The Finding

by Nicky Charles

  “What are you doing with those?” His tone was accusatory and she automatically responded in kind.

  “What does it look like I’m doing? I’m picking them up.”

  He reached down and snatched the bottle from the floor just as she was about to get it. Reading the label, he snorted. “You’re not taking these any longer. I don’t care if it’s almost a full moon. They’re dangerous to you and your wolf.”

  “They’re my pills so you can’t tell me what to do!” She tried to grab the bottle back, but he held it out of reach.

  “They’re illegal; little better than common street drugs in my book. And I’m your Beta. I can tell you what to do and I’m doing so right now. You aren’t taking any more of these. It’s time you come to grip with the wolf inside you instead of hiding.”

  “I’m not hiding. I’m surviving in a world that doesn’t even know our kind exists.” She reached for the bottle, but he held it higher.

  “Funny, I didn’t take you for a coward.”

  “Coward?” She gaped at him. “Where do you get off calling me a coward?”

  “What else do you call it when someone is afraid of reality? Afraid of themselves?”

  “I’m not afraid of myself.” She folded her arms and stared at him belligerently.

  “That’s not what you said earlier today. And if you aren’t afraid of yourself, of the animal inside, then why do you still have these pills?”

  “I’m. Not. Afraid.” She punctuated each word by poking him in the chest, then brushed past him. “I was merely safeguarding everyone around me.” She dumped her bag on the floor and climbed into bed, drawing the covers up around her and turning her back to him.

  From the bathroom she could hear the sounds of something being dumped in the toilet and then a flushing noise. She clenched her fists and bit her lip. For all her bravado, she was terrified at the idea of facing a full moon unmedicated. Not that she’d been planning on taking the pills tonight—she knew she needed a clear head for tomorrow’s rescue of Kellen—but tomorrow night, once the excitement was all over, she’d planned on it. Now she had no choice but to stick around and hope Bryan would be able to control the animal within her. It would be too dangerous to the human population for her to be on her own.

  Bryan walked out of the bathroom. She could hear him moving about the room, material rustling, lights being flicked off. The room darkened, only the light from her bedside lamp providing illumination.

  Even though she was facing the wall, Cassie sensed Bryan coming closer, standing by her bed, staring down at her. The air fairly hummed with his presence.

  “Cassie?”

  She didn’t respond, trying to keep her breathing even. Maybe he’d think she was asleep.

  “I know you’re awake.”

  Damn! She really didn’t want to talk to him. “So?” Her voice was filled with attitude in the hopes he’d leave her alone.

  He sighed heavily then she felt the edge of the bed dip down as he sat beside her. His hand brushed the top of her head, gently stroking. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it when I said you were a coward. It’s just that the thought of you taking those pills, knowing how dangerous they are... I was concerned about you and it came out as anger. I know it’s been hard for you to survive on your own, but you can’t keep taking those pills.”

  She curled her palm over the edge of the pillow, feeling its softness. He’d been worried about her... The idea helped melt away her own anger. “I wasn’t going to take them tonight. They just fell out by accident when I was gathering up my things.” She whispered the words, for some reason feeling the need to explain herself, to redeem herself in his eyes.

  “I’m glad to hear that.” He moved his hand down the back of her head, his fingers trailing through her hair, in a soothing motion. She felt herself beginning to relax when he asked the damning question. “But what were your plans for tomorrow night?”

  Cassie bit her lip and shrugged trying to sound blasé. “That’s really none of your business.”

  “Yes, it is. According to the Finding clause, I’m responsible for you. That means not only keeping you out of trouble, but also caring for your wellbeing too.”

  Strangely enough, it hurt that the only reason he was concerned for her was because of some clause in an ancient law. Cassie felt her throat tighten and tried to hide her feelings with an airy attitude. “I’m sorry some silly little clause has left you stuck with me. After Kellen is safe, if you just close your eyes for a minute, I’ll slip away and be one less thing for you to be responsible for.”

  “You will not slip away.” He growled the words at her and took her by the shoulder, forcing her to roll over and face him. “I won’t be taking my eyes off you, so don’t even bother to try.”

  For a moment she was stunned by how close he was, her entire field of vision filled with him. The light from the bedside lamp highlighted his form, showing off his well toned body and smooth skin. She couldn’t stop the downward path of her eyes and she noted his firm abs and trim waist, the way his pyjama pants hung low on his hips, the merest hint of body hair. Cassie jerked her eyes back up to his face and concentrated on what he was saying.

  The passion in his voice startled her and she stared up at him in surprise. “Cassie, whether you like it or not, you’re part of my pack, so quit fighting it. Pack is everything to a wolf. We live for the pack, die for the pack. Every member is important, almost like a part of our own body. Pack means home, security, friends, family...” He shook her gently. “I can’t turn my back on you. You’re like a part of me now.”

  Cassie wasn’t sure what to think about that. In a way it made her feel warm and wanted, but in another way, she felt hollow inside, too. Yes, Bryan felt she was part of his pack and he would care for her just like he’d cared for any other member, but a piece of her wanted him to see her as special and unique. She frowned and searched his face looking for some sign that she meant more, all the while questioning why it mattered. God, but her thinking was messed up when it came to him!

  Bryan must have noticed her expression, but interpreted it to mean something else. “Don’t worry. You’ll be fine without those pills. I’ll help you every step of the way. You need to learn to deal with what you are and the animal inside is a part of you.” He paused, and laced their fingers together. “The full moon won’t be so bad. I’ll stay with you, help you deal with the feelings that come over you.”

  She absorbed the warmth of his palm against her own, enjoying the brush of skin on skin. A tingle raced up her arm, causing a little hitch in her breathing. It felt right to be with him; thrilling but right at the same time. Her earlier pique dissolved and she shifted on the mattress, into a more comfortable position.

  Her hip pressed against his thigh and one of his hands rested on the pillow near her head. When she inhaled his masculine scent filled her. It both excited and calmed her, making her aware of him, yet feeling safe and protected, too. A light smile ghosted over his face as he stared down at her and she responded in kind.

  Enjoying the easy atmosphere between them, she let some of her curiosity free. “What’s it like when you shift? Do you retain any of your human self or are you totally an animal during a full moon?”

  “When you’re new at it, it can be a bit hard to rein the animal in. It’s so excited to finally be free, which is why having other wolves around is helpful. They guide the new wolf, allow it to enjoy the experience while keeping it out of trouble.” His gaze seemed to wander over her features as he spoke and she wondered what he was thinking; did he find her appearance pleasing?

  Cassie licked her lips before speaking, hesitant to bring up her first transformation, yet wanting to understand. “The first time I changed—when we met in the park—I had absolutely no idea what was going on. I was shocked to find myself there.”

  “Very typical for a first timer.” He gave her a crooked smile and twirled a lock of her hair around his finger. Cassie almost hummed at the pleasant feel of his
gentle tugs.

  “But later, when we were back at the house, there were times when the wolf took over and other times when I managed to be in charge.”

  “Uh-huh. The older you get and the more you communicate with your wolf, the easier it is to maintain control. For the first few shifts, it’s almost a power struggle. Eventually though, the animal learns to trust you, to know it doesn’t have to fight to be heard, to exist, and it accepts your leadership. In time, you and your wolf will think and act almost as one, complimenting each other’s strengths. But you have to get to know each other first, just like any relationship.”

  “We talk—the wolf and I—sort of. I hear its voice in my head.” She made the confession through lowered lashes, somehow feeling embarrassed at the admission.

  “That’s a good start. I talk to my wolf all the time. I think it’s similar to how humans talk to themselves.”

  Cassie plucked at the covers with her free hand. “My...um...my wolf likes you.” She peeked up at him through her lashes wondering why she felt the need to confess that to him or if it was even her idea. Perhaps the wolf had put her up to it?

  “Really?” He smiled at her. “My wolf likes you too.”

  She gave a soft laugh. “Silly beasts.”

  “Yeah.” He tucked the lock of hair he’d been playing with behind her ear, then slowly trailed his finger tips across the side of her face. “There’s no accounting for taste.”

  Cassie closed her eyes at the feel of his hand brushing over her skin, leaning into his touch.

  “Cassie?”

  “Hmm?”

  “I like you, too.”

  “Really?” Her eyes flew open and a joyous feeling swept over her. Bryan liked her! She looked up into his eyes, unable to hold back the smile that broke out on her face. Was it just her imagination, or was he leaning closer to her?

  “Uh huh. Would you mind if I kissed you?”

  Her throat suddenly seemed to tighten and it was hard to breath. She studied his features, noting his hot, heavy lidded gaze, the way his hair fell on his forehead, the slight fullness of his lower lip. “I...I think I’d like that.”

  Slowly, oh so slowly, he leaned forward until their mouths were but a hair’s width apart. For an interminable moment he hesitated, his eyes locked with hers. Then his lashes lowered and... Her eyes drifted shut as his lips brushed over hers, the merest whisper of a contact. A sigh escaped her at the butterfly softness of the touch. It was like this was her very first kiss, erasing all previous memories. A happy feeling bloomed inside her and she curled her fingers and toes as feelings she’d never known existed flooded her.

  Softly, gently, he moved his lips over hers with utmost care. It felt so sweet, so tender, as if he were worshipping her mouth. She could easily lose herself forever in the feeling of his lips stroking hers, the light sliding motion mesmerising. When he pulled back, she had to force her eyes to open, reluctantly leaving the blissful world she’d found herself in.

  Bryan was smiling down at her. “Was that okay?”

  She nodded unable to speak for a moment. “A lot different than in the park.” As soon as the words left her mouth, she flushed wishing she hadn’t brought the incident up.

  “Mmm... That was intense.” He traced her features with his fingertip, the light touch causing her to shiver. “Our wolves seem to know each other quite well. But you and I...” He shook his head. “I think we’re just starting our journey.”

  Slowly, he eased over onto his side and pulled her close. She rested her head on his chest and bravely placed her hand on his bare skin. His stomach flinched slightly at her touch but then stilled. Exhaling slowly, she relaxed into the warmth of his embrace.

  “This is nice.” Bryan whispered the words. “Being together and not butting heads.”

  “Yeah.” She nestled her head more securely against his chest and they fell into a comfortable silence.

  After a while Bryan spoke again. “Are you worried about tomorrow?”

  “A little but I’ll be fine.” She spoke positively, ignoring the faint fluttering in her stomach.

  Bryan eased back from her. “You know if you don’t feel up to this we can—”

  “We can what? None of us came up with an alternate plan.” She looked at him questioningly and he sighed.

  “I know. It’s just that I worry about you.”

  “That’s sweet of you. I’m usually the one doing the worrying.”

  “Cassie, I’m a Beta. I’m not sweet.” He groaned and shook his head.

  She chuckled softly then lifted her head, quickly pecked him on the mouth and then made a show of licking her lips. “Sorry, you’re sweet.”

  He pressed an equally fast kiss to her lips. “But you’re sweeter.”

  Cassie rolled her eyes. “Bryan!”

  He laughed softly, then suddenly stopped, his expression sobering. Bracing a hand on each side of her, he lowered his head again, this time kissing her properly. His tongue traced the seam of her mouth then gently tugged on her lower lip with his own. She parted her lips slightly and moved them against his, marvelling at the feelings that were coming to life inside her. It was as if she were melting from the inside out.

  A low moan came from Bryan, and he pressed closer, working a hand under her shoulder while the other cupped the back of her head. He traced her lower lip with his tongue and she sighed into him, opening wider, welcoming his questing tongue as it slowly explored her mouth. His tongue stroked hers then teased her sensitive upper palate. The feeling had her pressing closer and opening wider, eager for more.

  The taste and scent of Bryan filled her and yet it wasn’t enough. She wanted to experience every inch of him and ran her hands up his arms to his shoulders. Warm, smooth skin over muscle and bone. So strong. So male. Marvelling at the feel of him, she squeezed and stroked his biceps and shoulders. It was exhilarating to be with a man this way. To touch him, to discover his body.

  Cassie slid her arms around him to explore his back. It was broad and equally strong, his muscles moving fluidly under her hands. Moving lower, she traced his ribs then slipped to his narrow waist.

  “Bryan...” She said the word on a sigh. It was so right to be with him, to have him close. Snaking her arms around his torso, she pulled him down so that he was on top of her. A shiver of excitement coursed through her as his weight settled over her. This...this feeling of a man’s body pressing down the full length of hers...

  She drew a shuddering breath, sure her heart was going to pound out of her chest, and the whole time, Bryan continued to rain kisses down on her, exploring her face, nipping her chin, tugging on her earlobe. He inched lower, dragging his teeth down the side of her neck, then biting gently on the sweet spot where her shoulders began.

  A pleasure filled moan escaped her and she drew one leg up to cradle his hips while sliding her hands up his back to bury her fingers in his hair. It was thick and silky and she bunched it in her hands, her nails lightly raking his scalp. Bryan responded, shifting on top of her, his hips flexing slightly. She could feel a firm ridge of flesh pressing against her and she shivered in response. It both excited and frightened her, doubts suddenly popping into her head. What did Bryan expect of her? Where was this going?

  Perhaps sensing the change in her, he slid over so he was beside her. He kissed her jaw, then lifted his head so he could stare into her eyes.

  “Cassie?”

  She tried to duck her head, but he caught her chin, forcing her to look at him.

  “What’s wrong?”

  “Nothing.” She shrugged and tugged to free her chin, but he was having none of it.

  “Don’t lie to me. Tell me what’s wrong.”

  Her eyes seemed trapped by his and she couldn’t break free. Nervously she licked her lips. “I...I was just wondering what you expected out of this.”

  A frown marred his brow. “Out of what?”

  “This. You and me.” She swallowed hard, taking in his red, swollen lips, the flush on his
cheek bones. “We’re in bed together and you’re obviously...” She paused unable to finish and waved vaguely towards his waist feeling herself blush.

  He gave a crooked grin. “Yeah, I’m ‘obviously’...” Leaning forward he kissed the tip of her nose. “Is that a problem?”

  “Well...” She took a deep breath. As much as she’d like this to continue, she felt she had to tell him the truth. “You see, Kellen and I—”

  Bryan stiffened, his face clouding. “You don’t have to tell me about you and Anderson. You were together for three years—”

  “But that’s just it. We shared the house for three years, but we never...” She paused, thinking of that one damning time. It wasn’t something she could hide. Bryan would find out.

  “Cassie, you can’t expect me to believe that a man could live with someone who looks like you and never make a move on you.” Bryan rolled over onto his back and stared at the ceiling. A space now separated their bodies and Cassie frowned at the loss of contact.

  “I’m not saying Kellen didn’t. He tried, but it never felt right.”

  “You never had sex with him?” Bryan turned his head to face her, a disbelieving look on his face.

  “Well... just once.” She spoke in a burst of words, feeling tears of shame pricking her eyes. “About two years ago, right around this time. It was a full moon and I was almost out of my pills, trying to make them last as long as I could. I guess I let the drug get too low in my system or something.” She shrugged and sniffed before continuing. “Anyway, I woke up one night, desperate, aching... I don’t know what came over me, but I suddenly felt I’d die if I didn’t have...er...sex with someone. Kellen was there and I basically attacked him. He even tried to stop me, to get me to think, but something was driving me. I couldn’t stop myself and then... Afterwards... I felt awful. Like I’d made a terrible mistake.”

  “Cassie...”

  Cassie could hear the doubt in his voice. “It’s true. I’m not making it up. That’s why this...” She stumbled in her explanation, but forged on, desperate to make him understand. “I’m sort of scared. I don’t really know what to do. That other time, I wasn’t in control...”