MUFFLE: A Love Like Luna's (Mum's The Word Series Book 1)

by Laikyn Meng

When her chest connects with mine, tears stream down my soul. Peace fills in the cracks, and I pull away only to worship the moment with gratitude.

  Her tiny thumb keeps tapping her chin, open hand, so I don’t miss the beautiful word she keeps signing to me.

  Mom. Mother. Mommy. Momma.

  A raised fist does it’s best to nod a good solid yes, but it quakes with emotion. So, I try to shake off my nerves, and I thumb the side of my face bringing it down to my chin, and I swing my arms together, swaddling a newborn.

  Daughter.

  Olallie wraps her arms around my shoulders again, and I forget she isn’t a baby or a toddler. But, I pick her up and spin her around just the same.

  A bubble of laughter doesn’t come from her mouth. It moves through her chest and matches the one in my heart.

  I place her back on her feet, so we can wrap up any other paperwork I need to sign.

  “We thought it would be a great surprise to see you here.” The social worker is a friendly lady that I have come to respect. She wants the best for my girl, she signs and gives her a wink.

  Olallie blushes a bit and looks up to me, holding my hand.

  “Well, I couldn’t sleep the past week, I’ve been counting the seconds until I got to bring you home.” I look her in the eye and squish the words together until she giggles like I’m not making any sense.

  “Hi, I’m Rachel.” A family friend of my parents, one that actually treated me as an equal.

  “Oh, sorry, I was focused. This is Asher, he is a friend from work.”

  “From the clinic?”

  “Yes.”

  “Deaf?” Rachel taps her lips, then brings it back to her ear.

  “Nope, only 50% of me, Miss Rachel. Now, who is this little girl? I have to say you may be the most beautiful, and I mean gorgeous queen quality, young lady. My eyes have ever seen.” Asher matches her height, she seems nervous, but I give her a nod.

  Asher swipes his hand over his face over and over again. Giving her confirmation of her beauty.

  Hands mold against his face, and Olallie rubs the tip of her nose to Asher’s. Their foreheads hold together for a minute, and I almost forget the miracle she was born to be.

  Never forgetting her light, allowing it to shine.

  “Wow,” Rachel utters, and I don’t tempt fate and look away. She witnesses the same exchange of introductions, like a soul welcoming another soul. Experiencing harmony on a new level of awareness.

  After the break, Olallie points her finger up and down, then to her lips to sign the word eat.

  “You want something to eat, pretty girl?” Asher tries to read her quick signs.

  “No, she says, let’s go home.” With that, she nods, waves goodbye to Rachel, thanking her.

  Both hands take one of mine and the other Asher’s, and we head to the car to finally go home.

  “Luna, she’s miraculous.” And I knew that was the beginning of the truth.

  Chapter 10

  LUNA

  After the thrill of a new adventure wore off, the sadness of losing my parents finally hit my daughter’s conscious state. They weren’t coming back, she only had me to trust to take care.

  What things were explained to her why she wasn’t with me? Why I was outcasted from the rest of the family gatherings? Not coming around by choice, the frigid response from being alive was enough to keep me at bay.

  The months came, and they went, Asher came and went as well. Though we tangled in more conversation than physical touch. Our debates agitating to him, to me, it was curious banter.

  If I was nervous about not sleeping before Olallie’s arrival, then now it was a new level of worry. My bed had been abandoned, and I found a wonderous corner across from her, where I made sure I wouldn’t be able to lose her.

  Tonight Olallie is hiding from me again. I don't know what I expected, her to cling to me because I carried her in my stomach, giving her life.

  But she was scared, and as she stuck herself between the dresser and toy chest, I sat on the opposite wall, I talked to her about how long I loved her. How long she would be loved, past infinity.

  My fingers danced out childhood songs, one’s I’m sure my parents showed her. I didn’t give up or push her. I waited on the floor, knowing it would take time. And every year since her birth, I had been creating a new way of thought.

  “Olallie, Olallie, my fair lady. The hair of a halo, a crown of gold. Once you cry those tears of joy, you won’t ever be scared or cold. Our hands are open, my eyes always hearing. Don’t worry darling, there is nothing to be fearing.”

  After a few sleepless nights, she came out of hiding. She went into the light, and she pulled my arms around her, and I made sure we were both going to be okay, that we were finally safe.

  ~

  “We’re headed to the grocery store; do you want anything?” Grabbing my purse and zipping up Olallie’s jacket.

  “I want to come with you guys. Is that okay, Olallie? Can I tag along?” Asher’s tone was pure playful, and I’m sure one day, he would make a wonderful father to some lucky kid.

  We buckle ourselves in and make sure Olallie is fastened. I sing off-key to music as the little girl in the backseat dances to my smile.

  “Did we get everything on the list?” I show it to my daughter, and she checks everything off and gives me okay.

  “Perfect, let’s check out.”

  “Good, I am starving! Let’s go home before I decide to eat you!” Asher taps his fingers to his lips and points at Olallie.

  “Oh, crap! Ash, I forgot those crackers Halo likes, could you go back and grab some?” When we see him run off, I bend down and rub noses with hers. She lets me enjoy a soft giggle.

  I place an item here and there on the conveyor belt. Then I turn to see Lennox Krause walk through the sliding doors.

  Oh no, was this happening? I thought I might faint, get a grip of yourself. It’s not like he would come over, acknowledge her or me.

  No way would he turn towards me, a grin growing on his face. It wasn’t possible frozen in fear, I tried to push my sweet angel behind me. Try and shield her from her father.

  “I thought she didn’t exist in this world.” Knox looks down at our daughter, not with distaste but with amazement. His words are hurtful, but she can’t hear him. But she sure as hell can read his dumbass lips. His voice isn’t hateful. The blonde hair slowly shifts as he crouches in front of Olallie.

  Makes no apologies.

  “Couldn’t.”

  Nodding as he agrees to see her for the first time. “She’s me.”

  “Agreed. Minus the extrovert personality.”

  “Probably a good thing. Has gotten me into some trouble, little lady.” He grins down at her, looking genuinely proud of one of his creations.

  “She can’t hear—”

  He nods again. “How old is the girl?”

  “8.” One less to the years, Rebecca has been missing from the Earth.

  “Luna, I couldn’t find the organic animal crackers. They had gluten-free ones, though. Hope that’s going to be okay?” I hold onto my daughter’s little hand as she stares at the cracks in the cement.

  “Asher, this is Lennox.”

  “Knox. Of course, infamous asshole.” Asher moves to give his hand and stares dead into Knox’s eyes. Even Knox gets nervous from the look and puts his focus back on Olallie.

  “Come on, Halo. Let’s go home for milk and cookies.” Asher signs to her and then picks her up.

  She lifts her thumb to her forehead.

  “What’s that mean?” Knox asks eagerly to know.

  “Daddy. It’s the sign for dad.” I say the word as ordinary as it sounds, he has heard it before daily with his other children.

  “How are they? Leonie and the twins?” Asher seems agitated that we were continuing the conversation. But I couldn’t help it, I wanted to connect.

  “Good. The kids are great, Leonie still asks about you. She skipped 2 grades. They will probably start
her on the college curriculum in the next few years. She’s 13, a teenager now. Feel like an old man, with the way she talks. Gosh, that Kalonie is giving me a run for my money.”

  “Your favorite number.” Ignoring the comments about his other children.

  “Yeah, unlucky as it is. Sometimes I wish the girl would get into trouble or hell even get a boyfriend. Who knows, maybe she will turn out to be a lesbian.”

  “Don’t say that. Even if Leonie was, you’d still accept her.” My heart hurt for the rampage of his children, who would not live his solitude.

  “True. Not like Calhoun turned out to be gay. That would be harder to accept.”

  “Leonie has always been smart. Your daughter was helping me with my homework back then.”

  “Yeah, she got quite the intellect. She misses you. Her mother too. Though she never says anything.”

  “I miss Rebecca too.”

  “Me too.” This is the first time he smiles in memory of her.

  “Tell Leonie I say hi and good luck in her studies.”

  “I will. Leonie will be happy to hear from you.” His white teeth are straight, and his face lights up, talking about his eldest daughter.

  “Goodbye, Knox.”

  “Goodbye, Luna Lovett. Be sure to bring our daughter around more, yeah here?” Knox looks delighted, his eyes clear from anything foreign. Power, he looked so at ease. Untouchable with the evidence of being above.

  As we walk away, he stands there a glimmer of sun slides over the glassy look in his emerald eyes.

  But Olallie wasn’t saying it to him, her head resting on Asher’s shoulder. She called him daddy.

  Chapter 11

  ASHER

  “You don’t think I get mad? That I am not angry at God? I am half an idiot. Lame and stupid. Cannot hear a damn thing out of my left ear. Have tiny bits of metal so deep into my body that the doctors won’t attempt to extract it. Evolve, that’s what they told me.” I rake my fingers through my hair, making sure every row gets a good tug.

  “My body will adapt to its circumstances. That is what my life has been degraded to; a circumstance. Not a chance I was gifted to reclaim, that fate fucked me right up my ass like a boy toy.” The glass I drained swirls on its edges as I tempt it to fall and shatter off the table, making my outburst even more dramatic.

  “It’s not a punishment.” Her passive posture makes me come even more uncorked; give me a reaction, damn it! This isn’t the first time I searched through the house for a fight.

  “It is for me.” Her blue eyes aren’t painted with pity, but I spit in the sink anyway with the compassion she gives, a secret monster she understands but can’t solve.

  At this point, I worry if anyone can; the medication fails, the counselors are drowned in veterans’ misery, it is a miracle they aren’t in the same statistics as we are when it comes to offing ourselves.

  “Maybe you should stop feeling sorry for yourself. Because others are born that way. People that have never been graced with the sound of music. Individuals who have never heard the utter of loving words. My daughter over there doesn’t even know my voice. Couldn’t recognize her own.” I stare over to where our blonde angel sits cross-legged. Her petite fingers spread as she tries to feel the vibrations from the music. They begin to tap, and she looks over at us smiling, before returning to the new sensation of sensing sound.

  “You are the least empathetic person I have ever met.”

  “Sympathetic. I am the least sympathetic woman you have ever met. What surprises you more that I won’t fuck you to make you feel better? Or tell you how grateful for your service, to stroke your wounded ego? To make you feel like you went out there and did something good? I don’t know what you did over there. Maybe you defended America’s flag around the clock. There are always shrines for the fallen heroes or not. It is your choice whether to embrace the loyalty you took to serve your commander in chief. Feeling ashamed for doing what needed to be done, doesn’t make everybody terrorists.” Luna has a backlash of words, and they always come across whipping me. A few stripes across my back, a few across my dignity. She never forgets to get a few good ones on my honor.

  “Asher, you are brave. But that is your definition, that is you as a human, you as a solider, you as a man. It is a belief for you to decide.” Her tiny hand rubs down my chin, and I itch away from the feeling that she soothes me.

  “I hate when you talk to me like this.” I was annoyed at myself more than her, but she was a target.

  “Like what?”

  “Like you are showing me different ways to change my beliefs about who I am.”

  Chapter 12

  LUNA

  “I didn’t do anything wrong, I followed my orders.” His voice cracks, and I turn to stare out the window. I reach out my hand to feel the sun’s rays encircle my palm.

  “You’re alive, Asher. Two arms, two legs, lungs, kidneys, all major organs function. I don’t see you in a wheelchair or 6 feet under in a coffin.”

  “Luna, you have a shit way of making me feel better.”

  “No matter what, I say Asher. I could tell you that everybody should bend their heads for the justice you brought back home. That the honor of your name should live on forever. But what good are my words when you choose not to hear them.”

  “Luna…I don’t know how to be okay. Some days I don’t understand who I am. What I am.” He sits down at the kitchen table and pulls me to him. His eyes pleading for mercy only he can give himself.

  “Maybe it isn’t about who you are. Maybe it’s just today, and today you decide you want to live. That death doesn’t seem like a comforting idea.”

  “I don’t feel like dying today.”

  “Let that be enough. Tomorrow we will worry about tomorrow.”

  “What would I do without you?”

  “Live.” I try to shield my own eyes from the sadness that creeps. I struggle with answering my own purpose concerning life’s questions. “Do you think she knows how much I love her?”

  “She knows.” Asher pulls me on his lap and kisses my cheek. “Do you think she knows how much I love her mother?” He whispers it in my ear like a secret.

  I shake my head, hiding my face in his neck. I feel the gulp in his Adam apple as it bobs.

  “I love you, Luna Lovett. I love your unwavering allegiance to make me a better man. What a wonderful mother and woman you are. I love who you are.” His words escaping as I captured his confession with the kiss of my lips.

  Both of us abandoning ourselves with the neglect of self-love. Trying to find the right balance. Back to salvation, hoping we have the keys too.

  ~

  It was my mistake thinking the storm was over. Asher is there festering over Lennox’s image at the grocery store. As if it interrupted out lives.

  “He was a goddamn pedophile, Luna! For fuck’s sake! You were 14 fucking years old. He took advantage of you! Oh, my living hell if I ever see that man again—”

  “You’ll do what exactly, Asher?”

  “Murder him, knock him out, pick whichever one you can forgive me for after.”

  “Let me get this straight, you are going to bring down Knox Krauss. Not only a father to 3 other children may I remind you, but to that little girl sitting quietly behind you.”

  “He is not her father.”

  “Who is then Ash? Is it you today, or will it be you tomorrow? Are you going to make a decision to be present or temporary?”

  I don’t say a word because I can’t. My needs and wants never aligns, and it would be a criminal offense if the words leave my mouth.

  “I thought so.” She nods her pale head bouncing as she gathers her paperwork and goes to Olallie.

  She is calm, letting me rage with a violent explosion. Waiting for the tornado to pass through, waiting for my energy to leave the fight. Patience, this chick gets it.

  “I love Olallie. I know you do too.”

  “I always will, she’s my girl.” I struggle to admit that much.
>
  “Come on, I’m late for class.” Luna taps her daughter’s shoulder, signing it’s time to go. Olallie takes a turn, pointing at me and shaking her head. We meet eyes, and I playfully glared at her.

  Luna starts a sign and ends with circling her eyes and something about a bear.

  “What does that one mean?”

  “I panda promise.”

  “Promise what?”

  “That you will be here when we come back from her therapy.”

  “Let me take her.”

  “You sure?”

  “Yes?”

  “Is your tempest gone? Clear weather the rest of the day?”

  “Looks like that’s what the forecast says.” Looking at my gadget of a watch.

  “I love you.” I am always the first to say it.

  “I love you. Tonight, take me to higher than we’ve ever been before.”

  “I hope you are talking about fucking. Because I’ve been thinking about fucking for several hours.”

  She almost tells me to watch my language, but it is not necessary, so she sly smiles at me, goes in for a hug, her hand to my hard cock, giving him a proper rub down before we exit the door.

  “Temptation. I like this side of you.”

  “He may have been older Ash, but he didn’t come up with the idea of seduction. He was always my prey, and I was the predator.”

  Chapter 13

  ASHER

  There was desperation in her touch.

  Luna craved the caress of my hands like she had never been held in any manner other than greed.

  Taking in each detail as we arranged our limbs to intertwine as our beating hearts channeled a similar rhythm.

  Luna makes me question everything I've been taught. Like stripped of a religion, I've only known as the truth. I hate the facts, all truth, nothing but the truth. Nothing but bullshit, somehow that excused attitudes, wrongdoings. How could someone’s truths justify cruel intentions? I would rather deal with the false lies, the stripped-down counterfeit. Than to stare at the open eyes of a tearful woman I love, and know that their truth is honest and heartfelt.