Sitting back, she rolled her hips, taking me in deeper as she rode my shaft. Opening my eyes, I gazed up at her, rocking above me, a look of pure ecstasy on her face as I watched her slide herself up and down my length. She’s beautiful.
My hands roamed all over her body, loving the touch of her bare skin under my fingertips. I grabbed her hips and sat up underneath her so we were face to face. I needed to be closer to her.
Grinning at me, she continued to rock her hips. I brushed my lips against hers, kissing her gently at first as we slowed things down. I deepened the kiss, exploring her mouth with my tongue, I brought my hand up to cup her breast, tweaking her nipple between my fingers.
She gasped into my mouth and started to whimper, close to orgasm. Feeling overcome, but not wanting to blow yet, I held myself back as best I could, trying to wait until I was sure she was ready.
“Oh God, you feel so good,” I whispered between kisses. “I can’t believe this is actually happening.”
She rested her hands either side of my face and pulled back, looking at me intently before she spoke. “It’s not.”
Snapping my eyes open, the room was filled with daylight, and I was on the verge of bursting. “Fuck.” I reached down and frantically grabbed my cock, squeezing to stop myself from blowing my load all over my sheets. Snatching up the towel I’d left lying on the floor from my shower the night before, I released my grip, letting go with a shudder. The images from the dream still clear in my mind as I blew. Hard.
Raking my fingers through my hair, I let out a charged breath. “What the fuck was that?” I dropped back on the bed. I should have known it was a dream the moment our clothes went missing without either of us actually removing them. “Fuck.”
Once I’d calmed down, I got up and took a shower then skipped breakfast so I could go straight to Trina’s place. I needed to sort this out. I was beyond confused.
“Hey, Tom,” I said as Katrina’s brother answered the door. “Is Trina in?”
“Yeah man, she’s in her room,” he said, stepping away from the door and heading back toward the kitchen.
“Is she awake?” I asked as I followed.
He answered with a simple shrug as he took a seat at the breakfast bar to continue eating his cereal.
“Where’s your mum and dad?”
“Mum’s hanging washing and Dad’s gone to Bunnings. The lawn mower shat itself so he’s gone to get a new one.”
Katrina’s bedroom was just off the kitchen, so I turned where I was standing and knocked gently before trying to open it, glad she hadn’t locked it when the knob turned in my hands.
She was sitting up in bed reading and put her book aside when she saw me come in.
“Hey,” I said, offering a small smile as I shut the door behind me.
“Hey yourself,” she replied moving her legs so I could sit down.
I looked around the room briefly, taking in the dress she wore last night—the dress she wore in my dream—as it hung over the back of her chair with her shoes lying on the ground beside it.
Clearing my throat, I pushed the dream out of my mind. “Listen, Trina, about last night…” I started.
“Oh god, please don’t go there,” she groaned, raking her hand through her now shoulder-length hair.
“We need to talk about it.”
She brought her knees up to her chest. “It’s fine David. Let’s just forget about it OK. I feel stupid for what I said, what I did—let’s just put it down to me being a little drunk and on the rebound, OK?”
“No Trina, I need to explain.” I told her, taking a deep breath before launching into my practised speech, the one where I’d draw a solid line in the sand that wasn’t to be crossed. My dream had been great, but the regret I felt even though it wasn’t real told me what I needed to say today. “Out of everyone in this world, you are the most important person to me. You’ve been my best friend through every moment of the past eight years: great or shitty. And I love you”—she took a sharp breath—“but I love you as a friend.” When her gaze fluttered down, my chest stuttered and ached. I hated that I was hurting her, but this was what needed to be done. “I don’t think I can be anything more than that to you, and I don’t know if I ever could. To be honest, I don’t know if I ever want to be anyone’s boyfriend, and as much as I liked kissing you last night, it can’t happen again. If we were together, I really think I’d just mess it up. It’s better to be friends for a lifetime than lovers for a moment. And, I don’t think I’m built for relationships—my dad wasn’t and perhaps I’m not either.” The disappointment set into her face and turned her eyes glassy. “I’m not explaining myself very well, am I? I guess, I’m just sorry, because I messed up—I’m messed up—please don’t let this ruin us as friends. I need you in my life. You have been the only constant for me in the fucked up mess of my life, and I’m begging you to stay.”
Letting out her breath, she placed her hand over mine. “It’s OK, David, you’re making perfect sense. We’re friends, end of story. You really didn’t need to give me the whole ‘love you like a friend’ speech. I get it, I asked too much of you, and it’s fine,” she told me with a slight edge to her voice that made me feel as though I’d fucked things up between us, anyway.
“Are you sure you’re OK? You don’t look fine?”
She laughed and took her hand back. I missed it immediately. “Good work, David, you friend-zone me then you tell me I look crap. That’s really awesome.”
“No, you’re beautiful. You're always beautiful. That’s not what I meant.”
Shaking her head, she said, “It’s fine. I’m just embarrassed. But I’ll get over it. It’s not every day you offer your best friend your virginity and get knocked back, so I might need a moment. Let’s just drop this whole thing, OK? I promised you it wouldn’t change things, and I meant that. We’re OK.”
“All right, well… I should probably head home then. Maybe I’ll see you later?” I said, rising from the bed and leaning forward to kiss her on the top of her head. “You sure we’re good?”
“Positive David. Now go home,” she sighed.
I pressed my lips into a wan smile and left, closing her door behind me and saying goodbye to Tom as I headed for the front door. There was a knock just before I reached it, so I called out, “Do you want me to get that?”
“Yeah, it should be Ethan, let him in,” Tom called.
Opening the door, I shook Ethan’s hand. “Hey man, I didn’t know you were friends with Tom?”
“Yeah, we work together at the cinema.”
“Hey, we’re playing Xbox if you wanna stick around,” Tom said, coming up behind me.
“Nah, I’ve got stuff to do. But thanks. I’ll see you around.”
As I walked back home, I had this sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach. I was glad I told Katrina how I felt, but I was worried it was going to affect our friendship regardless. Loving your best friend was hard.
Seven
After the night of the formal, things were a little strained between Trina and me. It’s not that we weren’t talking, because we were. There was just a slight discomfort between us, one that wouldn’t go away no matter how hard I tried to be friendly, or how much time we spent together. When I questioned her, she claimed she was tired and sick of school, which I guess was understandable. But it felt too coincidental.
There were only a couple of weeks left before the Christmas holidays kicked in, which meant at least six weeks away from school life as well as all the bullshit Cassie had continued to cause for us.
Along with the rest of our grade, she’d seen how close Trina and I were at the formal. And because no one could mind their damn business, more rumours spread and I became public enemy number one. There wasn’t a day that went by when someone didn’t call me a horrible name for ‘forcing Cassie to have an abortion’. It didn’t matter how many times I told them I never got her pregnant in the first place. They were more willing to run with the scandal than they wer
e to hear the truth. I was done with them.
Trina also copped a bit of backlash for supposedly dumping Cassie as a friend because she wanted me all to herself. So stupid. There were a few different versions to the story, but all had some element of Katrina being insanely jealous of my non-existent relationship with Cassie and doing everything she could to make sure we couldn’t be together.
It was so incredibly lame.
Besides the handful of people I sat with at lunch, I didn’t bother talking to anyone anymore. I had effectively gone from the guy who called the shots, to the guy who everyone kicked mud on. It sucked, that’s for sure. But at least I knew who my friends were.
On top of things being a little weird between Trina and me, I was still dreaming about her. Almost every night when I closed my eyes, she came to me. Rationally, I knew that was where my attraction needed to stay—in my dreams. I wanted Trina to be in my life forever, and as far as I could see high school relationships didn’t last that long. Better to be friends forever, than to be lovers for a moment. But it wasn’t easy, and I questioned my decision to draw a line in the sand daily. What if I lose her, anyway?
On the last week of school, Mum surprised me with an envelope that held tickets for us to go on a trip to Bali. She said she’d been saving up her overtime and wanted to do something fun to celebrate me doing so well in my exams. I had never been on a plane before, and holidays had been non existent for us since my dad had left. So I was pretty stoked.
“I’m not sure how you managed to do so well because you never seem to study. But I’m proud of you. I’m proud of your grades, and I’m proud of the way you’ve handled everything that’s been put on you at school,” she told me.
We went the two weeks before Christmas, so we missed the really busy time. It was fantastic. I could forget about all the shit back home and just be me. We stayed at the Dynasty Resort, and they had this teen's club called The Den where you could go to hang out away from your parents. My mum got pretty involved with some of the tours, so I spent a fair bit of time there, getting to know some people. It was normal. It was fun and despite missing Katrina; I was sad when the trip was over.
The first thing I did when I landed was go and visit her. Christmas was in a couple of days, and I wanted to give her the present I’d bought for her while I was away.
“You’re back!” She smiled, embracing me warmly when she opened her front door.
All the tension that had been between us seemed to have evaporated in my absence, and I thought that a little time apart must have been all we needed. She looked even more beautiful in person than she did in my memory, and it suddenly felt as though I had been away from her for longer than two weeks. She grabbed me by the hand and pulled me inside, leading me towards the kitchen. Admittedly, my thumb strayed a little and caressed the back of the soft skin on her hand. “Tell me all about it. I’m so jealous. Did you learn how to surf?”
“Nah, surfing’s never going to be my thing. I reckon if the waves keep pushing you back to shore, you should take it as a sign that the ocean doesn’t want you there.”
Dropping my hand, she laughed. “I never thought about it like that before.”
“Here, I got you a souvenir slash Christmas present while I was there. It’s not wrapped sorry, I came straight over,” I said, handing her the white paper bag.
“David. Thank you. Do you want a drink? You must be tired. Did you seriously come straight here?”
“Yeah. Why wouldn’t I?” I shrugged.
“No reason. I’m just happy you’re home.” She pulled two cans of Coke from the fridge, handing me one before placing hers on the breakfast bar where we both sat. I watched as she opened up the bag and slid out the bundle of tissue paper inside that contained her gift, while I reached across the bench to pull the tab on her drink for her.
Removing her gift from the wrapping, she turned it around in her fingers and studied the patterns painted around the edge of it.
“It’s a bangle,” I said, feeling stupid the moment the words popped out of my mouth.
“I can see.” She laughed. “Is this all handmade?”
“Yeah, that’s what they reckon, anyway. They carve the wood themselves and then paint all the little flowers on. Do you like it? I thought it was pretty and well, girls like jewellery, right?”
Katrina grinned and nodded as she slid the bangle onto her wrist. “Thank you, David. It’s beautiful,” she said, leaning across the table and kissing me on the cheek.
“You’re welcome.” I smiled, taking a swig of my drink as her phone beeped with a message.
Pulling it out of her pocket, she swiped at the screen and grinned broadly the moment she saw it.
“What’s making you grin like that?” I asked, wondering what had been happening in the two weeks I’d been gone.
“Oh, it’s nothing… it’s just… Ethan. You remember him, right?”
“Of course.”
“Yeah, well, we’ve kind of been hanging out a bit lately. He’s really nice.”
A slight pang shot through my chest and landed heavily in my stomach as I planted what I hoped was an unfazed smile on my face. I had no right to expect her not to move on from Ben, and I guess, in a way… me. I chose this.
“He seems like a good guy.” I cleared my throat and took another drink to cover my less than pleased reaction. “Is Tom weird about you hanging out with him?”
“No… oh, maybe a little. But there’s not much he can do about it.” She flicked the ring pull on her can with a twang as a quiet fell over us. “You’re not weird are you?”
“Why would I be?” I laughed in this odd way I hoped never to hear come out of my mouth again.
“I don’t know… Anyway, he’s coming over soon. He’s going to take me to a movie.”
“Oh really? Well, I should get going then. What time’s your bus?”
“He drives.”
“Of course he does. He’s actually finished school now hasn’t he?”
“Yeah, he has. He’s just waiting to see if he’s going to Uni or not.”
“What’s he going to study?” I asked, making a great effort to sound interested.
This weird dreamy look came over her face, and I realised in that moment that I’d lost her. That line was deep in the sand, a cavern I might never be able to cross. Suddenly, I really regretted not having the guts to say yes to her. I didn’t want her to be Ethan’s. I wanted her to be mine.
“I’m sorry; what did you say?” I asked, realising that her lips were moving, but I hadn’t heard a word that came out of them.
“I said, he’s thinking of becoming an optometrist,” she repeated.
“Really? That’s like an eye specialist right?”
“Yeah and don’t laugh. I’m sure it would be very interesting.”
I held up my hands in mock surrender. “Hey, I’m not saying anything.”
“Good. Just be nice to him OK?”
“Why would I be anything else?”
“Um, you beat up my last boyfriend.”
“Well, he was talking smack about you. I’m sure Ethan won’t do that. He seems like a good guy, Trina. I’m happy for you.” And I was happy for her. I wanted us to go back to being friends, and with Ethan in the picture, it seemed we were just that. Friends.
Why does that word twist my stomach now?
* * *
Christmas came and went. We were on school holidays until the beginning of February, so I divided my time between taking the driving lessons my mother had gotten me for Christmas and visiting Trina…and Ethan.
They were becoming inseparable, and I could tell by the way Trina looked at him that she was getting ready to call what they had the ‘L’ word. He’d even gotten her interested in triathlons, and together they’d joined the local club and started training.
It fucking hurt seeing her like that with someone else, especially since the bangle I bought her suddenly vanished from her wrist and was replaced with the silver chain br
acelet Ethan got her for Christmas. I wanted so much to be an arsehole to him because of it, but he was a decent guy. I just had to accept that Trina was his now, just as I had to respect that it was probably hard for him to have me around his girlfriend. God, I hate that word.
Being as decent as he was, he actually asked me to hang out with them himself a few times. And he did his best to be cool about me and Trina being so close. He even tried not to seem annoyed when he showed up to Trina’s house and I was already there. I could tell he didn’t like that his girlfriend had a guy for a best friend, but he still made an effort. I couldn’t dislike him even if I tried.
As per usual, I spilled my guts to my mum. Admitting to her that I had started to see Trina as more than just a friend, despite insisting I wasn’t ready for us to be more.
“Well David, you could always tell her how you feel.”
“Mum, that’s so not an option right now. She’s with Ethan, and she’s happy. Plus, I don’t know. I want to be with her, but I’m still scared I’ll stuff it up.”
“Then I guess you have to decide whether you can be the guy on the outside of her relationship, waiting for it to end. Or whether you just move on yourself and keep waiting until you’re absolutely sure about her. You’re young, David. You have your whole life ahead of you, and I’m pretty sure Katrina is going to be a part of it no matter what.”
The more my mum and I talked, the more I realised that now wasn’t the right time for me and Trina, and it was unfair for me to keep being the third wheel in her and Ethan’s relationship.
We even spoke about all the events of the past year. I realised that half the shit that happened could have been avoided if I wasn’t behaving like a little kid and acting out because I was jealous while she was dating Ben.
My mother helped me see that I only seemed to want Katrina when she was dating someone else because it was safer to desire her when in reality, she wasn’t mine. When she was available, I got scared and threw up walls. I was lucky Ethan played it cool when I was around, because most guys would have hated it and showed it. If I didn’t learn to back off a little then eventually, my behaviour would drive Katrina away for good. Which was exactly what I was trying to avoid.
Beautiful Boxset: Beautiful Series, books 1-4 Page 36
