I coughed. “Sure, why not,” I replied, giving Autumn the most insincere smile I could manage.
“Well, anyway. Here’s your ball, Casper,” Autumn said with a smile at Casper and successfully dismissing Bec and me from the conversation.
“Thank you,” Casper said, still disgustingly charming as he took the ball from her. “I’ll see you later, Autumn.”
She giggled, blushed and batted her eyelids. I rolled my eyes at Bec, who made a gagging face that had me biting my lip so I didn’t laugh out loud again.
“Bye, Casper,” Autumn practically sang and finally walked away to be met by her friends with much staring and giggling at Casper over their shoulders.
“And, you,” Casper said, dropping to a crouch again in front of me. I looked at him, still biting my lip so I wouldn’t laugh. He ran his finger over my lips and I let it go slowly. “You behave yourself. No need to be rude to a lovely young girl.”
I scoffed, but I felt a tiny amount of jealousy in me. “She’s not going to be chased away because your best mate’s little sister was rude, Drake.”
“It’s expected,” Bec agreed. “She can’t not be rude to…people. It would look weird.”
I gave Bec a warning glance and looked back to Casper to find him looking at me with amusement. He leant towards me and whispered in my ear, “anyone would think you were jealous, love.”
“Piss off, Drake,” I laughed.
“Green is such a lovely colour on you,” he whispered, then gave me a wink and stood up. “We all know what happens when you say that, don’t we, Lei?” he said casually – but with a hint of warning – and jogged back to my brother.
I flopped back onto the grass and closed my eyes.
“He knows you know,” I said after a while.
“Well, duh,” I heard a voice and looked up to see Emma standing over me.
“Em!” I cried happily. I sat up as she dropped beside us and gave her a hug. Only then did her words make sense. “For God’s sake. He told you?” I asked with a sigh.
“He didn’t have to,” she said matter-of-fact. “Although, I did say I wouldn’t say anything.” She shrugged and we all knew she didn’t really care she’d spilled the beans.
I looked at the face beside me that was almost painfully familiar in so many ways. Emma was, in every possible way, the female version of her twin. Where Casper was the paragon of male sexuality, Emma was the specimen of female perfection. Her hair was the same dark brown, almost-black shade as Casper’s and it fell around her shoulders in perfect freaking waves that shone in the sun. Her eyes were the same shade of forest green and I could picture a flame in them much too easily for comfort. They had the same nose and the same smile, the same cheekbones and the same jawline. But, somehow, Emma was nothing but feminine and Casper was nothing but masculine.
“I don’t think she’s adjusting well,” I heard Bec say. “But, I mean, I don’t blame her. I hear he’s amazing. I think my brain might have melted if I had seven orgasms in one night, too.”
I blinked and looked at Bec, then looked at Emma, who was looking like there was something unpleasant under her nose as she looked at Bec. Not that I blamed her.
“Thanks for the visual, Bec,” she said dryly.
“Hey, I’m enjoying the visual. I didn’t want you to miss out,” Bec said in her usual way with a shrug.
“Well, I suppose all that porn was useful then,” Emma mused.
I spluttered a laugh. “What?”
“No, she’s got a point,” Bec said. “How does a teenage boy know what he’s doing? Porn. Porn is how a teenage boy knows what he’s doing. Like a YouTube tutorial on the perfect winged eyeliner. Only…not.”
“Uh huh.” I snorted. “I should think practise helps.”
Bec shrugged in agreement. “This is true.”
Emma smiled, although it seemed rather reluctant. “I don’t need to ask that we’re not talking about it.”
“No one’s telling anyone. Bec guessed, you guessed, I was there, Cas was there. No one’s telling anyone,” I repeated. “No one needs to know, because it’s never happening again and there may as well be nothing to know.”
Bec looked at me with the kind of sympathy that told me she felt like I was missing out on something that I should be making the most of. But, Emma just looked at me like she was looking for bullshit.
“Em, I’m serious. No harm, no foul. We were drunk, I was stupid enough to give him some of Coop’s joint, there was a pool incident, and…it happened–”
“Four times,” Bec said.
“Bec! Em doesn’t need to know.”
“Em knows,” Emma said, sounding like she wasn’t sure if she’d rather not.
I heard a ridiculously high-pitched giggle that made us look over to the boys and we saw Casper swinging Autumn around as she laughed like he was the funniest thing in the world.
“Ignore her, Angel,” Emma said, sombrely and I heard the disapproval in her voice. But, I knew where that disapproval was aimed and it wasn’t me.
“It’s fine, Em,” I replied, smiling at her before flopping onto the grass again. “You know how I feel about your brother. You and Brett had your thing. It was inevitable Cas and I did, too. Ours was just shorter, and now it’s just as much over.”
Emma and Brett had ‘dated’ about three and a half years earlier, before Brett was one of the popular boys, before he was a school sports star, and before he and Casper were screwing any girl they could get their hands on. I’d never blamed Emma, but I did wonder how much them falling apart had contributed to Brett’s problems. Not that that was his only problem–
“Angel, I just don’t want to see you hurt,” Emma said and I snapped out of a horrid past and back to a stormy present.
“I appreciate that, hun. But, I’m not the one who’s going to hurt,” I replied almost glibly. “It’ll be all those other numpties who sleep with him, thinking they can change him. There’s just no changing Casper Drake.”
Emma sighed and I hated that I was writing her brother off so tremendously. But, she knew him as well as I did – well, better one would assume – and she certainly didn’t disagree.
Another high-pitched giggle had us looking over and we watched as Casper buried his face in Autumn’s neck, looking very sensual indeed.
When the bell rang, avoiding looks from Bec, I got changed and trudged to the dance studios to look for Casper since he hadn’t told me if he’d booked us a studio today. I’d promised him I’d meet him here in my every free, when he conveniently had dance – sometimes it was like the world was lining up against me – and they were having a final piece lesson.
I walked in and saw the Year Twelves all warming up in different groups.
“There she is!” I heard a pleasant voice call and I turned to Natalie with a smile.
“Hey, Nat. How’re things?” I asked, throwing my bag onto the floor and letting her hug me – she hugged everybody.
“Good, good. Casper tells me you’re helping him with his piece?”
I nodded and shoved my hands in my hoodie pockets. Which is when I realised I was wearing the same hoodie he’d taken off me over the weekend.
I cleared my throat. “Yeah, that I am…” I petered off, not sure if he’d mentioned it to her yet.
She smiled, obviously catching my drift. “He’s mentioned it and I can’t wait to see what you come up with. Let me know when it’s ready to see?”
I nodded again. “Yeah, we’ll see how that goes,” I laughed and Natalie gave me a warm smile. “He here yet?”
Natalie nodded behind me and I looked around to see Casper dancing with some of the others. I admitted it as rarely as possible, but Casper knew how to move. He seemed to just fall naturally into every dance style we’d ever tried over the years. Ballet? Nailed it. Jazz? Nailed it. Tap? Nailed it. Contemporary? Hip Hop? Latin? Getting the idea? Yeah, he nailed them all. And, he loved them all.
At thi
s point, I think I was only still dancing because it was easier than quitting. I could take Dance at school and not have to do something harder. I didn’t have to have a conversation with anyone about quitting and why I just didn’t enjoy it so much anymore.
I watched Casper smile hugely and sincerely as he danced. I remembered a time when I loved it as much as he did, but I couldn’t remember when that love had ended.
“He’s got to be the best in class,” Natalie said, pulling me from my reverie.
“I don’t doubt he’s best in school,” I replied ruefully. Natalie would know it was a compliment from one dancer to another and have nothing to do with yet another girl admiring Casper Drake.
“No, me either,” she said as they finished their routine and Casper ran a hand through his hair.
“Hey, Lei!” Casper called with a smile, waving. I knew he noticed my hoodie when he smirked.
“Yeah, yeah. Can we do this or what?” I answered, picking up my bag again.
“I booked three.”
“I’ll meet you there. See ya, Nat.” I gave her a small wave and headed for studio three.
After throwing my bag in the corner, I plugged in the music and started pulling off my hoodie.
“Isn’t that my job?” I heard Casper ask and the door close behind us.
I turned to face him with a disbelieving glare. He wore an annoyingly adorable smirk as he dropped his bag with mine. He was wearing his usual track pants and a black singlet with his dance shoes.
“We’re not doing that Casper,” I said, my tone a warning.
His face grew serious for a moment as a shadow passed over it. “Not doing what, love?”
I won’t pretend my heart didn’t skip a little at the idea he might fight for some version of us. But, I also wasn’t entirely convinced I was interested in any version of us he’d consider important enough to fight for.
I scowled at him, knowing he wanted a rise out of me and he was very nearly going to get one. “Saturday didn’t happen, Casper. You want my help with this, fine. But, that’s all this is.”
His eyes flashed and I thought he was going to push me. But, he nodded and said, “All right. That’s all this is. Let’s put our hands all over each other and pretend it’s not driving us crazy.” I shot him another glare and he innocently held his hands up. “That’s all this is, Angel.”
And, now he’d said it, I had immense amounts of trouble dancing with him and not remembering his hands on me on the weekend. Our competition had been bad enough. Now this? He held me no tighter than necessary and no differently than he ever had when we danced together, but my skin seemed to flame. Every breath against my skin sent that ripple and hum through me.
Like every other girl at this damned school, he could play my tune. But, I wasn’t going to let him. Casper Drake wasn’t going to make my body hum, even if he turned out to be the only one alive who knew the right tune.
By the time last lesson came around, we’d finished blocking out about half the song and I needed a cold shower.
I pulled away from him quicker than necessary and I saw him smirk knowingly at me.
“Right. Going well,” I said as I picked up my bag. “See you later.”
I gave him a nod, stood there like an idiot for a few seconds as he tried to hold a laugh in, then nodded once more before I ran out into the corridor and into a bunch of people.
Chapter Thirteen
Casper
I didn’t know how it had happened, but all I could think about was Lani and oddly it wasn’t all sexual.
We hadn’t had a serious conversation about the fact I hadn’t been her first yet, and we sure as hell were having that conversation at some point. But – and I know I’d said I respected her too much, and I did… – all I really wanted to talk about was how to do it again. I knew I shouldn’t, but I couldn’t help it.
Not that there was a lot of time for that, though.
Our worries about Brett mounted.
His arm was healing, like it always did. But, the frayed edges of him were further unravelling as the days went on; when he wasn’t out all night, he was withdrawn, he was sarcastic, and he was haggard. And, with his frayed edges, went Lani’s. We fought more than we had before we’d had sex, and that’s when we weren’t avoiding each other. Although, why I was surprised by that aftereffect, I don’t know; when you stopped to think about it, it made perfect sense.
Tuesday saw us arguing over something as inconsequential as I’d put my mug in the wrong place in their dishwasher.
I wouldn’t have been surprised if she’d thrown it at my head as she yelled, “it’s really not that hard, Casper. You put the damn things in the top!”
“There wasn’t room in the top,” I replied, frustrated but trying to keep my cool.
“Then heaven forbid you have to put it in the next wash!” she screeched.
“They can go in the bottom, Angel. They’re thick mugs. What the fuck is this really about?” I asked.
“About your inability to follow any rules at all!”
“Are you sure though?” I asked.
“What the hell else would it be about?” she countered.
I opened my mouth, but shut it quickly as Georgie walked in with a frown.
“What are you two screaming about now?” she asked nonchalantly with a hint of a smile. “Honestly, you’re worse than actual siblings.”
“Nothing, Mum,” Lani replied sullenly.
“Apparently, my blatant disregard for dishwasher stacking rules,” I answered and Lani shot me a glare.
Georgie smiled. “Of course, it is.” She took a deep breath. “Cas, honey, thanks for at least putting your dishes away. Angel? We don’t want Cas to leave them around do we?”
Lani had that face on that made me wary of unexpected weather pattern changes. And I kept an ear out for thunder.
“No, ‘course not. We’ll all just be glad that Casper deigns to use the dishwasher at all and doesn’t expect us lowly peasants to do it for him!” She threw me one more glare and stomped out of the room.
Georgie and I watched her go for a moment, then Georgie turned to me.
“Is Lani…okay, honey?” she asked me slowly.
We were tiptoeing dangerously into talking about Brett territory here, I knew. I sighed. “I dunno, George. I think so?”
Georgie frowned and fiddled with her tennis bracelet like she did when she was worried. “I know she’s strong, honey. But, I’d hate not to see it again…”
I wasn’t sure what to do, so I went over and gave her a hug. “You saw, George. And you did everything you could.”
She took another deep breath and held me tightly. “She’s just so distant now, hon, so tense. I don’t know how to get her back.”
I looked into her eyes, hazel just like Lani’s. “She’ll come back. She’s still there for us, so she hasn’t gone too far.”
Georgie nodded. “I know. I know. She’ll always be our rock.” She took hold of the pendant on her necklace and pulled away slowly. “Brett in his room?”
I shook my head. “Nah, gaming in the pit,” which is what we called the living room upstairs sometimes, “need him?”
She shook her head. “No… I just wondered if he was…home for dinner.”
I could almost hear the way she’d been going to end that sentence; ‘safe’.
Nodding, I said, “I assume so. We’ve got no plans.”
She gave me a watered down version of her usual warm smile and I knew she was worrying. “Okay, thanks, honey.”
I watched her leave, collected the chips I’d gone down to get and loped up to the pit. I paused at the top of the stairs, looking towards Lani’s room. But, the door was closed and she had music on. Still, my feet wanted to take me to her and refused to go in the right direction.
“Dude! Come on, we’re getting totally wailed on,” Brett called.
My feet finally agreed to let me walk in the right d
irection, and I went over and plonked next to Brett.
“Sounded like you two had another go at it,” Brett huffed a laugh as he passed me the other controller, his eyes on the screen.
I nodded and pulled on my mask of bluster. “Yeah, well. You know how your sister is.”
He chuckled. “She may as well be yours.”
I looked over my shoulder as though I could see around the corner. “Yeah,” I scoffed half-heartedly, but he didn’t seem to notice.
e
Wednesday and she was still avoiding me as much as possible. She turned up to my dance lesson, though, so that was something. Although, I’d be lying if I said a part of me hadn’t sort of hoped she’d ditch.
Dancing with her on Monday had been bad enough. Yes, I’d been trying to goad her, but I’d meant what I’d said. Putting my hands all over her did nothing but remind me of the last Saturday and it made it very hard to stick to any promises I made myself that I respected her too much to try to make it happen again.
But, despite everything in me screaming to do otherwise, I behaved.
I was more tense than usual, which I will accept in hindsight probably exacerbated whatever had her hackles further up than usual. So, our fighting got nastier. Well, it got far more personal; there was plenty of intention to injure rather than just the usual insult.
We barely spoke during dance, but the talking we did do included me making a couple of references to how frigid she was and that it was probably the reason Holt had no interest in her, included her insinuating that the current intensity of Brett’s problems was my fault because I’d dragged him through the mud, included me insinuating she couldn’t be sexy if she tried, and included her telling me in no uncertain terms that no one would ever love me before she stormed out.
Thursday was no better.
Dance was awful.
Cami had Lani teaching our class a new dance.
I don’t know if anyone else saw more in my cajoling and annoyance than usual – quite possibly not. But, I gave her one hell of a hard time. To the point that Cami was less amused by my antics and seemed actually concerned about us. She didn’t say anything, though, just kept a stern eye on us.
the Trouble with Hate is... Page 17
