Highland Brawn (The Band of Cousins Book 8)

by Keira Montclair

  She stood in the same spot for a long time, sobbing so hard her breath hitched. She had to watch him until the last signs of him disappeared. When he was finally gone, two sisters came on either side of her and reached for her elbows, turning her around and pointing her back toward the abbey.

  ***

  A fortnight later, Sela sat in her chamber on the floor, watching her daughter. Claray was such a beautiful child. Thank goodness she’d brought the puppy along as a companion for her. Watching the two play together was one of her rare pleasures.

  Sela had spent the time apart from Connor working toward her goals. But all her prayers, all her work did nothing to relieve the guilt she still dealt with on a daily basis.

  She’d only had one nightmare since Hord had died. And even that one had been mild. It had been the day after the incident. She’d awoken shaken up, but the feeling dissipated as soon as she recalled the bastard was dead.

  The dreams had never come back, for either her or Claray.

  The only recurring dream Sela had now was about a handsome man with dark hair just below his shoulders. Normally straight, it curled whenever it got damp, something she privately loved. Every time she thought of her Highlander, her heart smiled.

  Yet she hadn’t gone to him yet.

  She didn’t feel worthy of such a man. Only one thing that Hord said stayed with her.

  Whore.

  Sister Grace knocked her hand on the side of the open door and stepped inside the chamber. “Good afternoon, my dears. Sela, Mother Matilda would like to speak with you. I’ll stay with Claray.”

  “My thanks to you, Sister. I’ll go right away.”

  As her slippers echoed down the passageway, she couldn’t help but wonder what this was about. Had the abbess decided it was time for them to leave?

  She stepped into the woman’s solar and bowed her head. “Greetings to you, Mother Matilda.”

  “Sit down, Sela. ’Tis time for a wee chat.”

  Sela took the chair in front of her desk and folded her hands in her lap. She took a deep breath and waited for the abbess to speak.

  Mother Matilda leaned back in her chair and asked, “So who does your heart belong to?”

  Sela hadn’t expected the woman to be so direct. She could feel the blush crossing her face and her neck. While she wished to tell another lie, she’d promised herself she was done lying.

  She whispered, “Connor Grant.”

  The abbess nodded with a smile. “I’m glad you recognize that. I can see it in both of your faces. Has the man proposed marriage to you?”

  “Aye.”

  “But you turned him down?”

  She sighed, wondering how to explain herself. “I haven’t directly rejected him, but I’ve asked him to wait. I’m not ready yet.”

  “What holds you back, child? This is no place for a wee lassie to grow up, nor is it a place for you. Don’t you feel you’ve healed? Your nightmares have ended.”

  Tears slid down her cheek. “Aye, in some ways. But in other ways…” How did she mention the word “whore” to an abbess?

  “What holds you back?” the woman persisted.

  “Noble blood,” she blurted out, pleased the words had popped into her mind. “Connor should marry a lass of noble blood. I’m no one special. I’m not deserving of him.”

  “Lass, I’m not going to subject you to this interrogation any longer, but I wish for you to listen to me. Many marriages in this world take place because one powerful family wishes to unite with another, and most of them are unhappy marriages. You have a man who loves you, and if I were you, I would run into his arms.”

  She tried to speak, but the abbess held her hand up. “Nay, I don’t wish to hear about the fact that you had a child when you were unmarried. That was forced on you, as were many other things. You need to let that go. Connor doesn’t care, so why should you? You have a purpose in this world, as does every person born. God decides your purpose. He will let you know what that purpose is, but you need to listen to Him. For me, it’s serving our Lord. Yours is not serving God, so what is it? You need to think hard about that. Sometimes a person’s purpose is to love and care for another. What is yours?”

  Her purpose? She had no idea.

  “Go and think on that. And pray for an answer from God. You need to move on with your life.”

  Sela forced herself to stand and take her leave, again with a short bow. She headed directly to the small chapel used by the nuns. While the abbey contained a larger place of worship they all attended to say mass, this one suited her perfectly.

  She knelt and prayed exactly as the abbess had suggested she do. Then she waited, hoping for a quick answer, just like the one she’d received about the stout stick.

  Her heart sank when nothing came to her. After a while, she rose and padded down to her chamber, watching Claray giggle with Torry.

  “Mama, I miss my friends,” her daughter said. “May we visit them again soon?”

  Unable to speak because of the tears lodged in her throat, she just nodded.

  Her purpose?

  She was more lost than ever.

  Chapter Twenty-Nine

  In the middle of the night, Sela bolted up in bed, something that had happened too often in her life. But this time it wasn’t because of Hord or spiders. Her gaze darted around the chamber in search of what had awakened her. Claray and Torry were sleeping with Sister Grace this eve because Sela hadn’t wanted her daughter to see her cry herself to sleep.

  A woman stood in the doorway.

  She blinked three times, but the figure remained. This nun was new to her. There was no wind, yet the woman’s gown billowed around her. It was white with a blue band around the middle, so long it seemed to cover her feet. She had a strand of pearls around her neck and hair almost as light as Sela’s.

  “Good eve, my dear,” the lady said, her smile warm and welcoming. “I see I’ve surprised you.” Her eyes actually sparkled in the dark, something that shouldn’t be possible.

  “Who are you? I’ve never met you before.” Strangely, although Sela knew nothing about this woman, she trusted her completely. There was something about her…

  “My name doesn’t matter, but my purpose does. I see you’re confused about your purpose, so I thought I’d assist you, if I may.”

  “What is your purpose?” she hesitated to ask, especially since she suspected this was no normal nun, but she wished to know everything about this woman.

  “I’m the guardian of innocent lasses. One of many. I’ve been called to this area twice before. In fact, Connor has seen me, although he’s not quite a believer yet. I’m working on that.”

  “Why are you here?”

  “Because you are so lost. You must stop feeling guilty for your involvement in the Channel. You were put there to protect those you could, and you did. The rest of what you did was what you had to do to survive. God forgives you for all. You’ve done your penance. It’s time for you to move on to fulfill your second purpose in life. Once you fulfill your purpose, you will live a wonderful life of happiness.”

  She moved closer to the woman, surprised to see that the closer she moved, the more translucent the woman appeared. Was she a spirit?

  “Aye, I’m a spirit of a sort.” Her light laughter filled the chamber with warmth, another oddity.

  The woman knew what she was thinking. Was that possible? While not necessarily convinced, she wished to hear her answer to the problem that plagued her. “What is my purpose? Please.”

  “You’ve had two, but you already fulfilled the first. You have one left. Why, your purpose is one of the noblest. You are a mother, and you are a wonderful one. In fact, Claray has siblings waiting to be born, but you are a little slow understanding what is meant for you. You must accept this and move forward. Your loving husband-to-be awaits you.”

  Her eyes widened, stunned at this revelation. A mother? That was her purpose?

  The spirit began to disappear, so she moved closer. “W
ait, please. How can I be good enough for Connor? I had a bairn out of wedlock. Does not that make me a—” she shuddered before she said the word, “—whore?”

  “Nay, child. Your heart is pure.” She smiled and gave her a small wave. “Tell Connor my work here is finally done.”

  And with that, she was gone.

  ***

  The next morn, Sela began to pack her things as soon as she awakened. Sister Grace came in a few moments later and asked, “You’re leaving?”

  She nodded. “Aye. The abbess is correct. ’Tis time for me to move on. I’m going to say goodbye to the Camerons, ask for an escort to Grant land, and I hope to marry Connor Grant.”

  Claray tugged her arm. “Mama, are there lassies who I can play with there?”

  “There certainly are. Find your toys and Torry’s things.” Then she turned to Sister Grace, “Would you mind waiting here for a moment while I go talk with the abbess?”

  “Of course. I’ll help the lass collect her things.”

  She hurried down the passageway, feeling a new bounce in her step. She nearly knocked Mother Matilda over when the nun stepped out of the chapel just before she passed it. “Forgive me, Mother Matilda. It was careless of me.”

  “You seem quite happy this morn. Have you come to tell me something already?”

  “Aye, I have. My purpose is to be a mother. I’m going to marry Connor.” She let her breath out, so pleased she was able to explain everything.

  “What changed your mind so quickly?”

  Did she dare admit she’d seen a spirit? No, she thought it best to think of it as a dream. “God’s answer came to me in a dream.”

  “Congratulations. I’m pleased to hear it.”

  “Many, many thanks. You have my gratitude for your patience.”

  “Child, you deserved it. You’ve been through too much. ’Tis time for you to enjoy some happiness. I’m glad you finally understand you deserve it.”

  She turned to head down the passageway, but then stopped and whirled back around. “Is there a new nun here? One with hair just a shade darker than mine?” She had to ask. It could have been a nun who’d visited her. The rest might have been the product of an overactive imagination.

  “A new nun? Nay.”

  She nodded and turned around to leave, but the abbess’s voice caught her.

  “Believe in God’s spirits. They have unusual ways of getting what they want.” She walked away without another explanation.

  They said their goodbyes to the Camerons a short time later, and Sela gave Jennie Cameron a special hug. “My thanks for everything.”

  “You’re welcome. You and Connor will make a wonderful couple. I look forward to seeing my brother watch his youngest son marry. He’ll be so pleased. Alex was like a father to me for many years, so his children are special to me.”

  Sela chewed on her lip, trying to think of exactly the right words to tell this wonderful woman what she meant to her. “I owe you for so much, but especially for watching over Claray when she had the fever. I cannot tell you how much it meant to me to know she was well-cared for. And Tara and Riley are such sweet lasses…”

  “You need not say any more. We will be family soon. Remember that. You must hold on to your beloved memories of your mother and father but allow yourself to forget everything else.”

  “Do you think your brother and his wife will accept me?”

  “Absolutely. We parents want our children’s happiness first and foremost. And you make Connor verra happy. Godspeed to you.”

  Chapter Thirty

  Connor headed out to the butts alone in the middle of the afternoon. He had to admit he’d hoped Sela would come back to him before now. But he’d heard nothing since Hord’s death, and each day was a little bleaker.

  Many people had reminded him to be patient, but he felt as though his patience was about to run out. It had been a fortnight since he’d last seen Sela, and he’d vowed she would have to come to him next.

  He fired ten arrows, hitting the center of the target ten times.

  He sighed, settling onto a log to think. That was when he saw her.

  The ghostly woman he and Roddy had seen at Sona Abbey many moons ago stood at the opposite end of the field, smiling and waving at him. He’d seen her with Daniel, too, but that time she’d worn a heart-shaped red stone around her neck. She wore the same white gown with the same blue band around the waist.

  He hurried toward her, but her billowing white form began to fade to nothingness. Her hair was waving in the wind, the color red, and a necklace of pearls hung around her neck.

  He whispered, “The pearls are back this time. I remember. But your hair color changes, doesn’t it?”

  “Goodbye, Connor Grant. You’ve earned a happy life. You’ll be a wonderful father.”

  She disappeared in a second.

  He dropped his bow and rubbed his eyes. Blast it all, he was turning daft. He wished Roddy were here so he could ask him about her. He’d seen her a second time, too, and her hair had been different then. Had that been with Daniel or Braden?

  He bent over to pick up his things, but he heard his name.

  “Connor!”

  It was a voice he thought he recognized, one he’d ached to hear, but it couldn’t be, could it?

  He moved out into the meadow, glancing one way and the other until he found a group of ten horses galloping his way. Then he heard it again.

  “Connor!”

  A woman jumped down from her horse and broke into a run, headed straight for him. He caught sight of a thatch of red curls on the horse behind her. A child riding in front of a guard.

  Had Sela come to him?

  Hope bloomed in his heart, sending warmth down his limbs.

  He hurried closer, not wanting to run in case he was wrong, but the closer she came, the more he was sure it was her. She was almost to him when she shouted, “Connor Grant, I love you!”

  He held his arms open and she leapt into them, twining her arms around his neck. “Sela?” was all he could get out.

  “Aye. I love you and I accept your proposal, but only if you can answer one question.”

  “What?” He was so elated, he would have granted her whatever she wanted.

  She gave him a saucy look and asked, “Do you remember me?”

  He laughed, lifted her in the air, and said, “Forever.”

  Epilogue

  A fortnight later, Connor and Sela crossed onto Cameron land, and that small movement hit deep in Sela’s belly. It felt strange to be so close to the place where she’d been attacked, but it had been part of the journey that had brought her back to Connor, and she had never been happier.

  Connor’s mother had been incredibly understanding of her plight. She understood why Sela had waited so long to agree to be Connor’s wife, and her sympathy and encouragement meant more than anything.

  Sela didn’t care if anyone else judged her unfairly as long as Connor and his parents could see her for what was in her heart.

  Claray had enjoyed every minute on Grant land. Maddie had fussed over her every day as if she were her own. Connor’s youngest sister, Elizabeth, had taken Claray everywhere with her, even to visit a cousin named Ashlyn. Her wee daughter, Ishbel, had a litter of puppies, so Claray and Torry had spent hours playing with them.

  Sela glanced over at her dear daughter riding horseback in front of Connor, whom she now referred to as Papa.

  His family had made them feel at home, something she cherished. She was actually starting to feel as if they belonged there.

  They were returning to Cameron land so she and Connor could be married at Lochluin Abbey, along with Gregor and Linet. She was a wee bit unsettled about seeing the abbess and the sisters again, but she knew they wished the best for her.

  Connor, Claray, and Sela rode with his parents and his siblings, though the pregnant lasses were traveling in a large cart covered with thick furs.

  Claray’s face lit up as they approached the stables at the
Cameron keep, her wee finger pointing to the cluster of people outside the building.

  Connor glanced at her and said, “My cousin Loki and his cast of bairns. I’ll explain later, but he and his wife, Bella, offer their home to many young ones who have lost their parents.” Thorn, who’d been riding with Alex, jumped down and scurried over to join the group.

  Loki stood in the middle of a cluster of lads. The only ones Sela recognized were Nari and now Thorn. A lass with hair the prettiest combination of gold and red stood off to the side of them with two younger bairns, and from the looks they were giving each other, she had to be Loki’s wife.

  A wee pony stood off to the side of the group, bucking like a wild horse.

  Brodie Grant, Loki’s adoptive sire, stood next to Braden and Cairstine. Sela had met Cairstine and their boy, Steenie, on the family’s visit to Grant land. “Paddy wants to have a special entrance,” Steenie whined.

  The lad’s grandmother, Celestina, placed her hands on his shoulders and said, “Now please remember, Steenie. Horses cannot speak. Paddy will have a fine spot in the wedding procession. He’ll not be forgotten.”

  “Paddy has a different way of telling me things,” Steenie said to his grandmother.

  The pony reared up as if to agree.

  “He wishes to be special, ’tis all he wants, and I do, too.” Steenie stared up at his grandmother with a hopeful gaze.

  “Greetings, Connor,” Loki said, lifting his gaze to them. “We’re just trying to arrange the processional. Do you not wish to arrange it yourself? After all, you are one of the grooms.”

  Connor shook his head. “Nay, you’re doing a fine job, Loki.” He helped Claray down and she made her way over to the group of lads, although she stood off to the side, observing their antics.

  “What’s wrong?” Thorn asked.

  “Steenie and Paddy want to ride alone and be special,” Nari said. “I told him that I should have an extra special role because I helped save Gregor and Linet.”

  Thorn, looking quite indignant, said, “But I saved all the lasses because I told Connor about the ruse!”