Samantha returns with a brown paper box and something else in her other hand. She holds it out toward Kady. “These are for you.”
Kady stops spinning and bumps into me. I grab onto her and steady her. “Maybe you shouldn’t get dizzy so soon after eating ice cream.”
She giggles, then reaches for Samantha, who hands her a stack of stickers.
“They’re all of Sparkles and her friends. I thought you might enjoy them more than me.”
Justin looks over at Samantha. “You’re giving away your stickers?”
She stands taller. “Yes. Now that I’ve met Sparkles’s biggest fan.”
Kady flips through the stickers, her eyes growing wider as she looks at each one.
Justin leans forward. “You better take care of those. She’s been collecting those as long as I’ve known her.”
Sutton turns to the teenager with tears shining in her eyes. “Are you sure?”
Samantha nods. “They make her happier than me.”
“Thank you.” Sutton wipes her eyes.
I put my arm around Sutton and also thank the girl. I don’t know what the future holds, but I’m glad there are people like Samantha.
Sutton
I should sleep, but I can’t stop staring at Kady as she dozes. She’s beautiful and perfect, and I can’t wrap my mind around the fact that something is wrong. I want to believe she’ll have a happy ending like our neighbor, but that doesn’t put out the fire of my fears.
What if we aren’t so lucky? How will I ever survive? Will life even be worth living?
I’m so overwhelmed by everything, I can hardly think straight. That’s why I’m glad everyone came over after dinner. Well, almost everyone. Kade’s family and Anchor’s family all came over. My dad and his family were, as usual, absent. Our loved ones spent time with Kady and gave us silent support, mostly sad or hopeful glances. Their worry is evident, but Kady didn’t notice.
Anchor rolls over on the other side of Kady. His eyes flutter open and he rubs them. “You’re still awake?”
“I don’t want to miss a moment.”
“You’ll miss more if you fall asleep while she’s awake.”
I sigh. He’s right, but I don’t want to admit it.
“What do you want to do tomorrow? Stay home again, or send her to preschool?”
I wrap my arms around her. “I’m not letting her go anywhere.”
Anchor pushes himself up to his elbows. “We might want to give Kady her regular routine. What’s going to happen when she figures out that something’s wrong?”
“She’s going to pick up on that when we take her to the new doctor. One so far away.”
“Seattle isn’t that far.”
“No, but it’s going to feel that way when it takes hours thanks to traffic.”
“True.” He looks deep in thought. “Well, maybe we can leave earlier, when it’ll be lighter. She loves the Seattle Center. We could take her to the children’s museum for a while.”
“Sure.” Sharp pains squeeze my chest. I can barely breathe.
Anchor puts his hand on my arm. “Are you okay?”
I shake my head. “How can this be happening?”
He holds my hand and rubs my wrist with his thumb. “That’s the same question I keep asking myself.”
“I don’t know if I can do this, but I have to. There’s no choice.”
Anchor looks me directly in the eyes. “I’m not going anywhere. You won’t be alone, ever.”
The problem is that even with him holding my hand, I already feel completely lost. Stranded by myself in the middle of deep, dark woods. Wild animals and plants pushing on me from all sides. Suffocating me.
I squeeze his hand and close my eyes. “I think you’re right. I should get some sleep.”
He leans over Kady and kisses my cheek.
I want to reply. To say something, but I don’t have it in me. I don’t have anything in me. I’m an empty vessel.
Anchor turns off the bedside lamp, then we both lie down. Before long, his deep breaths tell me he fell asleep. My thoughts won’t let me.
My mind races, producing the most heartbreaking images. I need to make it stop. I’m not going to be any good to Kady if I’m a depressed, under-slept mess. Especially since we don’t know anything about the tumor. One operation could fix everything. A year down the road, this could just be an unpleasant memory. Something we’ll talk about and celebrate overcoming on her birthdays.
As I focus on that, I feel myself start to drift to sleep.
When I wake, the room is bright and I have my bed to myself. Anchor was right about missing out because of being tired. Hopefully, they’re having fun.
I stretch and focus on my last thoughts before I had fallen asleep. I imagine Kady’s fourth birthday party, sharing the story of her successful lifesaving surgery. Then her next birthday and the next one, until I have a clear picture of her at eighteen—a gorgeous female version of Kade.
I glance out the window and see Anchor and Kady sitting on a blanket, sharing the leftover ice cream. They’re laughing.
My heart warms. Ice cream for breakfast. They won’t get an argument from me.
We’ll have to leave soon if we’re going to take Kady somewhere fun in Seattle before her appointment, so I pick out my clothes and get ready, not caring much what I look like.
By the time I get downstairs, they’re eating miniature sandwiches and fruit salad. It’s already snack time? I’ve ruined our chances for taking Kady anywhere before the appointment.
“Mommy!” She jumps up and races over to me. Before reaching me, she stumbles, falling toward the table.
I leap over and grab her before she hits her head. From the corner of my eye, I see Anchor grimace. I try to ignore him and pull Kady into my arms. “Did you have a good morning?”
“Yeah.” She smiles at me, her eye still crossed like it was the night before. “Daddy and I played unicorns outside and finished my ice cream. I wanted to wake you, but he said you needed sleep.”
I kiss her cheek. “I did, but now I can do whatever you want.”
“You have to eat first, silly.” Kady takes my hand and pulls me to the table. “You can have my sandwich. I kinda filled up on the ice cream.”
“Thanks.” I don’t realize how famished I am until I take the first bite. I nearly inhale the whole slice.
Miss Alice brings out more. “Do you want some coffee, Sutton?”
I shake my head no and grab another slice. “I’m plenty rested.”
“Just holler if you change your mind. Oh, and your mom told me to tell you that her phone will be at her side all day if you need to call. She’ll leave work if you need her to.”
I swallow. “Thanks, Miss Alice.”
Kady talks about her ballet routine and how excited she is for the next recital. The teacher picked her to be the lead.
“I’m so proud of you.” I squeeze her hand, but can’t help wondering if she’ll actually get to keep the part. What if she has to recover from surgery then? Or what if she stumbles more and can’t keep up? I refuse to burst her bubble. If she can do it, I’ll be there to record the whole thing.
Once I finish, Anchor glances at his fitness watch. “We should probably get going if we’re going to make it to Seattle on time.”
My breath hitches. Has he told Kady about the appointment?
He turns to Kady. “You said you want to see the mummy on the waterfront, right?”
She nods vigorously. “It’s so cool!”
Nearly everything in that shop grosses me out, but I always go because other people want to see the oddities, and now I’m not about to say no to her. “Sounds like fun. We better use the potty before we go.”
“Okay.” She jumps off the chair and races out of the dining room.
I glance at Anchor. “Was the mummy your idea or hers?”
He whistles an innocent tune.
“Thanks!”
Anchor chuckles. “Maybe we can distra
ct her with the giant Ferris wheel, and she’ll forget about the mummy.”
“I’m not going to hold my breath.”
He kisses my cheek. Ten minutes later, we’re climbing into his car. Traffic gets thicker and thicker the closer we get to the city. It makes me glad I don’t have to make the drive every day. By the time we get to the waterfront and park, we don’t have a lot of time, so waiting for the Ferris wheel is out of the question. Seeing the mummy is the only thing on our list. I can only hope that’ll be enough for Kady.
She oohs and ahhs over the dead guy in the window, then strains to see inside the store. “Can we go in and see the other stuff?”
How can a girl who loves unicorns and ballerinas be so fascinated with mummies? I clear my throat. “Do you want to see the gum wall? Or look at the boats?”
She won’t have anything to do with it, so we head inside the shop. I stick by the souvenirs, which aren’t much better than the oddities, while Anchor takes Kady around to look at the more unique items.
After what feels like forever, they’re finally ready to leave.
“Can we walk around some more?” Kady pleads with her eyes.
I glance at the time. “I wish we could, but we have your appointment.”
“Boo. Okay.” She slips her hands into mine and Anchor’s, then we walk back to the car as they talk about the shop. I’m glad Kady enjoyed it. She stumbles twice, though.
My mind wanders as we drive to the doctor’s office. It’s a tall building, and Kady is excited to press the number twenty-four in the elevator. The walls seem to close in on us the nearer we get to the doctor.
The waiting room is bright and cheery with happy posters and paintings on the wall. It doesn’t help to calm my nerves. My stomach tenses as we make our way to the receptionist.
She pulls some graying brown hair behind an ear and smiles like she’s actually happy to see us.
I have a hard time giving her the information she needs, so Anchor steps in and helps me out. Relieved, I lean against the counter and struggle to take deep breaths. This has to be a mistake, us being here in the office of one of the top specialty doctors. For Kady, for my little girl.
“Mommy!” She tugs on my arm.
I glance down at her. Her eyes are wide, but that isn’t what concerns me. She’s covering her ears, like something’s wrong with them.
“Kady, are you okay?” I bend down to her level.
“Everything sounds weird.”
“What do you mean?”
“It’s just weird!” She closes her eyes.
My mind races to find something to say to make her feel better, to give her some comfort. Instead, I pull her into my arms and take her over to the seats by a window. It isn’t until we’re sitting and I see the road so far below that I remember how high up we are.
She points outside. “Look! A rainbow.”
“Really?” I glance up at the clouds, and sure enough, there’s a faded rainbow in the sky. “I didn’t see that until you pointed it out.”
She beams.
“Does everything still sound weird?”
She shakes her head. “It’s better.”
“Are you sure? You’re not just saying that?” I snap my fingers. “Did you hear that?”
She nods and then leans against me. I hold her tightly and hope she can’t hear my racing heart.
Anchor sits next to us and takes a deep breath.
“Is everything okay?” I hate to ask, the way things have been going.
He nods. “She says the doctor’s a little behind schedule, but he shouldn’t be too much longer.”
I swallow, unable to find words. In fact, it takes all my willpower to stay in the chair. I want to run out with Kady and never return. I want to run so far away that we find ourselves in a place where there are no masses in little girls, no crossed eyes, no hearing issues, and no tripping.
Anchor wraps his hand around mine and squeezes, seeming to know I need comfort.
A few minutes later, Kady squirms and wiggles her way to the floor. She heads straight for a table of toys. I hate that enough kids come here that they keep an entire corner stacked with activities for them. She picks up a doll dressed as a ballerina. She picks up another doll and twirls them around, making them talk to each other. Then the dancer crashes into the other one.
Kady twists her to face the second toy and says in a high-pitched voice she uses when speaking for her dolls, “Sorry. I’m just a clumsy ballerina. My eyes don’t let me see right.”
I turn away, unable to take another moment. My eyes fill with tears. I can barely breathe.
Anchor tries to pull me toward him, but I don’t want to be comforted.
Nothing can make this better.
Anchor
I struggle to keep up with what Dr. Mikaelson is saying. Between my fear for Kady’s future and all the medical jargon, I just can’t keep up. And I definitely won’t be able to reiterate any of this to my parents, who want a full report when I get home. All I’ve picked up is that there are different types of growths, and he needs to see the results from a different type of scan to know what we’re dealing with in Kady.
She’s playing with some princess puppets, oblivious to everything else. That’s the only thing I’m grateful for right now—the fact that she doesn’t have a clue what’s going on.
Not that I have much on her.
“Do you have any questions?” The white-haired doctor leans back in his plush chair and gives us a sympathetic smile.
I rub my temples. “Can we get a printout of everything you just said? I’m having a hard time taking it all in.”
“Certainly. It took me years of training to fully understand this. One hour isn’t much time at all.”
Sutton leans forward, twisting one of her curls. “What about those tests you mentioned? When can she take those?”
He rolls his chair to behind his desk and types on his laptop. “I’d like to get her in as soon as possible. It’s pretty late today, but I’d like to try for tomorrow. They book up fast, but I can usually talk them into squeezing in my patients.”
Sutton turns to me, her eyes wide and full of fear. “We have to drive all the way home, then back here tomorrow?”
“We’ll find a hotel. It’ll be an adventure.”
“You drove pretty far?” Dr. Mikaelson pulls a pen from behind his ear and scribbles something on a pad of paper.
“With traffic, it feels a lot farther.”
“Isn’t that the truth?” He turns back to his laptop. “If you’ll give me a few minutes, I’ll try to get her in tonight before they close. I can’t guarantee anything, but I can try.”
“Thank you.” I put my arm around Sutton, but she doesn’t respond.
The doctor nods and then leaves the room, pulling out a cell phone.
I rub Sutton’s shoulders. “If he can’t get Kady in tonight, we’ll find a hotel room and get room service. Or we can go to a restaurant. Whatever you two want.”
Kady glances over. “Will the hotel have a pool? Can we go swimming?”
“We didn’t bring suits.” Sutton rests her face in her palms.
Kady frowns.
I lean forward. “We can buy some. Who doesn’t love a new swimsuit?”
Sutton looks over at me. “A hotel in the city, a restaurant, and new suits all around? How are we going to afford all of this?”
“It’s all on me. I’ve been saving for a rainy day—and this certainly qualifies.”
“Are you sure?”
“I’ve never been more sure.” I put my arm around her.
She jumps up from the chair and looks out the window.
It’s hard not to take her pulling away personally, but I let it go. She probably just needs space to take all of this in. I watch her for a few moments before joining Kady. I pick up a dragon puppet and roar as I make it fly high above, then dive down toward the princesses on her hand.
Kady shrieks then giggles, running behind a train table.
“You can’t get us, dragon!”
“Oh yeah? That’s what you think!” I swoop my puppet high into the air, aiming for her and her princesses.
She laughs as she darts around the exam table. I reach across it, pretending I can’t reach her. She squeals before racing away from me. I chase her around the table, roaring and making flapping noises for the wings.
Sutton turns around and looks at me like I’m crazy, but she smiles and slinks back into her chair. I continue chasing Kady and her princesses with my dragon. She giggles and hides behind the train table, then moves over to the puppet center when I get too close, then finally hides behind Sutton.
I stop to catch my breath. “You win.”
“Good.” She steps out toward me.
“Joking!” I aim the dragon toward her.
Kady laughs, then races around the exam table.
The door opens, and Dr. Mikaelson enters. I freeze in place, but Kady slams into his desk and a stack of papers cascades to the floor and fans out in all directions.
Sutton covers her mouth, then turns to the doctor. “I’m so sorry!”
Kady steps back, her eyes wide.
“It’s my fault.” I return the dragon to the puppet area. “I was just—”
“Nothing to be sorry about.” Dr. Mikaelson leans over and picks up the papers near his feet, then winks at Kady. “Nothing makes me happier than laughing children. As long as you’re having fun, you can knock over anything you want.”
Kady’s brows come together, like she’s trying to figure out if she should believe him.
“Want to help me pick these up?” Dr. Mikaelson asks.
She nods, then all of us join in and hand him a messy stack of papers.
He plops them on his desk, sits on his chair, then rolls it over to us. Kady puts the princess puppets back and plays with the trains while Sutton and I sit across from him.
Dr. Mikaelson makes eye contact with both of us before speaking. “I wasn’t able to get her in for the scans tonight, but I have good news.”
Sutton grabs my hand and squeezes. “What?”
Relief washes through me that she isn’t pulling away now. “Yes, what?”
He glances down at his clipboard. “She’s scheduled for midmorning and I was able to get you a discounted night at one of my favorite hotels not far from here.”
The Only Things You Can Take (Wildflower Romance #2) Page 17
