State of Grace: A Moonflower Cove Romance

by Addison Clarke

  “Damn face.” Bouncing the ball once, Blake planted her hips and tossed it straight into the net. Isla moved between Blake and the goal and snagged the ball before Blake could. She bounced it from one hand to the other effortlessly as she looked at Blake.

  “Do you want to talk about it?”

  “No.”

  “Fine. I’ll play you for it.” Spinning around in her tennis shoes, Isla tossed the ball and got nothing but net. Blake was impressed; she hadn’t expected that from her mom. “First one to five wins. If I win, you tell me what’s bothering you. If you win, I’ll leave you alone.”

  “You’re on.”

  The game was infinitely more competitive than Blake could have anticipated. It was evident that Isla had played ball before as more than a fun hobby with the kids. She could make shots Blake could only hope to land, and when the score was tied four-four, Blake worried she was either going to have to open up or run away and never look back.

  “Goal!” Isla shouted as she pumped her arms in the air. Blake didn’t want to smile, but she looked so damn dorky in her mom jeans and t-shirt that she had to laugh. Grabbing the basketball, Isla placed it on her hip and looked at Blake. “You want to talk?”

  “I did agree to the terms of the game.” Blake walked over to the small retaining wall beside the garage and sat; Isla did the same with a smile. She ran her hands over her yoga pants and prepared herself for the barrage of questions she knew would come from Isla. “So, I got a call today from my agent.”

  “Oh,” Isla’s voice fell.

  “Yeah.”

  “What did she say?” Her voice was higher pitched, and it didn’t go unnoticed.

  “They’re in negotiations with a new studio about picking up the show, apparently.” Blake shrugged. “I don’t have details yet, but if they go forward with it…”

  She let the words hang in the air for a moment. Isla handed the basketball to her as Blake bounced it a few times. Blake appreciated the gesture.

  “If they go forward with it, you’ll have to leave.”

  “Yeah.” She huffed. “I mean, it’s not like I planned on moving here, you know? I was planning to come here and reconnect with you and Mason and get to know Vera and the kids. I never,” her voice hitched in her throat, and Isla lightly touched her shoulder, “I never thought in a few short weeks this place would feel like home.”

  “This place will always be your home. Even if you go back to Vancouver, you can always come back here. The garage apartment is yours for as long as you want it.”

  “I know, and thank you.”

  “I may be overstepping here, but,” Isla tucked her hair behind her ear as she looked away from Blake, “would a certain someone have anything to do with this decision being so hard on you?”

  “There’s no decision to make right now.” She snapped the words defensively as she stood. Blake bounced the ball back and forth in her hands, shaking her head as she tried to focus on what she wanted to say. “I’m sorry; I didn’t mean to snap.”

  “It’s ok.” Isla crossed her legs. “I’m an excellent sounding block.”

  “Everything is happening so fast with Alexis, and I don’t want to mess that up.” Blake tried not to notice the twinkle in Isla’s eye or the way she smiled at the mention of Alexis’s name. “I worry that if I leave, she won’t give me a second chance. I know my life isn’t for everyone, and I’ve only known Alexis for a few weeks and can tell that she’s nervous about this. About being in a relationship. Or whatever the hell is happening between us.”

  “Alexis puts up a strong front, but you’ve pegged her on being nervous. She’s not dated anyone since Harper was born. It’s a huge deal that she’s interested in you and is letting you in her world. She’s a tough nut to crack.”

  “Which is why I don’t want to hurt her.” Blake angrily bounced the ball, which hit her foot, and ricocheted off into the grass. “I knew this was a possibility. I didn’t think it would happen two days after asking Alexis if we could see where things went with us. Apparently, it’s going right back to fucking Vancouver, and I hate Vancouver.”

  “Are you under a contract?” Her brow furrowed at Isla’s question. “I mean, do you have to go back if the show’s picked up?”

  “Well, no, I don’t have to.” It was a possibility Blake had considered but knew she wouldn’t act on it. “But I can’t do that to my costars and the writers and the fans.”

  “You’re so much like me.” Her voice was dreamy, and it caused Blake to be on guard. She wasn’t sure where the turn in the conversation was going, and that made her nervous. “You will do anything for anyone and expect nothing in return. You’re selfless, and seeing you doing the same thing makes my heart happy to know that you’re like me.”

  “I’m not like you.” Once again, Blake spat the words, although she didn’t mean to. “I’m not selfless. I am completely selfish for dragging Alexis into this when I knew – I fucking knew – that this would happen. I knew it, and I am still leading her to believe that I will be here long enough for what? To have a fucking relationship with me?”

  Blake tossed up her hands in the air and took a few steps away from Isla. She should have kept walking, gone upstairs to the apartment, decompressed, and not yelled anymore. But instead, she spun around on her heels and pointed a finger at Isla.

  “And why the hell did I spend the last twenty-five years of my life thinking my mother didn’t love me when you were out there building a whole new life without me?”

  “I wanted you in my life, Blake. In our lives. But I didn’t…”

  “Don’t you dare tell me that bullshit that you didn’t know where I was. You fucking knew. You sent me letters. You knew where I was. And, the last few years, my convention schedules have been all over the internet, so if you wanted to see me, you could have easily made it happen. It’s complete bullshit that you claim you didn’t know where I was.”

  “Listen here, Blake.” Isla went from calm and collected to pissed off bitch in the blink of an eye. It was a side of her Blake had never seen, and she took a step back as Isla approached her. “I knew where you were, yes, and I knew your convention schedule, yes, but what did you want me to do? Show up in an autograph line out of the blue? Storm the soundstage looking for you? I thought you were getting the letters and weren’t responding. And why didn’t you ever try to find me? You have money to blow on private investigators and all that shit. Why didn’t you bother to look for me?”

  “I spent most of my life being told you didn’t love me. Why would I have gone looking for you? I figured if you ever wanted to know who I was, then it would be easier for you to find me than the other way around.”

  “Oh, for god’s sake, Blake, I was giving you space!”

  “I didn’t need space; I needed my mom!”

  Blake’s chest heaved as she stubbornly held the tears at bay. She refused to let them fall; refused to give Isla the satisfaction of seeing that her words had struck a chord. Not willing to spend another minute in the conversation, Blake turned her back on Isla and stormed up the stairs to her apartment.

  She was pissed at herself for showing her hand to Isla. In the twenty-something years she’d been separated from her mother, Blake had never told anyone that she needed her mom. In fact, Blake had prided herself on the fact she brushed off every comment and question about her mother with a nonchalant shrug and sarcastic laugh. But now Isla knew. Isla knew how badly Blake had wanted – needed – her in her life.

  And Blake didn’t know how she felt about that. She and Isla hadn’t talked about Blake’s abandonment issues, mainly because Blake had tried to avoid any one-on-one time with Isla since their conversation at the café her first weekend in town. Blake had hated herself for assuming that her father’s side of the story was the accurate one simply because it was the one she had grown up knowing.

  Deciding a hot bath was exactly what she needed, Blake cranked up her 80s music playlist on her phone as she grabbed the iPad to look ove
r the script Salem had sent her. Blake begged her body to decompress as she filled the tub with water. She needed a drink, and Blake knew precisely where she would go later to get away from Isla. Even if Isla were to go back to the bar, Blake didn’t care.

  The chance of seeing Alexis outweighed anything else.

  Chapter 20

  Only a few stragglers were left in Straight to Ale as Alexis slid a glass of water in front of Blake. She’d been sitting at the corner barstool for nearly two hours and had drank everything the bartenders put in front of her. Alexis had stopped trying to keep up with her tab and instead focused only on making sure no one else saw the sci-fi TV star hammered at her mother’s bar.

  Of course, Blake had offered no explanation as to why she was there other than mumbling something about not wanting to deal with Isla. The only thing she’d asked was if her change in mood had anything to do with their afternoon together, and Blake had answered her with a wink and a smile that melted Alexis’s heart. They’d talk about it later, Alexis was sure, but in the meantime, she’d focus on keeping Blake as sober as she could.

  “This doesn’t taste like liquor.” Blake wrinkled her nose as she pushed the glass away.

  “That’s because it’s water.” Alexis put a hand on her hip and gave Blake her best Mom Look. It worked on Harper every single time, and judging by Blake’s slight shift in body language, it worked on her too. “Drink up. And here,” she put a basket of crackers in front of her, “eat some of these. It’ll help soak up the liquor.”

  “Pancakes.”

  “Excuse me?”

  “Pancakes are my hangover food.” Blake gave her the sweet, innocent smile that did something to Alexis that she didn’t want to acknowledge. She looked less like the brave woman Alexis had seen on TV for years and more like the child she’d imagined Blake to have been.

  “I’m not making you pancakes.”

  “Please?” Blake batted her eyes at her, and for a split second, Alexis contemplated attempting to make pancakes in a restaurant kitchen that didn’t serve any breakfast foods.

  “How about you go home and make pancakes there. Wouldn’t that be fun?”

  “I can’t go back there.”

  Alexis knew better than to engage with someone about their feelings when they were drunk. She knew that asking Blake what she meant would mean Blake would word vomit, and Alexis would be stuck listening to whatever story would flow out of her gorgeous mouth. Not that Alexis would mind; she’d listen to Blake read the ingredients of the Froot Loop box if that was an option. But with closing time around the corner, Alexis knew she needed to finish cleaning up the bar. She picked up a wet cloth and scrubbed down the bar beside Blake.

  “Aren’t you going to ask me why?”

  “Oh, I have a feeling you’ll tell me either way.” Alexis tossed the cloth back into the bucket of soapy water and crossed her arms over her stomach. Cleaning the bar was clearly going to have to wait.

  “Her life is so,” Blake tapped her finger against her temple a few times, “perfect.”

  “Who’s life?”

  “Isla’s.” A sarcastic laugh came from Blake. “Mom’s.”

  “Ahh.”

  Alexis suspected something had happened between Blake and Vera or Blake and Isla, but it wasn’t something she was going to press. She wasn’t someone who liked it when people pressed her to talk, and she hated doing it to other people. Instead, Alexis prided herself on her listening ear, which was clearly what Blake needed tonight.

  “I don’t know why I came here.”

  “To drink like a fish, apparently.”

  “Not my fault you make a damn good Long Island.”

  “True that.”

  “But that’s not what I meant.”

  “I know.” Alexis nodded as she filled another glass of water and sat it beside the one Blake had drank. Her heart raced at the possibility of a revelation that would include Blake telling her she regretted ever suggesting there was something between them. Alexis could talk herself into a spiral faster than anyone, and if she wasn’t careful, she was headed for a pretty big spiral.

  “I mean, why did I come here?” Blake dramatically motioned around the bar. “To this bar, to Moonflower Cove. I don’t know what I was expecting.”

  “You came to see your mom and sister, right?”

  “Yeah, but they’re better off without me.”

  “Don’t say that.”

  “It’s true.” The pained laugh nearly broke Alexis’s heart as Blake averted her eyes. She ran her finger around the rim of the water glass mindlessly. “Mom has a family here and a life, and Mason is weird but seems to have her shit together, and I…I don’t know how or if I fit into all of that. Maybe I don’t belong here.”

  Alexis didn’t dare interject; Blake was clearly hurting and needed to talk, and Alexis was willing to be her listening ear. Even if the words Blake was saying were sending daggers to her heart. Of course, Blake would second guess their relationship before it even had the chance to become a fully formed relationship.

  Focus, Lex. Focus.

  She forced herself to focus on Blake and not on herself for at least a few more moments.

  “All my life, I’ve wondered what life would have been like if I’d grown up with her. Now that I know what I missed out on, I can’t deal with it. I missed so much. So fucking much.” Blake angrily wiped at a tear that had fallen. “Everyone thinks I have this great life, but it’s all a show. It’s a stupid show.”

  “Your life is more than the show.”

  “But it’s not.” Blake shook her head as she twirled the straw around in her drink. “My entire life has been working on one show or another. No one ever asked me what I wanted, and I never thought that I had the option to ever say that I didn’t want the cookie-cutter life it had become. I wanted more. I want more.”

  “Why don’t you go home and sleep this off, ok?” Alexis’s voice caught in her throat as she pulled her phone from her back pocket. “Let me call you an Uber or…”

  “No.” Blake attempted to reach out across the bar to grab the phone from Alexis. “No pictures of this. TMZ will have a blast with this one.”

  “Chill out. Neither I nor TMZ want a picture of you looking like this.”

  “What’s that supposed to mean?” She didn’t give Alexis any time to respond. “And don’t call an Uber. They can be sneaky and send pictures to the press without you knowing it.”

  “Ok, fine.” Alexis held up her hand as she put the phone back into her pocket. She walked around the bar to Blake and motioned for her to stand up. Putting an arm around Blake’s waist, she helped her to her feet. “Come on.”

  “Where are we going?” Blake had no balance whatsoever and put nearly her entire weight onto Alexis as they walked to the kitchen.

  “I’m taking you home.”

  “No,” Blake whined, “I can’t go back there. I can’t deal with the perfect house and the perfect kids and the perfect moms and the perfect life I missed out on.”

  “Fine. You can go to my apartment and sober up.”

  “You’re really nice. Do you know that?”

  “Yeah, sure. Hey, Em!” Alexis waited until Emily looked at her from the other side of the kitchen. She looked confused for a brief moment as if trying to process the scene in front of her. “I’m heading out. Bar’s clean, but can you double-check before you head out?”

  “Yeah, sure thing.”

  “Thanks.” Beside her, Blake stumbled slightly, and Alexis tightened her grip on her hip to keep her from falling. Blake patted her breast then her arm as she looked at Emily.

  “She’s really nice. Do you know that?”

  “So, I’ve heard.” Emily didn’t bother to hide her laugh as Alexis stuck her tongue out at her and walked Blake out the back door like two people in a three-legged race, somehow managing to get her to the car. Alexis helped Blake into the passenger seat and buckled her in before running over to the driver’s side. She paused briefly to take in
a deep breath before she freaked out over the fact that Blake was in her car and they were going back to her apartment. Shaking her head to clear her thoughts, Alexis got into the car and started the engine.

  “You’re really pretty.”

  “Umm, thank you.” Her hands gripped tighter on the steering wheel as she tried to keep her eyes on the road and not on Blake. Alexis’s heart was pounding in her ears, and she found herself having to remind herself to take a breath. They were basically dating; there was no reason for Alexis to be so nervous. But she knew better than anyone how quickly someone could spiral when they began to freak out.

  Blake did something to her that no one else ever could, and it had less to do with the fact Blake was a famous actress and more to do with the fact Alexis felt like they’d known each other in a past life. She’d felt that way since the moment she’d seen Blake across the bar, and it had only gotten stronger since then.

  “I’m getting old.”

  “You are not.” Alexis scoffed at the statement. “You’re barely 30, and, if I remember correctly, you were named one of the fifty sexiest actresses alive last year.”

  “At number forty-three!” Like a child, she turned her body away from Alexis and looked out the window, pouting. Alexis couldn’t help but roll her eyes at the dramatics as she turned onto her street. “And,” Blake’s voice was higher pitched than Alexis had ever heard it, “I was sent a script today for a mom character.”

  “And is that a bad thing?” The hair on the back of her neck stood on edge at Blake’s comment. She whipped the car into the parking spot for the apartment and put the car into park. Unbuckling her seatbelt, she turned to face Blake the best she could in the small car. “I would think it would be a compliment that you’re being sent different roles. Doesn’t that mean you’re a versatile actress?”

  “It means I’m getting old, and they see me less as the main character and more of the main character’s mother.”