When the handle of the door finally turns, my breath catches at the sight of him. He looks distraught, and I feel terrible that I’m the one causing his beautiful heart so much pain. I stand, watching him carefully as he walks towards me with grace and speed. His arms reach out, and he pulls me to him, our mouths crashing together in desperate need.
“I’m sorry,” he breathes, holding me to him. “I shouldn’t have reacted like that. I shouldn’t have yelled.” He kisses me again, more softly this time and presses our foreheads together. “Forgive me, Paige, I’ll do whatever you want. Just don’t let this end.”
Don’t let this end.
I close my eyes tightly as a single tear leaves my right eye and slides down my cheek. Elliot holds my face and kisses it away, capturing my mouth and sliding his hands under my shirt and over my bare skin.
“Please, Paige. Don’t give up on us.”
“OK. I’ll come back with you,” I whisper, even though I know full well I’m not going to. I’m a terrible person.
Elliot
I think my heart just exploded in my chest. Did I hear that right? She’s coming back with me?
“You will?” I ask, not quite believing my ears.
“I will,” she whispers, tears falling freely from her eyes.
Wiping her cheeks with my hands, I draw her mouth to mine, slowly sliding my tongue in unison with hers. I have completely lost my mind, and I’ve lost it in her. Lifting her shirt over her head, I throw it on the floor, picking her up, so she’s wrapped around me, her body quivering as we kiss.
“I love you, Paige.” I carry her over to the bed and lay her out in front of me, kissing every part of her as I try to convey everything I’m feeling in the way I’m touching her and loving her with my body.
“I was so afraid you wouldn’t come back,” she whispers, as her nails drag along my back and she presses herself against me.
“I’ll never leave you, Paige,” I whisper back, sliding against her body as we rub our arousal against each other.
“I need you, Elliot. I don’t think I can breathe without you,” she murmurs as she tilts her hips, guiding my tip inside her. I freeze momentarily, locking my eyes with hers as she thrusts her hips upwards, urging me to enter her. “Just you, I need you,” she repeats, and I slide myself inside her, moaning at her hot wetness as she clenches herself around me.
“God, you feel amazing,” I moan as we move rhythmically together in a sensual dance I’ll never have enough of. I’m crazy about her. I'll do anything to be with her.
Clinging to each other, our mouths connect along with our bodies. We moan and whimper as we slide together, our climax building until we release it as one, gasping for air but refusing to part. If only we could stay just like this, unmoving forever. This is sheer bliss.
As we lie together afterwards, I trace over her tattoo with my fingers while she rests her body over my chest. I can’t help but notice that out of everything she said just now, she avoided saying those three words that would mean the next five days would be filled with hope instead of trepidation. She never said she loves me, even though I fucking well know she does.
Twenty-Five
Paige
“I can’t believe you’re quitting on me,” Andrea moans as I tell her my news. “And in a week? How am I supposed to replace you that quickly?”
“I’m sorry, Andrea, really I am, but I told Elliot that I’ll go back with him,” I explain. “Don’t hate me.”
Andrea laughs as she comes towards me and gives me a friendly hug. “I could never hate you, Paige. I'll really miss working with you. To be honest, I was pretty sure this would happen when you and Elliot got your act together, and I’m so happy for you both. Do you think you’ll ever come back? Because I could always use you if you do,” she asks hopefully.
“I don’t know what’s happening right now. I’m still kind of shocked I agreed to go.”
“Well, you want to go don’t you?” she asks.
“I want him. I just kind of wanted to stay here longer. There are things I wanted to do, but now I’ll have to put them off.”
“Well then, that settles it. You must come back and when you do, you’ll work for me again.”
I laugh at her boldness. It’s nice to be wanted. “All right, I’ll come back as soon as I can,” I concede.
“Excellent, now get to work, missy. You still have to finish up all of your booked clients before Thursday.”
“Yes, ma’am!” I say, saluting her on a laugh as I move towards the front of the salon and flip the sign on the door to open. Looking around, I let out a sigh. I’m really going to miss it here.
Elliot
“Good morning, Elliot,” Celsey sings out as I enter the gym for my last few days of work. “You’ve got a busy client list today. Everyone wants to get one final session in before you leave. Are you counting down?” She hands me a sheet of paper with my client print out on it.
“Kind of. I’m happy to be going home, but I’ll miss being here. How much longer do you have?” I ask, knowing her time to leave must be soon. She started at the gym not much longer after I did.
“A week and a half. I’m feeling the same way. I don’t want to go, but I miss everyone from home.”
“Are you coming to my going away bash?” I ask, as I pick up a clipboard and pen, sliding my printout under the clip.
“Wouldn’t miss it for the world.” She smiles, before I move through to the staff room to put my bag in my locker.
The first client on my list is a guy around my age called Tony. He's here to bulk up after being as skinny as a rake for most of his life. I’ve been training him for the last two months, and he’s made some great progress doing heavy weights and supplementing his diet with some heavy-duty protein powders.
I find him warming up on the treadmills and wander over to him. “Ready for our last session?”
“Not really. They’re giving me the guy who's replacing you. I have no idea if he’s any good,” he comments, as he hops off the machine.
“They don’t hire just anyone here, mate. I’m sure you’ll be in good hands. Come on, let’s get started,” I say, as I clap him on the back and lead him over to the free weights area.
Paige
“Naomi, I really don’t think you should go messing with your hair colour. It’s beautiful the way it is,” I tell her, as she sits on the salon chair discussing her style options with me.
“Paige, I want a change. My hair’s always been like this, and I love that two-toned look that some girls do. You know how they have brown underneath and the blonde on top with those feathered styles that kind of flick out?” she explains.
“Well, it’s your hair, Nomes. I just don’t want you to regret changing it because we won’t be able to change it back once it’s done,” I point out.
“Come on, Paige, do it. I want you to be the one to give me a new style. It'll be a way for me to remember you when you go.”
“Couldn’t you just take a picture to remember me by?” I ask with raised eyebrows as I talk to her via the mirror.
“Paige,” she pleads, her voice slightly whiney.
“All right, all right, I’ll do it for you,” I submit. I get the need for a change, but when people come in with beautiful naturally coloured hair, it always stabs at my heart to alter it.
I leave Naomi flicking through a magazine, while I go into the back room and mix her colour before returning to start her transformation.
“Are you happy about going home?” she asks, as I pin the top half of her hair up.
“I’m happy I’m going with Elliot but I kind of wanted to stay here,” I admit.
“It’s very romantic.” She sighs. “Meeting on a plane and falling in love.” She stares off, smiling dreamily as god only knows what plays through her mind.
“You read too many romance novels, Naomi.” I laugh, as I paint the bottom half of her hair with her new colour choice.
“Leave me alone,” she pouts. “
I like to see people happy, that's all.”
I smile at her in the mirror briefly before I focus my attention on applying her colour evenly.
“It must have been some night away though to make you change your mind,” she prods, trying to get me to divulge some details. When I don’t respond, she pushes further. “Did he tell you he loves you?” she bites her lip as she waits for the answer.
“He did,” I admit carefully.
“Was it romantic? Did you say it back?”
“Why don’t you tell me what’s going on with you and that guy from the Salsa club? You’ve seen him a few times haven’t you?” I ask, trying to steer this conversation in a new direction. I can’t really tell her he yelled it at me because I refused to hear it.
“Oh no, Paige. You didn’t say it back, did you?”
When I don’t reply, She takes it as a silent admission.
“But you do love him. I know you do.”
I can’t answer that. I can’t say that in my thoughts let alone out loud. Knowing it and admitting it are two very different things. And I won’t be able to do what I need to do if I let myself fall that far into him.
“Wait. You are going back with him aren’t you?” Why would she ask that?
“Of course, I am. You know I am,” I assure her, hiding my eyes by focusing on her hair.
“Please don’t break his heart, Paige.”
I freeze at her words before turning away to place the bowl of dye on the trolley for cleaning. I take an extra few moments with my back turned away from her, squeezing my eyes shut as I breathe through the emotion swelling inside of me. This is a bad plan, Phoenix says.
“Why do you think I would?” I ask, focusing my eyes ahead so she can’t see my face.
“I just have this terrible feeling that you’re not being honest with him, or yourself. He’s bared his soul to you, and you’re still holding back. Just be good to him, OK? You could ruin him forever if you’re not careful. I’ve seen it happen too many times to count.”
“Where have you seen this destruction, Naomi? In your books?” I demand, not appreciating her reading me so well. It’s like she’s figured out exactly what I’m thinking and I can’t look at the truth.
“I’m not just a bookworm. I have a life, you know. I’ve fallen for the wrong guy,” she says, looking wounded from my words.
“I’m sorry, Nomes. I shouldn’t have snapped.” Fuck, I’m a shitty person.
A single tear slides from my eye and I wipe it away secretly as I pretend to brush back my hair. I think of the beauty that’s inside Elliot’s heart, and I’m riddled with guilt at the thought of being the one to rob him of that. What if I ruin him forever? What if he never finds love again just because I was the one who was too selfish to say no to him? I never should’ve let this happen. I should have been strong enough to stay away from the beginning. What if I ruin his life too?
Elliot
“Agy!” I embrace her where I find her in the reception area.
“Elliot, I’m so sad today. Why do you have to leave me? Who am I going to ogle now?” she jokes, hugging me back.
“You’ll find someone, I'm sure.” I laugh, offering my arm and leading her into the gym.
“What would you like to do for our last session?” I ask.
“Fancy taking an old lady out for a coffee?” she asks hopefully.
“Sure, let me grab my wallet, and you’re so far from being old, Agy. Don’t put yourself down.” I jog into the staff room and grab my wallet from my locker, leading Agy out and letting Celsey know that I’m leaving the gym for an hour in case anyone is looking for me.
“I like that little American girl,” Agy says to me as we leave the reception area and head outside. “She’s always so friendly.”
“I like her too, although she’s going home soon,” I say.
“Oh, all the good ones are going. I'll be left with boring English people again,” she moans, although I know she’s joking. “I want you to have a beautiful life with your girl, Elliot. Promise me you’ll email me regularly? I want to keep up with your life.”
“Only if you promise to keep giving me advice.”
“It’s a deal,” she says. And we shake on it. I’ve had such a wonderful time in the UK. I’m sad it's ending. But I’m more than keen to continue my life with Paige in it. That's literally all I care about.
Twenty-Six
Paige
When a person is rotten inside, it's easy to infect other’s with your blight. It's not that you want to spread your pervasiveness. It's just that it's so engrained you can't stop it from happening. There was a time when I could reason away my decisions and actions because I did them out of need, out of survival. But this—what I'm doing to Elliot—is just plain selfish. I’m doing it because I want more time with him. Time. Not forever. Forever is an impossibility. Now is all we have.
Please don’t break his heart, Paige. I’m sorry, Naomi. I was always going to.
“You ready, gorgeous?” Elliot asks from the door of our room. Happiness radiates off him. Our going-away bash is tonight. His flight leaves tomorrow at 2pm and he’s expecting me to be on it too. I’ve sold it so well, going through all the motions: I ordered my ticket, I've packed my bags, and I’ve quit my job. Maybe I thought I could convince myself to go, maybe I thought I could cancel before now, cause a big fight and end us spectacularly. But neither of those are my true reasons. I’m being a coward and a cunt, taking every moment of joy I can before blindsiding him at the last second.
You’re mean, Phoenix sulks.
I always told you I was. I don’t know why you never believed me.
“Ready,” I reply, collecting my purse and moving close to him so I can breathe him in and kiss him. I’m counting them down. I only have a handful left.
I look at the faces of our flatmates gathered in the living area waiting for us. I don’t feel like I have really spent that much time with them. I’ve been firmly attached to Elliot’s side from the moment I arrived. Only Naomi and Brian remain from the original group I moved in with, so I kind of feel like we are going through the motions of a going-away party. There is a new guy staying at the flat now called Adam. He replaced Gavin when he left, and this is the first time he's coming out with all of us. He and Jolene seem fairly interested in each other, so perhaps they’ll take our room when we leave. Who knows? Maybe they’ll get the happily ever after instead?
Elliot
When we arrive at the restaurant, there are a couple of the other trainers I know from work already waiting as well as Paige’s boss, Andrea. We’ve hired a function room for the evening, so we can all sit, eat, chat and linger for as long as we do or don’t want to.
I’m worried about Paige. She’s acting a little strange tonight. She’s smiling and saying all the right things, but there’s something about her that isn’t quite right. I’m putting it down to nerves about going back to Australia, but I’m not entirely sure it isn’t something else. Please don’t be cold feet.
“You’re not drinking,” Brian admonishes Paige, as he places a new round of drinks on the table. “Come on, Paige, it’s a celebration. You're letting down the team.”
Laughing Paige picks up her drink and takes a fake sip for Brian’s benefit. Although, I notice the level of her drink doesn’t alter at all.
“Good girl!” Brian calls out, much louder than he needed to. He already seems half cut, and it’s only nine o’clock.
“Do you want me to drink that for you?” I ask Paige quietly as I lean toward her ear.
“You might have to. They keep appearing in front of me.” She smiles, handing me her drink on the sly and replacing her glass with my empty.
I lose count of how many I have. Everyone wants to buy us both a drink to say goodbye, so they just keep coming. Drinking for two was a bad idea because now, I’m completely off my face, leaning all over Paige as she laughs at me while we farewell our guests.
“Are you going to be all right? I can driv
e you if you like,” Celsey offers as the group waves us off.
“No, no, it’s fine. You go and have fun with everyone else. I’ll get this guy home. The fresh air and the walk will do him good,” I hear Paige say, although it’s all starting to sound very far away to me.
“All right then, well safe trip home you two, and it was nice to meet you, Paige,” Celsey says.
“You too.” Paige smiles.
“Goodbye, my loves! I’ll miss you so much!” a drunken Naomi yells, leaning all over both of us and causing us to stumble.
“You’ll probably see us in the morning, Naomi. The plane isn’t until the afternoon.” Paige laughs, trying to keep us all upright.
“Everybody! We’re leaving, thank you so much for coming. We’re both thankful for such a great send off, and we’ll miss you all,” I call out, slurring slightly but still not drunk enough to forget my manners. My mother taught me well.
We burst out of the door to the restaurant as a noisy group, still calling out our goodbyes as Paige steadies me on the short walk back to the flat.
“You didn’t have to drink all of my drinks, you know.” Paige laughs again. She’s really happy now. Maybe I was wrong before, and there’s nothing going on with her.
“I told you, I’ll do anything for you, Paige. Even get rolling drunk so people don’t sulk when you won’t drink with them,” I slur as we make it to the front door of our building, and I force my feet to climb the stairs.
Paige
God, he’s so heavy. I feel like I’m getting drunk just from the fumes coming off him. I somehow get him over to the bed and drag his shoes off. He sits up as I’m trying to take his belt off, and pulls me toward him, kissing me passionately in a clumsy drunken way. His mouth tastes sweet from all the bourbon they plied him with tonight.
Beautiful Boxset: Beautiful Series, books 1-4 Page 62
