The Cautious Maiden

by Dawn Crandall

  “No, I suppose not. And I have learned to trust you, Vance. You’ve proven to me that you care; that my purity is as important to you as it is to me.”

  He didn’t answer except for the lingering look he gave me.

  How did a girl ever find the right way to say such meaningful words as “I love you” when she wasn’t positive of the reception? And why wasn’t I positive? What I’d just alluded about him proved that he loved me, at some level, at least.

  But what if it wasn’t the same level? That was what I was most afraid of—that his love wasn’t as all-consuming as mine. Yes, he’d admittedly wanted me months ago, but what if he felt the exact same way now as he did back then?

  Lancelot sidestepped, throwing me off-balance.

  “Keep your posture straight, aligned with his.” He immediately took my horse’s reins and steadied him with a few calming gestures, all the while keeping a hand securely at my back. “You don’t want to put too much weight on the left side. Although it seems you’re well-secured, you can still fall off.”

  “I will be careful.” His thoughtfulness brought up a new bravery I hardly recognized, boosting my resolve to somehow tell him how I felt. He would be pleased I was in love with him, wouldn’t he? “You were the one to insist that I stay at Hilldreth Manor for the next few nights, weren’t you?”

  “And thank goodness that was an option, or I didn’t know what I was going to do.”

  “I would have locked my door.”

  “That reminds me, you never did see the second level rooms of Everthorne, did you? You haven’t seen your rooms yet—”

  “I’m sure they are lovely, Vance. I really don’t mind waiting to see them.”

  “If that’s what you want, that would be easiest. It is best that you not come back there until after we’re wed. It’s only a month, after all.”

  “And two since we’d become engaged,” I added.

  “I would have married you a month ago if it were possible.”

  I shifted in the saddle. I still couldn’t admit the words to my feelings. “I feel as though we’ve never really been strangers, that we somehow recognized something important in each other right away.”

  Vance’s gaze held mine for a long time, and he smiled, but he didn’t answer. Could he tell what I wanted to confess?

  Finally, he said, “I suppose I should actually try to give you some useful instruction instead of just stand here and stare at you all afternoon.” He handed me the reins. “Here, hold them evenly, don’t allow one rein to be longer than the other. When turning right, you’ll pull right, and left to go left. It’s actually very easy.”

  I did as he told me, still keeping the whip in my hand, crossed before me. And although Lancelot didn’t move from his place, I could tell he was ready to go left or right when I indicated.

  “Now hold the reins one handedly, and here, hold the whip like this.” He took my right hand and lowered it to the back right side of the saddle. “As I ride, I use my legs to tell Bristol how fast I want him to go. But since yours are both draped over to the left side, you’ll need to use the gentle pressure of the whip to help tell him.”

  He let go of my hand and allowed me to hold the whip in place, hardly touching Lancelot’s hindquarters.

  “When walking at a slow pace, I simply sit, my legs relaxed. But the faster I want to go, the more I’ll press into his sides.”

  I sat still, silently listening to his every word, staring down at him as he spoke. He really was the most amazingly handsome man, even while merely instructing in a horse-riding lesson.

  “With your whip, you’ll apply pressure here.” Vance positioned the whip into the correct place for me. “Telling him exactly what you need to get him to do what you want.”

  “He’ll really know what I want with so little direction?”

  “He’s been well-trained, Violet,” Vance assured me.

  One of the Everstone carriages rolled out of the stable, down the drive, coming quite near us before turning to park near the back door. A number of servants immediately started to bring out trunks and small boxes, loading them onto the wagon hitched to the back.

  Everyone was moving out, and I had a strange, sad feeling something wonderful was about to end. It had been remarkable to be a part of such a family for the last two months, and now they would all be going back to their own homes, so far apart, and Vance and I would stay right there, down the street. It was an odd sensation to realize I could miss something so drastically after only knowing it for two months. But the love and acceptance from Vance’s family had seeped into my very being, and the thought of not having it nearby hurt far more than I’d anticipated.

  Vance paused our lesson as the busyness of the servants loading the trunks and boxes took over the courtyard. Vance stood by Lancelot’s head, caressing the white blaze down the horse’s nose and watched his siblings’ things be loaded onto the wagon.

  I studied him for a long while. Always the confident one, he seemed now to be uncertain, even upset. Wasn’t he used to living so far apart from his siblings? Especially since he’d been the one to be the farthest away for the longest amount of time over the years, traveling about Europe.

  He eventually turned to me and asked, “Are you ready for me to lead you around the drive, or have you had enough of a lesson for today?”

  “I suppose we should be finished, it looks like it’s about time to leave.” The wagon, having been loaded—even with my trunk included to take to Hilldreth Manor—was pulled down the drive by the carriage, around the corner of the mansion, and onto the street to stop outside the front door.

  “I’ll walk you down the street to Hilldreth Manor. Let them take care of your trunk. I’m sure they won’t mind just dropping it off. I want to spend more time with you, just because, and doing so with Claudine and Roxy seems just the perfect thing.”

  “You’ll stay and visit with us? Perhaps have tea? And join us in playing some cards?” The thought of Vance having a part in the sedate atmosphere at Hilldreth Manor was amusing. He would do those things to have the chance to spend time with me?

  “As long as you’re there, I might even have the time of my life,” he said dryly, but he also gave me the most amazing crooked lift of his lips. Oh my, he was much too irresistible, and he hardly had to try. Vance reached for my waist, and kept his hands there for a moment. “Is your contract still in the house, or has it been packed away already?”

  “It’s in my reticule. Inside the house.”

  “I’m already looking forward to our next lesson together.”

  “You should probably actually help me down from my horse now that this one’s finished, shouldn’t you, instead of simply looking as if you might.”

  He let out a long breath, “I suppose I should.” He lifted me off the sidesaddle, placed my feet gently on the brick drive, and grabbed Lancelot’s reins to guide him back toward the stable.

  I walked to the house alone and went in the side door, immediately heading to the front of the house where I’d left my reticule. Bram Everstone stood near the front door as each of his children and their families said their temporary goodbyes. The last of the group had just finished, and left out the front door to gather into the awaiting carriage.

  “Where have you been this afternoon?” my future father-in-law asked.

  Bram Everstone had a similar smile to Vance’s, and the same dark black eyes. Vance would probably look very much like his father in coming years, and it made my heart jolt—as if I were looking into my future. Bram, however, was as intimidating as the day was long, and I still couldn’t exchange words with him without feeling nervous.

  “Vance gave me my first lesson in horse riding. We didn’t get far though, only a general explanation as I sat upon my horse for the first time.”

  “It’s good that he’s taking things slow. It’s better that way.”

  I couldn’t help but think of our engagement and how not slow that had come about. “I hope you don’t
mind that we’d decided to get married so soon after your own wedding—”

  “Of course not. I’m just happy Vance is marrying you. You’re the best thing that’s happened to him in a long time.”

  Just then, Vance met us at the door, coming into the house from outside. “Ready for the walk to Hilldreth, Violet?”

  “All ready.” I held up my reticule and turned to Vance’s father. “Thank you; I guess I’ll see you at your wedding. Goodbye.”

  “Goodbye, Father. See you tomorrow.” Vance offered me his arm as we went out the door and through the front corridor.

  I opened my reticule, immediately produced the folded up envelope with the contract inside and handed it to him. He unfolded it and read it over while we walked.

  After a little while, he said, “This is a good contract. Culver obviously didn’t want you thinking of going elsewhere with your manuscripts.” He handed it back to me as we reached the front door of Hilldreth Manor.

  I refolded the paper as it had been when mailed to me, but the creases from when I’d clutched it in my hand as he’d kissed me and carried me to the stairwell the other night were still visible, and I felt my cheeks flush at the sudden memory.

  “We’ll have you sign it at Hilldreth, and I’ll put it in the mail for you.”

  “You really think Mr. Culver values me so entirely?”

  “Publishers don’t give book contracts out lightly. You know that. They must really love your work.”

  I so wanted to respond with, “And I love you,” but it wouldn’t come out. I wished he would tell me first. It would make everything so much easier.

  He had to love me, right? He showed me in so many ways, he just never said the words. Had he ever said the words to anyone?

  I doubted it, and it made me wonder if he ever would.

  19

  The Wedding Ball

  “The realities of life do not allow themselves to be forgotten.”

  —Victor Hugo, Les Miserables

  Saturday, June 4th, 1892

  You look stunning, my dear.” Vance’s gaze lingered upon the details of the yellow creation I’d decided upon wearing to his father’s wedding ball the following evening. We again stood together in the corridor from the sidewalk to the front door of Everwood, only now, instead of being blessedly alone, we were surrounded by people.

  “So do you,” I answered. As always. It felt odd to find myself standing opposite him, to take his hand and force niceties in the exact place he’d first kissed me. And I knew he knew it was the same spot; I could see it in his eyes.

  “Look for me once the ball begins; I want to show you off during the first dance. After that it doesn’t matter what we do, but I plan to have you by my side. It’s the best chance we’ll have to spend time together, since we’ll be in the safety of the crowd.”

  “I look forward to it,” was all I was able to get out as I was shuffled through the line, away from him.

  Vance had been near me at random intervals earlier that day, while we waited for the private ceremony to take place, and then afterwards when everyone gathered around to congratulate the newlywed couple at Trinity Church. And he’d held my hand quite often during those times. He’d even kissed me on the cheek when he’d escorted me to Miss Abernathy’s carriage to proceed to the ball.

  I went through the remainder of the receiving line, which consisted of Vance’s family, and at length approached the newlywed couple just inside their grand home. It felt strange to greet each of them as if I had not just spent two months living in that very house, seeing most of them nearly every day. And despite the mass of strangers all around me, for the first time, I felt I half-belonged in the fine world Vance had made a place for me in.

  Miss Abernathy and Roxy Blakeley were in front of me in the line, and were to be my companions that night whenever I wasn’t with Vance. I didn’t really know many people there—and it didn’t shock me that I wasn’t the most popular addition to their society. I didn’t know how far the rumors had come, but I was certain there were some who had met me and thought the worst of me. I was banking, however, on the repeated assurance from Vance’s family that it only mattered that we would be married soon.

  When the crowds were gathered inside the hall and ballroom of Everwood, the newlywed couple was again announced and the ball officially began. I stood along a wall with Roxy, waiting to catch a glimpse of Vance, when I noticed Ben Whitespire threading through the crowd.

  “I didn’t realize Ben Whitespire was back in town.” I pushed off the wall and turned to Roxy. “Did you know he was invited?”

  “He’d told me once that he’d be back to Boston soon, for the wedding. I’ve heard he’s in town searching for a devout young lady willing to marry him so he can then go on to the mission in Tennessee.”

  “Has he never mentioned perhaps taking you—”

  She shook her head slowly, letting her eyelids fall close for a moment before opening them again, and staring at me. “He won’t ask me.”

  “I don’t see why not. I’m surprised the thought hasn’t occurred to him, since you know each other already. You seem to get along well enough.”

  “I’m sure I’m too sickly to be a missionary.”

  “Did he tell you that?”

  “It’s what I know.”

  “Would you go if he asked you to?”

  “I don’t know.” Roxy’s gaze scanned over the crowd. “He won’t ask, anyway.”

  With every word, she seemed to shrink away from me. Perhaps she felt that my questions had been too invasive. “I can’t imagine anyone wants a sickly wife—no matter if they’re a missionary or not.”

  “You have more a chance of meeting someone here in Boston though, don’t you think?”

  “That is true.”

  “So will you stay? Or will you travel back with Dexter and Estella to Everston later this summer?”

  “For now, the plan is for me to stay with Miss Abernathy.”

  “I’m so pleased to hear that,” I said, trying to coax her into friendliness again after perhaps over-stepping my bounds. “Everyone else will be leaving soon, and I haven’t made any friends besides my new-found relatives.” I refrained from mentioning that I wasn’t even sure these relatives were, indeed, friends.

  Suddenly, with a new wind, Roxy said, “Mabel is wonderfully entertaining. She always brings up the most interesting things, and seems so set on including me.”

  “I’m glad you think so.” I couldn’t say I had quite the same opinion of my cousin, but that was likely because I hadn’t made up my mind about whether I could trust her or not.

  As I was just about to continue on about both of us staying in Boston, Vance appeared through the crowd and joined us.

  He bowed ever so slightly, taking my hand. “Violet, may I have the honor of the first dance?”

  “Of course, you may.” I felt a twinge guilty for leaving Roxy along the wall alone, as Miss Abernathy sat in the nearest chair about ten feet away, but how could I refuse? With a simple smile, and a wink, Vance had my hand in his and my feet willingly walking across the room.

  It had been years since I’d danced, but I didn’t think about that. I only cared that I’d have Vance all to myself for those wonderful minutes we’d be face to face, uninterrupted.

  “Have you seen my aunt and cousins? They were invited to attend, weren’t they?”

  “And as far as I know, they responded in the affirmative. But no, I haven’t seen them.” He looked around distractedly, as if looking now might prove that they’d indeed come. “I figured I’d merely missed them while keeping busy, but if you haven’t seen them either—”

  “I was under the impression that they were looking forward to coming, but perhaps—perhaps the grandeur of the event kept them away?”

  Vance led me to the middle of the room, and as he did, the orchestra started into a beautiful piece I didn’t recognize. His left hand took my right, his right hand came around my waist, and I sucked in my breat
h.

  “It is quite an undertaking—” I said, trying to breathe normally, “—attending a ball like this, but then, since the wedding was so much less formal, you’d think they would—”

  Vance leaned in, bringing his mouth nearer to the left side of my face. He whispered, “Let’s not worry about them for now.”

  But even as Vance held me and waltzed me about the ballroom, I couldn’t stop thinking about them. I didn’t understand their absence, and it worried me that maybe my aunt had taken ill again. But then, wouldn’t my cousin have sent me word? Wouldn’t Miss Abernathy and Roxy had known of it and told me? My relatives hadn’t come up between us at all in the last day of my staying at Hilldreth Manor; there had been so much going on.

  For a moment, the thought of returning to Roxy, to ask her what she knew of them came to my mind, but then Vance’s hand grasped my waist a little closer. As if he could tell.

  “I’m sure they’re fine,” he said, proving that he could read me quite well. “Since witnessing the connection between Cal and Rowen, I wasn’t all that desirous of their company, anyway.”

  “I wasn’t thinking about Cal, but Mabel and Aunt Letty. Do you think they took offense to my not coming by to see them lately? Maybe I should have told them of my reasons.”

  “I’ve sent someone by to check on them, letting them know that you’d become busy with your own wedding preparations.”

  It wasn’t a complete lie—for I had been called upon a lot more in those last weeks. Natalia and Estella wanted to make sure everything was just as I wanted, now that Madame—or rather, Evangeline Everstone—had ceased being involved.

  “Do you know who has come to the wedding?” he asked.

  “Ben.”

  Vance’s entire demeanor changed, his dark brows came down lower than I’d ever witnessed. He couldn’t have hidden his frown if he tried. “That’s not who I meant, but is he here? He must not have come through the receiving line.”

  I immediately regretted bringing up Ben, for I could tell that just his name still sent Vance’s imagination into wrong directions. I didn’t know how he’d ever become so preoccupied with the thought that I’d once been attached to his friend, but it was immediately obvious that it was still something that bothered him. Hadn’t I proven to him, on more than one occasion, that he was the one that I wanted to be with?