by Hannah Doyle
‘Sounds like an excellent plan. Can I stay, keep an eye on you?’
‘That’s really thoughtful but I know you’d planned to get into the studio today so you should go and work on that new painting. I’ll be fine, honestly. I promise I’ll take it easy and I’ll probably end up napping for most of the day.’
The last time I had food poisoning I’m sure I was out of action for at least a couple of days, but Alice is a force to be reckoned with. Satisfied that she’s had some food and plans to rest, I kiss her goodbye and on the walk to my studio I use my time wisely, planning our next date. What I need is something that will cheer her up and put that smile back on her face. She went to loads of effort for our O date, pulling out all the stops with a romantic meal only for it to massively backfire, so it seems right that I should opt for something that I know she’ll love. And given that Alice is the life and soul of a party, I figure a big group hang out could be a winner.
Later, I check in with her.
How are you feeling? Fancy being cheered up on Friday night, if you’re free?
Bit bored. I hate being stuck at home! But miles better, thank you. And YES I AM FREE! Is it time for our P date? As long as it has nothing to do with Puke, I’m in .
We’d better keep you away from the kitchen then .
How rude.
I grin. Now it’s time to execute the rest of my plan. I call up the venue and book us a table, and then scroll through my emails to find one from Natalie. She sent me a few back when her company was organising my first exhibition and I’m pretty sure I remember seeing her phone number in her email sign-off.
Bingo. I save her mobile number to my contacts and start up a new message, which feels a bit weird given this is the first time I’ve spoken to her without Alice around, but this is for a good cause. As soon as I’ve asked if she can make it Natalie sends back three thumbs up emojis and says she can’t wait. Which means there’s only one person left to invite.
Dylan.
Alice mentioned that he’s back up in Sheffield this week and we didn’t get off to the best start when we first met; there’s just something about him that got my back up. But he’s Alice’s best mate so it’s time for me to be the bigger person and make an effort, for her sake. I know that she’d love to hang out with him and things have changed since Dylan and I last met. I feel more secure in my relationship with Alice now that she’s my girlfriend, so hopefully that’ll help me not to overthink everything he says.
After asking Natalie to send over his number, I tap out a message to him too.
Hi Dylan, it’s Zach. I’m planning a night out for Alice on Friday. Would be great to see you there if you can make it? Cheers.
The ticks go blue immediately but he doesn’t reply, so I put my phone away and crack on.
Three days later I’m eating an unimpressive chicken salad for lunch in my studio when I finally hear back from Dylan.
Thanks for the invite. I always love seeing Pickle when I’m back so I’ll be there.
Hmm. It’s a friendly enough reply but I’m slightly annoyed nonetheless. I think it’s the nickname he has for her, which feels territorial even though I know I’m being unreasonable. Not to mention the time it’s taken him to reply to my message. I know he’s a hotshot comedian and everything but seriously, how does it take three days to type thanks and I’ll be there? I try to shake it off, knowing that Alice will be thrilled that he’s coming which is the main thing, really. She’s had a rough few days with being ill at the weekend and then on top of that she’s had such a busy start to the week that we’ve barely had a chance to talk yet, let alone see each other, so I figure she’ll be ready to let off some steam come Friday night.
Mind if I bring a date? It’s Dylan again, obviously struck with an afterthought.
No problem, the more the merrier.
Feeling like I handled that quite well and could do with a treat after the sub-standard salad, I lock up my studio and walk to Division Street. It’s a swelteringly hot day so I grab an iced coffee and a doughnut from Steam Yard, taking a picture and sending it to Alice before I demolish the lot, because I know how much she loves these.
WTF where’s mine?! She replies immediately.
As it’s date night on Friday we could always come back on Sat morning and get one each?
You’re assuming I’ll stay over? Bit presumptuous
I’m wondering what to reply but she gets there first.
Joking! You had me at doughnut.
As the first to arrive, I order a round and head to our reserved table, taking a swig from my beer bottle while I look around. It’s already getting busy in here and I watch a couple getting seriously competitive at their ping pong table, smiling as they get more and more into the game. I think Alice with her competitive nature is going to be in her element.
Dylan’s bringing a date, which brings our group up to five, but I grab four paddles because you can’t play ping pong with five people. If needs be, I’ll be happy to sit out for a bit.
People are piling in after work now, poking their head into the room where all the tables are set up in the hope that there might be one free but it’s fully booked already. And suddenly there’s Alice, walking in arm-in-arm with Natalie.
‘OMG ping pong? I’m so into this idea,’ Alice grins. ‘Hey, you.’ She’s still smiling at me as we kiss and hug and I feel a rush of adrenaline, chuffed that she’s happy.
‘I thought you could do with cheering up after our last date.’
‘Urgh. Romance and I definitely don’t go hand in hand.’
‘Don’t say that! Maybe we should make a no seafood rule from now on?’
‘Yes,’ she laughs. ‘That sounds better.’
‘No Dylan?’ I ask as Alice and Nat drop their bags and Alice starts inspecting the paddles on our table.
‘He just messaged to say he’s been out with Octavia and they’re running late. This one looks good!’ Alice adds, holding up the newest-looking paddle. ‘Not that I’m trying to find the best one for myself or anything.’
‘You definitely are doing that,’ Natalie points out, rolling her eyes. ‘I might get a bottle of wine, anyone in?’
She heads to the bar and I try to squash the niggling annoyance that Dylan is running late.
Fifteen minutes later he’s still not here and my heckles are up but Alice and Natalie don’t seem fussed. They’re having an in-depth discussion about Dylan’s new date, Octavia, and from what I can gather neither of them are massively impressed.
‘She runs an art gallery in London,’ Alice says for my benefit.
‘And she seems very posh and pretentious,’ adds Natalie.
‘There’s a fair bit of posh and pretentious in the business but there are some good eggs too,’ I say.
‘I was hanging out with them last weekend while you guys had your O date and to me, Octavia seems cold and stand-offish. I just don’t understand what Dylan sees in her, other than the fact that she’s incredibly hot.’
‘I think you might have answered your own question there,’ Alice grins.
‘How about you Nat? Still taking some time off from dating?’ I ask.
‘You bet your ass! I’m enjoying being one hundred per cent me at the moment, if that makes sense? I’m not diluting myself with any of the guys I’ve been dating. I think I prefer my own company anyway. So tonight you’re getting pure Natalie juice, not from concentrate. Though I can’t stay late. Early start in the morning.’
‘Let’s hope Dylan gets here soon, then,’ I say. ‘We’ve only got the ping pong table for an hour and the slot starts in five minutes.’
‘Oh, don’t worry about that,’ Alice says breezily. ‘He’ll get here when he gets here. It’s fine if we start a bit later, don’t you think?’
‘Sure,’ I reply, my inner stickler for time-keeping having a minor panic attack.
Alice has tied her hair back with the silk scarf she found in her bag so that she could ‘concentrate on annihilating me�
�.
‘My favourite thing about you is how very charming and not at all competitive you are,’ I tease. We bat back and forth, running lengths of the ping pong table as she shouts things like ‘oh look, it’s Banksy’ and ‘I’m pretty sure Margot Robbie just walked in’ in an attempt to distract me.
‘Nice try!’
There’s a commotion by the bar and I turn my head to see that people are recognising Dylan as he arrives, some clapping him on the back and asking for selfies. He’s lapping it up, so confident in himself, and I try to ignore the annoyance prickling at me. There’s a broad smile across his face as he makes his way over to us, followed by a beautiful redhead with the curves of a Titian painting.
‘Oi oi,’ he says, giving Alice a hug first. ‘Pickle, you haven’t met Octavia yet. Octavia, this is my other best friend Alice … and her friend Zach.’
Forty-five minutes late and now he’s referring to me as Alice’s friend? I’m a bit pissed off. I guess calling me by my real name is a step up from No Big Deal, though, which I could see he’d put down next to Alice’s name on the guestlist when we went to see his gig. I really should try to play nice for her sake.
Introductions and greetings over, Alice and Nat head to the bar for another round while Octavia looks like she’s searching for the least contaminated chair to sit on, finally perching on the edge of my sofa.
‘Good to see you again, mate,’ Dylan pats me on the back a bit too hard.
‘You too. Alice says you’ve had the week back up here?’
‘Yeah man, it’s been awesome. I wanted to introduce Octavia to my friends and family.’ I’m sure that’s been a blast, I think as she smiles tightly at me. ‘Actually, Octavia, you might have heard of Zach. He’s an artist.’
‘Zach Moretti,’ I say, extending my hand.
I watch her whole face change as she stares at me, like she’s seeing me in a completely new light. ‘Shut the front door,’ she says eventually in a cut-glass accent. ‘The Zach Moretti? Red Circle? Black Square?’
I nod.
‘This is too much,’ she says. Dylan looks distinctly put out, bristling as she slides along the sofa to sit right next to me. The smell of rich, heady perfume fills my nostrils.
‘Well I never. Zach, it’s a pleasure to meet you. We’ve just taken a few of your pieces in the gallery and they’re getting a lot of interest already.’ She laughs at this, a light, tinkling noise. ‘I did not expect to meet the artist responsible for some of my favourite pieces in a …’ Octavia pauses as she looks around. Alice and Nat are back at our table with the drinks now and we all watch her search for some acceptable words. ‘Liddle bar slash ping pong venue up north. We can’t be far from Scotland here!’
‘Sheffield’s in South Yorkshire,’ Alice points out defensively.
‘Sure, sure,’ nods Octavia. ‘I’m a Londoner, you know? It’s all just a blur once you get past Hampstead Heath. All these liddle villages!’
I can see why Alice and Nat were having an in-depth about her earlier. I might not think much of Dylan but if he was my best friend, I’d be wary of his new date too. She’s definitely a bit annoying.
‘Sure, sure,’ Alice bats back. ‘Dylan, why don’t you explain to Octavia that some brilliant, creative things happen north of the capital.’
Dylan looks uncharacteristically nervous.
‘Goes without saying, Pickle,’ he says. ‘I’m from Sheffield for a start!’
‘And Zach, too. I had no idea the provinces could produce such fantastic talent!’ Octavia giggles.
The provinces. No wonder the art world gets a bad name where there are snobs like Octavia working in the industry.
‘Who’s for another game?’ I step in before Alice puts Octavia at the top of her hit list.
Half an hour later Alice and I are watching Octavia and Natalie finish a game together.
‘Natalie looks like she might shove that ping pong ball where the sun doesn’t shine,’ Alice chuckles.
Natalie throws her hands in the air as she wins. ‘Yeah! Well done Nat,’ Alice cheers.
‘Thank you,’ she says, taking a bow. ‘And with that, I’m going to leave the couples to it. Have a fun rest of evening.’
Octavia grabs a seat next to me and Dylan challenges Alice to a quick fire round of ping pong which has them racing around the table, one batting then running to the other side to bat back. It looks quite complicated to me but that might have something to do with the fact that I’m on my fourth beer. Alice is roaring with laughter as she chases Dylan round the table and I sit back, quietly wishing I was the one she was having fun with. But that’s ridiculous, I invited her friends for a reason and it’s good to see her having such a good time, even if I do feel a bit left out.
Sitting next to Octavia isn’t helping. She seems to have overcome her disdain for the plastic seating options and is now sitting uncomfortably close to me, causing Dylan to shoot daggers in our direction every time he looks over.
‘You’re very popular tonight,’ he says at one point.
‘What?’ But he’s back to ping pong with Alice and doesn’t answer. She looks so happy as she plays and my old friend self-doubt creeps in. Is she ever that happy when we’re together? Do I make her laugh as hard as Dylan does? I kick my foot absent-mindedly on the chair leg opposite me. I suppose that’s what you get when your girlfriend’s best mate tells jokes for a living.
I should have more faith in myself, I know, but the combination of beers and Dylan’s evident annoyance at my existence are unsettling. Once again I’m sat on the sidelines watching other people have fun. Once again I’m left feeling like the awkward kid at school, the one who everyone thought was weird because I was so quiet. They didn’t realise that I was only quiet because I was worried about what I might say and how I might come across. I spent so long racking my brains thinking of the right thing to say that I’d miss my opportunity or, worse, I’d speak too soon and then feel mortified about it.
I clear my throat, turning back to Octavia and trying to focus on her as she lists people we may have in common.
‘Clara, of course you must know her? Fellow Northerners and all! She’s doing brilliant things bringing art and magazines together.’
Having my ex dragged into the situation is the last thing I need. I know that Alice is working on her wedding flowers but we’ve agreed not to talk about it, for both of our sakes. I take another swig of beer as Dylan strides over.
‘You two look like you’re getting on like a house on fire,’ he says.
‘We’ve got so much in common,’ Octavia pats my hand lightly.
‘Have you now?’ Dylan’s doing a bad job at not scowling. I stand up, slightly woozy and wanting to get out of this weirdly tense atmosphere.
‘You okay mate?’ he says, just aggressive enough for only me to notice.
‘Where’s Alice?’
‘Loo,’ Dylan grabs a chair and I find myself sitting back down. ‘So, you’ve been bonding over art have you?’
‘Just talking about a mutual friend, Clara,’ Octavia says.
‘Isn’t she your ex?’ Dylan asks.
‘How did you know—’
‘Pickle told me all about it,’ Dylan replies without waiting for me to finish my sentence. ‘Sounds like it caused a lot of hurt.’ By it, he means me. I hurt Alice when she found out that my last relationship was a messy one, that’s what he’s trying to say.
‘I’m going to head to the bar,’ I announce, not wanting to dignify Dylan’s comment with a response. As I get up, he calls after me.
‘We should have a game when you get back. See who’s the winner after that, shall we?’
‘Do you know what?’ I say, turning back to face Dylan. ‘The drinks can wait.’
I pick up my pint glass and tap my index finger against it. ‘See? I’ve got a quarter of a pint left which gives me plenty of time to beat you before I get another round in.’
The smug smirk on Dylan’s face turns sour and he reaches out
for a couple of paddles.
‘I doubt that, but I admire your confidence,’ he says, pushing a paddle against my chest and stalking over to the ping pong table.
Thwack. Run. Thwack. Run. Lunge. Thwack. Run.
Beads of sweat are moving down my hairline and I’m concentrating so hard that the headache is not getting any better.
‘Nice shot,’ Dylan says as I take the point. ‘You’re not as bad as I thought.’
I take a pointed sip of beer. ‘Don’t sound so surprised.’
Thwack.
‘I thought artists were too busy brooding over landscapes to keep fit.’
‘Low blow!’ laughs Alice, watching us from the side with Octavia.
‘Yeah, that’s a sweeping generalisation, mate. You’re not bad either but then you’ve probably got the time and the money to spend every day in the gym,’ I retort.
‘I have, actually.’
Thwack.
Dylan sends the ball back over to me so fast that I miss it.
‘Why don’t we focus on the game,’ I suggest, trying to calm down.
‘Good idea. You’ve had a busy evening talking about your ex with Octavia.’
Alice’s ears prick up, confusion written across her face.
‘Really?’ She asks.
‘No, that’s not what happened at all,’ I answer, feeling the injustice of Dylan’s words so keenly that my blood boils. That self-entitled fuck is deliberately messing things up. ‘You’re the one who can’t stop talking about my past relationships. What’s that all about? Ulterior motive?’
THWACK. The game is mine.
I serve again, fast and hard.
‘What kind of ulterior motive?’ Dylan pants as he runs to make the shot.
‘Trying to put Alice off me?’
Dylan laughs. ‘Just protecting my best friend actually.’
I stop playing now. ‘What does she need protecting from?’ I ask.
‘You, mate. Dangerous.’
What the hell? I’m seriously angry now but I don’t get the chance to reply because Alice has stood up and she looks furious.
‘What is wrong with you two?’ She shouts, slamming her hand down in the middle of the ping pong table.
