The A to Z of Us

by Hannah Doyle

  ‘That treasure hunt last week? It didn’t end how I’d planned it to end,’ he says, picking up his cutlery and piercing a poached egg. Yolk runs down and into a pool around the toasted muffin.

  ‘You mean you had something else in mind?’ I ask, racking my brains as to what that might be.

  ‘Well, yeah. I didn’t mean for the key to be just an open invitation for you to come round whenever. I would love for you to come around whenever, obviously. But it was going to be more than that.’

  ‘In what way?’

  ‘I was going to ask you to move in with me, Alice.’

  My breath catches in my throat. The plate of food I’d been so looking forward to devouring is now the last thing on my mind.

  ‘You want me to move in with you?’

  ‘Yes. But then you were talking about what a big step it was to have a key to my place and I froze. I didn’t know what to do. So I hid the last envelope and just went along with it.’

  ‘I feel like an idiot. I just assumed it was a key for, like, getting into the house more easily?’ I scratch my forehead uneasily, feeling stupid for jumping to the wrong conclusions. Things had been going so well between us, too. ‘I had no idea that’s what you had planned.’

  Zach runs a hand through his dark, wild hair and gives me an awkward look.

  ‘I think that’s the problem,’ he says. ‘Will we ever want the same things?’

  I lean back in my chair, suddenly exhausted.

  ‘I want you,’ I say simply.

  ‘Is that enough, though?’

  ‘I will never be the person with the five year plan, Zach. I don’t have the kind of agenda so many other people do. I can’t tell you where we will be in the future and I hate that that hurts you, but I just can’t make any promises right now. I love you. Surely that’s all we need to know.’

  Zach breaks eye contact and looks down at his breakfast. I do the same.

  ‘I actually need to head off,’ he says.

  ‘But we haven’t finished breakfast,’ I point out, noticing how downcast he looks and feeling like I could cry.

  ‘Have some for me?’ he suggests with forced joviality as he gets up to leave.

  Zucchini

  Zach

  All that’s left to do is unpack a box of books and fix a few paintings to the freshly painted walls. It’s been a long time in the making but I’m so close to feeling like my house is now a home. I thought I’d be elated walking around here now that the renovations are finally finished. And I do, in a sense. I’m proud of how it looks and for all of the hard work I’ve put in but there’s an Alice-shaped piece of the jigsaw missing in here. I’m so annoyed with myself for bringing up the moving in thing after yoga yesterday. She didn’t need to know that I was planning to ask her to live with me and I went and told her anyway. How many times do I need to remind myself that Alice likes to move at a slow pace? How many more times will I put my foot in it? I was so frustrated with myself that I had to get out of there.

  The morning passes with all of the little jobs I’ve been putting off. Unloading the dishwasher. Sticking a load in the washing machine. Unpeeling masking tape from the skirting board in my living room. Finally, I’m ripping open the box of books and about to stack my bookshelf when the doorbell rings. I go to answer it, vaguely wondering whether it’s the toaster I ordered online arriving early. I’m pretty hungry so a slice of buttered toast wouldn’t go amiss.

  A crisp, autumnal breeze blows in through the front door and I wrap my arms around myself as I stare outside to find no one there. The only thing on my doorstep is a familiar-looking plant. I kneel down to take a closer look.

  ‘Saskia?’ I say out loud, before glancing up and down the street. What will the neighbours think if they see me talking to a plant? It does look a lot like Alice’s favourite plant but it can’t be.

  Can it?

  Then Alice steps into my vision. She’s pulled a hat down over her long, wavy hair and the fluffy pompom on top wobbles as she moves onto my doorstep.

  ‘Were you hiding?’ I ask tentatively.

  ‘Maybe,’ she says. ‘After your sharp exit yesterday I wasn’t sure if you’d want to see me again …’

  ‘I will always want to see you again.’

  ‘That’s good, because now that you’ve finished work on your house and all, I thought I’d bring you a housewarming gift.’ She points towards the plant she’s standing next to.

  ‘That’s really kind of you. Did you clone Saskia?’

  ‘That is Saskia!’

  ‘What will you do without her?’

  Alice rubs her hands together for warmth before her eyes meet mine. That instant connection I’ve felt with her all along ignites once again, like a switch being turned on.

  ‘Well wherever Saskia goes, I go. So ask me again, Zach.’

  She’s jigging about on the doorstep, trying to stay warm while a smile lights up her face.

  Ask her again? She can’t mean …?

  It’s worth a shot.

  I train my eyes on hers, nerves jangling. ‘Alice, will you move in with me?’

  She laughs. ‘YES. I would love nothing more than that, Zach.’

  In an instant I pull her into my arms, breathing her in and feeling like I might explode with happiness. She said yes.

  ‘You didn’t think I would just give you Saskia did you? We’re a package deal,’ Alice says, the pompom tickling my chin as she looks up at me. She pulls the hat off her head and stuffs it into her bag, turning to face me and we kiss right there on the doorstep of my house, which now feels exactly like the home I’d hoped it would be.

  Alice is running her fingers across every surface of our home, stopping now and then to make comments about how different things look since the last time she saw it. It reminds me of our second date at the bookshop, when I watched her flick through the pages of the books we were looking at. That same curiosity, interest, zest for life. All of the things I’ve come to love so much about her.

  ‘So this is our mantelpiece, huh?’ she says, pausing in the living room with her eyes wide.

  I nod in confirmation, still buzzing from the news that this incredible woman will be moving in with me. She moves into the kitchen.

  ‘And this is our fridge?’

  ‘Correct,’ I laugh.

  She opens it up and gives me a look. ‘I’m obviously going to need to be in charge of filling it.’

  ‘You can be in charge of whatever you’d like,’ I say.

  ‘That’s good, because there’s no way I’m living in a house where the only comestibles appear to be parmesan cheese, a ready-made pizza and a four-pack of beer.’

  I hold my hands up. ‘In my defence, I did not know you would be coming here today. If I had the fridge would be filled with your favourite things.’

  ‘You are my favourite thing,’ Alice smiles, shutting the fridge door and stepping into the middle of the kitchen. ‘The house looks really good, Zach.’

  ‘Would you like a proper tour? The bathroom’s finished and my … our bedroom is painted now, too.’

  ‘I would like a proper tour. Do you have a tour guide hat?’

  ‘I’m afraid not, ma’am,’ I say, doffing an imaginary cap instead.

  ‘Here,’ she says, pulling her bobble hat down onto my head and failing not to laugh when it barely fits. Before I have time to protest, she’s grabbed her phone, opened the camera and is ordering me to smile. Then she doubles over in a fit of laughter after examining the picture.

  ‘I’m not sure pompom hats are my thing,’ I object.

  ‘You look like a Smurf.’

  ‘Exactly.’

  ‘A really cute Smurf,’ she says, reaching her arms around my back. I circle mine around her body and we stand together for a moment, eyes locked, promise in the air.

  ‘Alice, I am very keen to give you a tour of our bedroom now.’

  ‘Is that a euphemism?’

  ‘Very much so. But I am going to insist on takin
g this hat off first.’

  She grins at me, standing on tiptoes to remove it. ‘Fine, but I should let you know that I fully intend to have that photo printed, turned into a magnet and stuck on our fridge. Just as a reminder of the time we decided to live together and when you looked like a Smurf.’ She fake-whispers the last bit and I reach for her hands, curling them behind my back again.

  ‘Something tells me that the fridge isn’t the only thing you’ll be in charge of once we’re living together,’ I say, knowing full well that Alice will breathe life into every single aspect of our home when she moves in.

  ‘How about that tour, then?’

  ‘These … are … the … stairs …’ I say, punctuating each word with a kiss as I lead her up to our bedroom and open the door. ‘This … is … the … new … door which, actually, I found in a scrap yard and reclaimed myself—’

  ‘Zach,’ she interrupts, pulling her yellow jumper over her head. ‘I don’t think now is the time for renovation chat?’

  She’s peeling off more clothes as she backs into our bedroom, until she’s standing butt naked at the foot of the bed.

  ‘Agreed,’ I say, following suit.

  I’d say 90 per cent of the day is spent in bed, punctuated only by trips to the kitchen to fetch drinks. I’m very hot, very happy and absolutely knackered by the time Alice has finished with me.

  She’s lying on her front, circling her fingers on my chest, when both of our stomachs rumble in tandem.

  ‘Shall we order in?’ I suggest.

  ‘You read my mind,’ she grins, flicking through Deliveroo. ‘I’ve worked up quite an appetite.’

  An hour later I’m trying to look like the kind of guy who knows how to handle chopsticks as we get stuck into a sushi platter, spearing maki rolls and dipping them in soy sauce.

  ‘So we should probably plan this out properly,’ says Alice, looking like she’s surprised herself by using the words ‘we’ and ‘plan’ in the same sentence. ‘Now that we’re going to live together and all.’

  ‘That sounds very sensible.’

  ‘I’ve been thinking about it. Obviously there’s my house to deal with and I want to make sure Nat feels totally comfortable with everything, too, so I’ll need to have a chat with her. But I was thinking maybe I could chat to my landlady and see if she’ll transfer the rental over to Natalie’s name? That way Nat doesn’t face any upheaval. She’s had enough of that already since things with Jake ended.’

  I nod. ‘That sounds good. As long as Nat’s happy, I can’t see that there’d be a problem in transferring the rental agreement.’

  ‘And then I’ll just have to pack.’

  ‘Gerty and I will be at your service to move everything over.’

  ‘The house came furnished so it’s not like there’s any massive stuff to move.’

  ‘And Saskia’s already here …’

  ‘Exactly! I just need to get boxes and stuff and then, I guess I could have everything packed within a week?’

  I reach out to hold her hand. ‘As soon as you’re ready.’

  The next morning, I wake up before Alice and watch her stir, stretching under the duvet in our bedroom. It still doesn’t feel quite real, like I can’t quite believe that this beautiful, brilliant woman has agreed to move in with me.

  ‘Good morning Zach,’ she murmurs. ‘Good morning Saskia.’

  The houseplant has taken up residency in the corner of my bedroom, which was one of the few things we managed to achieve yesterday other than having a lot of sex, eating sushi and coming up with a few plans. It was the perfect day.

  ‘I’ve been thinking,’ I say, kissing her good morning. ‘We should mark this momentous occasion. How about we do something to celebrate you officially moving in next weekend? We could combine it with our next alphabet date.’

  ‘Sounds really good. I’d better go and talk to Natalie,’ she says, reluctantly inching towards the shower. I grab hold of her hand and bring her back into my arms.

  ‘Could it wait a little longer?’

  Later that week, I take a break from heaving another round of boxes into the house and look at Alice. It’s Friday night and there’s still at least one more car-load to bring over before she officially moves in tomorrow.

  ‘I don’t want to be rude but I did not expect you to have so much stuff. We might actually need to find a bigger house to fit all your clothes in though I am impressed with how quickly you’ve managed to pack all this.’

  ‘I can be very efficient when I want to,’ she says. ‘And pipe down, I have a perfectly normal amount of stuff.’

  ‘You try saying that after you’ve carried boxes with things like ‘Memories’, ‘Summer Sandals’ and ‘Misc. Scarves’ written on them up two flights of stairs. How can you even fill a box with miscellaneous scarves?’

  ‘You can never have too many. You’re not regretting asking me to move in already, are you?’

  ‘Never. Are you regretting saying yes?’

  ‘Nope. Though it was a bit presumptuous of you to have A-Z stamped into the key fob when we’d only got to our X date …’

  ‘Oh really? I decided it was high time to take a chance on you.’

  ‘You’re taking a chance on me? Please. It’s definitely the other way around,’ Alice says, nudging me in the ribs.

  ‘I just asked a girl known as The Bolter to move in with me …’

  ‘How did you know about that nickname?’ She says, looking mortified.

  ‘Dylan mentioned it a while back.’

  ‘God he’s an idiot. It’s true though, they did used to call me that. I have never been in a relationship where I’ve wanted to stay before.’

  I clear my throat. ‘I’m not sure I properly apologised for what happened after yoga a couple of weeks ago.’

  ‘When you ran off after breakfast?’

  ‘I was overthinking the key misunderstanding and I let it get to me but seeing you here on my doorstep last weekend put my mind at rest, once and for all.’

  ‘Funnily enough, turning up on your doorstep did the same for me,’ she says. ‘It felt so right. How about we agree not to make any more of a habit of bolting?’ Alice suggests, wrapping her arms around me.

  ‘I am more than happy with that.’

  She pulls a photo frame out of her bag, carefully wrapped in tissue paper. I’ve seen it countless times by her bed at her house. A photo of Alice as a little girl with her mum and dad, sitting high up on a cliff, their hair whipping around their faces and their cheeks pink. Her mum is holding onto a flower crown, which Alice told me she made for her that windy day on a family holiday in Cornwall. The three of them are bunched up together on a rock, squinting into the bright sunshine, their faces creased with laughter. ‘Do you mind if I put this in your … our bedroom?’

  ‘Of course not. Are you okay?’

  ‘Just missing Mum,’ she shrugs. ‘I always get like this when something big happens. Like when I got the keys to my flower shop. I will always want to be able to share these big, brilliant moments with my mum, so they will always be tinged with sadness.’

  I scoop her up in my arms and kiss her gently on the forehead.

  ‘Do you think she’d approve of us moving in together?’ I ask after a pause.

  Alice turns to look straight at me, a smile curling at her lips. ‘Approve? She’d be beyond thrilled, Zach. She’d probably be baking us cakes and suggesting furniture options for the house. Mum always said that love was the most important thing.’

  The next morning I’m awake far earlier than usual, adrenaline coursing through my veins from the minute I blink my eyes open. Today’s the day. This is the last time I’ll be waking up in this house by myself. The last time I’ll roll over to see an empty side of the bed. The last time I’ll get first dibs on the shower, no doubt. I count down the minutes until it’s an acceptable time to drive over to Alice’s, relishing the fact that this is the last of these journeys I’ll make before she officially moves in.

 
; I pull up outside her house and Alice flings the door open, bounding over to me.

  ‘Today’s the day. Come in for coffee?’ She asks, her words tripping out even faster than usual.

  Inside, Natalie hands me a box of bubble wrapped vases with a theatrical scowl on her face, then turns to Alice. ‘You will obviously be coming back to hang out with me, like, seven nights a week, right?’

  ‘For sure. Well, maybe one?’ Alice says.

  ‘Oh I see. You spent the start of the summer encouraging me to stand on my own two feet and now you’ve had the audacity to go totally off-brand and get a boyfriend, I get left behind? This is all your fault, Zach.’

  I set the box down and hold my hands up.

  ‘You leave him out of it,’ Alice laughs. ‘And as if you’re getting left behind. You’re finally making some sensible choices.’

  ‘You’re right,’ Nat grins. ‘Boys were clouding my vision and I am so good on my own, now. As for you? Shutting love out was clouding your vision. You two are too cute together. You deserve to be completely happy.’

  ‘The funny thing is, I thought I already was. But Zach’s brought this whole other level to my life. I’m ready for this, now,’ Alice says, grabbing my hand. ‘Part of it is thanks to you, Zach, and a lot of it is how I’ve grown as a person, under my own steam. I finally feel ready to let some new stuff in and to be brave. I thought romance was the last thing I needed but with Zach in my life, it feels as essential as oxygen.’

  If I could bottle the things Alice just said, I would.

  Natalie pretends to throw up. ‘Jesus guys, I’m still here you know? How about you wait ’til you get back to your own pad before you go all Ed Sheeran on me?’

  ‘Shall we, then? Head home?’ Alice asks me.

  ‘I’d love that.’

  We pull up outside my house and I race out of the car so that I can open the door for Alice.

  ‘So chivalrous,’ she laughs.

  ‘You know what’s next?’

  ‘Don’t tell me, you’re going to insist on carrying me over the threshold.’

  ‘That’s exactly right.’

  ‘Oh hell no. It’s not the nineteen fifties any more, Zach.’