I’ll never get over seeing her with them, experiencing friendship in this way. Happy and smiling and sharing inside jokes. Sometimes sobbing and heartbroken when conflict comes to a head. All the parts and pieces of being a kid fit so nicely on her.
When she can we do trips together. She misses it sometimes, seeing the world and experiencing things that not many kids get to experience. I asked her once if she resented me for raising her on the road. She told me she loved her life, that she loved being on the road but she’s happy to be here in Raston now.
The best of both worlds.
I mouth happy birthday sweetie to her and lean on the fence to get Jet’s attention.
“Where’s Xan? I haven’t heard from him at all today.”
Jet casts his gaze down for a moment that I don’t miss and then shrugs.
“Del probably has him hanging upside down from the house or some shit. You know how she is about parties.”
I don’t push it because it’s entirely possible. And I haven’t been around to reign her in either. God knows what she’s done to my house.
Unease settles across my shoulders and it’s a feeling I don’t like. Not since Leslie.
She was released from prison on parole a few weeks ago and part of me doesn’t trust that she’s done with me. With my family. Even though she wrote me a long letter a few months ago about her rehabilitation. She’s on meds now, has worked with a therapist on redirecting her anger.
I still don’t trust it.
Maybe a threat came in while I was gone, and they are all hiding it from me.
I glance back at Jet furiously typing on his phone with a scowl set in his face.
They wouldn’t keep something like that from me.
Would they?
#
I pull into the long gravel drive of my parents’ house, now my house. I bought it after Jet finished repairing it, and Xan moved in only a few months later. Off the North side he built a small cabin in the trees for my father, his police cruiser sitting out front, him sitting on the small porch with his feet up. When he sees me, he stands abruptly, and suspicion sinks deeper into me.
“Babe,” Xan calls, zipping around the South side of the house. Seeing him eases my nerves but only a little.
“What’s going on? Why is everyone being so” I’m cut off by his mouth on mine, his arm scooped around my back and the same hunger he kisses me with every time. Not just when I get back from trips, which always makes him a bit more handsy.
“Come with me,” he says breaking the kiss and taking my hand, tugging me toward the tree line. The path that leads to the creek. “I need to talk to you.”
My heart starts thundering and I know. Leslie must have made contact. The coordinated efforts of the Ryker siblings always mean trouble.
“What’s wrong Xan?” I rush to keep up with him, but he says nothing. I yank on his arm and he spins to face me, his eyes finally taking me in, seeing my concern. “Did she threaten us again?”
He tilts his head for a moment before he registers what I mean.
“No, babe. No that’s not what this is about at all.”
“Then what? Did something go wrong with the papers for Millie?” Maybe they aren’t going to grant her papers. I hadn’t even thought about that.
Xan takes my hips and backs me into a smooth Aspen, he kisses me again which silences my mind. The command of his mouth, his teeth nipping at my lip, his tongue knowing exactly how to make me moan. The tension evaporates from my shoulders and I wrap my arms around his neck.
“I missed you,” he whispers along my jaw. “I told them to let me know if they saw you first. I just missed you, babe.” His hard body presses into mine and I feel his arousal.
I’ll never tire of this. The way he kisses me, the way he looks at me, the way I burn for him.
“Millie’s party doesn’t start for a few hours I guess,” I say between heavy breaths and he laughs against my skin.
“A few hours hey?” He springs back and takes my hand guiding me toward our creek.
“Well I suppose we’ll need some time to shower and such after,” I tease him, and he glances at me with that heavy-lidded lust.
He takes to the clearing by the creek and next to the rushing water is an entire set up. Like when we were young. Blankets, an old banged up blue cooler, pillows.
“I’m already way ahead of you,” he teases.
“I love you so much,” I say, stepping around him to take in the scene and live in my eternal love for this man.
“Briggs,” he says, and I spin around at the wobbling uncertainty in his voice. He’s kneeling in front of me and I gasp as it all becomes clear. He’s holding a stone in his palm, not a ring but I already know. I already see everything flash before my eyes, every magical moment of the rest of my life.
“This is the exact spot I fell in love with you,” he continues, and I can barely hear through the pounding of my heart. “This is the spot I left you waiting for me and I never showed up for you then. I wanted to come back here for that reason. I wanted it to be here to show you that I’ll never make you feel that way again if you’ll let me. If you’ll have me I’ll show up for you every day for the rest of our lives. As your husband, as your best friend, as whatever you need me to be.”
I sink down to my knees, hating that he’s not at eye level, and crawl into his arms.
“As yourself,” I say cupping his cheeks and watching his eyes fill with tears. “I want you just as you are. It’s my favorite you.”
“So yes?” He masks his emotion with that cocky grin.
“Yes.” I kiss him hard, knocking him back into the dirt and climbing into his lap. He pushes his hands up my shirt, and grinds me down against him, the mood shifting to desperation. Desperate for the feel of his warm skin against mine and I yank at his shirt pulling it over his head. He replaces his hands on my flesh, slowly working the material up my stomach and over my breasts, taking his time. This is the difference between Xan and me. Like opening a gift, I’m desperate to get inside, desperate to rip the wrapping from the box to see what’s inside.
Xan takes his time, the act of unwrapping me is as much a part of the experience. He enjoys tormenting me by slowly exposing my chest and running a thumb over my covered nipple, before he tugs my shirt over my head. With one hand he reaches behind and unsnaps my bra, taking as much time peeling it from my body. I’m used to it now and I burn with the anticipation of knowing what comes next. After light feathering touches, soft caresses, and a dusting of kisses that light me on fire he’ll unleash himself on me.
I close my eyes and wait for it to come.
#
XAN
She’s staring at her reflection in the steamy mirror, swiping her hand across the glass. Her cheeks are still flushed and it’s sexy as hell. My own body is still riding high from sex by the creek and a steamy romp in the shower. I can’t believe this woman agreed to be my wife. That the only thing I’ve wanted since I was seventeen years old is mine forever. That she chose me. I step up behind her pressing my naked body against hers and kisses a drop of water from the soft slope of her shoulder.
“I love you,” I say before playfully smacking her bare ass and she yelps.
“Get out of here, we can’t be late for our daughter’s party,” she laughs and shoves me back into the master bedroom.
We’re almost ready when I hear Millie stomping around in her room like only an eleven-year-old can. My face falls into this sense of dread I haven’t been able to hide since Briggs suggested this.
“This is what she wants. But she’ll hate it if we do it in front of everyone.”
“She really would.”
“We’re running out of time. People are starting to arrive. Your sister is going to be banging down this door in about five minutes.
I slide the side table drawer open and lift out a wrapped gift, my chest heaving with his nervous breath. All the nerves I felt that first night I met her hit with me with a vengeance.
Briggs wraps her arms around my waist and presses her cheek to my back.
“She loves you so so much.”
“But what if she doesn’t want this?”
“She asked me about it. She was the one who brought it up.” She’s told me this a thousand times and I still feel like I’m going to barf.
“Millie,” I call, knowing I’ll chicken out if I wait.
“Yeah?” She calls from her room.
“Can you come in here a minute?”
She pops her head in the room. “What’s up dad?”
It will never get old. I smile every fucking time she calls me that. It settles my nerves.
“I wanted to give you your gift now,” I say shoving it out to her and her frown tells me she’s puzzled by my odd behavior.
“Okay,” she says skipping into the room and grabs the gift. She plops down on the bed with suspicion in her features. Briggs who is as tense as I am, gnaws on her thumb nail.
Slowly Millie peels the paper off and I want to run away. Hide forever. What if she says no?
She takes out the envelope and opens it, the paperwork in her hands and she blinks. For a long time, she only blinks.
“Mom?” Her eyes glaze with tears.
“It’s real sweetheart. If you want it.” Briggs nods to the adoption papers, the way I can legally become her father, get my name on her birth certificate, give her my last name.
Her lip trembles and she turns those eyes to me and it guts me. It shreds me to the core.
“You want to be my dad?”
I fall to my knees in front of her taking her hands in mine. “I am your dad. I will always be your dad. This just makes it official and if you want you can become a Ryker.”
She looks to her mom again. Always together. Always a team.
“Xan asked me to marry him today Sweetie. I said yes. We can do this together. If you want. We’re a family. We can do it together.”
Millie bursts into hysterical sobs, streams of tears and snot and loud hiccupping words I can’t tell what they were at all. It triggers my own tears and in moments Millie clings to me and we cry together while Briggs rubs both our shoulders. My emotional rock, our emotional rock.
I pull myself together, clearing my throat and wiping at my eyes. I take a deep breath and detach my daughter from me. I wipe her tears with my thumbs and Briggs hands a tissue to Millie to wipe her nose.
“I think your party is starting,” I am happy for the reason to cut this emotion train short and regain myself. Mille kisses me on the cheek and gives me one more big hug before she skips to the door. She stops on the threshold and looks at me and Briggs. My hair, Del’s eyes, Brigg’s smile, Pris’ cheeks, but her mind, heart, and soul are all her own.
“You coming?” She asks and I smile.
“I’ll be down in a minute,” I say, and she wastes no time hammering down the steps and the screen door slams. Out the window Briggs and I watch her barrel headlong into life with wonder and kindness and curiosity.
“I can’t believe we made that,” I sigh, and Briggs wraps her arms around my waist, pressing her cheek to my chest.
“Best thing we’ve ever done,” she replies.
“I want to make another one,” I say and watch her reaction. I want more kids. As many as she’ll give me, and I realize we’ve never really talked about this before.
Her eyes widen in surprise and then she lifts to her toes to kiss me. When she breaks the kiss, her smile is wide and she pats my chest like I didn’t just ask her to make another baby, but something much more mundane.
“Let’s do it,” she says her eyes teasing. “But maybe not right this second.”
I laugh and nod.
“Soon,” I say guiding her to the door of our room. Through our home. Into our life. To celebrate our daughter.
I finally understand Shunta’s question on our first meeting. If all obstacles were removed from the equation, what do I really want?
The sun burns down on me reflecting off the snowcapped mountains, Millie is bouncing around talking so fast I barely understand, Briggs is laughing with Del and she blows me a kiss when she catches me watching, Jet and Zeke are chasing a group of kids through the grass in some sort of game of tag, Pris helps Tabby bring out the cake. It’s chaos and I love it.
This.
Right here.
This is what I want.
Forever.
Wildfire Page 20
