trunk that Holden had bought, so I didn’t have to carry the instrument around with me all day. A much-appreciated upgrade.

  Twilight was turning the sky outside gold and purple, though it was dim in the Shack. I threw on a plaid flannel button down over my t-shirt and pulled a knit beanie over my head to keep the hair out of my eyes. I grabbed a juice from the mini fridge, powered by a small lithium battery generator. More of Holden’s upgrades. I kept the fridge stocked with food so that I could worry less about Chet pilfering. Ronan stored his beer in it, Holden liked to keep a bottle of his favorite vodka.

  Not to be outdone by refrigerators and decent lighting, Ronan and I made valuable contributions to our domicile, too. My boss at the arcade gave me three beach chairs for our nightly bonfires. Ronan brought weights for lifting, an endless supply of lighter fluid, and a ratty but clean-ish futon that Holden refused to sit on.

  Instead, His Lordship had brought in a wing-backed chair that barely fit in the door. He sat and smoked his clove cigarettes as if he were an old rich bastard having a cognac in front of the fireplace in his mansion library. The guy threw money around as if the world were coming to an end. That should’ve pissed me off, but mostly, I was worried about him. He sure as hell drank like there was no tomorrow.

  I joined Ronan and Holden, and we made our trek from our hidden spot along the beach up to Cliff Drive and headed east to the glittering lights of the Boardwalk. Holden called it our “nightly prowl.” We gathered curious looks and a few murmurs from Central High students that carried back to school.

  I didn’t give a shit what anyone thought of us, but if I did, I’d have blamed Holden. He dressed in expensive coats and scarves, despite the fact that summer was only just ending. Violet told me Holden reminded her of a vampire. I agreed. An old-world vampire whose skin was pale and cold until he’d had a drink. Booze, not blood, seemed to be the only thing that warmed him up.

  As we walked, he sipped from a flask tucked into the pocket of his gray wool herringbone coat that went nearly to the ground, the collar turned up over a black silk shirt and a green and gold paisley scarf.

  “Something on your mind?” he asked as we strolled the crowded walk, the scents of cotton candy, funnel cake, and grilled corn in the air. “Preoccupied with greatness since your performance at the party?”

  “Hardly.”

  Preoccupied with how Violet’s face looked that night, maybe. Preoccupied with how the tears streamed down her cheeks as she clapped for me and then ran out. Because I’d been cold to her then and ignoring her ever since.

  I have to fix this. I miss my friend.

  I whipped out my phone.

  I’m sorry I’ve been such a dick lately. Was thinking about coming over tonight? It’s been awhile.

  A reply came quickly. YES! I miss you.

  God, those words. I ate them up. Swallowed them down and tried to let them feed me. I was still starving for her. My stupid fucking heart still beat for her. It wouldn’t leave her alone.

  But it has to.

  Me too. I sent back and shoved the phone in my pocket with a sigh.

  Holden nudged my arm with his elbow. “What’s that all about?”

  “I asked Vi if we could hang out tonight.”

  “And that’s cause for dramatic smolder because…?”

  “Because he’s in love with her but won’t tell her,” Ronan said.

  “I’m not in love with her.”

  “My ass.”

  Ronan stopped at the Ball Toss game, his favorite; he liked to smash things.

  He hadn’t been at school or the Shack for a few days and had finally returned in a darker mood than usual with a bruise over one eye and another peeking out of his T-shirt. I wondered how many more were hiding under his clothes and who gave them to him. But when we’d asked that afternoon, he’d barked at us that it was none of our fucking business.

  I worried about him too.

  Ronan hurled the ball with tremendous force, and the plastic bottles went tumbling down in a heap.

  The carny running the game flinched. “Jesus, take it easy.”

  Holden grinned. “This game is supposed to be rigged, isn’t it?”

  “Not when Ronan plays it.”

  “You can take a small prize now or try your luck again to upgrade,” the carny said. “You lose, you get nothing.”

  Ronan held out his hand. “Ball.”

  The carny sighed and handed it over.

  “Well?” Holden asked me. “Which is it? Are you in love with her or not?”

  “He is,” Ronan said, taking aim. “He�
�s just trying to talk himself out of it.”

  He let the ball fly, and another stack of bottles was demolished. One more and he’d take home one of the ginormous teddy bears affixed to the booth’s ceiling.

  “I’m trying to talk myself out of it because she wants to stay friends.”

  Holden put his flask to his lips. “Unrequited love is the first circle of hell.”

  “Tell me about it.”

  Ronan hurled the final ball. It flew so fast and hit so hard, the bottles went flying and tore a hole in the cheap linen tarp behind it.

  “Dude.” The carny fixed Ronan with a dark look. He spoke into the mic taped to his cheek in a desultory tone, “Winner, winner. See folks? It can be done.” He pulled down a huge, cheap, yellow and white teddy bear. “Now, beat it.”

  “There’s something you don’t see every day,” Holden muttered to me, and I had to laugh at our huge tatted friend in torn jeans and a Tool T-shirt, carrying that stuffed bear down the Boardwalk.

  A little girl was standing with her parents, eating ice cream. Ronan handed her the teddy bear without a word—it was nearly as big as she was—and kept walking. He didn’t see how her face lit up with joy and surprise, while her parents smiled in begrudging thanks, no doubt wondering just where in the hell they were supposed to put the thing when they got home.

  Holden sighed. “He’s a teddy bear himself, isn’t he?”

  “Shut up,” Ronan tossed over his shoulder. I guessed he wasn’t done breaking stuff, since he stopped at the balloon dart game.

  My best friends are a vampire and a criminal, I thought as we fished out a few bucks to play. What does that make me?

  Violet’s text swam in my mind, warming my skin like a shot from Holden’s flask. I miss you.

  Oh, that’s right. I’m the pathetic loser.

  “Back to the subject at hand,” Holden said. “At Chance’s party, you were absorbed with that blonde girl. The way you sang to her—”

  “I wasn’t singing to Amber, I was singing to Violet. But it doesn’t matter. She’s not interested, and I’m too fucking late, anyway.”

  “Why?”