Fallacy

by K. A. Berg

  Glancing at the pile of work in my living room, I decide I’m done for the night. My brain’s fried, and nothing I do will be productive. A shower seems like it could do me wonders right now.

  After finishing up my shower, my mind races to find ways to help fix all the craziness in my life. I can’t do anything about Alex, Jordan, or my father right now, but I can call my best friend and hope to bridge the gap growing between us. I head to the kitchen to grab my phone from the charger and then crawl into bed while dialing Ashley’s number. Glancing at the clock on my nightstand, I notice it’s after ten. I hope she’s not already in bed or worse putting Michaela to bed. I don’t want to wake the baby.

  I consider hanging up and texting when she doesn’t answer after several rings, but just as I pull the phone from my ear, Ashley’s giggling voice comes through the other end, “Hello?”

  “Hey. I was just about to hang up. I thought maybe you were already sleeping,” I say with a smile. Sometimes a girl needs to hear her bestie’s voice to make her feel better. I’ve felt incredibly disconnected from her for a little while. I hope we can agree to disagree and move forward because I really need her right now.

  Even though I seem like the tough one in our friendship, I’m not. If I had to go through everything Ash has gone through in the last couple of years, I wouldn’t want to get out of bed. I need some of her strength right now. I need her “Everything will be just fine” attitude.

  “No, I’m not sleeping. I was getting into the car when you called, and it took me a minute to find my phone,” she says seemingly out of breath.

  “Oh, being cooped up at home getting to you?” I ask.

  “Yes. Alex and Tiffany asked us to dinner, and Margaret and Andrew offered to come over and spend some quality grandma/grandpa time with Michaela. Tanner said if I didn’t get out of the house soon, he feared I would go insane. We went to dinner.”

  Hearing they went out together as a couple with Alex and his new girlfriend hurts deep inside. I secretly want Ashley to hate her. I know it's juvenile and high-school-esque, but I need my best friend on my side of this. “Oh, nice. I guess you and Tanner like her?” Please say you hate her.

  “Yes. Oh, my God, she’s great. She’s going to fit in here perfectly once she finally moves and gets settled.”

  Ashley and I are the same in that we don’t typically get along with lots of people. I always liked the loner feeling of our friendship. The sense no one else really understands us but each other. Hearing her rave about this chick makes me sick to my stomach.

  I know I shouldn’t encourage her to talk more about Tiffany, but I can’t help wanting to know certain things. Well, one thing in particular. “Why didn’t she move all her stuff when Alex moved his?” What kind of girlfriend who is planning on moving with her boyfriend doesn’t correlate the move together?

  “I don’t know. I know she had interviews to go through and wasn’t sure if she was going to get the job or not,” she answers.

  “Her moving out here with him was dependent on her finding a job first? That’s a pretty shitty thing for her to do. She should’ve moved with him first and then worried about it if their relationship means a damn to her.” As soon as the words leave my mouth, I know I’ve said too much. I shouldn’t care about their relationship. I shouldn’t care if Tiffany isn't putting Alex first. It’s not my problem.

  “What are you talking about? You know they’re…” Ashley starts to reply, but I’ve already checked out. I need to shut this down now. Where is this sudden need to torture myself coming from? I don’t want to know anything else. All this is doing is causing another wave of unsettling feelings to crash over me. Thinking about Alex and his relationship with Tiffany isn’t good for me. Just the thought of them together causes me to break out into a cold sweat and feel the need to vomit. I have no control of my emotions.

  “Listen, I've got to run. I just wanted to call and see if you wanted to do dinner with Jordan and me over the weekend,” I say to switch the topic. I need to find ways for Ashley to get to know Jordan and realize he’s not a bad guy. Maybe then I can finally get her on board with the wedding.

  “We just promised we’d help Alex and Tiff with all her stuff coming over from Arizona on Saturday. And well, you know Sunday is out of the question unless you guys want to come to the game?” I haven’t been to a game other than the Super Bowl in two years. I couldn’t bear to be there with all the memories from a past lifetime. I’m not going to start going again now. Especially since I’m sure Tiffany will be there. Looks like my best friend found a suitable replacement for me in her life.

  “No, thanks. Just give me a call when you have some time to get together,” I decline before disconnecting the call.

  I called Ash with the intention of trying to calm the storm growing inside me. But it looks like she doesn’t have room for me anymore. Screw her. Her life is perfect, and she found the perfect new friend to fit right in. She has no problem accepting Alex’s new significant other, but she’s done everything in her power to fight against me by refusing to accept Jordan.

  I’m starting to wonder if this is her way of pushing me away. I used to be a part of everything in her life. There was a time when the four of us, Ashley, Tanner, Alex, and I, were thick as thieves. Nothing could come between us. I knew him moving back would change things. Things were easy when he lived on the other side of the country. Now he’s back, and the two of us went our separate ways, lines have been drawn, and sides have been chosen. Looks like I know whose side my supposed best friend took.

  Chapter Forty-Three

  Quinn

  “You seem much more aggressive than usual today, everything okay?” Melvin, my kickboxing partner, asks.

  I took up kickboxing after Ashley’s accident. It was Alex’s idea. He brought me to this gym one day after a really long stressful day. He told me I needed to find an outlet for my frustration because keeping it all bottled up inside of me wasn’t good. I took to it immediately and still come once a week. Although lately, I’ve been coming in here almost every morning. There’s just so much going on inside me and I have no other way to get the frustration out. I can’t talk to anyone. This is my only option, my only outlet.

  “Other than people sucking, yes, everything’s fine,” I huff out before hitting the bag with another sequence of punches and kicks.

  Melvin doesn’t say anything more, just continues with our usual workout. I punch and kick my frustrations out, letting the emotions leave my body through my fists.

  Why did Alex have to come back? Why did he have to bring his perfect little girlfriend with him? Why is Ashley giving her a chance, but she won’t give Jordan the time of day? Alex and I are over. Life moves on. She’s ready and willing to support Alex wherever his life takes him, but when it comes to me, her BEST FRIEND, she won’t even meet me for dinner?

  I don’t understand how after everything I’ve done for her over the years, she can turn her back on me so quickly. I had her back through everything bad. I moved her in with me when she needed a place to go. I stood by her through the worst. I supported her, and I took her shit and terrible attitude, even when she was wrong. But she can’t do the same for me? I’m not giving her shit. I’m not taking my frustration out on her. I’m not doing anything wrong, yet she doesn’t care because it’s something she doesn’t agree with.

  Well, fuck her!

  I love the woman, but right now I don’t have the patience to deal with her. But I also need her. My whole life is upside down and depends on this marriage. I want my best friend.

  My engagement announcement was in the paper over a week ago, and she didn’t even bother to call and say anything about it. I remember how much of a big deal it was to her when her engagement hit the papers. You think she’d at least acknowledge mine.

  It’s not the recognition I need, but the support. I’m getting married. I know its unorthodox and she doesn’t fully understand, but this is still a big a deal for me. Everything about this
situation scares the hell out of me. I’d like my best friend to at least pretend to fucking care.

  I picked out bridesmaid dresses today without her. I would’ve liked to have her by my side for it. I would’ve liked her to say “Oh, I love that one” like we did together when looking at dresses for her wedding. I even looked at a few dresses for myself without her. I don’t know why I’m surprised, though. She didn’t have anything to say when the date and venue went out.

  Now I have to go to a stupid party tonight I don’t want to go to, and I can’t even call her to bitch about it.

  I’m hurt. She’d like Jordan if she got to know him. But she won’t even try. We’ve been friends for ten years, and never gone weeks without talking. It feels like I don’t even matter to her anymore. She just decides when she wants to be there for me. Basically, because she doesn’t like the idea of this marriage, she just ignores it?

  I put my entire life on hold for months for her after the accident. I made sure she ate, took her meds, and didn’t die of grief. I sat by her side while she blamed Tanner when all he did wrong was have a momentary lapse of judgment. I didn’t turn my back on her even when I didn’t agree with her. I just can’t stop thinking about how easily she’s turned her back on me.

  “Whoa,” Melvin says, waving his hand in front of my face. “Let’s call it a night. You’ve been knocking this bag around for almost two hours. You’re like a machine today.”

  I glance up at the big white and black clock on the wall of the gym and see it's three o’clock. Damn! I really got caught up today.

  “Thanks for hanging the extra hour with me today. Sorry I wasn’t more of a considerate partner,” I say, taking a step back from the bag. I sit on the mat and take a few deep breaths. “Guess it’s a good thing you went first.”

  “No biggie,” he waves me off. “Seems like you needed it. Hope you work through whatever it is that has you all wound up.”

  “Me too.” I agree with him before he heads to the locker room.

  I follow suit to the locker rooms and grab my bag from my locker, opting to take my shower at home. I need to get a move on to get ready for this fundraiser tonight.

  “Hey, babe,” Jordan says as his voice comes over the line. “I was starting to worry about you. You haven’t been answering your phone or returning texts in hours.”

  “Sorry, I got pretty wrapped up at the gym and lost track of time,” I explain, walking through my front door and dropping my gym bag next to it.

  “It’s okay. I was just worried. You on your way here?” he asks.

  “No, I’m walking through my door. I’m going to call a car then head into the shower. I should be there by five,” I say, making my way to the bathroom.

  “Okay, I’ll see you in a bit.”

  I start the shower and strip out of my sweaty, smelly clothes. As I step under the spray, my body heaves shuddering sobs of its own volition. I’m so tired. I’m sick of fighting. I've had enough of the feelings Alex’s return has evoked in me. I’m sick of caring.

  I have to put a smile on my face and go to this historical society event tonight. These things suck. Going to the ones The Mathis Foundation held was different because it was Tanner’s foundation. It was about being there with my friends. It was comfortable. I didn’t have to kiss ass or deal with superficial bullshit. There's no rubbing elbows with a bunch of shallow assholes or telling a story about a fake romance.

  Ever since people caught wind of Jordan and me—even before the engagement—we’ve been on everyone’s radar. I’m sure my mother and father have something to do with this.

  I could’ve told Jordan I didn’t want to go tonight, but I also didn’t want him to have to field all the questions about our relationship alone. This is our first public event since the engagement. I know there’s going to be a ton of curious, bored housewives fishing for information about the wedding and how he proposed. I want to stick to the same story we told the paper, and Jordan shouldn’t have to bear it alone. Jordan actually likes going to these things and contributing to charities. He said it makes him feel like he’s making a difference in the world.

  I finish my shower and head into my room to get dressed. I glance at the simple dress I laid out this morning. It’s a white dress overlaid with beige lace, high-necked and long-sleeved. It’s stunning. Maybe getting all dressed up will make me feel better. Until we get to the party anyway.

  I pull my hair into a sophisticated bun since I’m short on time and start my makeup. I take a look at myself in the mirror. Everything looks good, only thing left are shoes. I grab my slingback Manalo’s and slip them on. Standing back in front of the mirror, I plaster a smile on my face and try to pep myself up.

  My phone alerts me of a text, breaking my mental pep talk. I glance down and see it's telling me the driver is here. I grab my black clutch and head to the car for the half hour drive to Jordan’s apartment in Tribeca.

  We hit a little bit of traffic on the way, and now I’m really cutting it close to being late. Rushing through the door to Jordan’s apartment, I start apologizing.

  “It's no big deal,” he smiles at me. He looks at me for a minute and frowns. “You okay?”

  Nodding, I say, “Yeah, just having one of those days, you know?”

  “If you’re not up to it, you don’t have to come tonight,” he says, concern in his voice.

  “No, I’m okay,” I assure him as my stomach growls.

  “Want a sandwich or something before we go? I don’t know if there’s going to be real food there later,” he offers with a chuckle.

  “No, it's okay. I’ll be fine,” I tell him. I don’t know why my stomach growled, though. I’m not even hungry. My appetite has been nonexistent lately.

  “All right then,” he shakes his head at me before heading toward the door I just came through.

  “You survived,” Jordan smiles at me as we make our way to the car after the event.

  “Barely,” I joke, even though I’m not really kidding. I fucking hate these things. I swear if I had to entertain one more nosy person’s questions, I might have throat punched them. I may be a part of this social circle, but I don’t like any of those people. Other than stature and money, I don’t have anything in common with any of them. They're all pretentious assholes who think everyone’s private life is a source of their entertainment.

  “I think you’ll get used to them,” he adds. Great, I’m going to be expected to be the wife arm candy at these things from now on. I’m not arm candy. I don’t like to spend time with people I don’t care for. Nothing about these things is fun for me other than maybe the dressing up part. But Jordan likes these things, so I guess I’m just going to have endure them. All this compromising shit is something I’m not used too. Alex knew well enough to never bother asking me to go to things like this with the exception of ones for Tanner. But Jordan isn’t Alex. I’ll need to learn to work through this for him. It’s what’s expected of a wife.

  Chapter Forty-Four

  Alex

  “Thanks for letting me come over,” Ash smiles at me as she squeezes herself through my front door in a cocoon of baby stuff. It’s amazing how one little person can require this much stuff.

  “I would’ve come to you, you know?” I say, taking the baby carrier hooked over her arm practically dragging her down to the floor. “It might’ve been easier. Looks like you and the little princess are moving in.”

  “Ugh, I know. I really needed to get out of the house, though. I feel like climbing the walls. But this is what leaving the house entails for me these days,” she huffs out as she drops the bags she’s carrying on the dining room table and breathes a sigh of relief.

  “You sounded pretty upset earlier,” I state as I unbuckle Michaela. “Everything okay with you?” I’ve heard a lot of the guys at work talk about how hard the first child is on marriages. With the way she sounded, I just want to make sure everything is okay with her and Tanner. With him spending most of his day at the field, I kno
w Ash is doing a lot by herself.

  “I’m okay. Just tired, but it’s par for the course with an infant,” she coos at Michaela over my shoulder as I lift her out of her overly flowery car seat.

  Dragging my eyes from the baby in my arms, I smile at Ash. “Well, you look great for being tired and just having a baby. Motherhood really suits you.” It honestly does. She may not be dressed to the nines or have makeup on, but she has a beautiful glow about her lately.

  “Thanks,” she beams at me. “I won’t lie, though; I can get pretty cranky. I punched Tanner in the arm the other night because he was snoring so loud, and I couldn’t fall back asleep after feeding the baby. Then he offered to get a nanny to make things easier for me. I punched him again for even suggesting I couldn’t handle raising my daughter without help.”

  A tiny grin of satisfaction flashes across her face. “You look pretty proud of yourself.”

  “I am,” she confirms.

  “How long is he in the dog house for?” I laugh imagining the shock on Tanner’s face as Ashley punched him.

  She throws her answer over her shoulder as she heads into the living room, “Well, he made me breakfast in bed the next morning while I was feeding the baby. He’s made up for it.”

  “I’m sure he only meant it as a way to be helpful. He’s probably feeling a little guilty because we see more of his ugly mug at the field than you do at home,” I offer as I take a seat next to her on the couch and settle the baby into the crook of my arm.

  “But he shouldn’t. I’m not resentful or feeling anything close to it. I just get a little moody at times.” she explains kicking her feet up on the ottoman. “Besides, she sleeps pretty well from what I’ve been told, and I nap when she does. We have a housekeeper, so I already have it pretty good.”