Holding (Moving the Chains Book 5)

by Kata Čuić

  “Mike would never hurt me,” I insist, offended on his behalf.

  Even if that was a remote possibility, Evie would have warned me. She knows what he’s capable of. According to Mike, she’s the only other person in his circle of friends who knows the truth about his past.

  “Fossoway?” Templeman interjects. “Elliot Templeman. I’m here, too. I won’t leave her alone with him. If you don’t wanna waste your Monday off by flying up here, you don’t have to. I got this.”

  Alex laughs. Outright laughs. “What’s his favorite food?”

  Templeman glances at me with questions dancing in his sharp eyes. “I have no idea. What does that have to do with anything? You want me to cook his mama’s favorite meatloaf for him?”

  “You have no idea,” Alex repeats with emphasis. “You’ve been playing together for a little over two seasons. I could ask you a fucking list of questions, and your answer would be the same—no idea.”

  “It ain’t my fault ya boy’s a salty motherfucker who won’t open up to no one!”

  “No, it’s not your fault, and no, he doesn’t.” Alex laughs again, but this one is dark and chilling. “I’m not gonna bullshit you, Templeman. I like your style. On the field. I have no idea who the fuck you are off of it.”

  Templeman glares at me like I’m the one insulting him. He doesn’t understand what Mike and his friends went through at the hands of their teammates in college though. It’s not my place to tell him why three of the top players in the league harbor a whole host of trust issues to this day in their new, separate locker rooms. I’m not even sure if Alex really knows all of it. I don’t know if anyone has told him about the night they were all drugged.

  All I know is that in spite of the secrets they keep to protect each other, when one of them is down, this circle of trust closes ranks. Alex isn’t just flying up here for Mike. He’s flying up here for me, too.

  “Templeman is a good guy,” I explain to Alex if for no other reason than to give him one less thing to worry about while he’s in the air. “He’s one of the only people on the team Mike’s friends with. And he would never pass around a mold of Mike’s penis in the locker room.”

  Templeman snickers. “Yes, I would.”

  “Shut up,” I hiss at him, my cheeks an inferno. “You’re not helping!”

  “On second thought, I like you already, Templeman.” Alex chuckles. “Okay. You can stay.”

  Templeman rolls his eyes. “Boy, you ain’t even here. How you gonna keep me away?”

  “I won’t have to do a thing.” There’s a sinister smile in Alex’s voice that makes me nervous. “The cavalry should be arriving any minute. If they don’t like you, you’ll be gone.”

  My gaze flits between Mike—already asleep on the couch—and the closed front door. There’s no way Evie will be walking through it any second.

  “Who’s coming?”

  “Jeremy and Alyssa live in New York City,” Alex explains, his voice irritatingly patronizing. “They’re closest, so they were already on their way by the time I made the call. Let Evie handle Mike’s mom and sisters. He doesn’t like them to worry about him. We’ll make that decision if it needs to be made later.”

  “I already know that,” I snap, my anxiety bubbling over. All I wanted was to see Mike. To make sure he’s really okay with my own eyes. This is turning into a five-alarm fire in spite of Evie trying to convince me it was just a faulty smoke detector. “That’s why he let his mom and sisters believe we really broke up. So, they won’t worry about all the stupid hoops he has to jump through just to keep his job.”

  Templeman’s eyes widen. He puts his hand on my shoulder then gives me a comforting squeeze. “Shit, Tori. I’m sorry. That ain’t no way to treat a unicorn.”

  “I’m sorry, too,” Alex murmurs over the phone. “I gotta drop. We’re taking off.”

  I grit my teeth when a soft knock sounds at the door.

  Sure enough, Alyssa and Jeremy are standing on the other side.

  “Come on in, but be quiet,” I warn. “He’s asleep on the couch.”

  “How is he?” Alyssa wraps me in a warm hug.

  “I don’t know,” I admit. I haven’t had enough time alone with him to find out.

  I’m grateful Mike has so many people in his life who care so deeply—especially after getting the sense he was such a loner when we first met. I just can’t help but feel that they don’t think I can handle being his girlfriend. I’ve traded in the team expecting me to fail at representing him for his friends believing I can’t support him on my own.

  Maybe they’re right. Because when Alyssa asks if there’s anything she can do, I have no idea how to answer.

  I crack open my eyes. There’s a party going on in my kitchen that’s way quieter than the one in my skull. Hushed whispers roll over my sore muscles. It even hurts to smile, but I can’t help it.

  Tori’s here. She’s bent over—giving me a nice view of her ass while she pulls a tray out of the oven. Alyssa and Jeremy thank her when she puts something on their plates. Templeman offers her a smile of gratitude after she places a fresh drink in front of him.

  My happy dream turns into a nightmare when my gaze lands on the next face.

  No. No, no, no, no, no.

  “You two can’t be in the same room together!” I blurt.

  All eyes point my direction when I roll off the couch and stumble toward what promises to be an absolute disaster.

  “You!” I point at Templeman. “I said I don’t need a babysitter! Peaches is here! And you!” I point at Alex then lose steam when the floor tilts beneath me. “When the hell did you get here?”

  He’s not a star wide receiver for nothing. Alex is beside me in less than the blink of an eye. I’d be lying if I said I’m not grateful for him practically holding me up.

  I don’t think Tori’s strong enough to support my weight.

  And I don’t think I’ve ever heard Alex’s voice be this quiet. “Hey. Take it easy. No fast movements for a while. Do you feel sick, or do you wanna try to eat something?”

  I really did get my brain sloshed earlier. I stare at him. This has to be a trap. Either that, or I’m hallucinating because of brain sloshing. “Is this a trap?”

  He squints at me. “Mike? Do you know who I am?”

  “Yeah. That’s why I’m asking if this is a trap.”

  Alex opens his mouth. Blinks a few times. Closes his mouth again.

  Entirely different sensations from a different set of hands divert my attention.

  Peaches.

  “Why don’t we sit down? I don’t want you to fall.”

  I’m already down for the count, and I never want to get back up.

  I wrap her in my arms even though it hurts like hell. “You came. You’re here. Can we get married now?”

  “Of course, I came,” she whispers then kisses me everywhere she can reach.

  “She ain’t coming at all!” Templeman yells. “Not while she’s your secret side piece!”

  “This is why you and Alex can’t be in the same room together!” I yell back then immediately regret my choices. “Babe, I’m gonna throw up.”

  She snaps her fingers. A trash bin appears in front of my face, and I use it for all I’m worth.

  “Thank you,” I tell Alex. I need to remember to thank him for so many things. Holding the puke bucket when I know he hates puke seems like a good place to start. The rest of the crew doesn’t need to hear this next part, so I whisper in Tori’s ear, “It’s your turn to see me pee now.”

  She chuckles. My brain feels like mashed potatoes, but I know this is it. She’s here for the hard parts, so she’ll stay for the rest.

  She wraps her arm around my waist. Not that she could possibly hold me up, but she’s trying. That’s all that matters.

  Alex flanks my other side.

  “No,” I try to shove him away, but I can’t. “You don’t get to see my dick anymore. Just Tori.”

  “You really wanna spray her
with piss? Or do you want to douse me?” Alex smirks. He knows he’s got me.

  “Fine,” I sigh. Even that hurts.

  Tori reaches up to plant a gentle kiss on my cheek. “I’m not going anywhere. I’ll be here when you’re done.”

  I can’t believe my life has been reduced to this, but Alex keeps his word. He helps me to the bathroom then insists I sit instead of stand to take care of business.

  “Wouldn’t want you to actually crack that pretty head open.” He crouches in front of me, meeting my gaze directly.

  “I knew this was a trap,” I mutter, closing my legs.

  He rolls his eyes. “Just because I’m the proud owner of your plastic dick doesn’t mean I’m going to grab your junk to compare texture. I need you to listen to me, Mitchell. Your head hurts, and your brain isn’t working, so you have to really concentrate, all right?”

  Oh, shit. This sounds bad. “What’s wrong?”

  “Nothing yet.” Alex blows out a breath. Whenever he gets serious, the rest of us pay attention. It’s a rare event. “I know you want Tori to help you. I get it. What I also get is that you love this woman, so I’m not gonna let you fuck it up when you might not be able to control yourself.”

  “What is that supposed to mean?” I don’t dare yell the way I want to. My head throbs even when I’m sitting still. The pressure building in my chest isn’t helping.

  Alex swallows. His gaze studies me a little too harshly. “You have never taken a hit like that before. We don’t know yet how you’re going to react. Do you really want to risk getting violent with her when there’s no one else around to stop you from doing something you can’t take back?”

  A shivering sensation spreads over my skin. All the blood in my body pools at my feet. Alex doesn’t even know the kind of violence I’m capable of. If he’s worried now, how much worse would it be if I told him everything he doesn’t know about me?

  “Have you seen that before?” I swallow the dread in my throat, already knowing the answer. We’ve all seen some version of it for as long as we’ve been playing. We know the risks. We stay on the field anyway.

  Alex nods. “Remember last year when Brown took that illegal hit? He beat the fucking shit out of his wife later that night. She was the one who ended up in the hospital when he never should have been released from it.”

  Brown was one of the most promising tight ends on Alex’s team in Orlando. He’s been in the media ever since that hit for all the wrong reasons. There’s no end in sight to the guy’s downward spiral. Those of us who play the game know exactly why. We also know how it will end.

  “How long?”

  Alex’s eyes crinkle at the corners. “How long, what?”

  “How long should I keep her away?”

  He shakes his head and drops his gaze to the floor. “I don’t know, man. However long it takes until you feel like yourself again.”

  That’s the other thing we all know. It could be days, months, or years. If ever.

  The thought of being without Tori makes me want to throw up again. It was easy enough to muscle through going weeks apart when there was a finite end-date to this torture. Now? I have to let her go for her own good for who knows how long.

  “Alex?”

  “Yeah?”

  “What if I never play again?” It’s been in the back of my jarred mind since I came to on the field. If I lose my job, how can I ever get Tori back? I’ll be useless. To everyone.

  Alex plants his hand on my shoulder and gives a firm squeeze then recoils when he remembers I’m still sitting on the toilet, and we’re having a heart-to-heart in my bathroom. “Let’s just take it one day at a time for now. We’ll call audibles as we go along.”

  “Alex?”

  “What?”

  I’ve never felt like such an asshole for judging Rob so harshly when he walked away from Evie. “I think we need our QB to call plays this big.”

  Alex rises from his crouched position and shakes his head. “He’s got a pregnant wife to worry about, and the game of his life on the line even if he doesn’t know it yet. Besides, you know he’d tell you the same thing I’m telling you. It sucks, but you’ve gotta put her first. You might not have very much faith in me, but I’ve got your back, bro. We’ll get through this.”

  “Alex?”

  “What?” His tone proves he’s losing patience with my stupid questions, which actually does make me have a little less faith in him.

  “I’m gonna puke again.”

  I play with her hair—trying to memorize the way it feels between my fingers, how brightly it shines on the dull gray pillow. I’m afraid to touch her silky soft skin. One touch might not be enough. One touch might be too rough.

  Alex is on the other side of my closed bedroom door. He agreed to give me this time alone with her to break the news, but he refused to leave us completely alone in case things get too out of control.

  Just another thing I need to thank him for.

  “Mike?” The uncertainty in her voice grates my ears. She knows something’s off. Something more than just my brain.

  I see my future staring back at me in her deep brown eyes. I also see the potential for a million more failures if I selfishly keep her.

  With a deep breath that feels like razor blades, I rip off the bandage. “I think we need to take a break.”

  She chuckles. Sobs. I can’t tell the difference.

  “That’s just your concussion talking. I know you’re scared, and things are rough right now, but I already made arrangements to shift my classes online, so I can stay here with you for as long as—”

  “No!” I cut her off and bolt upright in bed. That single word hurts far worse than my abrupt movement.

  I squeeze my eyes shut as nausea builds in the pit of my gut.

  Selfless, not selfish. Selfless, not selfish.

  Rob’s words are the only thing I’m capable of holding onto in my abused mind. It’s the root of all the branches I’m breaking. On purpose.

  “You need to go,” I grind out. “Alex booked your flight. He’s taking you to the airport with him in the morning.”

  She sits up beside me and reaches for me.

  I barely have the energy and balance to evade her outstretched hand.

  “I don’t understand,” she whispers. “You want me to leave?”

  “Yeah,” I say.

  “So, I’m your toy after all,” she murmurs. “You’re done with me, then? You’ve had your fill?”

  You’re not a toy. I’ll never be done.

  “I need you to trust me,” I bite out, trying so fucking hard not to dry heave all over the bed.

  She stares at me blankly like I haven’t said a word.

  Maybe I haven’t. I can’t tell anymore. My tongue is so heavy in my mouth, it feels like I’m trying to swallow a tennis ball.

  An image of everything I never knew I wanted swims in front of my eyes. She’s blurry around the edges, like she’s going to disappear if I breathe too deeply.

  Maybe this has all been a dream.

  She snaps her fingers in front of my face.

  I jerk back to attention. Fuck, that hurts.

  “What?”

  Tori blinks at me. “You were in the middle of saying you need to focus on your recovery.”

  I was? Did I say those words? I don’t remember that.

  Fuck. Alex is right. She can’t be here.

  I shouldn’t be here. I don’t belong. Not when everyone is happy, celebrating a joyous life event, and laughing when all I want to do is cry. There are limits to these new friendships, even in a circle of trust.

  Evie cackles as she opens another gift. The box slides off her practically non-existent lap. “He can’t wear this!”

  “Why not?” Alyssa winks. “That’s a custom creation!”

  Evie holds the onesie up for everyone to see. It reads Daddy plays football, but he has strong swimmers.

  Rob’s smile is so blinding, it hurts my eyes to look at it directly. “
It could be worse. I was kind of expecting a drum set.”

  Jeremy waves off that suggestion. “We’re saving that for his first Christmas.”

  Alex grins then gestures toward the rather large box he brought. “That’s okay. I’ve got the noisiest toy covered already.”

  Evie arches an eyebrow. “Do you all have a different sort of baby bet going for this one?”

  The guys in the room exchange guilty glances, which only makes it more apparent there’s one guy missing from the group. A guy I haven’t seen since he all but kicked me out of his house.

  I need a break from keeping my game face firmly in place. The empty tray of appetizers is a perfect excuse. The kitchen is a lonely refuge, but I let out a breath of relief anyway.

  “Peaches.”

  The single word is whispered with such an undercurrent of pain, I might be imagining things. The image of Mike standing in the doorway could absolutely be a mirage.

  He looks so handsome, so perfect, so…here.

  The air between us crackles with potent electricity that even my imagination could never come close to replicating. It’s the same sizzle we tried to ignore for so long, and now we’re apparently back where we started. I feel so stupid for giving in.

  “I thought you needed to focus on your recovery and didn’t want any distractions?”

  “I got a little time off for good behavior. Things are going well.” He shrugs.

  Oh, I know they are. He’s played the last two games, but he still won’t return my calls. That’s what hurts the most. If he wanted to break things off permanently, he could at least have had the balls to tell me to my face. Even Ben gave me that simple courtesy before he changed his mind.

  Fire sweeps across my cheeks. I put the stuffed mushrooms on the tray a little too harshly, crushing a few.