by Jessie Cooke
“Baby girl, I tell you everything you need to know, and I am honest about it.”
“Then tell me, what’s your problem with Lion?”
“I don’t have a problem with him…”
“Were you in love with his mother?” Hawk looked surprised and then Madison watched as a beautiful transformation took over his face and his eyes softened. It was the mention of Lion’s mother; it had taken ten years off his face.
“I loved Dolly,” he said. “For a time, when we were both kids, I thought I was in love with her. But she was a lot smarter than me, and she made me realize that some people are just meant to only be friends and not be in a relationship with each other. We were really good friends, and I got to share a lot of Lion’s first few years with her.” Madison watched in awe as tears began to swim in his black eyes. She’d always thought of her old man as invincible and unbreakable…but never vulnerable, as he looked at that moment. “He was a great kid, and I loved him too.”
“Loved him? You just stopped?”
“It’s complicated, Maddie. It’s not that I stopped, things between us just changed. He grew up and we didn’t spend so much time together anymore. That’s all I’m really willing to say about that. Now, I know you’re just trying to get a rise out of me with…” He looked at Lion’s shirt on her again and waved a hand as he said, “This. Job well done, but I’m okay now. Let’s go back to the ranch and get you packed…”
“Dad, why were you in a dialysis clinic?”
“Fuck me!” Hawk got to his feet and was through the back door by the time a stunned Madison got to hers and followed him. “Hey!” He yelled at Lion, who was just stepping out of a little storage building. “You fucking little snitch!”
Lion frowned at him but didn’t say anything. Hawk was practically running toward him; Lion stood his ground and just waited. “No! Dad, no!” Madison was yelling at Hawk, but he wasn’t listening, or processing what she was saying. As soon as he was close enough, he pulled his fist back and let it fly, catching Lion on the chin. Lion’s head snapped to the side and his body rocked back, but he didn’t lose his footing. When he looked at Hawk, there was fire in his eyes and his fists were clenched tightly at his side.
“Back up, old man,” he said, in a low, controlled tone.
“Fuck you, you little rat!” Hawk swung on him again. That time Lion caught his fist with his left hand. Madison’s eyes were glued to his right. She expected him to hit Hawk back, but the thought of it made her sick to her stomach. Her father may have been the toughest SOB on the planet at one time, but she didn’t believe he had any idea that he was sixty-five years old and no longer in the best shape of his life. Lion, on the other hand, couldn’t have been in any better shape. While Lion held onto his right hand, Hawk threw a left that landed against Lion’s ribs. He let out a little gasp, and then using his hold on Hawk’s fist, he pushed the old man back. Hawk lost his footing and ended up on his ass in the dirt. Lion reached up and wiped the blood off his lip with the back of his hand.
“She had a right to know,” he said.
“Fuck you!” Hawk yelled again. “It was not your fucking place to tell her.”
“No, it wasn’t, it was yours. But you didn’t, and she has her whole fucking life on hold for you. You’re lucky I didn’t tell her everything else. Maybe then, she’d know you weren’t worth worrying over.”
Madison was standing there, unsure of what to do, or whose side to take. Lion made it easy for her. Without even looking at her, he stormed back into the house and left the two of them there. As soon as he was gone, she reached her hand out to her dad. He looked like he was going to refuse to take it at first, but finally he did, and she helped him to his feet. She could feel him shaking and she didn’t know whether it was the adrenaline or the exertion. “You okay?”
Hawk kept his head down; his greasy hair lay along the sides of his face, hiding his eyes. Almost in a whisper he said, “I guess we need to talk.” Relief washed over her. She kept hearing people make reference to the terrible thing or things he supposedly did, but she couldn’t imagine him doing anything that would make her stop loving him. She was mad at him for attacking Lion and acting like she was a twelve-year-old that he’d taken advantage of…but her love didn’t waver, and she didn’t believe it would. But knowing for sure would put her mind at ease…and then maybe they could all move on.
13
Madison and Hawk sat at a table in a little diner in the city an hour later. Madison had gone back in to get her clothes and she’d said goodbye, and that she was sorry, to Lion. He’d only grunted at her. She didn’t know what if anything would ever happen between them, but taking care of things with her father was most important. The waitress brought them both coffee and once that was done Hawk said:
“First things first…I’m not sick. I had business with a guy who does dialysis three days a week and the day that little rat…” He frowned, almost like he felt bad for calling Lion names and then he said, “The day Lion was following me, I was meeting with him, that was all that was about.”
“You haven’t looked well, Dad…and you only have one kidney…”
“I always look like shit,” he said with a grin. “It’s my trademark.” Maddie made a face at him and he said, “The only good part of me, Maddie, is you. Anything good I had to give, I gave to you, and I’d do it over again in a heartbeat. You are the only good thing I ever did in my life, literally, the only good thing.”
“I don’t believe that’s true. Mom loved you before you gave her me…or gave me a kidney…and I know my mother, everything about her. She’s got a good heart, but she’s not a naive woman. You couldn’t have fooled her into loving you.”
“Maybe she raised her standards later on,” he said with a chuckle. Then seriously he added, “Maybe that’s why I left both of you in Las Vegas, so you never got to see the real me.”
Madison still wasn’t buying it. She didn’t doubt he’d done some things in his life, thanks to his lifestyle, that she’d never want to know. But she also didn’t doubt that he had a good heart. He couldn’t have pretended that well, for so many years. “Then tell me, Dad. Who is this man you say I never got to see? Why do people whisper behind your back, and shut up as soon as I come into the room?”
“You ever wonder what happened to that piece of shit Eugene?”
Madison shuddered. She’d had many sleepless nights, and nightmares after having a knife held to her throat and almost being raped and killed by the man. She felt a little guilty, but the truth be told, she honestly didn’t care what had happened to him. All she knew was that he’d disappeared once they got to the ranch, and she secretly hoped he was dead. “No,” she said, “I honestly don’t care. I don’t care if you killed him, or Dax did…or Lion. I’m sorry if that sounds bad, but the only way I can sleep at night is if I imagine he’s dead.”
Hawk smiled at her softly and said, “You don’t have to imagine it, baby. He’s dead. So, okay, that was a bad example,” he said with a chuckle. He was doing his best suddenly to make her not want to be around him and it was only making her suspicious. “I don’t know if you remember back when you were about thirteen, I went almost nine months without seeing you?”
“Of course I remember. I was crushed. It was the longest we ever went without seeing each other.”
He nodded. “I hated it too. But I was trying to protect you and your mother from some really bad guys that were really pissed off at me. There were a lot of good guys pissed at me too…and I deserved all of their hate and anger, but you and your mother didn’t. I didn’t have a club, and no backup, so it was best to stay away until I did.”
Madison frowned. “What do you mean you didn’t have a club? I’ve heard people mention you ‘coming back’ or ‘Dax taking you back,’ but you never said anything to me, or Mom, about not being a Skull.”
He nodded. “I know. I thought it was better just to let you both think things were rolling along, same as usual. The thing is, I wa
s part of another club, for a long time. It was called the Sinners, and I ultimately founded and became president of a new chapter. I breathed new life into it, for a while.” He sighed. “It was a lot different than the Skulls. The Skulls and the ranch, I was always proud of us. Doc went above and beyond, turning this club around, and it was something to be proud of. But I guess I never really left the old life behind, and that’s where I made a wrong turn. I did something that caused a man to lose his life. He was a bad man…a piece of shit, actually. But because of this deal I set up, behind Doc’s back, two of my brothers were sentenced to life in prison, and the future of the Southside Skulls was put at risk. Doc was hurt, understandably; I was his friend. If I hadn’t been, I would have been dead. A lot of men had a problem with the fact that I wasn’t, and Doc lost a lot of respect. Me, I lost everything…but the difference was that I deserved it and he didn’t.” Madison started to say something but stopped when she realized his dark eyes were filled with tears. He went on to say, “I didn’t get to go to his funeral. I never got to say goodbye. When Dax took over the club, one of his main objectives was to make me pay for what I’d done to his father. He said that Doc died of a broken heart because of me. I hate to admit this, but there was a point when I went out of my way after Doc died, trying to start a war between the Sinners and the Skulls.”
“But he took you back—why?” Madison’s head was spinning. Knowing the club…and her father…had the potential for violence, and hearing about it first-hand weren’t the same things.
“That part doesn’t matter, baby girl. Let’s just say that Dax was a lot more forgiving than most.”
Madison would like to hear that story, but for now she was just grateful he was finally opening up to her so she said, “Okay, well, that does sound bad, and I guess I can understand the rest of the club being pissed at you…but it doesn’t change how I feel about you. People make mistakes, but it doesn’t change who you are…who you have always been to me.”
He looked almost disappointed, like he had been hoping it would change how she felt. That confused her, but then he went on to say, “I’m not quite finished. I told you about Lion’s mother, and how I felt about her. But what I didn’t tell you was that I stood four feet away, and watched his father kill his mother.”
He was quiet for a really long time. Finally, unable to stand the silence, Madison said, “Why…why wouldn’t you try and stop him?”
“I was afraid of making things worse for Dolly if I did…mostly, I just froze up, I panicked. Doc shot the bastard, but it was too late for Dolly; he had snapped her neck.” Madison winced. Poor Lion…his own father took his mother away. “Somehow after about a year, I got lucky enough to be allowed back into Lion’s life thanks to the relationship I had with his grandmother. For the next ten years, he was a huge part of my life, and me his. Then when the stuff between Doc and me happened, and I told him I had to go away, he was broken. I didn’t realize how much until quite some time later when I found out what happened that evening right after I said goodbye. The house burned to the ground, and his grandmother died from smoke inhalation. Lion found her, and the house was still burning when he got there. It was a senseless tragedy that a sixteen-year-old boy should have never had to deal with alone. Even worse, the firefighters said it was arson, and for a while they looked at Lion for doing it. If not for him stopping at the ranch and Doc vouching that he was there when the fire was supposedly started, he might be in prison for it.”
Madison frowned. “You don’t think he started it?”
“No. Absolutely not. There was no one on this earth Lion loved as much as Kate, his grandmother. That boy would have died protecting her. But they never found out who did it, and he’s never gotten over it. Maddie, I still care about that boy, but he’s not right and you can’t save him.”
“So, you left him alone, at sixteen. You knew what you did could potentially end the way it did, and you did it anyways, knowing Doc would be…what did you say Dax said, ‘heartbroken,’ and Lion would be alone? And now you want me to leave him alone because he’s ‘not right’? Do I have that all straight?”
He didn’t flinch. He looked her dead in the eyes and said, “Yes. Now, Maddie, will you please go home?”
Madison left with Hawk that day and it had been a week since Lion had seen her. His heart leaped when he saw the van drive up; it was one of the ones the prospects on the ranch used to run errands, but Madison was driving it…and she was alone. He felt his body come alive as she walked toward the house, and he actually had a smile on his face, right up until she told him she was abandoning him…the way everyone else that he’d ever cared about had. He wasn’t even angry with her. He was angry with himself, for breaking his own rules and letting her in. “I’m going back to Phoenix.”
“Good,” he said. Madison looked hurt. What the fuck did she expect him to do? Beg her to stay?
“Dad told me his story, and he continues to insist he’s not sick. I feel like I’m wasting my time here and I need to just get on with my life.”
“Okay.”
She sighed, obviously frustrated with him. He felt like she had a lot of damned nerve, being pissed off with him when she was the one leaving. If she needed someone to chase her, she’d come to the wrong place. “Lion, he also told me your story and I just wanted to say how sorry I am. I can’t believe he just left you like that…” Lion snorted and Madison stopped talking and frowned. “You have something to say?”
“Nope.”
“Sounded like it.”
“I’ve got nothing to say, but I also don’t have time to stand here and listen to you talk out of your ass the same way your old man does. So, you’ve told me you were going, now just go.”
“Excuse me? Talk out of my ass? What the hell are you talking about?”
Lion was going to walk away. He told himself to walk away…but his feet wouldn’t move and his mouth was already open. “You stand there and talk about how sorry you are that he left me alone, and look at you…jumping at the first opportunity to leave.”
She looked genuinely confused. “You’ve been telling me to leave all along.”
That was before. Before he’d spent the night holding her in his arms. Before he’d let her into places he’d never let anyone into. “You’re right,” he said. “Have a safe trip.” He turned around then to go inside and felt her hand on his arm. It was so damned hard…hating the thrill that her touch sent racing through him.
“Wait a second.”
“No,” he said, pulling out of her grasp. “We’re done.”
“Lion, you told me you didn’t want anything more than sex. You told me over and over again to go away and leave you alone. I thought this was what you wanted. I thought that me being on the other side of the country would make you happy.” He was still facing away from her. He closed his eyes and wished the fuck he was a normal person and he knew what to say. Asking her to stay would probably be the biggest mistake he’d ever made in his life, but letting her go felt like it was killing him. He hadn’t even realized just how much he cared for her until that moment. He’d never had those feelings about a woman before. He knew she was different way before the first time he slept with her, and he should have walked away before he knew just how good she felt in his arms. He felt his body shudder and Madison said, “Lion…do you want me to stay?”
“No,” he said, opening his eyes but still facing away from her.
“Lion, look at me.” When he didn’t turn around, Madison stepped around in front of him and forced him to look at her. “Do you want me to stay?” she asked again.
“No.”
“Lion…”
“Take care, Madison.” He walked inside and closed the door and leaned against it. His heart felt like it was breaking…but it had been broken so many times before that he was used to it. He’d live…sort of.
14
One Month Later
Lion heard the phone ringing, but he was dreaming so he thought it was part o
f the dream at first. When it stopped he rolled over and got comfortable, and then it started again. “Fuck!” He realized then that he wasn’t dreaming, and the only person who ever called that phone was Dax. Stumbling out of bed in the dark he tripped over a pile of books before finding the phone, plugged into the charger in the wall. “Hey, Dax, sorry!”
“It’s okay. I figured you were sleeping. It’s early, or late, however you want to look at it.”
“What’s up?”
“How do you feel about Texas?”
Lion chuckled and said, “I like it, from a distance.”
Dax laughed too. “Can you be in Bandera, Texas by Friday?”
“Um…” Lion wiped hair and sleep out of his eyes. “What day is it?”
Dax chuckled. “Tuesday.”
“Yeah, I can do that.”
“I have another question…” Dax was the most direct man Lion had ever known, not counting Dax’s father Doc. For him to hesitate, it was a heavy one. When the pause went on Lion said:
“What is it, Dax?”
“Can Hawk go with you?” Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Three days and nights there, however the fuck long the job would take, and three fucking days and nights home. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. “Lion, did I lose you?”
“No, I’m here. Yeah, of course if you need him to go with me, that’s fine. What’s the job?”
“Randall Covey, the president of the Headhunters, needs some help. He’s moving some stuff from a warehouse out there in Bandera to another place in Brownsville near the border.” Lion knew “stuff” meant guns or drugs…or something otherwise illegal. That bothered him less than the idea of a week with Hawk. He wanted to ask Dax why Hawk had to go…but he would never do that either. Dax didn’t call on him often, but when he did, he was paid well and always well taken care of. He’d never question Dax’s judgment.
