From Mourning to Joy

by Marlene Bierworth

  “Guess I asked for it.” He positioned a log and began to peel the bark.

  “It all boils down to the fact that I’m becoming too dependent on you. I have no intentions of stopping you when the lure of the trail beckons you in the spring. I’ll not stop a man from following his dream.”

  “What makes you think wandering is my dream?”

  “It’s what you do,” she said matter-of-factly. “Suppose some men feel trapped by roots. Davey repeats the stories you tell him about your adventures all over the countryside and its obvious you’re happy with the life.”

  “I ride wherever the road takes me, stopping to raise enough money to move on. I reckon a young lad might think that an adventurous life.”

  “And what do you call it, Bernie?”

  “Until I stopped in Belle, I might have called it my lot in life. I left home at fifteen and now I kick myself for not killing the man who ruined my mother’s life. But she was too far gone. Convinced herself she loved him and encouraged me to leave and find my path.”

  “Was the man your father?”

  “Nope. That one got killed rustling cattle.” He cast a glance toward Janelle. “Come from bad seed. You should be glad to be rid of me in the spring.”

  “I’m more interested in hearing your dream – one other than wandering around like a gypsy with no ties anywhere.”

  Bernie bypassed the yearning in his heart, convinced her widowed soul was not yet ready to love another man. He’d arrived too soon. He took the easy way out. “Figured I’d recognize the dream when the time comes.”

  Janelle’s shoulders stiffened and she fought to remain in control. “Well, I just wanted you to know that I am a survivor, and you don’t need to feel obliged to me or Davey. It pains me to see you under such stress on my account.”

  Bernie pivoted to stare at Janelle. “When I see your stubbornness, I remember my mother, and the whole mess muddles my brain. Ma didn’t want my help and it appears neither do you. So, I won’t be sticking around to watch the likes of Sam Spalding subdue your free spirit and mold you into yet another defeated woman.” He turned away. “Suppose I’ve made a career of drifting now, so I’ll honor our agreement and be out of your hair come spring.”

  Silence followed. All he wanted to hear was the slightest hope that she wanted him to stay for more than just the work he could offer. But no words disturbed the frigid air, He grabbed the peeler and dug a deep gash into the chunk of cedar. Before long Bernie heard the swish of her dress as she moved back through the woods toward the house.

  Chapter 8

  A week passed and Janelle and Bernie remained polite to one another but heaviness hung around his neck like a ball and chain. After downing a breakfast of pork sausages, fried potatoes, grits and gravy, Bernie threw on his coat and boots and went outside without a word. Davey raced out of the house close behind and was out of breath when he caught up.

  “Today’s Ma’s birthday. Mr. Stewart wanted me to tell ya that your order came in. Him and the Mrs. are coming out this afternoon with a cake to help us celebrate. I’m itching to sing happy birthday, but I want Ma to think I forgot so she’ll be really surprised when we all come in later.”

  With all the ruckus of late, Bernie had forgotten about her birthday. He ruffled the top of the boy’s head. “You have a good time.”

  “You gotta come, Mr. B. You bought her the dress material and I wrapped it all pretty with a bow.”

  “Sign it from you, Davey. I know you love to make your mother happy.”

  “But I want you to be there! You and Ma are acting like strangers when you were the one who saved our lives. I don’t want you to be a stranger.”

  “Don’t let big people problems get you down, boy.”

  Tears erupted from the youngster as he spit out the final words before racing back to the cabin. “I want you to love us, Mr. B, just like I love you.”

  And there it was – his mother’s worst nightmare. He’d hurt the boy when he pulled out. Janelle had been wise to guard against the bonding. But the boy was so easy to love and Bernie did have strong feeling for the lad, as strong as if he were his own flesh and blood.

  He sighed as he studied the project that he’d been working long hours to complete. The occupants were arriving today so this morning took on a new urgency. Two good laying hens to start and four meat chickens that hopefully would get bored and give them a batch of chicks in the spring. Inside the hen house he placed two rectangle shelves along each side with smaller slanted rails up the wall for the hens to roost on. On a lower second shelf he stretched a welcoming layer of straw for them to nestle in and lay those delicious eggs his mouth craved. A shorter door was cut into the bigger door that allowed the birds to enter and exit at will. This provided freedom to roam at will during the daytime hours in the summer but could be slid closed at night to keep wild animals from sneaking in to steal a free meal. Eventually, they’d have their own fenced in yard, once the spring rains softened the earth so he could dig. Spring – he’d have to complete that job before pulling out.

  In the second freestanding building a short distance from the barn was the new hog pen. He couldn’t wait to move the noisy pair over once the ground thawed and he could hammer those cedar posts in the ground to make a yard for them to parade around in. To his way of thinking, the critters had attitude. He endured their cantankerous ways for the sole joy of seeing them fried up on his dinner plate someday.

  Upon hearing the boy’s heartfelt remark and seeing his solemn face at lunch, Bernie knew he couldn’t disappoint the lad. He winked at him on the way out of the kitchen and headed for the barn to clean up. Davey was on his heels.

  “Did ya decide to come?” his feet danced on the floor as he watched Bernie change into clean clothes.

  “Why else would I be dressing up in the middle of the day?”

  “Ma doesn’t suspect a thing. She thinks I’m moping around because I don’t hang out with you so much lately. And that would be the honest to goodness truth. I sure miss all those stories, and holding the wood in place so you can hammer.”

  “I never told you to stay away. Thought you were busy with lessons now that you’re back in school.” He smiled at the boy. “How’s your Ma’s job going? She doesn’t talk about it much.”

  “Think she’d rather be in her own kitchen but she smiles when she puts her wages in the cup at night and says the coins make the sacrifice all worthwhile.”

  “Do you reckon she’ll like the new tenants moving into the out buildings today?”

  “There’s new folks moving in?” asked Davey, all wide-eyed and interested.

  “You said the storekeeper was bringing my order, right?”

  “Yes sir. What did you order?”

  Bernie took Davey’s hand and they toured the new buildings and explained their purpose. The lad’s silence scared him until at last he uttered, “Ma will sure think she done died and gone to Heaven. You plumb made her dream come true, Mr. B.”

  “Glad to hear that. She’s had it rough with your Pappy gone and deserves a dose of happiness.”

  Davey looked up at Bernie his eyes glazed over. “Ma says you’ll be leaving and I ain’t supposed to cry, but I hear her sobbing low into her pillow at night. And I’m pretty sure she ain’t missing Pappy. She says when she thinks of him now, he leaves happy tracks in her heart and all the sadness is gone.”

  “You think your Ma wants me to stay? Is that what you’re saying?”

  “I know it. She admitted it once and when I asked her why we couldn’t ask you to stay she said something about a man’s dreams.” He scrunched his face. “You dreaming of another family, Mr. B?”

  Bernie lifted the boy and swung him high in the air. “Nope. Only one Davey lives in my heart.”

  The boy squealed and laid his head back as Bernie twirled him round and round. When dizziness overtook him, he set Davey back on his feet.

  Davey staggered and grinned. “So, will ya think about staying on? It’s almost
the middle of February and a month away from what the calendar calls spring.”

  “I promise to think on it.”

  The boys heard the horses pulling the Stewart sleigh up the laneway. “Looks like company has arrived. You go help Livvy into the house and send Henry to the barn with the wired cages.” Within twenty minutes the cages lay in wait for the big reveal and the Stewart horses were grazing on fresh hay and tucked inside the barn for the afternoon.

  “How are things going out here at the farm?” asked Henry.

  “Haven’t seen hide nor hair of that Sam character, if that’s what you’re referring to.”

  “Glad to hear that, but actually I meant between you and Janelle. Has the woman mellowed any yet?”

  “She is who she is, Henry. Not my place to change her even if I wanted to.”

  “Wanted to tell you about the Sweetheart Dance at the Paradise Hotel in town. Might be a good place to invite the lady. Women always love that kind of thing.”

  “Dancing? Been a while since I attended such an event.”

  “Well, most likely Janelle ain’t been to one since she left the big city last year, so she should be ready to kick up her heels by now and won’t mind you stepping on her toes some.”

  “Davey will support me inviting his Ma. He’s trying his best to get us together.”

  “Then, bring him along. The Pettigrew sisters are setting up the schoolhouse for the young’uns. They intend to play while lovers dance the night away. Bring a blanket and pillow, because I’m told the lantern will go out long before the dance ends.”

  “That’ll make the asking easier. Janelle bases most decisions on her boy and watches him like a mother hen.”

  “As she should. Boys can be a handful.” Henry slapped Bernie on the back. “You ready to sing happy birthday and watch the woman blow out her candle?”

  “I am.”

  Inside the house the women sipped tea at the table. When Henry and Bernie entered, Janelle bounced to her feet. “Tea gentlemen?”

  “I’ll have some with my cake,” said Henry as he pushed the round mound of chocolate cake toward Janelle.

  Livvy quickly set the candle in place and lit it. “Are you ready to sing Happy Birthday, Davey?”

  Davey began the melody off-tune but soon everyone joined in and the final line became recognizable despite the mish-mash of voices. When the song ended, she bent over the cake, closed her eyes and cast her wish to the wind. The flame on the candle blew out.

  When her head raised it was beet red with excitement. Only Davey could match her enthusiasm. He wrapped his arm around her waist and squeezed. Lifting his eyes upward a mischievous grin covered his face. “Bet you thought I forgot your birthday?”

  “It crossed my mind, but you were so down in the mouth I felt guilty to remind you of the good news.”

  “I was, at first; ‘til Mr. B. agreed to come. Now you’re surrounded by all those that love ya, Ma.”

  Her face reddened a deeper shade as she peeked at Bernie with a sideways glance. “Children,” she muttered. Wiping runaway tears, she pushed Davey toward the counter. “We need plates to serve up this feast to our company.”

  The boy raced to the cupboard and carefully carried back five of her finest dessert dishes. “This is a good time to use the best china, right Ma?”

  “Perfect time.” Janelle sliced big pieces onto the plates while Livvy poured four cups of tea and one tall cold glass of milk.

  “What did you wish for, Ma?”

  “If I told it wouldn’t come true,” Janelle said.

  With streaks of chocolate plastered on his face, Davey could not sit still a moment longer. “We got presents, Ma.”

  “You do?” she said in a surprised tone.

  “What kind of birthday party doesn’t include presents? Of course, we do,” said Henry.

  He pushed his forward. This is from Livvy and me. You can wear it to church or shopping.”

  Livvy slapped him. “You don’t tell a woman what to do with her present.”

  Janelle unwrapped the parcel and inside the box perched a new hat. “Oh, my, it’s beautiful.”

  “And the colors go with your honey gold hair and everything that promises spring,” said Livvy.

  “Thank you, so much. You’ve already done so much for my family. You are indeed good friends.”

  Davey raced to his room and came out carrying the package. “This is from me and Mr. B.” He stood hanging over her shoulder while she pulled the ribbon free of the wrapping. If Bernie never lived to see happiness again, he saw it today in the Janelle’s face. Her expression of joy was full payment for every hard-earned coin he’d spent.

  “Material – you were watching to see my favorite and here it is. Complete with delicate lace and pearl buttons. Livvy, the color in the pattern matches the hat perfectly.”

  “Put it all together last time you were in town.”

  “That boy of yours is persistent. Mighty fine whistle he brought in,” said Henry.

  “But,” she looked at Davey and knew his whistle would not fetch the price of this outfit. She bit her lip and looked toward the man seated at the head of her table. “Bernie – it’s too much.”

  “Not nearly enough. Pretty girl like you should have a wardrobe full of dresses.”

  “Thank you, both.” Janelle stood to hug Davey and he ate it up like a hungry puppy.

  “What about Mr. B, Ma? He paid for most of it. Don’t he get a hug?”

  Shyly Janelle moved to the far end of the table. “Once again, I find myself at a loss to understand your kindness. Thank you, Bernie.” She moved in close and welcomed the touch of his arms around her.

  Bernie embraced her, wondering if she felt the depth of intimacy it held. He held her to arm’s length and seized the opportunity to ask her out.

  “Fixings for a new dress comes in the nick of time. Hear there’s an event planned at that splashy hotel next Saturday night. Do you think that’ll give you enough time to get it sewn? I’d be mighty proud to see you wear it when I escort you to the sweetheart dance.”

  “The sweetheart dance, you say?”

  “It is February – that’s what they call it,” Bernie said thinking he had to explain the romance part of it away.

  “Can we go, Ma?” Davey said jumping up and down. ‘There’s going to be a playtime at the schoolhouse and half a sleepover, leastways ‘til you come and fetch me.”

  “I see you’ve been planning a lot behind my back,” said Janelle.

  “Secrets are fun when they light up your face like Christmas,” said Bernie his gaze intense and searching. “What do you say, Janelle? You’d make both Davey and me happy men.”

  “You have yourself a dance partner, Mr. Drysdale,” she grinned mischievously.

  “About the dancing part,” he said nervously.

  She laughed. “Just what I figured. Davey is an expert and can teach you the steps.”

  “Or you could teach me,” said Bernie. “Music might drown out the pig-grunts and you’ll definitely provide a better aroma.”

  Henry cleared his voice. “Which leads us to your final present, Janelle. You ladies need to dress warm and meet us in the barn, pronto.”

  “Another present. How can I stand it?”

  Bernie leaned in and whispered in her ear. “Dreams do come true, Janelle. And it’s my privilege to be a part of yours. Happy Birthday.”

  He turned and the three boys changed into their outside gear and left the house. Janelle turned to face her guest. “Now what do you suppose those fellas are up to?”

  “Reckon we’ll never know without braving the cold and the stink of those horrid pigs. Did your husband have a fetish with the creatures? Dragging them all the way across the country. They’d be last on my wish list for the farm, although I am partial to ham.”

  “Knowing we were leaving to farm in the West, my father gave them as a parting gift. He disapproved of the move and showed his displeasure by tying big red bows around the animal�
�s necks and marching them through the reception hall for all the guests to see. He strutted in victory when the chaos created a mockery of our whole adventure west. I was appalled but Jacob held his chin high and took the lead lines and led them out of the room. I used the time to give my father a piece of my mind – all hush-hush, of course. He could embarrass us but it was not my place to call him out in front of his friends.”

  “Oh, my, that must have been quite the going-away party,” said Livvy.

  Janelle laughed. “But it made me love my husband all the more for showing his support. I misinterpreted it as him finally loving the dream of farming in the frontier. But he was just being Jacob. A wonderful, supportive man.”

  “Do you still miss him?”

  “Forever. You just can’t erase a spouse from your past, especially when you see him shining through your son every day.”

  “I suppose you’re right.”

  “At any rate, we could not leave the beasts behind, so we dragged them West with us. Our symbol of leaving the past behind and starting anew.”

  “They’re overweight and disgusting creatures. I’m sure I would have been among your guests gasping in horror.”

  “Maybe so, but when Bernie is done, they’ll be headed for new lodging – far from the milk supply.” Janelle slipped on her boots. “But I’m hoping, part of Madam Piggy’s size is because she’s pregnant. The way Bernie and Davey gobble up bacon we’ll need to house generations of them just to keep up the meat supply.”

  A few minutes later they stood ready to go. “I’m so excited. Whatever could be in the barn? I’ve been so busy I haven’t been out in over a week. And Bernie works so hard. Maybe the buildings are finished and the pigs are moving out.”

  “Well, let’s stop guessing and get trekking,” said Livvy as she led the way outside.

  Wyoming was experiencing a sudden temperate change and the sun felt warm on Janelle’s cheeks. Water trickled from under the snowdrifts and she welcomed the lowering of the white mounds in her yard. She realized this was just a teaser. But the real spring thaw was just around the corner. That fact should have made her leap with joy, but it didn’t; for it also marked the time of Bernie’s leaving.