Victima

by K R Leikvoll

  Kirin shook his head, chuckling into his hands. It didn't sound happy. His chuckles sounded like he was so hopeless that all he could do was laugh. Why was being "Nephilim" so bad?

  "Why are you laughing?"

  "I wish I would've known that years ago," he said thoughtfully. "I would've just let Lazarus kill me."

  "And what... let me get killed? Let everyone die?"

  "Maybe. The fabled Nephilim shouldn't need my help. It should be easy for you," Kirin said irritated. I wasn't sure what he was angry about.

  "What's the Nephilim? I don't have the energy to fight with you. Just give me the answer."

  Kirin stared at me lost in thought.

  "It's the supposed bringer of balance; the end of the light and the end of the dark. Eve always denied the existence of such a thing. Her foolishness cost us the war, countless lives… My brother and sister, my best friend, my mentor. That bitch.”

  He pulled his hair back aggressively like he might even crack.

  I was at a loss for words. I didn't really understand what he was insinuating.

  "Did she know about… me being the Nephilim, though?"

  "She had to have been pregnant with you as she led everyone to their deaths. She must've known her Divinus power was going to fade to feed your birth! How could she put us in such a terrible position? How could she sacrifice everyone in a pale attempt to keep her power?" he asked me. I’m not sure if he really expected me to know the answers to his barrage of questions.

  "How do you know that’s the case at all? Maybe she didn’t know."

  "She did know; all of the Divines have read the Scroll of Fates. It’s the very reason we are trying to reach Himmel," he said. I could tell he was going to shut me out soon by his tone.

  "And what's the scroll?"

  "Weren't you listening? The Scroll of Fates. She knew how she would die. She knew how it would end and she was trying to change it. That is the only explanation. Eve had to have lied to us about its contents her whole life." He sounded distraught. "I knew when I met you that her life had to be a lie. She even risked your life! What if Vince had plunged his knife into her womb and killed you? She cared about nobody but herself!"

  I sat silently. I wasn't sure what to say. My mother got everyone killed because she wanted to keep the ring?

  "I'm sorry, but what does this have to do with me being Nephilim?" I queried.

  Kirin didn't look like he wanted to speak anymore.

  "It means she always knew she would give birth to not only the next Divinus, but the Nephilim. It means she lied to everyone from the beginning and pretended she would be the true end. The Nephilim carries the darkness as much as the light. If she had truly destroyed the darkness, you wouldn't exist... there would be no darkness to form the side of you that is not the Divinus. If she won, she would keep her power. If she lost, well…" He peered at me. "I guess it means that you are our final hope. A half-demon. A Divinus with the ability to manipulate the darkness."

  A half-demon. There was no way that was possible. Isn’t that something that I would’ve been aware of? As much as I didn’t want to believe his words, I knew that absorbing the shadowy souls of monsters and summoning black fire couldn’t be good in nature.

  "Is that why I was burning? Because of the shadows?" I asked, trying to shift the conversation from my mother. I thought of the women he had killed and the burning he had to have felt to drive him to murder them. It must have been immense.

  Shifting topics helped Kirin's demeanor, but I could see he really didn't want to talk. He was an emotional mess. I was hoping it wouldn't shift into anger and end with me getting thrown around like he seemed to enjoy. He took several deep breaths to calm himself before answering me.

  "The ring will drain your strength, but it is pure. Demonic power, on the other hand, is always borrowed. It can only be repaid through sacrifice," he said with his eyes closed.

  "Sacrifice..." I whispered. I didn't want to hurt anyone. I didn't want to kill anyone. I was completely out of control when it came to either the ring or demonic power. It always seemed to save me at the last moment, and I couldn't manipulate it at all.

  Kirin's eyes finally opened. The gray reminded me so much of the moon it made me homesick.

  “The first method of sacrifice is simply sacrifice. Killing and relishing in the agony and despair of your victim. When a demon kills a lesser demon, there is less of a return. The more powerful the foe, the more return," he explained.

  I certainly would not, could not kill someone, obviously. I definitely wouldn't relish it, even if I had to kill someone. That had to be the method of actual demons—and I wasn't a demon demon, right?

  "The second method of sacrifice is blood. The pact can be satisfied by consuming life force. However, the weaker the victim, the less it will ease the suffering. The stronger the victim, the more it will empower you,” he explained.

  I flushed thinking of the stupid situation from earlier. He was so strong that I could feed from mere drops. Blood sounded so barbaric, yet it had extinguished the flames. It was impossible for me to hate Kirin for what he did, though. He could've let me suffer.

  "And the third method?" I asked. He was fidgeting with his hands and staring at the grass again.

  "The third method of sacrifice is coitus... in all its forms. All three methods tend to blur together when you are in the moment, though," he said, his voice monotone. Ugh... just... ugh. I wonder if that's why I acted that way. I was still thoroughly disgusted with myself, and it was never going to fade.

  Kirin opened his hands, reaching for the air. His scythe hazily appeared in his grasp.

  "This weapon, the second shard of the Dark Essentia, is also known as Famine. I took it from the necromancer Sendrys. The wielder gains immense strength but owes tenfold for using its power. Before you call me a murderer again, I want you to know that I abstain from sacrifice until I am on the brink of madness. I'm only doing what I have to."

  I thought of the demon he had killed on our way to his castle. Just using the scythe for a two-minute fight caused him to mutilate and devour those women. Three of them. I wasn’t sure if somehow traveling to Praetis required a lot of sacrifice on top of that. I wondered how he was able to deal with flames after the ordeal with the bone snake. How could anyone deal with a pain more intense than that and look fine?

  "Lydris, the worm… I've starved him of sacrifice for over twenty years. This is the first time he's been out of that cage in decades. The starvation drove him to madness," Kirin said as his scythe, Famine, evaporated. Twenty years of burning! No wonder he acted like a psycho. How had he not killed himself from the torture?

  "What did he do to deserve that?" I asked. He shook his head "no" as if he didn't want to discuss it. "I don't want to go through that again, but I can't control it. I can't control the ring either. I don't want to owe anything," I finally admitted.

  He stared back at me weakly. "I normally know everything, but I'm not sure what to tell you. There's never been a Nephilim before," he said, and I believed him. He laid down with his hands behind his head and looked into the sky. Now that we were out of the desert, I could see the giant nebula again. It was dancing in the sky in a cascade of reds and blues. They were reflecting in his colorless eyes.

  "Then I'll have to sacrifice?" I asked, my voice cracking with fear. I never wanted to feel the flames again.

  "Or fight it," he muttered. That's what he was doing, somehow surviving fire worse than I could imagine. I wasn’t sure how it was possible. Part of me wanted to help him, but what could I do? It's not like I had a death wish.

  "Where is everyone else?" I had almost forgotten about the rest of the group. Kirin had his eyes closed and was dozing off.

  "I couldn't let them see you like that. They wouldn't have let me help you. It defies the light," he replied with his eyes still shut. I wondered if Alex would've let me suffer. How long would the burning have lasted without interference? I pulled his cloak around me, shivering
from the wind.

  "By the way, Kirin... you don't know everything," I whispered, rolling my eyes. He didn't respond. Somehow, he was already asleep. Underneath the sky, alone in that field, he didn't seem so dangerous.

  Chapter Eleven

  I woke up before Kirin. The light purple sky looked like a painting of a sunset back home. Back home… I didn't believe I was going back. I wanted to have hope, but I couldn't. My rational side told me I was already dead and that my surroundings were some kind of vivid afterlife. The other developing Nephilim side of me whispered that I was more than alive.

  I climbed into a sitting position, slowly rubbing the sleep from my tired face. My middle finger was aching fiercely any time I moved it. Various white scars had started forming underneath; I assumed it was due to the demonic power. The ring probably wasn’t comfortable touching me. It was okay; I still wasn’t that comfortable with it either.

  The bag I had managed to pry into was still open with the empty waterskin lying next to it. I rummaged around quietly looking for food or water, and I couldn't find either. I was feeling far too guilty about wasting water to dig into Kirin's bags. I could have gone for eggs and bacon, seriously. Unfortunately, there wasn't a grocery store for the next however many planets away Earth was.

  I got to my feet and stretched. My body hadn't felt that good since the day before I got there. Besides my finger, I couldn't find anything to complain about; even my ribs seemed to be done with their aching. I hadn't had a meal since we left, yet I didn’t feel remotely like I was starving. It was more like mild munchies.

  I used my hands to untangle my hair as I watched Kirin sleep. All there was to do was daydream about going home. I would've started walking toward the rest of the group, I had so much energy. He had neglected to tell me where they were exactly. It's not like he wouldn't have caught up. Usually he snapped awake when I started moving; maybe he was just ignoring me. I really needed to get all of the sand out of my clothes, but the empty field gave me no privacy. No way I was going to risk Kirin waking up while I did that. All I needed was another awkward situation on my hands. Speaking of which, he laid incredibly still for someone who was in agonizing pain. It looked like he was barely breathing.

  Was he breathing? Wait—

  "Kirin?" I said quietly. No response. I crouched down close to him and jabbed him in the chest.

  "Kirin! Let's go! Burning daylight!"

  No reaction whatsoever. He wasn't dead; he couldn't be. Hesitantly, I put my hands on his shoulders.

  "Kirin?" I whispered again. Still no response. I put my head to his chest, and I was relieved to hear his heart beating. It wasn’t a normal heartbeat. It was slow and unnaturally stuttered like he had a medical condition or something. Maybe the fall from the bone snake really did injure him.

  Before I was able to react, Kirin snatched me into his arms. He started constricting his muscles, squeezing me so hard I couldn't move. I could see him slowly moving his mouth toward my throat. His lips brushed against my jugular; his breath was hot on my skin.

  "Kirin! Kirin, stop!" I panicked, trying to pull myself out of his arms. As usual, I was helpless. "Don't do this!"

  Kirin opened his eyes sleepily.

  "I almost didn't recognize you," he whispered calmly, even though he didn’t stop crushing me immediately. All at once, he released me and threw me off of him in a single motion.

  "What the hell was that? Were you going to kill me?" I yelled, trying to stand back up. I had just started feeling better! All I was trying to do was help the asshole!

  "I didn't know if I was going to wake up. The Void was very immense," Kirin said as if he didn’t care about my reaction as he pulled a flask out of his bag. He ripped the lid off with his teeth. Even from a few feet away, I could smell the potent scent of wine. He didn’t hesitate to dump its contents into his mouth like I had done with water the night before.

  "I don't think alcohol is going to help the burning," I whispered. It wasn't that easy.

  "That's not why I'm drinking it," he replied as he pulled his cloak off the ground. He dusted it off and put it on. "Get your bag."

  We started walking into the vast, empty field. I stayed a safe distance behind him, making sure he wasn't going to snatch me up again. Kirin drank at least three more flasks of wine as we walked. Was that all he packed? Apparently for someone so wise and all-knowing, he didn’t know about recycling; he threw each empty flask over his shoulder. I was pretty sure we could use them for more important things, but I didn't want to pick them back up. He was throwing his body around in a way that suggested he was pissed off again and I didn't want to deal with that. I mean, he's the one that tried to eat me.

  A glass was enough to get me too intoxicated for comfort, so I wasn't sure how Kirin was even walking straight. I could definitely see that he was swimming in it. He wasn’t present in the field with me; he was lost in his own drunk mind.

  "Where are we going?" I asked curiously. The field was still empty, but I could no longer see the tree behind us anymore. Nothing but grass grew on the small, rolling hills. At least it would make it easy to spot an enemy.

  "We have to catch up to the rest of the group. They are probably at Alexandra's cabin," Kirin replied, barely able to stop himself from slurring his words. He stumbled so slightly I wouldn't have noticed had I not been watching him.

  "Why the hell would she have a cabin out here? Aren't there supposed to be a lot of demons?" I asked. There hadn't been any in the field so far, thank god. How could Kirin and I kill something ourselves?

  "It's protected," he replied simply. He was trying to focus on not falling over.

  "Protected by what?"

  "Could you stop talking for a mere moment? Your voice hurts my head," Kirin hissed. Well fine then, asshole. I was barely talking at all!

  After a while, woods appeared in the distance. The trees there were insanely thick and pale but stripped of all foliage. The entire forest was dead or perhaps in a strange state of hibernation. I dreaded going inside. It seemed like the kind of place a demon would have plenty of room to hide. Hopefully Alex's cabin was really protected like he said. Maybe it would be more comfortable than sleeping on the ground like I had been since we left.

  We entered the woods at an unrelenting pace. Kirin seemed really determined to get to wherever it was. Maybe there was another demon following us, but he never mentioned it. If there was one, he probably wanted to keep me as calm as possible. That's the only reason I could think why he would be walking so fast. Unless it was to escape being alone with me. I didn't blame him for that either; I couldn't stand how awkward it was. Between the previous night’s finger-sucking session and almost murdering me that morning—well, it wasn't exactly comfortable around him.

  Since the trees were dead, we could still see our path and it proved to be useful. They had stopped their chaotic twisting and grew much like the ones back home so I didn’t have to worry about tripping all over the place. I was starting to get better at hiking long distances, I think. It hadn't been that long, but it was getting easier to keep up with Kirin's pace. I was glad he knew where he was going because the forest was disorienting. Everything looked so similar, I would’ve been lost had it not been for the planet guiding us in the sky.

  Kirin led us through the wide trees into a clearing. A tiny building nestled in thick thorn bushes rested in the opening. Around it was a barrier, nearly invisible except for a small shimmer. Who besides me could make barriers? Maybe they could help me learn how to control the ring better!

  Alexandra, Codd and Lydris were visible through a large open window on the side of the hut. Codd was sitting with his back to the wall reading random pieces of parchment; they could've been letters, a book, anything. Alexandra was cooking something over the fireplace. Lydris was tucked between them in the corner.

  Kirin grabbed my clothes before I could pass through the barrier and held me back.

  "One moment," he said, reaching into his bag. He pulled out yet an
other flask (seriously, was that bag filled with infinite bottles?) and guzzled it down in a few gulps. Like he had with the others, he tossed it over his shoulder. Okay, that was enough of that. I reached down and picked it up. I could fill it up with water; not sure what the point of throwing it on the ground was.

  When I stood back up, Kirin had already walked through the barrier and was entering the building. I ran a few steps to catch up, passing through the shimmering shield with no sensation. As I reached the door, a heavy head rush ambushed me before I could call out. I stumbled into the wall. I had been in that spot before, I could feel it. The head rush didn't fade; gravity forced me down to the ground.

  In the form of a snowflake, the tiny shard of light fell overhead. I opened my palms to the air, reaching out to catch it. It fell into my hands, waiting patiently to be crushed. I instinctually broke it in my hands like the times before. White light shot from my hand extending into infinity. Slowly, a half sphere lined around me. I was ready for it this time.

  I was in the same spot when the world shimmered back around me... only there were different people inside the cabin. Alexandra was still inside; she was the only one I knew with wild, red hair. The door was hanging open, letting the heavy wind circulate through the room. I walked through its threshold with the passing breeze, curious as to what I might find.

  There were two other people with her. One was a man, or at least he had the form of a man. He had short, messy brown hair and sea foam green eyes that looked pale compared to Alex's. The man's face was framed with two pairs of horns that curled upward and toward the back of his skull. He had thin lips covering fanged teeth, and his ears were peculiar and pointed. The man's eyes were wide and alert, almost like an animal's. His skin was deeply tanned, and he was winded as though he had been running.

  The man and Alexandra were kneeling by a makeshift bed tucked in the corner. They were hovering over a boy who looked about ten or so, with worried expressions tugging down on their faces. The small boy had hair the same brown shade as the man's. Their faces were incredibly similar; it was very easy to distinguish them as father and son. The boy was writhing in pain and was drenched in sweat. When he opened his eyes for a moment, I could see that was where they differed. Instead of light green, the boy’s eyes were icy blue.