Be Your Downfall

by Lizzie Fox

  I turned my head and kissed her palm. “Anything.”

  “Don’t shut me out. Don’t shut me out like you just did. Okay? I don’t give a crap whatever it is you’re feeling, even if you think you hate me, or you want to kick puppies—but don’t do that,” she said, and we both chuckled.

  “I won’t. I mean…”

  “I know I might have to pull it out of you once in a while but just remember…” she said, brushing her thumb over my bottom lip. “I’m on your side.”

  “I know. I really do. I…” I laughed suddenly. “Are you serious? You really said yes?”

  She narrowed her eyes. “Unless you didn’t mean it.”

  “No! I meant it. I just…you don’t think it’s too soon?” I asked hesitantly.

  “Of course it is. But I make my best decisions impetuously,” she replied, with a shrug. “So it’s only been a few weeks. It’s just a number, right? And I fucking suck at math.” I grinned to myself, using Blake’s argument to get me to marry him, all those years ago. “Besides, if I had gone with my gut a year ago, we could already like…be there. I wanted to be with you then, I wanted to be with you three weeks ago. I just couldn’t admit it yet because I…”

  “You felt like you were betraying Blake?”

  She nodded slowly. “I did.” She glanced down at the coin she still held in her hand and gave a small smile. “But… I think if he would tell me to move on with someone… it’d be someone like you.”

  “Really?”

  “Yeah. Someone who knew who he was, and wasn’t ashamed of it.”

  “And…who loved you immensely?” I suggested playfully.

  “That too.” She grinned widely, and I followed suit, beaming under the light of her stare and smile.

  “I do love you, you know, I—” I started to lean into her, seeking her lips with mine, but the sound of a honk behind us made us both jump. I turned and saw Quin’s truck pull up behind us, and watched as Anthony and Shane emerged.

  Anthony came up to the driver’s window, and Jessie rolled it down. “Everything okay?” He asked, shielding his eyes from the rain with his hand on his forehead as he eyed us cautiously.

  “Yeah…” Jessie and I exchanged a secret, knowing grin. “Yeah, we’re fine.”

  He paused, looking suspicious, but shrugged. “Ready to go?”

  “Yeah.” I set my hand on Jessie’s thigh and squeezed gently, smiling as she blushed. “Ready to go home.”

  39

  Jessalie

  One month later

  “Damn. I’m really not sure about this one, guys…” Seth strummed lightly on his guitar, scowling gently.

  “Well, get sure, Archer. We have five minutes, bro!” Quin demanded, pointing through a set of double doors, leading out to the stage area. “You should have messed with it enough, really!”

  “Guys…” I had been standing back quietly, next to Shane and Sabrina, but I walked forward, and wrapped my arms around Seth’s waist, and he let his guitar dangle off the shoulder strap and draped an arm over my shoulder, pulling me under his arm. Anthony and Ian gave me a taunting smile. “…seriously, lay the fuck off. Or that last time I made you all lasagna…was the last time.”

  Ian pretended to clutch his chest and gasp in horror. “Oh fuck… no…not that!”

  I narrowed my eyes at him severely, and Seth chuckled as he bent to kiss my forehead.

  “Dude, don’t fuck with the lasagna,” Anthony threatened, smacking Ian in the chest and glaring. “I dream about that shit.”

  “Hey!” Shane protested, feigning offense. Sabrina nudged him.

  Quin snickered. “Come on, guys… let’s give them a few minutes to talk, all right?” He flashed Seth and me a wink, and my cheeks heated. He twirled one of his drumsticks over his fingers and pointed it at me. “Don’t let him freak. You’re the good luck charm, remember?”

  I rolled my eyes. “Whatever…”

  “We should go anyway before Christi scares away anyone who sits by her,” Sabrina said with a laugh, and she and Shane left the backstage area for our seats in the front row, and the other guys followed along shortly after.

  It was now towards the end of May, and we were back at the Lagoona, a year and some odd months after Seth and I crashed into each other at his first performance with Fever Pitch. He said this was the first time Night Addiction had been here and they were due.

  I’d actually grown closer to the guys—his friends and family—and I began to care about them a lot. Shane especially, because we had so much in common already. It was nice that they listened to me, took my opinions into account and most importantly, trusted me inexplicably when it came to their lead singer.

  Seth twisted in my arms, took his guitar, peeled the strap off over his head, and set the instrument on a nearby table. We were the only two that remained in the small, backstage lounge area, and there was a certain… nervousness about him. He seemed a bit jumpy, and I knew it wasn’t because of the song.

  He set a hand on my hip and pulled me into him. I gave him a once-over and my heart skipped a beat.

  A couple of weeks ago, he cut his hair shorter and it was brushed backward and pushed off to the side, and he’d removed his eyebrow piercing. Somehow, he said that it didn’t suit him anymore. He’d tried to remove the lip piercing but discovered that he messed with it often as a nervous habit, so he usually opted for a clear, silicone hoop most days, but changed it for a black one on performance nights. I still liked it, so I didn’t mind; not that my opinion should matter. He wore a black t-shirt and blue jeans that didn’t hang quite so low but were just as tight. Since the day he’d gone off the deep end, and we’d agreed to stay together—forever—something in him changed. He lightened up and said some of those things were behind him now. He was a bit more sophisticated—for Seth—but equally as gorgeous. More so now, because he was more content with himself.

  He kept the sleeves off his forearms, not caring if anyone saw his scars.

  Seth Archer had grown, and was ready to show his beautiful scars to the world. Even though the reason for the scars wasn’t beautiful at all, but they were reminders of battles fought inside… and won. How had he won?

  Because he was still here, still fighting. And I was always going to help him fight; whatever it took.

  We grew together, even in this short time. One year, and four months since we met at the Lagoona and parted ways, missing our chance.

  But we had one now and I wasn’t letting go. And neither was he, as he dug his fingers into my hip. I wore a denim skirt and off-shoulder green top with my hair long, and down my back.

  “You’re being funny, Archer,” I said, with a light chuckle, lifting my hand to graze my thumb over his chiseled jawline.

  He took my hand in his—he hadn’t needed stitches, but we’d glued it up with first aid glue, something he’d seemed to have in an abundant supply, and I didn’t want to think of why—and gripped it tight. His honey eyes avoided my gaze, and I lifted a brow.

  “Seth?”

  He raised his gaze, smirking. “I wanted to give you something.”

  I cocked a brow. “What?”

  He pressed something into my hand; something I didn’t realize he had earlier, and he grinned widely, releasing my grip, leaving my hand open, palm up, holding a…

  …beautiful white gold and diamond ring.

  My mouth dropped open. “What is—why?”

  Seth shrugged easily, and smirked. “I wanted to make it official. My proposal was sorta…eh.”

  I narrowed my eyes. “It was perfect, baby… really.”

  He took the ring in one hand and my hand in his other. “This is better. I just…well I thought you’d like it. So… will you?”

  “Will I what?” I asked, with a playful grin.

  “Will you marry me, Jessalie?” He asked solemnly with a slight up-curve of his mouth.

  I felt a tingling warmth heat and pulse through my body as my heart beat quickly. “I already said yes.” He
cocked a brow, prompting me to speak. “Silly. Of course I will.”

  He beamed widely, and slipped the ring over my ring finger, and breathed out tensely. “Oh thank god, it fits.”

  I held it out at a distance to admire it, and then his bright, grinning face. Then back to the ring. I wasn’t sure of the size, but it wasn’t too small or too big, and the band swooped into what looked like two infinity symbols, covered with small accent diamonds on either side of the big one. “You were worried?”

  “A little. Shane told me I should have measured your finger and…uggh. I was trying to make it a surprise. If you really, really like it—there’s a matching band with it we can use when…umm…” His cheeks flushed.

  “Did you get one for you, or…?” I asked expectantly.

  “Not yet. I have plans for that,” he said, with a wink. “You know I love you, right?”

  I nodded slightly, wrapping my arms around his neck as he pulled me flush against him. “I love you too.” Smiling, he tipped his head to the side and moved to crash his lips against mine, taking them in a kiss, sweet at first, but growing probing and passionate, making me moan gently into his mouth as I sank into it, and him. I broke the kiss after a moment, and grinned at him as I dropped my hand to slap his ass. “Now get out there so I can drool over my hot fiancé on the stage and take him home to bed after.”

  Seth’s neck slacked and his head rolled onto his shoulders as he groaned. “Oh hell, I love the sound of that.”

  “What?” I asked, with a chuckle. “Bed?”

  He lifted his gaze to mine, grinning widely. “No. Fiancé.”

  “I like it too,” I whispered playfully. “Let’s go…”

  “The road is wrong… the day is blue…”

  Seth stood on the stage of the Lagoona Blue, just as he had the first time I saw him, strumming his white guitar and bouncing one of his long legs in time to the beat as he sang into the mic with his velvet, rocker’s voice. He smiled carefully from the side of his lips, forming a bit of a smirk—his total “fuck me” face. I rolled my eyes, chuckling. He couldn’t help it, I guessed. It didn’t matter. I knew where he was headed after the performance was over.

  “The inside is dark…and then there was you…” His honey gaze flicked over to me as Ian took over on the guitar riffs, and the song intensified, but his eyes remained on me. “You did not run… you didn’t shout…you held my hand and figured life out…” His eyes lidded heavily at me as he clutched the mic with one hand, and gently touched his collarbone and I did the same. It had become our casual, secret sign to tell the other “I love you” while he was on the stage. He grinned briefly and continued on with the song, and my heart soared as the diamond ring on my hand sparkled under the overhead lights as it reflected the light in my eyes.

  “God you guys are so nauseating,” Shane nudged me with an elbow, and pointed his finger down his throat in a feigned gag.

  “Shut up,” I scolded, smacking at his arm and rolling my eyes, with an embarrassed scoff. Shane just tittered joyfully.

  “We think it’s great. Really.” A very pregnant Christi said over the table at me pointedly, and flicked Shane off with one of the hands she’d been clutching her stomach with. “God I’m over this shit.”

  “You don’t have much longer, do you?” I asked, knowing she’d been close for a while now to nine months. In fact, I was surprised she was even here.

  Christi shook her head. “Not really, but… we are known for being late so I could have another month.” She groaned and pretended to whine.

  Sabrina from the other side of me motioned to Christi with a bob of her head. “Pretty soon that’ll be you. Fun, huh?”

  My eyes widened. “Oh… yeah I don’t—” I didn’t want to divulge that I wasn’t sure if it was even a possibility with my history, but this wasn’t the time or place.

  “Come on. Seth would be a great dad, despite the fact that his father is a raging lunatic,” Shane said with a glower. “Really. Ugly-ass kids though.” He smirked playfully and I gave him another scolding slap.

  “Whatever. Let’s get through a wedding first, shall we?” I insisted.

  “Ohhh… no shotgun wedding? Damn.” Shane snapped his fingers in disappointment, chuckling. I rolled my eyes.

  “Any idea what you’re going to do?” Sabrina inquired, and I held up my hands. Even though I was talking to them, I could barely peel my eyes off of Seth. God he was hot. So. Damn. Hot. And mine. And he was a master on the stage with their new song—one he had proudly written. This was their first time playing it, and judging by the excitement of the crowd, it was sure to be a hit.

  “Jessie? Oh Jessie?” Sabrina waved her hand in front of my face.

  “Not sure,” I replied, with an awkward laugh. “Something quiet, regardless.”

  “How about something tropical? After this baby is out I’m gonna need a nice beach and a drink in hand,” Christi quipped, eyeing Shane’s fruity umbrella drink longingly.

  “We’ll see…” I said, with a laugh. Shane, Sabrina, and Christi all began gossiping about the wedding we hadn’t organized yet, and I ignored them, preferring to watch the hot, sexy singer on stage.

  “The day is long… the day is dark…but no more with you in my heart…” My heart fluttered again as that honey-eyed gaze tracked over to me. “Darkness fades…like the light of the moon…forever shadow…forever noon…”

  “The Darkest Day” was penned the night after the manic-high speed chase on the highway, after he apologized to me by making love to me twice and I fell asleep in his arms peacefully, secure in the future for the first time in a while.

  And I didn’t know quite what the future held. Maybe there’d be babies… maybe there’d be fights and confrontations…sadness and mania…and a little uncertainty.

  One thing was certain though. I loved him, and he loved me enough to pull himself back from the ledge.

  As long as there was love… everything would be okay.

  Seth gently grinned at me as he sang the last line of the song… “We will live to love another day…”

  Thanks to some…perseverance, patience, and a whole lot of fucking love…yes, we would live to love another day.

  SETH AND JESSALIE’S STORY CONTINUES in Be Your Savior (Be Yours #2) available now!

  None of your scars can make me love you less…

  IF YOU OR SOMEONE YOU KNOW NEEDS HELP…

  Depression and other mental illnesses are tricky. Many people who suffer with them aren’t able to tell you what you need, but don’t give up hope. Either of you.

  If you or someone you know needs help, there are countless resources to help you, some of which are listed below. Mental illness is nothing to be ashamed of, whether you’re young or old, male or female or whatever. I know it can feel lonely at times—sometimes all the time—but remember that your life matters. It might not feel like it does, but I promise you have a purpose, even if you haven’t found it yet.

  Depression, etc., isn’t something to just “get over” and there is no shame in admitting you need help. But it can be hard doing so because of what others might think. They might not understand that it’s no different than getting help for diabetes (for instance). Or they don’t understand because they can’t “see” that you’re ill.

  If you need help immediately, don’t hesitate to call 9-1-1 or the emergency service in your country.

  If someone you know suffers from mental illness, don’t give up on them, even though it can be hard to deal with. Help them make appointments, drive them to those appointments, or just sit there and watch TV with them. Even if they aren’t ready to talk, even if you tell them “it will be okay” and they get mad, just knowing you’re there is helpful. Don’t judge them, and understand that you might not understand.

  There are countless Facebook groups and other social media pages for support, don’t hesitate to search and seek them out as well as the resources listed below. These are only a fraction of what is out there.


  Most of all, DO NOT GIVE UP HOPE!

  If you or someone you know is struggling with depression or talking about taking their own life, reach out. Don’t wait for them to ask for help. Chances are they aren’t able to. There are many resources online to help you:

  In the US:

  https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org or 1-800-273-8255 (1-800-273-TALK)(online chat available)

  CRISIS TEXT LINE: text HOME to 741741 (I have actually used this one personally and found it helpful)

  For LGBTQ+, The Trevor Lifeline 1-866-488-7386 http://www.thetrevorproject.org/pages/get-help-now

  Or Text the word "Trevor" to 1-202-304-1200 (Available on Fridays (4:00 p.m. - 8:00 p.m. ET / 1:00 p.m. - 5:00 p.m. PT)

  The Trevor Project website: http://www.thetrevorproject.org/

  OR dial 9-1-1 for emergencies

  There are countless Facebook and Twitter groups and pages you can seek out as well.

  Internationally:

  https://www.iasp.info/index.php (too many numbers to list here, but a good resource to get you started)

  About the Author

  Lizzie Fox is really the not-so-secret pen name of author Sariah Skye. Why the pen name then if it’s not a big secret? Besides the fact that she’s a bit whack-a-doo, really, it was Sariah’s way of paying tribute to her best friend that passed away very suddenly in 2015. Sariah’s friend didn’t get her happy-ever-after, so this was her way of hopefully giving her many.

  And in memory of the real Lizzie, any Lizzie Fox story is going to be full of heart, celebrating love in all its forms, complete with satisfying happy endings. Lizzie Fox intends to feature relationships of all types from male/female romance, male/male, female/female, reverse harem (which she already does paranormally), polyamorous, ménage—whatever her characters have her do today or tomorrow. Because whether she’s named Lizzie Fox or Sariah Skye, the author believes that LOVE IS LOVE and it is all beautiful. Lizzie Fox is contemporary romance, no fantasy elements. Except for the romance itself. Haha.