by K R Leikvoll
Kirin leaned against the iron railing looking out at—I guess—his subjects. His mind was preoccupied with something other than my presence. A relief for me at least.
"Can we just go down there and get something to eat? I literally haven't been fed since I got here," I rambled after a long period of silence. “I can go by myself; you don’t have to come.” I don't know why I was asking permission in the first place. I turned to walk away, but I was tugged back. I glanced at my arm to see Kirin's hand holding me in place.
"I am... sorry about earlier. You shouldn't have had to see that," he said barely above a whisper. It almost sounded like it killed him to say it; he didn't seem to be the type of person to apologize for anything.
"Do you really think apologizing makes up for murder?" I asked in disbelief. I was disgusted with him. How could he kill three innocent women? He was a murderer! I was traumatized for life thanks to that! Kirin watched the sky mournfully in the distance. He even had the nerve to cringe at the word "murder."
"I will not try to justify my actions to you, Divinus. The Dark Essentia takes too much energy to wield. If I am to protect you, I must sacrifice. It’s not as if I want to," he muttered bitterly. "Those women were willing."
"Willing to be...to be—" I couldn't finish my sentence. All I could picture was the image of their twisted bodies burned into my irises. Nobody could be willing to go through that. Nobody could be willing to die that way. Or to die at all.
"I lost control, I know." His jaw was clenched tightly and he was glaring at the nebula like it was responsible for his actions. His hand tensed as he gripped the railing. It started to bend from the pressure. "They are free of this hell, at least," he said more to himself than me.
"Whatever helps you sleep at night, dude," I replied hotly. Besides the creepy demon I had seen and the killer plant, this place was gorgeous. I didn't understand how he could compare it to hell, though a part of me knew his castle had to be a sanctuary. Still… what if I was next? Losing control should not be an option.
Thankfully, I was saved by Alex who appeared and motioned for us to follow her. I almost tripped on my dress, but I caught myself on the wall rather than falling forward. Kirin rolled his eyes and shoved his way past me. Alex shot him a scornful look which he ignored. He just barreled his way down the spiral stairs. I followed them slowly, trying not to fall again.
When I reached the bottom of the stairs, Kirin and Alex were already down the hall waiting for me. Kirin stood with his arms crossed facing the main entrance way, down some odd fifty stone steps. Alex beckoned me to follow.
"You have to be there for the address. Let's go!" she called.
Please don’t make me rush and break an ankle, I thought to myself bitterly. The last thing I needed was to act clumsy in front of that asshole again.
As I reached them, Kirin waited for silent permission to tear down the next set of stairs. Alex held my arm that time and helped me down the steps so I didn't faceplant. She was lucky she didn't have to wear a dress.
Instead, she wore dark pants and a black shirt that flowed out of a leather corset covering her waist. Her bow, which was hauntingly beautiful, was strapped to her back with a quiver of the new arrows I'd seen her making. It appeared to be a curved piece of ivory with two tusks that formed her sight. Various beads, sharp teeth, and leather adorned it in an artistic fashion. I wondered what kind of demon she plucked the bone from. I also wondered why she would need it, and why I had to wear a dress I could barely walk in. It seemed like an accident waiting to happen; I couldn't run in a dress.
The magnificent stone door that stood almost twenty feet tall was graciously opened for us as we approached. Outside, a massive crowd of men were on either side of the entrance forming a small opening. The clouds and rain had dispersed; the smell of smoke hung in the air. There were giant bonfires on the grounds below in various spots surrounded by tents and hundreds of occupants. In fact, it seemed as though part of his grounds had been made into a makeshift military and refugee encampment. I hadn't seen any buildings that looked like they housed occupants, but I had been unconscious when they brought me in after all.
Alex guided me through the sea of soldiers, closely behind Kirin. I was surrounded on all sides by faces that smiled and cheered. People threw up their mugs and yelled, "Lux Eterna!" over and over, some even drenching me accidentally with their booze. Gross.
They gradually closed the gap behind Kirin, Alex and I, giving me no place to escape if I needed to. I followed them down the stone entrance by one of the biggest bonfires. Kirin stood in front while the crowd massed around us. The head of the giant beast was staked close behind me. It was just as disgusting as before.
A man wearing a tabard bearing Kirin's sigil approached his side. He handed him a large silver goblet that looked like it was filled to the brim with wine. My gut told me it wasn't wine though. Kirin raised it into the air, and the crowd instantly fell silent.
"What do we say to this demon that thinks it can cross into our land?" Kirin called to the crowd.
"Lux Eterna!" the crowd cried in response.
"What do we say to the death of the 'Traitor King' across the seas?"
"Lux Eterna!" they cried back, more riled.
"And what do we say to the bitch Lazarus, who dares to take the throne?" he yelled with more ferocity.
"Lux Eterna!" they all cried out. Kirin emptied his goblet in one swallow and smashed it on the ground. The congregation drank in response. After a few seconds of guzzling (a lot of these guys had terrible manners), they all followed suit and threw their mugs on the ground.
"We are blessed this night by the light—" Kirin stopped and waited for the crowd to calm down. "The Divinus is among us once again, after twenty-four long years of darkness." Some seemed to glance around for a second, others were looking right at me. The deeper parts of the crowd strained to get a glance of where I was hiding behind Alex. Kirin grabbed my clenched right fist and held it in the air. I don't know why I even bothered trying to fight it. I was lucky he didn't toss me into the air with the force.
I was incredibly hot and uncomfortable with anxiety from the crowd. It was embarrassing, but the longer Kirin held my arm up, the more empowered the crowd became. By the time he put my hand down, there was a small smile on my face. I had to be important if this many people were excited to see me, right?
Kirin led the way to the largest tent not far from the bonfire. Inside, there was a magnificent, heavy wooden table with at least a dozen men sitting around it. They were all fit with grander, more polished looking armor. I assumed it was the generals' table or something. I saw the man from before sitting at the end. Kirin joined him at the head of the table and motioned for me and Alexandra to accompany him. She ushered me to the seat on Kirin's right, across from the scarred man. I begrudgingly sat down beside Kirin as Alex pulled a seat up next to mine.
"And this beast looked like an infected giant. It had grown maybe...ten massive tentacles on its back. It took nearly our whole encampment to bring it down," the scarred, armored man from before said to the crowded table.
"Is that where you got that nasty scar on your eye, Codd?" a man with dark dreadlocks and deep brown skin called from the other end of the table. He had his arm around one of the few girls I had seen so far. She wore an ivory linen robe with her tanned cleavage heavily exposed. I was surprised she wasn't having a case of "nip slip." Her long brown hair tumbled down her back. She giggled and spun playfully out of his arms.
"Aye, damn monster lashed me so hard I thought I'd go blind. At least it only took my left eye; I took its life," the scarred man from before, Codd, said. The rest of the table pounded their mugs on the wood in response. The woman made her way to the flaps of the tent and exited. Every man, including Kirin and even Alex, watched her leave.
"And Lazarus...tell me, is her body as titillating as they say?" another man at the table asked jokingly. Codd laughed at this. Kirin looked disgusted and drummed his fingers on the wo
od. Alex shared Kirin’s reaction, but every other man in the room roared with laughter.
When the laughter subsided, Codd said, "I'm not sure any man has lived long enough to find out!" He turned to Kirin. "Let me know how it feels to fuck her with your knife; she killed too many of our men over there."
I looked at my hands rather than at everyone else, blushing from the imagery. Fucking sick dude…
“I dream of having the pleasure every single night,” Kirin replied coolly.
The woman returned with three drinks and two small platters. She handed a separate drink and plates to Alex and me. My drink looked like wine, but it smelled suspiciously different. The plate was filled with a mystery meat and some baked bread. I couldn't resist the urge to start shoveling it into my mouth with hardly any manners. I don’t think it mattered with how everyone else was eating too. The meat was unlike any I had before, and it was hard to describe. It almost tasted like venison with a hint of a spice I had never had. After gulping down part of my drink, I realized that it could only be loosely compared to wine. It had the consistency of wine, but it was made from a fruit I hadn't encountered. It made my head dizzy faster than what an entire bottle of wine might have. I wanted some damn water.
I glanced up to find the girl bumping into my arm. She was wrapped around Kirin's side, whispering things in his ear. He listened patiently for a while before looking up at her and smiling. It gave me the creeps. Did she not know that he could rip her into pieces? Alex nudged my right wrist.
"That's Codd, the main leader of our recon team. The man with brown hair at the end of the table is Ronen, our strategist," she whispered to me.
I made a grab for the waterskin dangling off her belt as she talked. I took several gulps, but I still felt like I was swimming from the booze.
"And you, girl! Our great Divinus! Drinking with us! I never thought I'd see the day," Codd said with an obnoxious laugh. The other men thought that was really funny too, because they all chuckled in unison. Was there something wrong with drinking?
"She can't be bound to ancient scripts if she hasn't read them," Kirin said loudly and mockingly. Alex reached behind my back and smacked his arm. He looked at her blankly in response and took a gulp from his new goblet. The brunette was running her fingers through his dark hair...gross.
"So Himmel then?" Codd asked. His smile had faded. The crowd of men grew silent. Everyone’s eyes moved to Kirin.
"Himmel," he said with a slow nod. His tone sounded grave. I wasn't sure what that meant at all. Even Alex’s expression was grim.
"What's a 'Himmel?'" I asked in between bites of food. Kirin was mildly agitated at my question, but when was he not irritated at me?
"It's the land to the far north. The first place on our journey," Alex said calmly, seemingly trying to keep the tension in the room off me. A journey—how exciting? I wasn't sure. My body still felt like absolute garbage. I didn't want to walk anywhere; I just wanted to fall asleep. They didn't seem to have cars either, which gave me the sinking sensation that I was going to be doing it on foot.
I finished my food, barely listening to the conversations that followed. I stole glances at Kirin who seemed immersed in the girl from behind my goblet. If everything happening was actually real.... well, screw it. I drained the rest of the "wine" they had given me. It went smoothly down my throat and started a flame in my gut. Everything started to seem unreal while intoxicated. I watched Kirin trying to convince the brunette of something. Alex was in a deep conversation about fighting tactics with several entertained men. My world was foggy. I started to feel self-conscious about how much I stuck out and about how many questioning stares I was getting. What was even appealing about me to them?
I finally couldn't take any more of the laughing or any more of Kirin's hushed whispers. I stood up. "I'm going to go…" Everyone fell silent and looked at me.
"Go where? Duskwraith, I hope," Codd said, causing a tiny bit of murmured laughter. I rolled my eyes and almost stumbled.
"Fuck you, man," I slurred, flipping him off with my ring finger —the one with the crystal ring encircling it (I thought it was clever) before turning around. I threw open the tent and walked into the night, away from those assholes. The warm air greeted me and caused my hair to blow wildly in all directions. I closed my eyes and basked in the breeze, letting out a sigh of relief.
When I reopened my eyes, I was swarmed by a clump of soldiers. I wanted to walk through the crowd back toward the entrance of the castle inconspicuously. Instead, every passing person brushed their hands against my dress, some even daring to touch my hands or hair. It made me feel germophobic.
"Let me walk you back," Codd's voice said over my shoulder. I shot him a glare and kept walking. He tried to put a considerately gentle hand on my arm, but I ripped it away. I didn’t need his help. I didn't need anyone's help.
"Get the hell away from me," I mumbled through the warm caress of the wine. I started up the stairs.
"Are you mad at me for making a few jokes, Divinus? Death is on our doorstep; it doesn't hurt to make a few cracks," he tried to explain. Why did he care what I thought? I stumbled up the next step. A guard from down below ran up the stairs and helped me keep my footing.
Looking up as I got to the entrance, I saw the full palace. It was actually on the small side (if you can call castles small). The stone was dark and gloomy compared to the wilderness surrounding it, much like Kirin himself. A tall wall separated the hold from the outside world.
"I thought you were told not to go anywhere alone!" Codd called from below.
I stepped through the palace’s threshold. My anything-but-sober brain twisted his words. Everyone had left me. James was dead and gone; my parents had discarded me at a moment’s notice. These new people had never been there. Is that why I felt so utterly alone? Apparently, my own, true mother had never even been there. She pawned me off into another world, to struggle and suffer as an outcast, only to have me return to the world of my birth, an outcast there, too. Everything was still so puzzling and unreal.
I walked down the long hallway, somehow making it to my room by myself. I knew I had walked that exact path through the castle before, so I followed my gut. The smell of dried blood greeted my nose as I opened the door.
Unable to undo my corset alone, I fell into my bed exhausted. If I was lucky, my dreams would take me to a place where James would be waiting.
Chapter Six
I woke up with a terrible hangover. It was worse than the one I had at Estevan's 21st birthday party on my previous break. My head felt completely awful. To make matters worse, I was violently startled when I noticed I wasn't back home in my own bed. It took me longer than a few minutes to remember all the hazy details of why I was lying in a dank, gross-smelling room. I stretched out uncomfortably. On days like these, I'd usually treat myself to an ice pack and a bottle of Excedrin. Did they have ice on Praetis? Even water would’ve been nice.
It took me forever to get myself into a sitting position, between my ribs, painful snatch, and the stupid corset. Speaking of which…
I pushed gently above where my uterus would be. It responded back with a dull pain. How the hell could I have procidentia? I wasn't even at risk for that. Was I still going to have periods? Gripped by fear, a tight knot formed in my throat. How did expelling a uterus even work? Was Alexandra forced to deliver it or something disgusting like that? I wanted to go to an actual hospital. I wished I could Google my questions. On the bright side, at least I couldn't have children. A bitter thought. What a world to bring a child into; it'd be almost as irresponsible of me as back home.
I was starting to miss my cell phone and my music. I wanted to take a hot shower, cry about James, and watch a foreign TV show surrounded by only my pillows and plush blankets. Oh, James, you were real the entire time. If only I had known how to use this stupid ring to save you.
Tears rolled down my face in an unstoppable, steady flow. James would've never let Kirin treat me this way. He woul
d've kept me safe from the demons. He would've never laid an unfriendly hand on me. He would've never murdered innocent people. I wanted desperately to hug him and apologize for yelling at him to leave in the past. For not telling him that he was the most important person in the world to me. I remembered why I jumped off of that bridge in the first place; I wanted it even more now. Was my situation some cruel hell for my sin of suicide? My consciousness was filled with empty pain.
"Why is this happening?" I sobbed into my hands. My finger ached under the weight of the ring.
When I was able to stop the stream of tears for a moment, I was alarmed to find that various objects were levitating around me. Old tomes, bloody sheets, the emerald drapes, the debris of Kirin's fit, and my boots were tossed around in a tornado... and I was in the eye of the storm. Part of my mind was alarmed to the point of wanting to scream. The other side of me, that mysterious side I didn’t understand, felt empowered as if I were the one responsible for the whirlwind.
"It should be you here," I whispered, following my emotions which controlled me more than the awe of what was happening. I cautiously raised my left hand toward the debris. With several crackles, the objects in the storm caught fire until they completely disintegrated. The storm of ashes ceased and covered me with black, sooty rain. When I was finally able to calm myself (I was filled with an unexplainable rage and the onset of another mental breakdown), I noticed an intense pain in my right hand.
The ring was still sitting with its death grip on my finger. Underneath, it had cut so deep it ached in my bone. My blood dripped off my fingertips with soft pitter patters on the hard ground. The clear crystal ring was smeared with it, almost defiling its beauty. I was blasted with a head rush at the sight of more blood. It reminded me of the grisly scene from the day before.
