The Inner Gym
Page 3
To begin, we need to examine all of the practical ways in which daily meditation passes the “so what?” test. Translation: how does making the time to meditate add real-world value to your life?
Daily life makes us all susceptible to accumulating stress, mostly due to the non-stop demands and pressures of juggling work, home and personal responsibilities. This stress revs up the nervous system, causing the brain to flood the body with hormones that trigger overreacting, irrational thinking, and even insomnia. After years of unavoidable exposure to the stress reaction with no defense, the nervous system can become severely deteriorated, leaving us defenseless against mental or physical illness and disease.iv
As it happens, meditation has been proven as one of the greatest counter-stress solutions.v When practiced daily, meditation can help to restore balance and re-supply much-needed rest to your physiology. Common side effects of daily meditation are increased energy and feelings of contentedness and inner happiness.vi
Meditating daily will not only repair your body from the long-term effects of stress, but it has also been scientifically proven to enhance brain power, which will allow you to achieve a level of clarity never before experienced. You will notice more refined intuition and have an easier time honing in on the “bigger picture” aspects of your life circumstances.
Over these next five days, you’re going to explore the practice of daily meditation, and use it to give your mind and body much needed outlets for the release of stress. This is a key habit that you will form over these next 30 days and beyond. In fact, your entire Inner Gym workout hinges upon your commitment to meditating for just five to ten minutes each day.
Perhaps you either already meditate, or you could easily sit for much longer than five to ten minutes. That’s great, and as you begin to experience the benefits of a consistent meditation practice, you will be tempted to gradually increase your sitting time. However, five minutes is a good minimum for now. If you have your own daily meditation practice, by all means continue practicing as you’ve been—but I still recommend that you read through the following instructions, just in case you find this way of meditating easier. If you haven’t been consistent, it’s a sign that your current practice may not be easy enough, and you may want to consider following these instructions instead.
MEDITATION INSTRUCTIONS
Recommended Equipment:
A timepiece that you can see clearly
Comfortable back support
Get comfortable. At some point in the morning, ideally before food or coffee, sit against your headboard while in bed, on a chair, on a couch, in your car, or anywhere with comfortable back support. It’s best not to lie down, but it’s not necessary to sit up completely straight. “Comfortable” is the key word. Relax your hands and feet, and position yourself as though you were about to watch television. Feel free to rest your legs on an ottoman, or place your feet on the floor. You may also cross your legs or arms if you find it more relaxing.
Position your clock. I recommend using a digital clock app on your phone to track the time, because the LCD display can be easily seen if you’re in a dimly lit room. Place your phone in airplane mode and disable the “auto-lock” feature within the app so you won’t need to press or swipe the screen in order to see the time. Put the timing device where you can see it clearly without straining, turning your head, or moving your body.
Calculate your finish time. Looking at the clock, add ten minutes on top of your start time. This will be your finish time. So if you begin at 7:30am, your finish time will be 7:40am. Repeat your finish time to yourself once or twice. It’s best not to set an alarm, or you may end up shocking yourself out of your meditation.
Close your eyes and relax your body. While your eyes are closed, notice your toes, give them a little wiggle, and relax them. Move your awareness up to your calf muscles, and relax those. Then, move up to your quads, your buttocks, your lower back, your stomach. As one body part relaxes, move up to the next higher part. Relax your hands, arms, shoulders, upper back and chest, throat, lips and tongue, eyes, ears, and forehead. If a part of your body doesn’t stay relaxed, that’s fine.
Notice your breathing and embrace thoughts. Without speeding up or slowing down your breathing, just notice it. Expect your mind to wander away from noticing your breath. Do not fight this; it’s a natural occurrence. It’s okay to get lost in thoughts. And whenever you realize you’re meditating, just passively begin to notice your breathing again. For now, let the act of meditating become synonymous with both noticing your breathing and getting lost in your thoughts. Let all of the thoughts come and go—as you forget and become aware that you are meditating, it’s best not to resist any thoughts, including ideas, songs, conversations, images, feelings, or sensations. Embrace all mental experiences without concern, remorse, or regret. In a typical meditation, you’ll begin by noticing your breathing for a minute or two, then you’ll get lost in thoughts for a minute or two, then you’ll remember you’re meditating, and slowly return to noticing your breath for a little while, then you’ll get lost again.
Check the time. Whenever you have the inclination to look at the time, peek at the clock and verify how much longer you have left, then slowly close your eyes. If only a couple of minutes have passed, return to noticing your breath without controlling it whatsoever. Remember, it’s best not to use an alarm or a timer.
Come out slowly and write down your experiences. When you verify that your ten minutes have been reached, your meditation is done. If you want to sit for longer, you can. Otherwise, you may slowly open your eyes and bring yourself out. Once you’ve completed your meditation, flip to the end of this chapter and briefly jot down your experiences in your inner exercise log. Write a few words about what you felt during your meditation, after your meditation, or any interesting thoughts, ideas, or sensations you may have experienced as a result of your meditation. You can also note the differences in your mood before and after meditating.
Rate your happiness. The “post-meditation happiness level” chart is for you to use to keep track of your progress. Your happiness level should ideally reflect your overall feeling over the previous 24 hours. It’s normal for happiness levels to drop at first. As with weight lifting for the first time, there is usually soreness and tightness in the muscles. In your case, there may be some moodiness coming up as a result of meditation. This is a common symptom of purification (we’ll dive deeper into that subject in Phase II of The Inner Gym).
ADDITIONAL INSTRUCTIONS
You will meditate each morning, ideally after waking up and before leaving your home. If you miss the morning window, you can make it up later while on your morning commute, at your job, or anywhere else you can find a comfortable seat and close your eyes, including airplanes, buses, and taxis. If you forget to meditate in the morning, just meditate at some point in the afternoon (maybe at your desk), or early evening when you get home. If you would like to meditate a second time in the day or night, feel free to do so.
It’s best not to skip meditation if you can help it. It’s also recommended to re-read these instructions a few times until you have a full understanding of the simple process. Once you finish this chapter, you’re going to stop reading the book and just practice your meditation over the next five days before moving on to the next chapter. You may feel the urge to continue reading, but to get the most out of this program, it’s very important that you pace the reading and exercises as instructed.
Helpful tips:
• You don’t have to be a frozen sculpture when meditating. Be natural, and give yourself permission to move, scratch, cough or sneeze during meditation.
• If you fall asleep during the meditation, don’t fight it off—let it come by lying down if you can.
• If you’re afraid of over-meditating and missing an appointment, you may use a soft alarm.
• If you get distracted, you don’t have to start from the beginning—just pick up where you left off.
; • It’s best not to use earplugs or white noise machines while meditating.
OUTER GYM EQUIVALENT
MEDITATING FOR 5 - 10 MINS = FOAM ROLLING
Daily meditation for five to ten minutes is a foundational exercise in your Inner Gym program; just like foam rolling is foundational in the outer gym. Foam rolling should ideally be the first thing you do before working out. By deeply stretching and rolling out your limbs, joints, and muscles, you loosen them for optimal agility. The payoff is superior strength and flexibility once you begin lifting. No serious gym goer skips the foam rolling before working out her outer muscles, and neither should you skip your morning meditation when cultivating your inner muscles.
EXERCISE LOG: MEDITATE 5 – 10 MINS
Day 1
Describe your meditation experiences: ___________ ____________________________________________
____________________________________________
____________________________________________
Rate my post-meditation happiness level:
Very Happy 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1 Very Unhappy
Day 2
Describe your meditation experiences: ___________ ____________________________________________
____________________________________________
____________________________________________
Rate my post-meditation happiness level:
Very Happy 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1 Very Unhappy
Day 3
Describe your meditation experiences: ___________ ____________________________________________
____________________________________________
____________________________________________
Rate my post-meditation happiness level:
Very Happy 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1 Very Unhappy
Day 4
Describe your meditation experiences: ___________ ____________________________________________
____________________________________________
____________________________________________
Rate my post-meditation happiness level:
Very Happy 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1 Very Unhappy
Day 5
Describe your meditation experiences: ___________ ____________________________________________
____________________________________________
____________________________________________
Rate my post-meditation happiness level:
Very Happy 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1 Very Unhappy
Continue on to your next inner exercise after day 5.
He is a wise man who does not grieve
for the things which he has not,
but rejoices for those which he has.
— Epictetus
INNER EXERCISE 2
BE THANKFUL
(Days 6 to 10)
During my first years living in Los Angeles, I made a daily ritual of jogging up Runyon Canyon, a rocky, inclined hiking trail nestled in the Hollywood Hills. My good friend Will joined me on most mornings. Our slow, uphill runs served as strong exercise, as well as opportunities to workshop solutions to everyday work, family, and relationship challenges. Since we were both full-time yoga teachers, many of the resolutions we came up with incorporated Eastern principles, such as being “Self-referral.”
Self-referral means looking within yourself to uncover the root of a challenge or complaint—as opposed to being “object-referral,” which means to blame a problem on someone else, or external circumstances. For instance, I experienced a decline in modeling jobs during my last couple of years living in New York. I initially blamed it on the economy, but I also knew that I was no longer passionate about being a fashion model. Was my lack of bookings a reflection of the down economy (the object), or my lack of passion (the Self)? Being Self-referral means you give equal consideration to your mindset and actions surrounding a problem as the potential cause of the problem; after all, our thoughts have creative power.vii In my case, there were other models who were thriving in the fashion industry, while I was barely scraping by—so it couldn’t have solely been the economy.
Another example: let’s say someone offends you. If you’re being object referral, you automatically blame the offender—they are the problem, not you. But if you’re being Self-referral, before assigning blame, you first examine what may be unresolved within you that allowed you to feel offended? Perhaps you’ve been validating your worth by their opinion of you? Otherwise, why do you care what he or she thinks or says about you? These were the types of conversations Will and I would have day after day.
One morning, something unexpected occurred that lead to the discovery of yet another tool for navigating challenging situations. Will and I were jogging, and I began ranting about how I felt slighted by my ex-girlfriend spreading nasty rumors about me to our mutual friends. I was in the midst of my object-referral tirade, and instead of agreeing that her actions were outlandish, Will interrupted by politely asking me to list off qualities about my ex for which I was grateful.
“Grateful?!” I thought. The last thing in the world I felt in that moment was gratitude. It was like asking me what qualities about neo-Nazism was I most grateful for? Unsure of how to respond to such a bizarre request, I just stopped talking.
At first I was annoyed because he seemed to be taking her side. Next, I remembered our tacit agreement to be Self-referral—but this situation should’ve been an exception, I thought. Then I slowly began to recognize what he was doing: Will was simply providing me with an opportunity to get out of my “story” of what happened and channel my energy into a more positive direction.
We continued to jog in silence, which amplified the combined sound of heavy breathing and crunching gravel. I strained to play along and began racking my brain for reasons to be grateful. It took about ten more seconds of deep contemplation before I was able to dig something out: “She helped me become more regular in my meditation practice,” I whispered, breaking the silence.
Then came another one: “She has one of the most beautiful smiles I’ve ever seen.” After “She’s doing the best she can,” I was on a roll. And the heavy cloud of negativity, which previously distorted my perception and fueled my rant, began to slowly dissipate. I didn’t even realize the grip it had over me until I began mindfully placing my attention on gratitude. Playing this game felt so good that I couldn’t stop. “She’s actually a very caring person.” “She’s incredibly funny.” “I love her family.”
I meant every word and instantly felt reinvigorated, both spiritually and physically. Then I passed the “gratitude” baton to Will, and he began listing off admirable qualities about his ex-girlfriend, who he’d complained about before as well. Hearing his statements of gratitude inspired me to think of even more of my own. I didn’t realize how much my previous wave of negativity was draining my friend’s energy and disturbing the serenity of our environment. Afterwards, I felt as bright and expansive as those first morning sunrays emerging from behind us, melting away the shadows of my discontent.
From then on, whenever one of us caught the other tumbling into that very human sinkhole of negativity, we’d break out what became known as the “Gratitude Game.” It was so simple in application, yet immensely powerful in effect.
You can play the Gratitude Game with a friend or by yourself. The trick is to willingly overlook the offender’s limitations in favor of his or her admirable qualities. A good starting point is to ask, “What do I admire about this person or appreciate about this situation?” or “What valuable lessons can I learn from this encounter?” If nothing comes, try reverse-engineering the gratitude. In other words, treat the encounter with that person or situation as the best thing that could be happening for you in the moment, and work backwards from there by asking yourself why that could potentially be the case? Over time, and with much practice, seeing people’s better qualities and feeling a real sense of gratitude becomes habitual.
WHY GRATITUDE?
The opposite of gratitude is resentmen
t. Resentment fosters suffering, and suffering, with no tools to quell it, can feel like quicksand, sucking you deeper into negativity until you’re convinced that the world is an awful place. There’s no easy (or cheap) way out of this worldview once it swallows you up. This simple inner exercise of expressing daily gratitude will form a taut rope that you can grab a hold of and pull yourself back up to solid ground, where you can see and appreciate all the goodness surrounding you in any moment.
Science has also uncovered several desirable side-effects from experiencing regular doses of gratitude, including the release of very potent “bliss”x chemicals. For instance, the pep in my step that I felt while playing the Gratitude Game for the first time, after running uphill and complaining for two miles, was the result of a discharge of the endogenous mood-boosting chemicals serotonin and norepinephrine coursing throughout my body. Studies have also shown gratitude to increase the social bonding hormone oxytocin, and dopamine, which tells the nervous system that the danger is over and it’s time to prepare for peace.xi
Many of us feel at least a semblance of gratitude before eating, especially on holidays like Thanksgiving. This may seem innate, but feeling grateful before eating is actually a learned behavior—the result of praying or expressing thanks before eating hundreds and thousands of times, after which, seeing a plate of food produces a spontaneous sense of gratitude. But have you ever felt grateful while paying your bills? Or while waiting in line at the post office? The answer is more likely “no” than “yes” because our interpretation of those experiences is that we’re losing something—whether time or money—and it’s often hardest to feel grateful in the face of loss. But that’s about to change.