Snow Regrets

by M. A. Innes

  His gaze bounced back to the pile of toys he’d quietly collected and back to me. “And the movies?”

  “Yes, toys and cartoons tomorrow.” And probably a nap mixed in there somewhere.

  “And more brownies?” The teasing smile he gave me was ruined by the yawn that showed again how exhausted he was. If the amount of pacing I’d heard over the past couple of days was any clue, sleep didn’t always come easy to him.

  “Possibly. But only if you go to bed without whining.” I grinned when he gave me a quiet huff but put the toy in the pile. Personally, I thought the whining was kind of cute, but it set a bad precedent, so I couldn’t reward it all the time.

  If there’d been something snuggly, I’d have suggested he take something up to cuddle with, but most of the toys that were in good shape were little plastic people and animals. So they would be fun to play with but weren’t exactly optimal bedtime friends.

  Standing, I reached out and took his hand. Joseph didn’t argue, but he did give the toys one last longing glance as he stepped closer. If anything about his reactions surprised me, it was how easily the physical side of our relationship progressed.

  There was never anything sexual in his touch, but he took every opportunity to cuddle and rest against me. It was almost like he was soaking it up after a long drought. Was he even aware he was doing it? Was part of him worried about what it would be like when we went our separate ways again?

  Not willing to bring up anything he’d find stressful, I pulled him closer and wrapped my arms around him. “Would you like help getting ready for bed or just help getting tucked in?”

  Unless he safeworded I was going to tuck him in, but I wasn’t sure what else he was ready for. When all I got was a shrug, I smiled. Daddy decision then. “Okay, upstairs, baby.”

  He didn’t quite meet my eyes as he stepped back, but he nodded. My best guess was that he was trying to tell me it was up to me to make the decision about what happened next, but it drove home the need for a discussion tomorrow.

  I really should have done it today, but he’d already had too many ups and downs for me to stress him out even more. With anyone else I might have worried because discussions really should come before submission and scenes, but Joseph had been doing his best to share what he was thinking. I had to trust that this would be the same even if I wasn’t planning on pushing his boundaries.

  Whatever his boundaries turned out to be.

  Yes, conversations were clearly necessary.

  “Let’s go.” I ran my hand down his back and steered him toward the stairs. “I don’t want you falling asleep down here in your jeans. That’s not comfortable.”

  A little grin escaped as Joseph gave me another teasing sigh. “I won’t fall asleep. I’m not that tired.”

  “I’m not going to take the chance, and you, my boy, have been yawning nonstop.” And if his life was anything like what I was imagining, he needed all the sleep he could get while he was on vacation.

  His pout seemed mostly for show as he went upstairs. When we walked over to his bag, he looked up at me curiously. Time to take charge. “Show me your jammies.”

  It was too cold for him to have planned on sleeping naked. Thankfully that assumption turned out to be correct when he pulled out a pair of sweats and a plain white T-shirt. “Okay, you can go change in the bathroom. Use the potty and then I’ll come in and help you wash your hands.”

  I wasn’t sure if it was because I was too blunt or because of the word choice, but his face heated as he nodded and scurried to the door at the end of the room. Trying not to smile, I couldn’t help imagining what he’d have done if I’d changed his clothes.

  I had a feeling he’d have let me, but I wasn’t going to test his limits like that until I knew what he was comfortable with. His life over the past couple of years had too many holes in it for me to assume anything about his dating life. He’d made it sound like he’d had a social life, but how far had he gone?

  Making assumptions about something like that would end up backfiring.

  As he used the bathroom, I pulled down the covers and moved his duffel bag closer to the other bed. Depending on how things went in the morning, picking out his clothes was high on the list of things his Daddy wanted to control.

  When the bathroom door eased open and Joseph’s head popped around the corner, I was ready for him. “Good boy.”

  That had the blush coming back, but I wasn’t going to apologize for embarrassing him. I had a feeling we were going to be running into that more over the next few days and I wasn’t going to set the precedent that his embarrassment was something to feel negative about.

  I thought his blush was sweet, and he didn’t safeword, so we weren’t going to worry about it. He wanted to know what it would be like to have a Daddy and I was going to give him that experience. “Let’s get you ready for bed.”

  Heading into the bathroom, I pointed to a small case on the counter. “Does this have your toothbrush in it?”

  When he nodded, I picked up the small black bag and fished out his toothbrush. The fact that he hadn’t unpacked yet hadn’t gone unnoticed. Was it just a habit? Joseph was fidgeting as I set the bag back on the counter. His hands kept moving around his body like he wasn’t sure what to do with them without pockets.

  “Come here, baby.” Keeping him occupied should help his brain to settle down, so I charged right in.

  Standing behind him, I wrapped my arms around him and turned on the water. If the position felt intimate, I did my best to ignore it as I washed his hands. Joseph’s color went back to normal as soon as I charged in and started getting him ready. My reactions were a clear influence on his, so I let him see how much I loved taking care of him and just tried to do my best to keep any tension off my face.

  Just because his ass was nestled entirely too close to my dick didn’t mean a damned thing and I was going to do my best to ensure he wasn’t made uncomfortable by my reactions.

  When his hands were clean and dry, I opened the bag and reached for his toothbrush. His brows pulled together in the cutest confusion as I got it ready and brought it to his mouth. When he realized I had every intention of brushing his teeth, the blush started creeping over his cheeks again.

  I raised one eyebrow as our eyes met in the mirror, but he just took a deep breath and leaned into me, opening his mouth. I ran my free hand over his chest. “Good boy.”

  It was clearly intimate in a way he’d never explored with anyone else. He closed his eyes and I knew he was trying to relax, but nothing he did helped the blush that kept him looking so cute. I took things slowly and did my best to let him get comfortable with the sensation of someone else brushing his teeth. I wanted him to know that caring for him was a big part of what a relationship would be with a Daddy. To me, it was the small, intimate acts that bound two people together.

  When his mouth was rinsed and he was ready for bed, I took his hand. “All done.”

  Part of me wished I could’ve dressed him up in something cute, but neither of us had planned for this, so there was nothing I could do. But I did take some satisfaction in having found toys and movies he would like.

  As we got to the bed, Joseph glanced up at me curiously again. It really had been a long time since anyone had taken care of him if even being tucked in made him hesitate. Kissing the top of his head, I ran my hand down his back. “Climb in.”

  Directions seemed to make it easier for him to relax. Part of it might be his submission, but I had a feeling a bigger part was just making me happy. If it was what I wanted, he couldn’t be embarrassed about it because it was my idea to begin with.

  As he climbed on the bed, I ran my hand down his back again and smiled as he rolled over and sighed, stretching out like he’d been waiting for sleep for hours. “My tired boy.”

  Joseph huffed and curled up on his side as I pulled the covers over him. “Not tired.”

  Sure he wasn’t.

  As I sat down beside him on the bed, he closed
his eyes and scooted closer. I took that to mean he wanted more cuddles, so I started slowly running my hand along his back. “Big deep breath for me and just relax.”

  No matter what he’d said, he was more than ready for bed. As he exhaled, all the stress from the day seemed to come with it because he smiled and looked a thousand pounds lighter. “That’s a good boy. Just relax for Daddy and tomorrow we’re going to have a wonderful day.”

  I was going to do whatever I could to give my cuddly boy the best day ever.

  ****

  Let him sleep in or wake him up…one of the most important questions ever.

  If I could have been confident he’d wake up on his own, relaxed and ready for Daddy to take control, I’d have let him sleep as long as he wanted. But I was a bit worried that he’d wake up second-guessing how I felt about being his Daddy.

  Okay, waking him up it was.

  I reminded myself as I headed upstairs that he’d already had nine hours and that was plenty. If he was tired later, I’d put him down for a nap. Even if he wasn’t yawning after lunch, that might be a good idea anyway. Until I knew he was caught up on sleep, I was going to watch him carefully.

  I wasn’t careful how I walked up the stairs, but he was still asleep by the time I sat down on the bed beside him. He was sprawled across the mattress, tangled up in his covers like he’d been wrestling with them all night.

  Was that how he usually slept or was it because of our conversation yesterday? Stroking his head, I watched as he smiled and nuzzled against my hand. “Time to wake up.”

  He scrunched his face up and rolled over to bury his face in the mattress. That tucked him against me, but he didn’t seem to mind. “No.”

  Chuckling, I ran my hand over his back, caressing my grumpy boy. “I guess you don’t want pancakes? That’s very sad.”

  I wanted to set the tone right off the bat that I was Daddy today, not just his friend. If we started on that path first thing, there would be less for him to worry about. He stilled and slowly turned his head to peek up at me. “Pancakes?”

  “Yes, you were such a good boy last night and went to bed without pouting too much, so I thought I’d give you a reward.” I kept up the tender touch as I smiled and continued to make it clear I was Daddy. “If you’re a good boy this morning, we’ll have a fun snack later when you watch cartoons.”

  My sweet boy was easily bribed with junk food because he smiled and sat up, rubbing his hands over his face. “What kind of pancakes? Do we have stuff to go in them?”

  I couldn’t imagine my friend Joseph questioning what kind of pancakes I’d made him, so I could only assume he wasn’t trying to be a grown-up this morning. Was that by choice or just because I’d started things off as his Daddy?

  “I have blueberries, bananas, and some chocolate chips. What sounds good?” I leaned over and kissed his head as he blinked at me sleepily.

  “Um, bananas and chocolate chips.” He blinked again, leaning into me. “Together.”

  “That sounds yummy.” Not seeing anything to question how he was feeling, I wrapped my arms around him and pulled him into a tight hug. He wasn’t quite on my lap, but he draped himself around me as he snuggled even closer. “Okay, breakfast first and then we’ll get you dressed. Later I need to see what you have so I can pick out your clothes.”

  There was the barest hint of tension that ran through him I wouldn’t have even noticed if I hadn’t been holding him so closely. When he gave me a quiet nod, I waited to see if he would mention anything else. Nothing.

  Stroking my hand down his back, I turned and kissed his forehead. “Tell me what you were thinking.”

  “Nothing.” He said it too sweetly.

  “No lying to Daddy.” I caressed his neck before going back to the long plane of his back. “You don’t have to answer a question, but you can’t lie about it.”

  There was a big difference between saying he wasn’t ready to talk about it and lying.

  His body gave a silent huff and he shrugged. “I don’t know…I guess…I wasn’t sure if you were going to dress me or not.”

  Was he shy in general or was it something about me?

  “How do you feel about the idea that I would change your clothes?” I didn’t get an immediate response to my question, but his fingers started stroking over my chest in wandering circles.

  I got another shrug, then he sighed. “Um, Daddies take care of their littles like that all the time.”

  He was clearly leading up to something, so I answered, letting him have the time to process it. “Yes, there are usually intimate ways Daddies take care of their boys. Things like changing clothes, diapers, and bath times are what come to mind right off the bat.”

  “And you’d do that stuff with someone who was your boy all the time?” His question gave me a hint about where his mind was at, so I answered again.

  “Yes, I would even do those things with someone I was exploring a relationship with or someone I was just doing a scene with because that can let a little sink even deeper into their role.” I kissed his head again. “But I would always respect someone’s boundaries. That’s why we’re going to talk this morning. I need to know what you’re comfortable with and you need to know what I’m comfortable with.”

  “You have boundaries too?” Before I could respond with more than a nod, he continued. “That makes sense.”

  “Everyone in a relationship has boundaries. In BDSM, they just get spelled out more clearly than in more traditional relationships.” People had limits on everything from housework to cheating, but most of the time they didn’t list them out.

  “You wouldn’t suggest something that was outside your limits, right?” He was definitely grown-up Joseph now, but I was glad we were getting some of this out of the way.

  “That’s correct. If I bring it up, that means I’m completely fine with it, but I need to know how you feel. And if you bring up something that’s outside my limits, we’d talk about it and figure out how I felt.” When he stilled again, I decided to keep going. “But that doesn’t mean I’d get upset. I won’t ever get frustrated or angry with you for wanting something I don’t. We’d talk. We’d compromise or maybe just decide it’s not something we’re going to do, but no one gets upset.”

  I couldn’t imagine him wanting anything that would shock me, but he probably didn’t realize that yet. As far as I could tell, he’d never shared any of this with anyone in real life, so it probably felt a bit strange and overwhelming.

  “We don’t usually talk about fantasies and things we’re curious about with people, even friends. But being in a BDSM relationship or even around friends in the lifestyle is different. Even if they don’t get it, most people understand not to kink shame because we all like different things.” I made a mental note to push him to find more lifestyle friends in real life once his vacation was over.

  I wasn’t going to push him into dating or into a scene, but friends would go a long way toward making him more comfortable with what he wanted.

  It felt a little like I was lecturing him, so I paused, waiting to see what he would say. Finally, after several long seconds, he started stroking my chest again. “Okay, then yeah, you picking out my clothes…and that stuff is fine.”

  I wasn’t completely sure what “that stuff” meant, but I had a feeling it was about changing his clothes. “Then we’ll do that after breakfast.”

  Giving him another hug, I relaxed my grip. “Okay, you go to the bathroom while I make your bed and then we’ll go downstairs.”

  That earned me a cute blush as he pulled away, but Joseph nodded. “Okay, Daddy.”

  He might not be comfortable with everything going through his head yet, but the tender way Daddy came out of his mouth said that was one thing he wasn’t going to second-guess. He might still be slightly worried about what I would think when he opened up, but I was his Daddy.

  For now, at least…

  Chapter 10

  Joseph

  I couldn’t
remember the last time someone had made me breakfast. Even occasionally when I’d ended up sleeping over at a date’s house, breakfast had been coffee and something out of the freezer. Hell, I’d even been making my own breakfast since I was a kid because my parents had wanted to teach me independence.

  But now my Daddy was making me banana chocolate chip pancakes. The scent was making it hard to sit still and I found myself wiggling like that would make him go faster. Daddy didn’t think it was ridiculous, though, he just kept smiling like I was cute.

  “Almost done. Do you want milk or water?” He glanced over his shoulder as he stood at the stove.

  “Um, milk.” I’d have probably picked coffee if it were left up to me, but little boys didn’t seem to get that…which was kind of cool, actually.

  Everything about being a Daddy seemed to come so easily to Forest. He never looked awkward or like he was worried about what he was doing. I wanted to be that confident someday, but for the time being, I gave myself props for everything I’d done so far.

  Smiling, like he was pleased with my choice, Daddy went over to the fridge and started getting that ready as the last of the pancakes cooked. It took several long seconds to realize that he’d grabbed one of the kiddie cups we’d found in the box last night.

  A sippy cup.

  I had no idea how long it’d been in the box, but Daddy had clearly taken the time to wash the dishes we’d discovered because as he set my cup down on the table, I realized the plate he’d set by the stove matched the cup. He’d gotten them ready for me.

  If Daddy brought it up, I didn’t have anything to worry about because it was what he wanted too. Knowing he had limits made it easier to accept everything else. It was probably fucked-up logic, but it made everything simpler, so I wasn’t going to overthink it.

  That didn’t mean I was ready to grab the cup right off the bat, though.

  I might have given Daddy a bright smile as he set it down, but when he turned around to get the plates ready, I gave it several long looks. It was a sippy cup. Part of me thought it was fabulous, but I had a hard time imagining picking it up.