Seven Shades of You

by Johnson, A. M.

  His name stuttered from my lips as his fingers drifted lower, parting me open, relieving the pain, bathing me in blue and gold. Kai’s hot mouth claimed mine, silencing my breath, taking it in his lungs, giving us a secret of our own as I fell apart under his touch.

  “Show me,” I said again, needy, wanting him to burn alongside me.

  Kai’s left hand laced with mine, never breaking our kiss, he guided our linked fingers over smooth, hard flesh. He made a desperate noise as he moved our hands in slow strokes, up and then down. He felt foreign and flawless, the heat of his body in the palm of my hand, he groaned, releasing my fingers, letting me take the lead. His kisses came faster, frantic, his touch more demanding as I learned the map of his body. He kissed me, drank me in until there was no color, only light, washes of white light, a crest of a wave, as I held on with one hand to the strength of his broad shoulder.

  He told me to let go, to feel it.

  Feeling.

  Feeling consumed me.

  It started with that one point of contact, his lips, his fingers, down to my toes. It was shocking and vivid. I was exposed for him, with him. My cheeks flamed as my body rattled from the inside out, as his body quaked, as his heat poured over my fist. Kai’s head fell into the crook of my neck, his smile spreading over my skin, and as I caught my breath, his fingers trailed over my belly. His hands held my waist and he lifted his head. With full lips, he smiled so loose and real it hurt a little to look at.

  My heart squeezed as he kissed a bead of water from the bow above my mouth, his hair sopping over his brow, he palmed my cheek, and I leaned into the touch. “I never wanted to push you.”

  “You didn’t.”

  “Promise me you’ll tell me if I ever go too far?”

  “I promise to always tell you what I want.”

  “I like giving you what you want,” he said.

  Kai dragged his thumb over the seam of my mouth and I inhaled. My arms around his waist, I leaned up on the tips of my toes, kissing his chin, his mouth, and cupped his face between my hands. “You’re all I want.”

  Kai

  “Feeling shy today, Carter?”

  Royal laughed, swatting me in the hip with his towel. Staring at the shower stall, I hesitated, his laugh making everything that had happened here last night feel wrong. I could still taste her on my lips this morning when I’d snuck out of her dorm. Tasted her as my muscles had protested with each rep on the bench press. Tasted her even as her brother walked past me and turned on the same shower I’d shared with Indie the night before.

  “Hurry up, I don’t want to be late for breakfast,” he said, shaking his head, a confused, but amused smile on his face.

  I nodded, heading to another stall, and tried not to feel guilty about the vivid images running through my brain. Visions of her skin under the light of the locker room, pale like cream, or better, under the low light of her dorm room, warm and powdered. Images I could almost touch, her pink cheeks, her face as she came for the second time in one night. I liked watching her come, watching her cover her mouth as I tasted her, sprawled out on a tiny twin bed, opening herself up to me, for me, watching as she let go of everything was a fucking privilege. I couldn’t even imagine what it would be like to have her completely, to be her first, to be inside her, to know all of her vulnerabilities, for her to know mine.

  But now, showering not five feet from her brother, what I’d allowed to happen last night, I had to bite back the nausea, the feeling of disgust as it burned in my stomach. There was no coming back from this. I balanced two worlds. One with Indie, where everything had begun to click into place, where I could finally look at myself in the mirror and believe the smile reflected back. One with Royal, where everything was wrong, where the lies I’d told ruined and hurt, and the reflection I looked at everyday was intolerable. Each weight, getting heavier by the day. Would he kill me? Would I blame him if he did? I wondered, if given the chance to hear the beat of my pulse every time I looked at his sister, if Royal would understand.

  She was my more.

  I closed my eyes and let the cold water set into my skin. Let it numb my fingers, hoping it would quell the memory of her skin. The cool water rinsed my mouth of her taste, my head of her scent. I was empty. And later as I got dressed, I found, even with Royal next to me dressing, as well, all I wanted was to see her, to fill myself back up again, no matter the consequence.

  “You seem tired,” he said as we walked through the lobby doors.

  The clouds hugged the tree tops, the smell of pine and dirt a welcome greeting.

  “I didn’t get much sleep last night,” I admitted.

  Royal shrugged his bag higher on his shoulder, his grin familiar and assuming. “Was it Laney again? She’s been asking about you. She’s in my human behavior class.”

  “It wasn’t Laney.”

  “So it was a girl,” he stared at me, a smart ass smirk on his face, awaiting confirmation.

  Averting my eyes, I used the puddles pooled along the sidewalk from the earlier rain storm as a distraction.

  “Nah, I had to study.”

  “Is study code for getting laid? Because you weren’t at the dorm this morning when I woke up.”

  “Christ, Royal, are you my mom now?”

  His smile faltered, and like a coward, I turned away.

  “You used to tell me…” His sentence abruptly ended, and I forced myself to face him. If he figured it out, if he asked, I’d tell him. “Wait…” My heart furious in my chest, my palms clammy, I shivered as a bead of sweat trickled down my neck. “I think you might actually like this girl.”

  I scoffed, my laugh unbelievable to my own ears. “What girl? Royal, I was studying.”

  “You never bring chicks back to the dorm anymore. You’re not partying. You’ve cleaned up your life…” Royal’s eyes were wide, excited. He looked at me like he could see it all, like he knew… like everything wasn’t about to fall apart. “You have a girlfriend.”

  I shoved his shoulder. “Calm down, O’Connell. You might shit yourself.”

  “I’m right.” He clapped his hands. “You have a freaking girlfriend.” I didn’t answer. My tongue was swollen with so many things I couldn’t say. After thirty seconds of waiting each other out, he was the first to speak. “You have a girlfriend and you didn’t tell me?”

  Pushing my fingers through my hair, I exhaled. “It’s complicated.”

  “It can’t be more complicated than when I admitted to having the hots for your male roommate.”

  “Honestly… I think it might be.”

  “Try me.”

  We stopped short in front of the stairs leading up to Beckett. How could I admit to everything without it setting off a bomb? The words were grenades, and no matter the way I told him, if I pulled the pin, there was no scenario where someone wouldn’t get hurt. Where our friendship wouldn’t be totally annihilated. I wished then, as he stared at me like a brother, like a friend who wanted me to confide in him, to trust him, that I would have. I should have trusted him, told Indie from the start of it all he needed to know.

  But it was a little late for what could have been, and like the total asshole I was, I asked of him what I didn’t deserve. “Trust me, I want to… but I… it’s new, okay… and I’ve never felt like this about a chick, and I don’t want to jinx it.”

  His lips broke into a slow smile as he pulled on the strap of my bag, tugging me back and forth. “Look at you, all tied up in knots over a chick. She’s gotta be epic… Can’t wait to meet her.”

  I wrestled his hand off the strap, my laugh more of a mask than genuine. “Fuck off, I am not tied up in knots.”

  I was free.

  Because of her, I was free.

  “Whatever you say, man.”

  Royal’s smug grin only made me feel worse, but I kept my well-constructed façade in check as we ascended the stairs. I didn’t allow myself a glance toward our usual table in the back as we entered the cafeteria. I wasn’t sure I co
uld keep my feelings from Royal if I saw her right now. If I saw the heart shape of her face, her lips, he’d read me like an open book. Hell, being in the same room with her was probably a bad idea. If I got a whiff of her lavender scent, all the memories from last night would flood my pulse. My mouth watered as I remembered what it was like to be between her legs.

  Shit.

  I needed to get the hell out of here.

  “Everyone’s here.” He waved and nodded his head in a silent conversation with someone, probably Camden. “Come on,” he said, like I didn’t have a choice, like I didn’t bail on breakfast more often than not.

  Involuntarily, I turned and faced the table, meeting her bottomless blue eyes, and knew I wasn’t going anywhere. She lowered her gaze, watching me under covert lashes, and despite all the secrets I tried to bottle up, hidden behind indifference, I smiled as color washed over her cheeks. She bit her lip and I was back in her room, my hands on her thighs, my mouth between her legs, her addictive moans lingering in the air. A flash of heat radiated down my neck and chest. I was hard for her as I walked across a room filled with over a hundred students, worse, with Royal a few steps ahead. Apparently I had a death wish.

  “’Bout fricking time, I don’t know what takes you two so long,” Corbin grumbled around a bite of a breakfast burrito.

  Royal smacked a kiss on Camden’s cheek as he took his seat. His bag landing with a thump on the floor. “Thanks, Pink,” he said, grabbing one of the three burritos from her tray.

  She held my stare as I lowered my duffel to the floor next to Royal’s and sat down across from her. Indie handed me a wrapped burrito. “I got one for you, too.”

  “Isn’t she the best?” Corbin asked, and I knew better than to answer.

  I gave her a quick thank you and dug into my breakfast, stealing glimpses of Indie while everyone yammered on about the spring formal. Part of me wanted to flee to the library. At least there I could have my dirty thoughts in the privacy of my favorite study room. Indie was just as quiet as me. Was she thinking about last night, too? Could she still taste me? Feel me? Was she burning? Her cheeks in a perpetual state of pink, she shredded her napkin into tiny pieces. I was transfixed by her elegant fingers. I imagined them covered in paint as she spread color over her canvas, saturated with water as she wrapped them around my…

  “Indie, you love that movie.” Royal’s voice shut down my oversexed brain faster than a kick to the nuts.

  “What movie?” I asked as casual as possible.

  Fine golden hairs tickled the right side of her jaw where her braid hung over her shoulder. The phrase Love is Love stretched across her breasts against purple cotton. Her face was clean of all makeup. Under the natural blush, the faint freckles I loved on her cheeks popped. She looked at me, caught me staring, and pressed her lips together. It made me want to kiss her. Could she tell I was uncomfortable with need? Need for her. Need to be under the shower, in her bed, getting off on the feel of her skin.

  “Sixteen Candles,” she finally answered.

  I wet my lips and looked at the table. “Never heard of it.”

  “Seriously?” she asked, drawing me into her smile. “We’ll have to fix that.”

  “Even I’ve watched that bullshit.” Corbin dunked his burrito in a cup of red salsa, then green before shoving it in his mouth.

  I wasn’t hard anymore.

  “It’s not bullshit.” She was offended and adorable as hell.

  “It’s stupid chick bullshit.” Corbin grinned, exposing the black pepper stuck between his two front teeth.

  “You’ve just insulted her religion.” Royal threw his napkin onto Corbin’s plate and Dev laughed.

  “I think it’s cool,” Camden said. “I’ve never been to a dance.”

  “Wait… How is any of this related to Spring Fling?” I asked.

  “The theme…” Corbin held up his hands, spreading them out like he was opening up the scene. I could almost hear him say, ‘Picture this…’ “Sixteen Candles.”

  “Sixteen Candles, for the dance’s sixteenth anniversary,” Dev added. “I’m totally wearing a baby blue suit.”

  “Ugh… the eighties.” Corbin’s scowl created comically deep, comma-shaped creases around his mouth.

  Indie shoved him. “I love the eighties.”

  “She really does. It’s our parents’ fault.”

  Indie narrowed her eyes. “You love that movie, Blue. You cried when they kissed over the cake.”

  Corbin choked on his orange juice and everyone at the table laughed, even Camden.

  “That was you!” Royal teased. “You’re such a liar, Pink.”

  Indie’s expression clouded. Royal and I both noticed, our eyes on her, waiting for the voices in her head to clear.

  “Thanks, Pink.” Oblivious, Corbin snickered as he balled up his empty wrapper. “You always give me the best ammunition.”

  The storm evaporated from her eyes as she high-fived Corbin. “Anytime.”

  “Holy shit… I just had the best idea.” Corbin leaned into Indie’s personal bubble. He was too close, and when he tugged on her braid, tension curled in my fist and jaw. “You should go to the dance with me… like a date.”

  “Hell no!” Royal and I said in unison.

  “What? Why not?” Corbin’s attempt at incredulity was pathetic.

  His smirk was already stretching his lips before he even got the question out. Fucking button pusher.

  “That’s my sister, asshole.”

  “I’m not good enough for your sister?”

  “No.” Again, Royal and I spoke at the same time.

  Royal’s shoulders shook with laughter as he held up his fist. “See, Kai understands.”

  Indie’s cheeks drained of color as I bumped my knuckles against her brothers’.

  Camden reached across the table, squeezing her hand, he shot Royal a glare. “Last time I checked, it sucked having other people dictate who you could and couldn’t date.”

  “Camden, my man, you’re my favorite.” Corbin held up his fist, but Camden left him hanging. “It’s cool. I get it, bro. I don’t like to touch people either.”

  Camden’s brows furrowed. “You just tried to touch me.”

  Sometimes I forgot how socially awkward he was.

  “I’ll get him to fist bump me one of these days,” Corbin whispered into Indie’s ear, and she giggled. “So, what do you think? You want to go to formal with me, Pink?”

  Indie wouldn’t meet my gaze as she chewed her bottom lip. My knuckles, my teeth, my muscles, ached as my entire body tensed. Corbin got to have these precious minutes at her side. He got to whisper into her ear, ask her to the Spring Fling. It was irrational, but I hated him as I waited for her answer. Hated his confident smirk, his money, everything he had that I didn’t, but mostly I hated that Royal hadn’t tried to shut him down this time. He held his boyfriend’s hand, whispering about something I couldn’t hear as the madness of jealousy thickened my blood.

  “I appreciate the invite, but I’m holding out... I’m waiting to see if my friend needs a date.”

  “Really?” Corbin actually seemed bummed out, and like the terrible person I was, I smiled.

  I fucking smiled and didn’t give a shit who saw me.

  Indigo

  He had the attention of the entire class. There were only fifteen students in this introduction to drawing class, but each one of them watched in awe as he sketched a quick human eye with a dry erase marker on the whiteboard. Kai’s deep, rich timbre made the room feel whole, it breathed his words, and as I snuck in, I shut the door as quietly as possible. I didn’t want to disrupt his flow. I’d watched him struggle with my medium all semester. Struggle with paint, with the brush in his hand. Not once had he shown me one of his drawings. Quick sketches here and there. Ideas he wanted to transfer onto canvas. And he was getting better every day, but watching him now, the detail he stretched out with a mere marker, he had me completely captivated.

  His light laugh
made my heart skip as he smudged his thumb under the eye. “This isn’t the best example to demonstrate shading…” The classroom filled with quiet laughter. “But you see my point about line. You have to start small and build out…”

  Professor Hintz stood from where he’d sat at one of the front tables. “That’s our time today, have your shading assignments to Mr. Carter by the end of the day tomorrow.” A student raised their hand. “No, Miss Cavanaugh, you cannot work on it over spring break. Deadline is Friday.”

  Kai wiped his hands on a small towel and set it on the front desk as the students filed out of the room. I sat in the back with my legs crossed, a smile on my face. He looked handsome in his navy button down and gray slacks that fit to his trim waist like they’d been made just for him.

  Professor Hintz pointed to the whiteboard. “You’re better than that.”

  Kai pushed his fingers through his hair, his grin changing his stark features into soft, warm lines. “I know.”

  I cleared my throat and both the professor and Kai turned their heads. Kai’s smile spread into dimples.

  “Isn’t this class a little advanced for you?” Professor Hintz asked as he shuffled through a stack of drawings on his desk.

  “A little.”

  “I’ll give you twenty minutes, Mr. Carter. I need help grading these…” He held up the same stack he’d been ruffling through. The grimace on his face made Kai chuckle. “Can I even call them drawings?”