by J. L. Beck
With my backpack slung across my shoulder and my English Literature book under my arm, I start walking towards my next class. I hurry, not wanting to be late for another class. Putting one foot in front of the other, focusing on my steps I don’t notice the person approaching me until it’s too late.
My lungs deflate and a scream claws up my throat as my backpack is ripped from my shoulder, tugging me backwards with it. My book slips from beneath my arm and tumbles to the concrete.
“What the hell?” I yell, whirling around to face my assailant. When I do, I realize that there are two people instead of one, and not just people but men. Fear trickles down my spine. I don’t recognize either one of the two guys, but one thing appears in my mind in bright neon, I don’t want to know them.
“Why haven't you answered any of our text messages?” One of the guys sneers at me, his eyes menacing in the afternoon sun. It takes me a moment to grasp onto what he’s said. First, I think he might just be mistaking me for someone else but then he continues speaking and it’s clear that he is talking about the banner with my cell phone number painted on it. “What the fuck? I sent you some nice dick pics, cock, and balls, and I expected you to send me something back.”
“Don’t you know it’s rude not to return the favor? I suppose we can let it slide, but only if you let us see what you’ve got going on under that sweater,” the second guy chimes in, licking his lips like I’m a medium rare steak waiting to be devoured.
“Get lost, douchebags” I spit as I bend down to retrieve my book. Assholes. This is just another reason, another thing that proves why I should forget about the brothers. If it wasn’t for them, I wouldn’t be dealing with this right now.
With the book in my hands I straighten. Mentally I’ve already made a plan to escape, to get away before this can escalate further, but as I turn to walk away from them, one of the fuckers grabs me, his meaty paw landing on my skin like a hot branding iron.
“Whoa, where the hell do you think you’re going? We aren’t done here, sugar. I showed you mine and now you’re going to show me yours,” he leers, his gaze roaming over my chest and even though I’m not showing cleavage, or any real skin, I feel exposed.
“I don’t think so,” I snap, trying to wretch my arm free from his grasp, but that only encourages him more, and he digs his fingers deeper into my flesh. To make matters worse, the second guy gets a hold of my other arm and before I can stop them, I’m being pulled towards the back of the building.
“Let go of me!” Panic is coating my words. I might as well have not said them at all because they ignore me as if I hadn’t said anything..
Panic settles deep in my gut and I’m seconds away from starting to scream at the top of my lungs when a third figure appears beside us. Oh god, and I thought this couldn’t get any worse, now there are three of them.
I’ll never escape, never be able to fight them off. Inky black dread clouds my mind, and I feel the tears forming in my eyes.
“Usually when a woman says no, she means no.” Sullivan growls, the sound of his voice soothing the panic threatening to take over my body. I’m so relieved that I could sink to my knees on the ground to thank him.
“Come on, man, don’t be a dick, you can’t keep her all to yourself, obviously she likes getting banged by more than one guy, hence you and your brothers using her,” he retorts. His chuckles sounding strange.
Sullivan doesn’t answer, at least not with words. With superhuman speed he catapults his fist into chuckling asshole’s face, shutting both of them up in an instant. The guy staggers back from the hit, releasing my arm as he does.
His friend follows suit and flings my arm away like it’s on fire.
“Fucking asshole,” the guy moans, holding his hand to his jaw. Blood dribbles down his chin from a cut on his lip.
Momentarily I’m stunned, like a deer in the middle of the road, two headlights shining on it. The other guy balls his hands into tight fists, and it looks like all three of them might start fighting but then Sullivan takes a threatening step forward, his chest puffed out, his face set in a furious scowl, those massive paws of his clenched into tight fists. He looks like a Viking on the warpath, ready to destroy and kill everything, and anything in his way.
Even though there are two of them and one of him, they cower to him, taking a few steps backwards before turning around to walk away, well, more like run.
I rub at my arms where the skin feels bruised from them gripping it so tightly. Sullivan glares in the direction of the two assholes, before he turns his attention back to me. With a clenched jaw and murder in his blue eyes it looks like he wants to chase them down, to teach them a lesson. Only then do I let what almost happened, what would have happened if he wasn’t there sink in. Fear floods my veins, turning the hot blood to icy slush. My whole body starts to shake, my heart threatening to beat out of my chest. A sheen of sweat forms against my brow.
“Has this happened before?” He demands, his hand gripping at the corded muscles of his neck. Tension seeps off of him, and slams into me. I’m terrified, but beneath that fear is something else, anger, sadness, pain, and it pushes through to the surface like a submarine breaking ocean water.
“You mean guys propositioning me? Grabbing me and asking to see me naked? Well yes, actually, see that kind of stuff happens when everybody thinks I’m into it. Wasn’t that your plan all along?”
He sighs and looks away, as if he can’t look into my eyes any longer. As if he feels ashamed. I cross my arms over my chest, mentally giving myself a hug. Silence stretches on between us, being this close to him is fucking with my head. I want to kiss him and smack him. Tell him that I did nothing wrong, and make him beg for forgiveness, but before I can do any of those things his sultry voice breaks the silence.
“Oliver isn’t coming to English class, so come on, I’ll take you there.”
Without even looking at me, he starts walking towards the main building. I know he expects me to follow him, but I can’t make my feet move. Standing there like I grew roots I watch him walk away. He stops after a few feet when he realizes I’m not following him. I want him to keep walking, but I also want to beg him to turn around, to take me into his arms. I’m conflicted, confused, broken.
“Don’t be stupid, let’s go, I’m not going to do anything to you. I’m just making sure that you make it to the class,” he says over his shoulder.
Shaking my head, I say, “I think I’ve had enough for today. I can’t do this right now. I’m going back to the dorms,” I tell him, but still my legs won't move forward, it feels like I’m stuck in mud. Not stuck, drowning. All I want to do is go back to my room, lock myself inside, crawl into my bed, and pull my blanket over my head and forget. Forget the brothers, what just happened, the rivalry and all the family drama that comes with it. I want to bury it all, dig a hole and toss it inside.
“Fine, I’ll take you there instead.” He spins around and starts to walk back towards me, but still I don’t move, unless you count my knees knocking together. When he realizes that I don’t plan to move he sighs, as if I’m inconveniencing him.
I don’t want to need him, them, but I can’t help it. I’m weak, weak for the one thing I shouldn’t want, the enemy.
Surprising me further with his actions, he steps closer and snakes an arm around me. Holding me close to his side, he gently starts to guide me back to the dorms. My steps are still unsure but with him by my side, steadying me, my legs seem to do just fine. The walk to the dorms isn’t a long one, but today it feels like it’s taking forever. Which I don’t mind, not when it gives me more time with Sullivan.
Sullivan doesn’t say anything, and neither do I. Instead I inhale his intoxicating scent that’s wrapping around me like a blanket, sheltering me from the cold. Having him this close after everything that happened, his hands on me, his body close enough for me to feel the heat rippling off of it, it feels like heaven, like a healing balm against a wound. My vision blurs, and big fat tears start
to fall from my eyes streaking down my cheeks. Crying is weak, but I’m exhausted, tired of barely holding it together.
We reach the dorms, and Sullivan starts to pull away, but I can’t let him, for some strange reason I can’t. Turning I wrap, both arms around his middle and press my face into his chest. He feels like him, and as stupid as that is to think I know he’s the only thing that makes sense right now.
“Harlow,” he whispers, pressing against my shoulders gently. I should have known he would still react with anger, with venomous rage. He peels me off his chest, holding me at arm’s length. He doesn’t want you idiot, stop throwing yourself at him. Let him go.
“I’m… I’m sorry…” I stutter, keeping my eyes on his chest, my head hung in shame so that he can’t see how heartbroken I am, how lost I am without him and his brothers.
His hand comes into view, and then he’s placing it beneath my chin forcing me to look up at him. With a heavy heart I let our gazes collide. God, he is handsome, like a Greek god, and GQ magazine model had a baby together. That jaw of his is clenched tight, and I itch to trace the sharp contours of his face. The tension in his face seems to ease away, and his gaze softens as he takes in my tear streaked cheeks.
“Do you want to stay here, or do you want to come with me?”
“Come with you?” I question, confused.
“Yes, with me, to the house?” His thumb brushes across my bottom lip. The touch caresses something deep inside me, something primal, and something that’s waiting to bloom and break free. I can’t explain it, but I feel it.
“You still want me?” How the words manage to slip past my lips I don’t know.
Sullivan’s blue eyes flicker with heat, “Want isn’t exactly the word I would use. We need you, just like you need us. The way you’re acting is how Oliver, Banks, and I have been acting since your parents showed up.”
“But they hate me,” I croak, my throat aching.
Sullivan shakes his head, “Come with me, at least for tonight.”
I should say no, walk into my dorm, and go lay down in my bed alone, forever alone, but I can’t. Physically, emotionally I can’t, and I don’t want to. I need them, just as they need me.
“Will you tell them it wasn’t me, that I didn’t call my parents? Will you help me make them understand?” I ask.
Something swirls in his eyes, and I can’t pinpoint the emotion.
“You believe me, right?” The air deflates from my lungs as I wait for his response. I watch his Adam's apple as he swallows.
“Yes, Harlow. I believe you, now let’s go. I’ll talk to my brothers, get them back on team Harlow.” Brushing his arm away I wrap myself around his middle again, holding onto him tightly, just to make sure this is real and not some sick dream.
“You’re okay now, everything is okay.” Sullivan whispers, a hand smoothing down my back. I squeeze my eyes shut and relish in his words.
It isn’t okay, not yet, but it will be soon.
Chapter Fourteen
I fall asleep on the way to the Bishop residence, my side snuggled into the door of Sullivan’s jeep. My eyes blink open as the car comes to a stop. It takes me a moment to realize we’ve arrived at the house. I’m beyond exhausted, my life is officially falling apart, and all I want to do is crawl under a rock and hide from the entire world. I stare at the monster of a house in front of me through the windshield. I’m worried. Afraid of how Oliver and Banks are going to react when they see me walk through that front door.
“Afraid?” Sullivan asks, as if he could read my mind. I twist around in my seat to face him. He’s not smiling, in fact, he looks as cold as a statue. Impassive and cut off from the world. I think on his question. Am I afraid? Hell yes. Afraid of losing the last shreds of my heart, afraid of the unknown, afraid of where we will go from here. Is there any hope for us?
“A little,” I confess, feeling like all my emotions are on display.
“It will be okay,” he murmurs soothingly before getting out of the car. I open my own door and slip out. The short walk to the front door goes by in a flash. Sullivan twists the knob and walks in with me following closely behind.
I follow him step for step as he walks into the living room, almost as if he is my human shield, protecting me from the wrath of his brothers.
“Hey, what…” Oliver stops mid-sentence when he sees me hiding behind Sullivan. “What the hell is she doing here?”
Banks is sitting beside him, glaring at me, but not saying anything and I have the urge to turn around and run back out the front door.
“Just listen for a minute,” Sullivan starts, while Oliver and Banks are already shaking their heads, anger wafting off of them. “She’s going to stay here tonight,” he announces despite his brothers’ obvious disgust.
“Fuck that. There is no way we are letting her stay here,” Banks speaks for the first time, his voice as hard as his facial features. “I’m done. I’m done with this whole thing.” He declares.
My heart sinks even further. They’re going to kick me out. I knew they would, but it still hurts to accept it. I let my head hang low, tucking my chin against my chest, and turn around to leave, but Sullivan stops me, his warm hand gripping my elbow.
“Go upstairs to my room, I’ll be right there,” he tells me, lifting his chin towards the staircase.
“Are you sure?” I ask, looking up at him, not daring to glance over at his brothers. Their icy gazes are shattering my still beating heart.
“Positive,” he assures me. “Go, I’ll be right there.” He gives me a reassuring smile and call it weakness or a need for attention but against my better judgement I do as he says. I let my feet carry me up the grand staircase.
“This has to stop, Sullivan, we agreed this wasn’t going to happen, that you weren’t going to…” Oliver’s voice drops dangerously low and I block it out, finishing my walk up the stairs. I drag my feet across the carpeted hallway, until I reach Sullivan’s room.
Twisting the door knob, I open it and walk inside. I close the door behind me, taking in the space and smell. This strange feeling comes over me, I can’t explain what it is, but it feels like peace, like safety, like nothing can get to me when I’m in this room. Slipping off my shoes, I let my body pull me towards the bed. Sinking down onto the mattress I almost moan, the tension seeping right out of me. I press my face into Sullivan’s pillows and inhale, his heady scent swirling in my veins. A warmth blankets my body, and for the first time in forever I don’t feel alone. I don’t feel afraid.
My eyes drift closed, as I slowly breathe in and out, the air passing my lips with ease. I stay like this for a long time, until eventually the exhaustion, fear, and pain of pretending everything is okay overtakes me and I drift off to a blissful sleep, with Sullivan’s calming scent surrounding me.
◆◆◆
Opening my eyes, I yawn, my gaze sweeping around the room, grey walls, black sheets, it takes me a moment before I realize where I am. The sound of running water coming from the attached bathroom pricks at my ears. I rub my eyes with the back of my hands and look at the door. It’s cracked open, steam escaping from the room.
Sitting up on the bed, I run a hand down my chest flattening my now wrinkled sweater. The water shuts off and I hear the shower door open and close. Only then do I realize that Sullivan must be behind that door, and obviously very much naked. My cheeks heat stupidly and my lower belly tingles at the thought.
The door opens, and Sullivan enters the room wearing nothing but a white towel wrapped around his waist. My mouth goes dry and I think my heart actually skips a beat. I don’t know where to look first, at his chiseled abs, or his shoulders, or his face, or the delicious V of muscle that leads down to a land that I shouldn’t be thinking about. No man should look as good as he does, it’s just not fair.
“Hey, you’re up. Sorry if I woke you,” he says nonchalantly, completely uncaring to the fact that he is not wearing any clothing. Droplets of water cling to his hair, and he shakes it a l
ittle bit sending water in every direction.
My chest starts to rise and fall, my nipples hardening against my bra.
“I-I mean, n-no… you didn’t… I was…” I stutter, my tongue feeling heavy. I’m flustered even though I’m the one dressed and clearly have nothing to be embarrassed about.
Sullivan starts heading towards the bed, with each of his steps my pulse picks up, thrumming loudly in my ears. I nibble on my bottom lip, trying my best to ignore his presence but it’s a lot harder than one would think. I shouldn’t be thinking about him like this, naked, wet, our bodies gliding together. By the time he’s standing in front of the bed, and only a few feet away from me, my pulse is all but racing.
“You’re looking at me like you’re scared I might eat you.” The grin he gives me could set panties on fire.
“I-I just woke up,” I say, mostly because I can’t think of anything else to say.
“I noticed,” that signature smirk of his widening, as if he knows the power he holds over me. “Do you want to take a shower too?”
“With you?” I ask like an idiot. He smells like soap, and water, and bad choices, really, really bad choices.
“Well, I just took a shower, but I could help you out of your clothes? And with other things, of course.” His thick brows wiggle playfully.
Oh my God. He wants to help me out of my clothes. He’s basically naked, besides the towel and he wants to get me naked. That would mean we would both be naked. Together. I might be inexperienced, but I’m not stupid. I know what happens when people get naked together, and they don’t do much talking.
I swallow, but there’s no saliva left in my throat, my mouth feels dry like I swallowed a cup of sand. “Okay,” I answer meekly, my cheeks burning.
Sullivan blinks, his gaze widening, the playful grin slips off his lips, “You’re serious? You want this?”
I lick my lips. Do I want this? Him, and his brothers? Obviously, I want them, but do I want to have sex? Do I want my first time to be with the same boy who took my first kiss, my first orgasm? I shouldn’t want it to be him, not after everything, but it feels like I’m whole when we’re together and I want to be whole, so badly.
