It's Never Easy: A Boudreaux Universe Novel

by Dani Rene

  “And he did it.”

  Julian nods. Silence greets us next, a third party at our dinner for two. We sit, looking at everything but each other. I feel saddened that someone with so much talent fell to the pressure and rigors of fame.

  I’ve never known anyone like that. My mother was just an average woman, trying to make ends meet with a daughter who had to grow up too soon. Even when she died, the family that adopted me was stable.

  She was a nurse, and he was a lawyer. Neither of them ever did anything like drink excessively or even stay out after nine. On their anniversary dinner nights, they’d be home even before I contemplated going to bed.

  “What about you?” Julian asks, drawing me out of the memory of the night I turned eighteen when they made me a large carrot cake with thick frosting, and the roast dinner we had as a family.

  “What about me?”

  “Your mother passed away when you were young,” Julian coaxes.

  I nod. “Yes, I was sixteen. She was my world after my father walked out on us. She never allowed me to speak of him after that. We became each other’s rock. I was there for her, and she for me. And then she died.” Even as I utter the words, my voice cracks with emotion. It’s been years, but the pain is as acute as the day it happened.

  “I’m sorry, Nea.” Julian reaches for my hand, taking it in his and holding it. He doesn’t say anything more, but I doubt there’s much to say. People are always sorry when you lose someone you love, but the apologies can’t bring them back.

  “I was lucky. I got a good foster family that took me in,” I tell him. “It’s because of them that I was able to go to Italy and complete my apprenticeship in one of the most scenic cities in the world.”

  “That’s good,” he says. “And what about coming here? Will you look for your mother’s childhood home?”

  “I’d like that. I mean, when I have time.” Realizing that Julian is still my boss, I don’t want him to think I’d be focused on that and not on my job. Because I love my job. It’s the one thing keeping me sane right now. Knowing that I won’t be struggling to pay the rent. Too many times, when I was living with Mom, we’d be having to count the dollars to make sure we had enough so we weren’t left homeless.

  “Then I’ll help you.” His words break through the memories that have taken hold of me, causing me to snap my gaze to his.

  “What?”

  “I’d like to help you, if you’d allow me to,” he says. His expression tells me he’s not lying. My chest tightens painfully, my heart thudding up into my throat, and I hear the beat in my ears. “Nea, listen, I know we’re just finding our footing, but I really would like to help you. To be there when you go to the house.”

  “I didn’t expect you to say that.” He looks so serious, I can’t help but grin. “I mean, you’re my boss—”

  “I think I’m a whole lot more than just your boss,” Julian challenges, making me laugh. “This professional relationship has perks I didn’t know about. I should’ve gotten an assistant a long time ago.”

  “Shut up.” I’m laughing, my shoulders shaking, the tension in them easing as Julian gives me that stupid smile again, and my heart does stupid things when I see it. I shouldn’t want this, I shouldn’t allow myself to believe this man is going to solve all my problems, but I like him.

  “I’m serious. Let me help you. I have contacts all over the city.” This time, I can’t deny he’s definitely not joking.

  “Okay, thank you. I’ll give you all the information she left for me.”

  Julian nods before waving his hand at the waiter to bring our bill. “Next, we’re taking a walk, and I’ll show you the nightlife around here, it’s nothing like walking around in the day. I don’t normally head out, but I think you’ll enjoy seeing how vibrant the Quarter is at night.”

  “I appreciate you taking me out. I have to say, the energy in New Orleans is nothing like any other place I’ve been to. I found that when I explored the other day.”

  “It isn’t. There’s a certain magical appeal to it, and I’m not just talking about the tarot card readers and ghost tours. I think it just is a city that’s alive, even if the people aren’t flocking in every day.” He looks so happy, so at peace when he talks about New Orleans, and I realize it’s the same way my mother used to look when she would reminisce about her childhood home.

  We pull into a parking spot, and Julian exits the car first, rounding it and opening my door. He helps me from the vehicle, and we slowly walk down the main strip of legendary Bourbon Street.

  There are tourists milling around, taking photos outside stores, squealing when they see any form of tarot readers, or mention of ghosts. The magic in the air makes me smile. There’s a certain energy that seems to hang over the streets of the French Quarter.

  Julian slides his hand in mine, his fingers tangling with my own, when he suddenly pulls me into a corridor where a young man is inviting us on a ghost tour. Julian’s questioning gaze lands on me, and I nod enthusiastically.

  We’re booked and ready. We don’t wait long and, with three other couples, we’re led down small cobbled streets with stories that send shivers down my spine. The buildings we venture between are dark, foreboding, and the feeling of being watched takes ahold of me.

  The hairs on the back of my neck stand on end when Julian leans in and whispers, “Are you afraid yet?” I look up to see him smiling, but even though I’m enjoying spending time with him, something’s been off about him since this morning. I can’t put my finger on it, so I nod, trying to push away any doubts that seem to spring up.

  “It’s definitely eerie,” I tell him in a hushed tone, causing him to chuckle. We follow along until, suddenly, I’m pulled away from the crowd and I’m pinned between Julian and the cool brick wall. “What are you doing?”

  “I’m kissing my girl,” he tells me before his mouth steals mine, and his warmth envelopes me. I know we have a long night ahead of us, since he’s asked me to stay the night.

  Even though his tongue duels with mine, he’s holding back. I can feel it. His hands grip my hips, and Julian pulls away to look at me. His gaze locks on mine and, in the dark, I notice the trepidation in his eyes. I can’t tell if it’s me, or us, but I know something’s on his mind. All I can do is hope he tells me what it is.

  I’m not a fan of secrets, especially when we’re getting to know each other so well. And deep down, I tell myself I’m imagining things. But then again, my gut has never been wrong.

  Chapter 20

  Julian

  Taking Nea to dinner with Eli and Kate has me on edge. I don’t know why. Perhaps it’s the constant nagging in the back of my mind that they may not like her, but it makes no sense. I’ve found her to be someone who seems to have people gravitate toward her. I think it’s more what’s racing through my mind that’s bothering me. I got a call this morning that I need to talk to her about, but I want to do the dinner first before I fuck this all up.

  When we arrive, I pull into the drive and kill the engine.

  “I’m nervous. I know I’ve met them before, but I just feel anxious. What if they don’t like me?” Nea wrings her hands in her lap, and I can tell she’s really worried about Eli and Kate liking her. They’re my friends, but when they see how happy she makes me, I know they’ll only love her as much as I do. Each day, I find myself falling deeper under her spell. I haven’t told her how I feel yet, but deep down, I know that this girl will tenderly hold my heart in her hands if I gave it to her.

  “They will like you, Nea. Don’t worry about it,” I tell her. Leaning in, I cup her face in my hands, pulling her closer to press my lips to hers. The softness of Nea is everything I need and crave daily. Even though I’ve only known her for a couple of weeks, this feels like so much more.

  The door slides open when I buzz the bell, and Kate smiles at us as she greets me first. “Hey Julian. It’s so good to see you.” She turns her attention to Nea and pulls her in for a hug as she says, “It’s so nice
of you to come. And we can get to know each other outside of you having to work.”

  “Thank you for having me,” Nea says, and I can tell her nerves have eased slightly because her shoulders seem to go slack. We’re led through the entrance and into the living room. “Your home is exquisite.” Nea’s gaze trails over the furnishings and architecture with a grin on her face.

  Just then, Eli saunters in, shakes my hand, and gives Nea a hug. “Good to see you both. Kate’s been prepping dinner all afternoon, so I hope you’re hungry,” he tells us.

  “Man, I could eat for three right now,” I tell him, chuckling when Kate laughs out loud. She’s known me for a while, so nothing I say is ever a shock to her anymore. When we first met, I thought she wouldn’t accept my sense of humor, but she did, and we get along so well.

  “Nea, why don’t you come and help me in the kitchen,” Kate suggests, and the two ladies head off, leaving Eli and me in the living room.

  “Drink?” Eli offers. “Beer, cider, and Kate has some wine.”

  “Beer sounds good, thanks.” He disappears for a short while and returns with two bottles, handing me one before he settles on the sofa.

  “So, you two are hitting it off?”

  “We are. I like her. She’s different, so very different from Shay. I feel happy for the first time in a long while.”

  “You look it,” Eli says, tipping his beer toward me. “So, have you told her about your past?”

  “I guess. Not too much. You know I have trouble opening up. I’m sure she’ll have seen some information online, the bare minimum that’s there.”

  “That’s not the same thing as hearing it from you,” he tells me, and I know he’s right, but it worries me. Being open and honest with someone is new to me. With Shay, she didn’t give a shit if I’d killed someone as long as I could finance her shopping sprees.

  “I know. I don’t doubt that for a second, but to talk about my past like that, I just don’t know if I can go through it. Yeah, my marriage was a sham, a stupid mistake, and I don’t want to put that on her shoulders, not yet.”

  “I get it, but with Kate, I knew honesty was the best policy, even if it was difficult to talk about. Sometimes, it’s the hardest conversations that bring about the closeness you need. I’m not saying you should tell her you love her yet or anything, but if she knows where you’re coming from, maybe it will make it easier on her to understand who you are. Also, since you said Shay’s returning to NOLA, it’s best that Nea knows before she walks through the door.”

  “You know, Eli, sometimes you make a lot of sense. Doesn’t happen often, but when you do, you sound so much older than me.” My teasing earns me a “Fuck off,” and we both chuckle. I have to think about how to broach the subject of my crazy ex-wife and her antics.

  Perhaps Nea wouldn’t even care that my ex-wife is coming here. But even as I think it, I know it’s a lie. I don’t know what Shay wants; perhaps she’s heard I’m happy and has decided to come and squeeze the last ounce of my soul from me.

  Her play was that the paperwork wasn’t real, and we’re actually still married, but I haven’t even told Eli that. He knows Shay is on her way here, but not that we’re still husband and wife. And that sets me on edge.

  “Dinner is ready,” Kate calls from the dining table, and Eli and I head over to find a spread fit for a king.

  “This looks amazing,” I tell her. It’s the truth. I can’t do much in the kitchen, so this is a treat. Nea and I have yet to really use my kitchen and enjoy a home-cooked dinner together. Perhaps we can do that once my ex-wife is out of the picture for good.

  “So, Nea says you’re painting more than usual,” Kate broaches the subject, looking at me as we tuck into our meal.

  I nod. “Yeah, I’ve enjoyed having inspiration hit. The show you saw was just the start. I’m going to hopefully have new canvasses done soon, and we can perhaps have another show.

  “It’s good to see you back,” Eli tells me, then glances at Nea. “You’re a good influence on him.”

  Nea blushes at the compliment, which only makes me smile. I love watching her cheeks turn pink. It just makes her even more beautiful. She’s a unique beauty.

  “Thank you,” she says shyly. I love how different she is. She’s confident in her work, but at times, she is the shy girl who has come to steal my heart. I don’t know if it’s love, but I know one thing is for sure. She’s someone I need and want in my life for a long time.

  “Just watch him, though. He can be an asshole at times.” Eli chuckles before popping a forkful of food into his mouth.

  “Watch it, Boudreaux. I’ll make you choke on it.” I gesture with my chin toward his plate, which has both of us laughing out loud and the girls just shaking their heads.

  The banter continues through dessert until it’s time for us to leave. I can tell both Kate and Eli like Nea, which is great. Even though I don’t spend a lot of time with them, it means a lot that they like the woman in my life.

  “That was nice,” Nea says when we’re on our way home. I’m not taking her back to her apartment; I’m taking her to the house because I want her to stay tonight. I haven’t told her why, and even though I know I should, I don’t.

  “I told you they’d like you. I don’t know why you were worried.” I cast a quick glance at her before turning my attention back on the road.

  “You were right.”

  I can’t help smiling. Today went well. And I hope this evening will be filled with orgasms and no tears. At least for her. I haven’t told Nea why I’ve been trying to stay busy today. Even though we had the dinner tonight, I had focused all my energy on getting the gallery ready for the next exhibit. And even as I did that, I was at war with myself, knowing I would have to have a conversation with her tonight. That I’m going to have to tell her about what’s about to storm into our lives.

  “Are you okay?” Nea’s question drags me from the impending darkness, and I drag my gaze toward her before I turn to look at what she’s gesturing at. My hands are twisted around the steering wheel so tightly, my knuckles are white. I didn’t even notice, but deep down, the way my stomach has twisted is evidence enough that I’m anxious.

  “Yeah, fine.” The lie slips easily from my tongue, and I inwardly admonish myself. She doesn’t need my lies. And she definitely doesn’t need me making excuses. Nea has been good to me, and even though I am still worried about bringing my darkness on her, I know I have to give her honesty. And as if she’s reading my mind, she calls me out on it.

  “I can tell when you’re lying.” I can feel her eyes burning through me, but I don’t turn to her. I can’t face her. Pulling up the driveway, I stop outside the house. Nea doesn’t ask why I brought her here, and I don’t speak. In a way, she’s giving me a reason to admit my pain, but I can’t bring myself to do it. All these years, I’ve hidden behind the articles and reviews I’ve written. Even when I had Shay, I hid in my studio.

  I shouldn’t do it to Nea. She deserves better.

  “Let’s go inside, and we can talk,” I finally say to her. She doesn’t look impressed with my suggestion, but after a moment, Nea nods, and we exit the vehicle.

  She walks ahead of me. There’s a space between us, not a physical one, but an emotional one. And it’s got me tense. What I have to tell her isn’t going to go down well, and I have a feeling that even before this has had a chance to start, it could be coming to an end.

  The moment we step inside the house, Nea makes a beeline for the sofa, curling up on the cushions but keeping her gaze trained on the window.

  I settle beside her, but she scoots up before turning to look at me. “Are you breaking up with me?”

  “What?” My brows furrow in confusion. “No. Why would I do that?”

  “You said we need to talk, Julian.” Her tone is biting, and I don’t blame her. I did say that, but when I did, I never realized how it would sound to her.

  “We do, but it’s more just me telling you about my past, about som
ething that’s happening, and I needed to speak to you, so you don’t freak out about it.”

  Her eyebrows lift toward her hairline, her eyes widen, and her mouth purses as she regards me. Jesus, I’m making a fucking mess of this.

  “Can we just talk, and I’ll explain?”

  “You’re welcome to talk as much as you like,” she mutters. “But I’d like it plain and simple. I don’t need you to tiptoe around me. I’m not some crazy woman who’s going to slash your tires if you do want me to leave.”

  “My ex-wife is coming here,” I blurt, not wanting her to carry on her tirade. She’s right. I can’t treat her with kid gloves. She’s an adult, all grown up, and I should treat her as an equal.

  “Why is she coming here?” Nea questions, setting her feet on the floor, and I have a feeling if I did break up with her, she’d make a run for it. But this is so far from what she’s thinking.

  “When I sent her the divorce papers, I believed that she signed them. Her lawyer had confirmed everything was finalized.”

  “And it’s not?”

  “Apparently, my lawyer called this morning to tell me they’d been contacted by Shay’s legal team, and they want money from me. It turns out, they doctored the paperwork.”

  “You can sue them, or take them to prison, or something.” Nea’s on her feet, pacing back and forth as she speaks, and I can’t help but admire her strength. At first, I really thought she’d run, but she hasn’t.

  Chapter 21

  Nea

  He doesn’t say a word. He watches me with those dark eyes and that handsome face that doesn’t fail to anger me. Julian had me at wit’s end on our first meeting. When I walked in here for my interview, all I wanted was to slap the grump off his face. But now, all I want to do is slap the worry off his face.