Big: A Real Man

by Snow, Jenika

  Or maybe that’s just what I hoped.

  Chapter Six

  Big

  I was a chickenshit; that was for sure. And I kept thinking that, feeling that for the past couple days, ever since Landry left my house, ever since we made the plan for her to come back and start.

  And I knew she’d been surprised when I told her I wanted the works of what she offered, for her to do my whole house. The truth was, I didn’t give a shit about my house being clean. I didn’t care about how long it took her or how much it cost.

  I just wanted her in my house, close to me.

  In fact, I didn’t even want her to clean my house. My plan was to straighten everything up right before she came over so she didn’t have to do anything, so she could be there, and maybe then I’d have the balls to talk to her, to tell her the truth. But then on the heels of that thought, I wondered if the house was too clean, would she be here even less time? And I sure as hell didn’t want that. I wanted Landry here as long as she would stay.

  I wanted her here forever.

  She’d estimated it would take a good two weeks for her to clean every room. She kept apologizing for it taking so long, but I assured her I was in no hurry. I knew she owned the business alone, was the lone person doing all the work. I applauded her for that. I was actually very proud she took the initiative to do the hard work.

  She was perfect for me in every single fucking way.

  I heard her vehicle approach, and instantly my body reacted.

  My heart raced.

  My palms started sweating.

  My muscles tightened.

  My mouth dried as I walked over to the front door and opened it before she was even out of her car. I watched as she went to the passenger side back seat and opened the door, bending over to grab her things. My vision was trained right on her ass, that plump, apple-shaped bottom that instantly had my dick stiffer than a lead pipe.

  I turned my back to her and reached down to adjust my growing erection. My cock was getting harder by the second, and I knew if I didn’t get the asshole in line, Landry would come face-to-face with this monster.

  Baseball.

  Washing clothes.

  Doing charity work.

  I was thinking of anything and everything to stop my arousal, but when I heard her car door shut, knew she was coming my way, that desire rose right back to the surface.

  I had a bunch of shit to do, work that needed done, cabinets that had to be designed before they could be built, but I knew having Landry in the house meant I was going to get nothing done.

  I was going to track her, watch her. I was going to see what she was doing, watch her every little move. I was going to memorize every single inch of her until it was ingrained in my very body. I wanted to see her in my home, in the home I wanted to share with her. It might have seemed fucking insane to others, but this was how I felt, what I wanted. And the sooner I made Landry realize that, the faster I could claim her.

  And fucking hell did I want to claim her.

  She hadn’t noticed me standing at the front door yet as she carried in two large bags, her focus on the ground. It was only when she stepped onto the porch and lifted her head that she saw me, a small gasp of surprise leaving her. I wanted to take that sound into my lungs.

  God, I felt fucking primal when it came to her. And my cock… my damn cock was pressing painfully against my zipper, demanding to get free like it had a mind of its own. What would she think? How would she feel if she knew I jerked off every single fucking night to the picture of her in my bed, spread out and naked, her legs wide open, her pussy swollen and soaked for me?

  What would she think if she knew I stroked my dick from root to tip as I thought about burying my face between her legs? As I ate her out until she pressed her thighs on either side of my head and ground her cunt against my face while she came?

  Fuck, I needed to quit thinking about that shit or I was liable to come right in my jeans.

  I cleared my throat and stepped to the side, giving her leeway and what I was sure was an awkward damn smile. I gave her space to enter, keeping my forearm in front of my crotch so she hopefully didn’t see the raging hard-on I sported.

  The last thing I wanted was for her to think I was a pervert waiting to pounce on her as soon as the front door shut.

  She started talking business right away, and a part of me wondered if she was nervous. There were telltale signs I made her on edge, but was it for a good reason or bad?

  Although I wasn’t paying attention to the actual words she said, but instead to the tone of her voice, the sweet little sound that went in one ear and coated my entire body from the inside out. Shit, I had it bad, and it only got worse—if that was even possible—as soon as she’d been in my presence, in my home.

  “I have some work to do in my office. If you need anything, just holler.”

  “Okay,” she said softly, sweetly.

  I left quickly, but it was damn near impossible to walk with the raging stiffie jammed behind my denim. I looked over my shoulder and said a silent thank you to whoever listened that she wasn’t looking at me. As far as I could tell, Landry hadn’t noticed my evident arousal.

  Once upstairs, I thought about pulling my dick out and jerking off real quick, hoping it would tame the beast and give me some relief. But I also knew it probably would have the opposite effect. I’d probably be even more aroused after getting off.

  And so for the next several hours, I found myself moving from my office to the landing of the stairs, leaning over the banister and looking over, watching her clean, work. She was in her element, had these little earbuds in I could see peeking out from the fall of her long hair. She’d do a cute little shimmy and shake every now and again. It was adorable, endearing even.

  I found myself bracing my forearms on the banister and just leaning against it, feeling a smile form on my lips as I watched her. God, all I wanted to do was go to her, to touch her, hold her. Hell, just tell her how much I wanted her.

  Soon though.

  Soon, I’d tell her everything. And by soon, I meant before she left my house today.

  Chapter Seven

  Landry

  I’d been at Big’s house for the past five hours, my earbuds in, rock music playing into my ears. And although I kept busy, forced myself not to seek him out, not to look at him, I felt him watching me.

  His gaze had been like fingers running over my naked body, and I reacted instantly. My skin felt tight, flushed. My pulse had been racing the entire time, and beads of sweat broke out along my temple. And my body’s reaction had nothing to do with me moving around and keeping active by cleaning.

  It had everything to do with how I knew it wasn’t just my imagination that maybe he felt some kind of arousal for me. That or he just people-watched like crazy. But I refused to believe it was the latter. I refused to believe that, because I wanted him too much, had wanted him for so long it had gotten into the possibly obsessive side of things.

  No, not obsessive. Love.

  But I was okay with feeling these emotions for someone else, because it had this sensation of being alive, constantly moving within me, this hopefulness, this curiosity and wonder, anxiety and need.

  I gathered up all my supplies and set my bags on the granite island in the kitchen. I looked around at the work I’d done, pretty proud of myself. The scent of lemon and lavender filled my head, essential oils I used for cleaning. I never used the artificial, chemical crap they sold in stores.

  I tried to act like I was completely collected, which I’d been doing ever since I first came to Big’s house. But being around his things and his home, knowing he was just right upstairs, that he was watching me, made me even more aware of my body’s reaction to him.

  I didn’t know how long I planned on keeping my mouth shut about how I felt, but I knew it wasn’t good for me. So, I’d come to the conclusion that after I was finished with this job, I would just be honest. I would tell him everything, let him kno
w that for the past five years, I’d been pining after him, wanting things I knew probably could never happen. I’d even admit I’d fallen in love with him, which he’d probably laugh at, think I was insane, but I had to tell him these things.

  I had to get them off my chest and be honest, not just with him but with myself too.

  I owed that to myself, to my sanity.

  I headed toward the front door and stopped, looking over my shoulder and glancing up to where the loft was, where I knew Big was in his study. But he wasn’t in his office. He stood by the banister, his large hands wrapped around the wood, his focus trained right on me.

  My heart was racing double time, and I licked my lips nervously. “I’m done for the day, unless there’s anything else you need me to do?” There was heavy silence between us, and instantly my mind thought of dirty things, things I wanted him to say to me, order me to do because he just couldn’t help himself.

  God, there were so many things I fantasized concerning Big, so many nights I lay in bed and touched myself, thinking about him.

  “Thank you, Landry. The kitchen looks great.” He kept staring at me, his focus trained right on me.

  I smiled, but it felt tight, nervous. “You’re welcome,” I whispered but wasn’t even sure he could hear me. I needed to get out of here before I made a fool out of myself. Just staring at him had my entire body on fire, had desire and arousal claiming me so powerfully I felt lightheaded, dizzy, and about ready to pass out. I licked my lips out of nervousness, knowing no matter what I wanted, what I wanted to do, I didn’t want to make a fool of myself. “Okay, well, I’ll be back first thing tomorrow morning to do the bathrooms next, if that works?”

  He didn’t answer right away, but then he gave a nod and a gruff sound as agreement.

  God, he was so large and tall, so hard and muscular. He made me feel tiny.

  I turned to leave, taking a deep breath, still smelling his scent, loving the way just the aroma of his cologne made me feel all tingly. The way I felt, the way he looked at me, made me want to forget about formalities and what was the “right way” to do something. It made me want to just throw caution to the wind and go after what I’d wanted for far too long.

  I wanted to press myself to his body, to feel every single hard inch of him against my softness.

  I walked to my car, opened up the back passenger door to put the cleaning supplies on the seat, and turned back around. A startled gasp left me when I realized Big was standing right there, just a few feet from me.

  “Oh,” I said, that lone word leaving me on its own. “Everything okay?” That sounded a hell of a lot more breathy and needy than I’d obviously meant.

  Even though the fresh air surrounded me, I felt claustrophobic, like his very presence sucked the oxygen right from my lungs. I found myself moving a step back until my car stopped my retreat. I didn’t know what I was trying to escape, because it sure as hell wasn’t Big.

  He stood right in front of me, his big body making me feel secure, safe… aroused. A breeze moved through the trees, lightly brushing the fallen leaves along the ground, making a cacophony that had all kinds of other feelings swirling within me.

  My heart was beating a mile a minute, and my palms were sweaty. God, I was so nervous. All I wanted to do was tell him everything, just say the words, how I felt, what he made me feel. But I was so scared.

  I took a deep breath, maybe about to just tell him I loved him, but the words were stalled in my throat when he took a step toward me. On instinct, I looked down, my face feeling like it was on fire.

  “Hey,” he said in a soft, almost gentle voice that made me tingle in all the places it probably shouldn’t. “Landry, look at me.”

  There was no way I could deny him. I didn’t want to. When I lifted my head, my breath stalled in my lungs at the expression that covered his face. Big appeared transfixed, mesmerized even. By me? Was this real?

  And then he moved closer, his body heat slamming into me, making me feel aroused and excited. Dots of perspiration lined the valley between my breasts and went down the length of my spine. My hands were shaking, nerves taking hold so I felt like I might faint.

  “There are so many things I want to say to you right now…” He trailed off like he didn’t want to go on… like he did want to continue.

  I licked my lips and nodded, but I wasn’t sure what I was agreeing to.

  He inhaled sharply then took another step toward me. I was pressed back to my car, my hands behind me, my palms flat against the chilled metal. “Landry.” He said my name so softly I almost didn’t hear.

  “Big?” I should have been more formal with addressing him, seeing as I worked for him temporarily, but then again, the name had slipped out on its own. And I liked calling him that.

  He was so tall, so broad I had to crane my head back to look into his face. He was crowding me but… he wasn’t. My heart was racing double time, my palms sweaty, my hands shaking slightly.

  “Big?” God, was that my voice? Did it sound as sexual to him as it sounded to me? “Is everything okay?”

  He nodded slowly, his gaze dropping to my lips, which I then licked involuntarily. “What I feel for you, Landry…” Big stopped speaking for a second and reached out to cup my cheek. I was frozen in place, his touch feeling like fire on my skin, burning me from the outside in, scorching me to my very cells. “I’ve cared about you for so long.” His voice was thick, like he had unshed emotion.

  My nipples tingled, and my pussy was wet, soaked. Saturated. My panties were damp, my clit tingling in time with my pulse. He stepped another foot closer to me until I felt his body heat overwhelming me, until I felt his chest brush mine.

  “W-what?” My voice cracked, and I stuttered.

  He exhaled slowly, his hand still on my face. “The things I want from you… with you.” He smoothed his finger over and over again across my cheek. “I want you to be mine in all ways.”

  There was so much possessiveness in his voice when he said that to me that I knew he meant every word. “Big.” I said his name again, unsure what else to say.

  “Do you understand what that means, Landry? Do you understand what I want from you?” He had this almost pained expression on his face, as if he were expecting the other shoe to drop.

  But it wouldn’t.

  This is what I’d wanted to hear from him for so long. For years.

  I shook my head slowly, not trusting my voice. But that was a lie. I knew what he meant, because it’s what I would have meant.

  He exhaled again, and I saw his shoulders slump.

  “I lied,” I said quickly. “I know what it means. I know what you mean.”

  His eyes widened slightly, as if he was surprised by my response, my admission. “What do you think it means?”

  I swallowed, my throat suddenly so tight.

  “That you want me.”

  He let go of my face and took a step back, and I inhaled roughly, sucking a lungful of air into my body.

  God, his silence had me regretting everything. Surely, I hadn’t misread him, thought I’d heard what I wanted. “I—I….” I was stuttering now.

  “It means I want you as mine forever.”

  My entire body was instantly on fire, and he wasn’t even touching me anymore. In that moment, all I wanted was Big touching me again, his hands on my body, his mouth on me.

  Our gazes were locked on each other, the air heating despite the chill around us. I knew what I wanted to happen, but I didn’t know if I could push it to move forward. I wasn’t ever like this, had no experience in this kind of thing. What if I screwed it up?

  I opened my mouth, unsure exactly what to say, if I could actually say all the words that were bottled up in me, but I was scared. And then Big was right in front of me, this low, deep sound leaving him. Before I even knew what was happening, he pulled me forward until my body slammed into his. My breasts pressed against the hard planes of his chest, and the air rushed out of me.

  Big was rou
gh around the edges, and God, I loved that about him.

  “You have to know how much I want you, Landry.” He lowered his head to mine, so close our lips almost touched. “Whenever I’m in town, I have to seek you out, watch you, fantasize about you.” His warm breath slid along my face. “But I’ve been so damn scared and nervous to ever say anything.”

  I shivered from his words, at the meaning behind them. It’s how I’d felt too. “I’ve felt the same way.”

  He acted surprised again. I wanted him to lean in and kiss me, to show me how it would be, if it would be like I envisioned.

  “Landry, whatever you want is yours. I want to share everything with you. I want… you.”

  The words were right on the tip of my tongue, wanting to be revealed, wanting to just spill forth. I’d imagined this moment for so long, fantasized about Big feeling the same thing for me that I did for him.

  “Just tell me, Landry. Tell me what you want, baby, and it’s yours.”

  God, I felt like I’d pass out. I placed a hand on my chest and breathed in and out fast, hard.

  “Big…” Everything stilled in me as I thought about how to say this, how to be honest. “I want you too.” And now the words were out, the truth moving between us, never to be taken back.

  A moment of silence passed between us, as if time stood still, and then he crashed his mouth on mine, taking it in a bruising kiss, giving me everything I’d always dreamed about in that one moment.

  I couldn’t think, couldn’t even move. I let him dominate my mouth, fuck me between the lips. I let Big take control, own me in every possible way. Because it’s exactly what I wanted.

  “Don’t stop me,” he murmured against my mouth.

  I shook my head and wrapped my arms around his shoulders. “Never. I’m never going to stop this.”

  The growl of approval he gave me had my toes curling.

  Home. I felt like I was home.

  Chapter Eight