Victima

by K R Leikvoll

  Before I could re-announce my presence, he cleared his throat. "He's dead," he said stiffly.

  Arturio let out a spine-tingling howl of victory. "Glorious news. Who had the pleasure of slaying him? Was it you? I bet it was you!" he replied with joy in his growly voice. Despite my current disgruntlement with James, I could never celebrate his death...

  "We shouldn't speak of this," Kirin repeated, but Arturio wasn't having it. He clapped Kirin on the back.

  "Tell me or I will never stop speaking of it," he threatened.

  Kirin sighed. "Yes, alright? Now shut up," he said.

  My heart dipped into ice. It ached furiously with his words.

  "What?" I was hardly able to whisper in a cracked voice.

  Kirin stopped walking and turned to me. Our eyes met and I could see the truth. He opened his mouth to say something to defend himself.

  "I…" he started to say, but I couldn't take it. Between the bullshit with James, then watching Eve's horrid death, now that. It was all a super messed up nightmare and I couldn't wake up. I couldn't suffer it any longer. I climbed off my katoma, getting tangled in the saddle in the process and fell face first into the dirt. People moved around me to help me up, but I fought their arms and grasps until I was outside of the moving army.

  Kirin's tall form was making his way toward me, and I was overwhelmed with the urge to run. So I did.

  "Valentine!" his voice yelled through the crowd. I didn't care. Flashes of James' blood barraged my mind, followed by a flash of Kirin's body moving against mine. The hands that touched me... fucked me... killed my best friend. My skin was crawling; I was disgusted with myself. How could I do something like that to James? It was the worst kind of betrayal; screwing my best friend's murderer. I made my way between the trees, through the brush, over rocks. I didn't want to give him a chance to catch up.

  "What did I tell you? We're all the same," Vince's voice whispered. His shadowy form danced between the trees tailing right behind me. Screw him! I wasn't going to respond to that murderer's gaslighting.

  Unfortunately, the split second I paid attention to him and not my feet, I stepped over the ledge of a rocky cliff. I let out a small scream at first as I began to tumble down the hill, but the ring vibrating in my hand made me quiet. With slight hesitation, I pointed it toward the ground where I was projected to land. A white wisp met me above the ground and I couldn't find it in me to fear my landing. As I hit it, my speed slowed almost entirely. I dropped to the earth lightly, completely unharmed.

  Despite my dark emotions, I had fallen into a hidden paradise. It reminded me of the spot Guinevere had been buried with the absence of water. I couldn't appreciate the beauty of the forest, all I could do was fall to the ground on my knees. Tears poured out of my eyes uncontrollably. I wanted to go home. I wanted to press that panic button and disappear. I don't know what I would do back there; certainly not college or anything normal, but anything would be better than my current situation. How could I do it by myself though? I wasn't sure what a "final invocation" was, but I knew I didn't have access to something like that.

  My mind was racing and flooding with so many thoughts I couldn't keep up with them. What do I do? What should I do? The forest floor started to vibrate under my feet. Shadows coming from me, rather than Vince, started to pollute the beauty. They singed everything they touched, threatening to burn down the entire kingdom of Evya.

  The only person I felt I could speak to was Alvir, and he was dead. Or was he? Could he exist in the light like Eve? I wiped my tears away and closed my eyes. I tried to focus on communion, but I was too tormented to find the light. I pleaded mentally with the ring for guidance, and for once it responded, as if someone was waiting to receive my phone call to the other side. A warm wave of relief rushed over my body, extinguishing the flames like water.

  The light was indeed waiting for me; a spark of mental clarity helped me rid my mind of Vince and Kirin. I followed it further into the recesses of my mind on the familiar path I took before. Rather than being transported to the Valley of Eternity or somewhere else, I stayed in the same place. I opened my eyes thinking it hadn't worked.

  I stood up to dust myself off, but I left behind my physical body. My hands were transparent like I was a ghost. My mind temporarily panicked but was met with reassurance from the ring.

  A small glimmer a few yards away caught my attention. I glanced around before I followed it; Kirin hadn't found me yet, nor anyone else from the army. Without a second thought, I chased the white light. It didn't move, instead it expanded into the form of a person, only it wasn't Alvir like I expected.

  It was James.

  He was leaning against a tree with a peaceful, content smile on his face. I wanted to cry and shut down, but my astral form wasn't capable of something like that. He took a step toward me with an outstretched hand.

  I moved back a foot in response, filled with anger. "Why didn't you tell me?" I was barely able to say.

  His smile faded, and he leaned back against the tree. "You know I couldn't do that. If you said something, and it got to the wrong people, well, you'd be sleeping with the fishes," James replied, proud of his reference.

  "Yeah, you couldn't let that happen, otherwise you'd rot in the Void! God, was that all you cared about the whole time?" I yelled at his aggravatingly peaceful face. Even through our transparent forms, I could tell he was hurt by my words.

  "Val—" he started to say but I cut him off.

  "You loved him, didn't you?" I asked. The thought made me sick. How could anyone in any reality love the literal Mephistopheles? I never even knew he was into guys.

  "Listen, I don't expect you to understand, but yes I did. I suppose I still do," he said with a shrug. "I loved—"

  "How could you love someone like that? He's the fucking devil!" I said furiously.

  James' brow furrowed. "Val, if you don't let me finish, I'm gonna have to leave," he threatened.

  Regardless of my anger, that shut me right up. Even though I was the most distraught I had ever felt in my life (save his death), I still desperately wanted to hug him.

  He waited for a moment to make sure I wasn't going to talk before he continued. "I loved him more than anyone, even himself," James began, powering through my disgusted reaction. "I loved him enough to want to protect the only decent thing that he ever created. The only innocent thing, and to tell you the truth, often times when you and I were alone together, I pretended you weren't Eve's kid at all; I liked to imagine that you were Vince and mine's pale-haired love child."

  "So that's all it was... you living out some sick fantasy?" I asked, unable to contain myself.

  "Dude, please let me finish," James responded, rolling his eyes and moving toward me. I didn't move away this time. His hands rested on my shoulders and I could actually feel them. It was surreal. "But then you started to grow up into this bratty, frustrating, beautiful girl and I realized I wasn't in love with Vince. I love you, Valentine. The Void, whatever torture that may have awaited me… it made me see that I would endure it for you. I would have done anything and everything for you. I hope you can look back and see that I followed through with my part of the contract."

  "If you love me why didn't you stay with me? I would've rather been with you this whole time," I said honestly.

  His lips brushed my forehead. "I'm not a Divine. I could only hold the ring until it was time for you to take it. After that, I was subject to... spacial rending. There was nothing that could spare me, and I didn't want to be saved. I know I don't deserve to walk in the light," James replied.

  I finally gave into my heart's only desire and wrapped my arms around him. I could truly feel him in my embrace like he was actually there. It was my only chance to give him a proper goodbye.

  "Do you hate me?" he asked, trying to pull away so he could see my face.

  "I don't," I whispered, squeezing him tighter. I couldn’t find the words to express my emotions. Despite that, it felt true when I said it. Hi
s words had soothed the storm in my mind. I hated his friendliness toward Vince, but I could never hate him. After all, I'd be dead or worse had he not saved me.

  He finally worked his way out of my embrace. "I can't stay any longer, but I'm very proud of you. You're going to win this; I know you are," he murmured, tucking my hair behind my ear.

  I held his hand against my face in denial. "Please don't leave me alone again," I begged, but he smiled.

  "You've never been alone, Val," he replied.

  Both of our forms were growing more and more transparent. I wanted to fight it. I wanted to stay longer.

  "I love you," I whispered. Everything was growing fuzzy.

  "Love you too, doll… and don’t be too hard on Kirin. He's the only person worth your time in that shit hole," he replied.

  With a blinding flash of light, I was taken from my communion.

  I opened my eyes to find myself sitting on my knees a few yards away back in my body. On cue, the shadowy form of my personal Beelzebub appeared in front of me. It made me sick to look at him, so I focused instead on however I was going to get back up the cliff.

  "Interdimensional love. How quaint," he hissed in my ear.

  "Yeah, I know you're not used to being second," I replied over my shoulder as I checked the rocks on the cliff for their sturdiness.

  When I turned back to him, his cruel face looked severely irritated and it made me so happy I smiled.

  "Don't lie to yourself. Have you considered that he merely loves the part of me that exists in you?" Vince said, crossing his arms.

  "Have you considered that I literally give zero fucks about what you have to say?" I replied seriously. "This is my body, my mind. You have no jurisdiction over me."

  His laughter filled my ears, but I went back to trying to climb. "Oh, please. You wouldn't last a day without me. I'm the only one you can trust."

  Like I would ever trust him with anything. That had to be the stupidest shit to come out of his mouth yet.

  "You're a lunatic, worse than Lazarus," I called over my shoulder.

  "Who are you talking to?" Kirin's voice said on my opposite side.

  It startled me so badly I lost my grip and tumbled backward, knocking my head on the ground. "Damn it," I grimaced through the pain.

  He tried to help me up, but I fought his grasp and fell back on the ground. The ring sealed my cuts with a loud hiss I wasn't ready for. "What do you want?" I asked, irritated at him.

  He grabbed my arm and forcefully pulled me to my feet.

  "Stupid girl, you worried me. I thought you…" he stopped and gave me a look that suggested he thought I might try to jump off another cliff.

  "No... I'm not stupid," I responded, viciously trying to get out of his grasp, but he pulled me closer.

  "Val, listen. I'm sorry. If I would've known that I... that we... I would have never…" he rambled, trying to defend himself. James' words about forgiving him nagged my mind, but I couldn't hide how upset I was with him. I tried again to get away. He took my right hand in his and kneeled in front of me.

  "I don't want to talk," I mumbled.

  Kirin's lips brushed the ring on my middle finger. "You have every right to be upset with me, but I swear to you my loyalty. I never could have known what we would become."

  "What even are 'we'?" I asked, rolling my eyes.

  Kirin didn't know how to respond verbally, so he stood up and backed me into a tree. His lips met mine and he tried to get a response. I just couldn't. I broke away from him, turning my face to the side. His mouth continued on my cheek, then to my ear, and finally the top of my neck.

  "I'm sorry," he murmured with his lips against my ear again.

  I wanted to break down, but I refused to show him how hurt I was. He tried to kiss me again. I still couldn't bring myself to respond.

  Kirin awkwardly stepped away, seemingly taking the hint. There was rejection in his silver eyes that tugged on some inner feeling inside me.

  "I need time," I whispered.

  He gave me a stiff nod. I was puzzled to see him remove his dagger from his side and pull his sleeve back.

  "What're you doing?" I asked confused.

  "At least accept my sacrifice. I need you to know I'm sorry. I need you to trust me. Perhaps if you feel the bond, you'll remember what you felt back at the city before... everything happened," he explained, dragging the blade across his wrist.

  I wanted to tell him that the bond wasn't going to make me feel any different, but that was dangerous territory. He put his wrist to my mouth, starting to pin me to the tree again. I didn't feel like I had a choice. I reluctantly drank a few sips until the normal urge to drink more started. I used pure willpower to separate myself. Before the normal high of his blood hit me, I quickly sealed the cut on his wrist with the ring. He watched curiously as it sealed itself.

  "I was wondering when you'd learn to do that," he whispered with a smirk on his face. He tucked my hair behind my ear and cupped my cheeks in his hands, studying my eyes.

  The euphoria started to crash over me, stronger than normal. So strong it felt like I had shot up some kind of drug intravenously. It wasn’t like any other time before. Not even close. My knees buckled, and Kirin knowingly caught me and pulled me into his arms.

  "What did you do to me?" I asked in a disconnected voice that didn't sound like mine. I was overcome with how vibrant colors were. It was as if I could see the hint of a rainbow on the edges of my vision. Everything was moving slower, too, and the air was dense. The fiery aura that surrounded the both of us was so intricate; it looked like a thousand crimson lines winding in various patterns around us like a bubble made out of a web like before. I was mystified by it, barely noticing Kirin's lips all over me.

  "Do you remember now?" he murmured, kissing my forehead. One of his hands grasped mine tightly while the other ran through my hair. I felt his fanged teeth graze and nip my neck, gauging my reaction. Only I couldn't react. An invisible, heavy force was pressing down on my body making it hard to move. I wanted to tell him to stop, that I wasn't in the mood, but the words wouldn't cross my lips. Taking my silence as consent, he bit into my neck. All I was able to do was groan from the pain, which he took as the opposite. After he had his fill of me, he moved back to my lips and kissed me. He was taken over by whatever mystical force the bond had over him, while I felt nothing but the intense buzz of the blood.

  "Remember?" he mumbled, fumbling with the ties of my corset. Now? Really?

  "No," I was able to whisper. My corset loosened around me.

  "Let me remind you," his voice said with a bloodlusted desire. His hands moved to my pants.

  Even in my seemingly drugged state, I was still haunted by what he did to James. I obviously didn't hate Kirin, but I was not feeling his affected behavior. Even if I hadn't found out about James, his silence and cryptic attitude lately would've made my situation feel just as out of place.

  After Kirin was done messing with my belt, he tugged off his cloak with his free hand. He slowly lowered me to the ground, climbing on top of me. My fingernails weakly scratched at his chest under his shirt; it was all I could do. In his wine eyes, I could tell he wasn't able to fight the bond's drive. They looked just as hazy and far away as I felt. His lips moved up and down my neck nipping me to the point it hurt. Overall, I was positive he had taken more blood from me than I from him. He was shaking from anticipation, completely absorbed in me. I wasn't ready for him to enter me; everything was happening so fast. Even without the slowed effect of my high, I knew that he wasn't hesitating. Without being able to move, I wasn't able to make him stop. Part of me was horrified, like I couldn't control what was happening. The other part of me (maybe the demon side) had missed his touch. Welcomed it rather. I missed him, even though I didn't want to admit it while I was still dealing with the James stuff.

  My brain was gradually wrapping itself around the fact that we were screwing on the forest floor, while everyone up above was wondering where we were. He rested
his face against my chest as he went, burying my face in his hair. It smelled like the forest. It felt good, despite my hang-ups, but it was hard to focus on when I was infatuated with colors and sensations. Whatever he did to me put me somewhere else mentally. When he finally looked back up at me, I could tell his eyes were more focused. He seemed more cognitive. He stopped moving entirely.

  "Val?" he whispered, studying my tranquil, far away face.

  I didn't respond. I couldn’t. Feeling was starting to come back into my fingers and toes. The initial peak was starting to simmer, but not enough for me to feel even close to normal.

  Luckily, he finally noticed. He shook his head and sat back on his heels. He brushed my cheek with his hand. "Are you okay?" he asked gently.

  Again, no response.

  His eyes traveled around us then back to me. Realizing that I wasn't even capable of talking, he climbed off of me with a disgusted look on his face. He took me back into his arms and smoothed my hair away from my face.

  "Valentine... I'm sorry. A bit too much I think?" Kirin said more to himself than me. I felt his hands behind me, tying my corset, rocking me gently. "At first, the potency is overwhelming, I know. It will lessen soon."

  After we were both properly dressed, he tried to carry me on his back. It didn't work at first because I couldn't concentrate long enough to remember to hang on. He carried me for about a mile to the spot he had climbed down at. It was more like a steep hill which was a huge relief. Now that we were getting closer to the army, I could see hundreds of glowing pulses in the distance. Some even beat in harmony. It was a beautiful orchestra of light and I was entranced. Kirin managed to trek up the hill, me in tow, and lightly leaned me against a tree.

  "Can you walk?" he asked. His voice sounded so far away. The orange planet's rays and starlight danced through his dark hair into my eyes. I looked past him, to the nebula. It felt like I was seeing some sort of divine spectacle in the sky.