Chase The Butterflies

by Monica James

  Once outside, I take a much-needed deep breath while Charley stands off the side, watching me closely. “What happened in there?”

  “I got the job,” I reveal, placing my hands on my hips and raising my face to the sky. The fresh air cools my skin.

  “That’s great!” When I close my eyes and inhale deeply, she questions, “Isn’t it?”

  “Yes, it’s awesome news.”

  “So why do you look like you’ve been told you’ve got jury duty?”

  Taking one last breath, I look at her and sigh. “I only got the job because Sheriff Sands put in a good word for me.”

  “Oh,” she replies, understanding my frustration. “That’s not so bad, though.”

  “I know, it’s just…I don’t want to owe anyone anything, especially not Henry Sands. He gives me the creeps, Charley. I don’t know why, he just does.”

  She rubs my arm. “I understand, Tori, but look on the bright side, you have a job. I’m sure Principal Dillweed wouldn’t have hired you if he didn’t think you were capable.”

  “I don’t know.” I shake my head. “I have a feeling Henry Sands has a firm hold on this town.”

  “No wonder his daughter left.”

  I nod.

  Although I don’t agree with her leaving Angus behind, I have a feeling that maybe there’s more to this story than I originally thought.

  By the time Charley drops me off at home, it’s dark outside.

  Jäg is curled on my bed when I stagger to my bedroom, so ready to call it a night. I realize I haven’t fed him since this morning, so he’s probably starved.

  Opening the fridge, I ignore the bright colors and reach for the milk, choosing to just accept the situation for what it is, as I don’t believe in wasting food. Although Jude said I didn’t owe him anything for his kindness, I still feel like I’m now indebted to yet another person.

  As I open the pantry, a note on the counter catches my eye. Reaching for it, I sigh.

  Jäg has been fed. I went to the store and got some things for him. It’s all in the laundry. I hope that’s okay.

  The lock on your door has been replaced. So has the bulb on the back porch.

  J

  Leaving the letter on the counter, I switch off the light and trudge up the stairs.

  The next day, I’m sitting on my back porch enjoying a coffee and some sunshine when Jude’s green pickup drives around back. Like the customary nightmares weren’t enough, I’m now graced with dreams of Jude and the mysterious blonde. Why can’t I stop thinking about who she is to Jude?

  I don’t like feeling conflicted, but that’s how I suddenly feel around Jude. I think we need to cool it.

  Standing, I straighten out my dress and lean on the railing, making no attempt to greet him downstairs. He jumps from the pickup and reaches for a toolbox in the back. He waves when he sees me watching him. “Good morning.”

  “Morning,” I reply. Images of the nymph float to the surface, and I can’t help but scowl. “Whatcha doing?”

  He holds up his toolbox with a slanted grin. “I’m here to fix your pipes. I heard them whining yesterday. Should be an easy fix.”

  The thought of my groaning pipes no longer whining is almost enough for me to give in—as I’m convinced a water poltergeist haunts my home—but memories of the blonde float to the surface, and I stand my ground. “It’s okay. You don’t have to do that.”

  “I don’t mind,” he says, climbing the stairs.

  Pushing off the railing, I stand at the top of the stairs, blocking the back door. Jude looks up at me, nothing but confusion swimming in his blue depths. “Everything all right?” he asks, stopping on the second step.

  “Yes, everything’s fine.”

  He cocks his head to the side. “Why do I get the feeling you’re not telling me something?”

  I shrug and avert my gaze. “I really appreciate everything you’ve done for me, but I think I’ve got it from here. Thanks for fixing my house and buying my groceries, which I’ll pay you back for this week.”

  His face pulls into a tight scowl. “I told you I didn’t want your money. Consider it a gift.”

  “And now I’m telling you I can’t accept it and would feel better if you let me pay for them,” I counter.

  “What’s going on? What’s happened?” He braces his foot on the step above him, narrowing his eyes at me.

  “Nothing. I just don’t like owing anyone anything.” Henry’s stunt yesterday grates me raw.

  “You don’t owe me anything, Victoria.” Disappointment fills his tone, which makes me feel guilty for saying anything.

  “I know, but I’d feel better if you just accepted the money, and then we’ll call it even.” Why is he being so stubborn?

  “No one is keeping score. What’s wrong with someone doing something nice for someone else?”

  “Because in my experience, that only lasts for so long before favors are called in and that nice gesture gets thrown in one’s face.” I hate to sound so negative, but Jude hardly knows me.

  “Favors?” he asks, puzzled.

  “Yes.” I shuffle my feet.

  He scoffs, shaking his head. “Don’t worry, your virtue is safe with me.”

  I pull back, offended. That’s not what I was insinuating. “Well, that’s great to know. Thanks.”

  He reads my offense and quickly backtracks. “I didn’t mean…”

  But it’s too late. “I know what you meant. I’m not perky, blonde, and perfect.” I fold my arms over my chest, daring him to challenge me.

  He scrunches up his face. “What are you talking about?”

  “I’m not interested in being indebted to you or becoming one of your floozies! I saw you yesterday,” I state, heatedly. He wasn’t doing anything wrong, but the thought of him and another woman sends me into bitch mode in point two seconds.

  He processes my comment and then has the gall to laugh a moment later. “Floozies? Oh. That’s funny. She’d love that.”

  I grimace. I need to calm the hell down, but I can’t. I’m so bloody jealous my vision has turned green and completely irrational. “Glad you find this funny. How many other women have you helped?” The word “helped” has never sounded so dirty.

  Now he’s the one to look offended. “I think it’s best I leave. I’ve reached my insult quota for the day.” He rushes down the steps, shaking his head, while I follow in hot pursuit.

  “You’re offended? I’m the one who should be offended!”

  “Why? What have I done to offend you?” he asks, spinning around.

  He appears incensed, but so am I. “I’m not some charity case, Jude.”

  He throws his arms out to the side. “I never said you were. If it makes you feel better, then pay for the fucking groceries! The lock and globe were $24.97,” he exclaims, closing the space between us.

  But I won’t allow him to make me feel guilty for standing by my beliefs. I charge forward, only stopping when we’re inches apart. “Now you’re really insulting me,” I roar into his face. “I don’t know what’s worse, the fact you insinuated you were in no way attracted to me because I’m some bush pig, or that you’re implying I’m being petty!”

  Jude doesn’t confirm or deny either way and stampedes over to his truck, throwing his toolbox into the back. The contents spill out, decorating the bed with numerous tools. The hinges whine in protest as he yanks open the door. I’m surprised he didn’t rip it from the frame.

  This escalated rather quickly, but he hasn’t exactly denied any of my claims. I rub my temples, feeling my day slowly turning to shit. Just as I climb the first step, I hear Jude’s boots tear through the grass. Turning, I see him come to a stop a few feet away.

  He runs a hand over his heavier scruff. “For the record, I don’t think you’re being petty. I understand why you find it so hard to believe that a stranger could do something nice, no strings attached. I mean, the two people you trusted most in this world completely screwed you over. It makes sense you�
�re apprehensive and suspect I have an ulterior motive. But let me assure you, I don’t. I told you, you can trust me, and I mean it. I’m…drawn to you, Victoria,” he confesses, appearing baffled, “and I don’t know why.”

  I gasp, my mouth parting. What does that mean?

  “It could be because I see something in you that you don’t see in yourself,” he adds before returning to his truck. I’m still standing motionless when he looks at me over the roof. “And by the way, I don’t think you’re a bush pig…whatever that is.” A ghost of a smile plays at his lips before he jumps into the truck, and I hear the engine roaring to life.

  Standing with my mouth hanging open, I watch his truck speed down my driveway and disappear along the dirt road.

  I don’t know how long I stand, watching the empty driveway and the plumes of dust catching the light, balmy breeze, but when the air clears, I finally see what an idiot I am.

  My iPhone and glass of red sit within reach, and I contemplate which to reach for first.

  I feel beyond humiliated for behaving the way I did today. I don’t know what it is about Jude, but he pushes my buttons. A little voice inside me whispers not so quietly that he stirs something in me I don’t want to face. My plan was to move here and have no complications, but I haven’t even been here a week, and already, I’m exhausted.

  With that thought in mind, I reach for my wine.

  My thoughts wander to Jude and how I should call and apologize to him for being such an idiot. I still have no idea who the blonde was, and honestly, it’s none of my business. I tend to believe Jude when he says he has no ulterior motives. I need to accept that some people are genuinely good. I used to think that way, but that thought process changed some time ago.

  I’ve become this bitter, cynical person, and I hate it. When I look into the mirror, the person staring back is someone I hardly recognize. I’m forgetting my smile, my love for life, but most of all, I’m forgetting my ability to see the sun through the clouds. I always looked on the bright side, but now, I feel trapped in a cocoon. I’m losing who I am, and it’s killing me.

  Gulping down my wine, I tuck my feet beneath me as I lean against the sofa cushions. Jäg snuggles up against my legs, loving me no matter my flaws.

  My phone rings, a thankful distraction from the clutter inside my head. The caller is private. Against my better judgment, I answer the phone.

  “Hello?”

  “Victoria?”

  That deep voice, the voice which used to tell me how much he loved me, brings home many memories, one of which is him telling my sister how much he loved being inside her.

  I can’t breathe.

  “Tori…it’s me. Can you hear me?”

  “W-what do you want?” I don’t fail to hide my contempt.

  “I…” He appears taken aback by my hostility. “How are you?” he says as if talking to an old friend.

  “How am I?” I scoff. “How do you think I am?” I sit up tall, my entire body trembling.

  “Baby, I want to talk.”

  “I am not your baby. I have nothing I want to talk to you about.”

  “I miss you.”

  I’ve heard some ridiculous things in my life, but this tops the list. “You miss me? What, my sister’s vagina not keeping you company? Do not call me again,” I warn.

  “I’m sorry,” he cries on a rushed breath. When I remain silent but stay on the line, he sighs. “I fucked up. I’m so sorry.”

  But I’ve heard it all before. This speech has been on a loop, and sadly, the effect is still the same. “It’s too late, Bryan. We’re over. Nothing will ever change that.”

  “Give me another chance.”

  I shake my head, incredulous to his bullshit. “Are you high? You slept with my sister because you lacked the balls to be the husband you promised to be. And not only that, you left me to fend for myself. I needed you. I do remember you wanting to take our vows, promising in sickness and in health. You lied.”

  “I’ll never forgive myself for what I did. Please, come back to me. I’ll make it up to you if you do.”

  “No!” I gulp, suddenly feeling hot and as though the walls were closing in on me. I can’t breathe.

  “I love you.”

  I close my eyes, wishing his declaration would make this all go away. It would be easy. I could go back to the way things were and stop hurting. But going back to Bryan would hurt me more.

  “I’m sorry I slept with Matilda. But I…I just missed you.”

  “Missed me? Funny way of showing someone you miss them by sleeping with their sister.”

  “I didn’t save you. I’m sorry. You needed me, and I let that bastard take you. I should have fought harder.”

  He’s forcing old feelings and memories to resurface, ones I never wanted to relive.

  My heart rate begins climbing. My pulse flutters wildly in my neck. I gasp.

  “Tori, baby…can you hear me?”

  A deafening ringing sounds loudly in my ears. I rock forward, cradling my head, desperate to make it stop.

  “I’m sorry.”

  His voice fades into nothingness, and it’s the last thing I hear before my mind switches off, and I go numb.

  “Watch out!”

  I scream. My vocal cords are raw.

  I’m lost in a dream world and reality, actually, no, I’m between.

  “C’mon, wake up, please, wake up.” Jude’s soothing voice is the beacon of light, my anchor to which plane I belong in.

  My eyes flutter open, gradually taking in my surroundings. I’m safe, nestled in Jude’s arms. He brushes the sweaty hair from my brow, his deep blue gaze settling my racing heart. “Oh, thank god! I thought you were dead.”

  I chuckle, the sound strained. “That’s a little overdramatic, don’t you think?” Jude’s lips pull into a thin line. “How did you get in here?”

  “You really need to learn to lock your doors.” His warm arms envelop me tighter, and I sink into the embrace, needing this comfort, needing his care. I lose myself in him, wrapping my arms around him and resting my forehead against his heart. He rubs my back, resting his cheek atop my head.

  “Was it Bryan?”

  Am I that obvious? “Yes. He called me.”

  “What did he want?”

  He’s trampled on my new beginnings and brought me back to the past—a place I rarely leave. I can’t believe he thought I’d even be remotely interested in giving him a second chance. He blew all his chances by blowing into my sister. “To talk about how sorry he is. I can’t forgive him, Jude. Does that make me a bad person?”

  Jude’s silence has me worried. “No, it doesn’t. It makes you…human.”

  His words have an unexpected effect on me, and before I know it, I’m crying against his chest.

  “Shh, it’s okay. You’ll get through this.”

  “I’m glad you’re so certain because right now, I feel like I’m drowning. I don’t know which way I should go.”

  A heavy silence fills the small space between us. I haven’t been in someone’s arms this way since Bryan, but Jude doesn’t feel like a stranger. “Life is complicated, Tori. No matter what decisions we make, there are always going to be consequences.”

  Still cocooned in his arms, I rearrange myself and meet his stare. With shaky fingers, I caress the corner of Jude’s bow lips. It’s the first time in a long time I’ve felt warm. The tremble to his lower lip alerts me that he is as affected by this moment as I am. He gasps, appearing stunned by my touch.

  I don’t know where this surge of confidence has come from, but I trace his lips, the moisture coating my finger. He doesn’t move. He doesn’t breathe. He allows me to paint his face with my finger, leaving an invisible smear the color of desire behind.

  He clenches his angular jaw when I place my palm against his whiskered chin. I run three fingers along the apple of his cheek, mesmerized by how contoured, how strong yet supple he feels. I need to stop this now, but stopping would feel like a crime.
/>   His deep blue eyes widen, and I get lost in the stormy depths. I can see into his soul, and what I see is beautiful.

  His lips part, and I gasp. The spark, the invisible current is charging between us, and now, all I can think about is wanting to kiss him. It’s been so long since I’ve been kissed by anyone. Maybe I’m mistaking the feelings for something that isn’t there. But I don’t think I am.

  “If I kissed you, would you feel anything?” He is a beautiful, contradictory creature, so certain, yet so unsure.

  I don’t know how to respond. I avert my eyes, suddenly losing my confidence.

  His imposing presence engulfs the room as he leans forward, leaving mere inches between our lips. “Because I think you would.” His masculine fragrance takes flight, and I inhale.

  The air whooshes from my lungs when he presses his forehead to mine and traps me both physically and emotionally. I lick my dry lips while Jude follows the movement hungrily. “I-I don’t know.” My voice is high and breathless.

  The moment he places his hands around my waist, I feel alive. Finally. I can breathe again. He settles me onto his lap, encaging me in a muscled prison as he positions my knees on either side of him to straddle him. The warmth from his body heats my skin, and it takes all my willpower not to close the distance between us.

  “Deny it all you want, but I know you feel it.”

  “Feel what?” I whisper, feeling vulnerable and at his mercy in this position.

  When he lowers an arm and seizes my wrist, I gasp at the blistering contact. He gently places my hand over my belly. “The butterflies. I know you felt them.”

  My mouth falls open. How did he know?

  As if he can read my mind, he raises my hand and places it over his hammering heart. “I know you felt them…because I felt them, too.”

  I don’t know what to say. No man has ever said something so beautiful and honest to me before. Tears fill my eyes because it’s not fair that I’m so torn. I can’t drag Jude through my emotional baggage. I won’t do that to him. He’s too good.

  “Tori, I need to tell you―”