Chopped

by Charles, Colleen

  Snap.

  “Gray?”

  My sister’s voice floats over the radio on our private channel. I stalk over to the receiver and pick it up, holding down the button. “Yeah, I’m here, Jules.”

  She lets out a slow whistle. “Thank goodness. I heard bad things about the storm and the state of the roads. You know how I worry about you out there all alone without a vehicle. Or a reliable method of communication.”

  I scrub a hand down my beard. “We’re communicating right now, aren’t we?” The last thing I want right now is to get into it with another woman. I don’t recognize or accept the emotions lingering from Dove’s leaving.

  Another round of static tickles my ears. I sink down into my favorite chair, holding the receiver in my hand.

  “Is there anything else I should know?”

  She enunciates every syllable. Shit. Someone with a big mouth spilled the beans about Dove being stranded out here.

  “She just left.”

  “Who was she and why the hell was she out in the forest alone on private property? Your place isn’t exactly a well-known or well-traveled hiking trail. Only an idiot would wander into the dense woods when a storm’s in the forecast.”

  I cross my leg at the knee. “She’s a scientist. She was collecting samples of a rare aspen and apparently, my forest is the best place to find one.”

  Julie’s chuckle mingles with the static on the channel. “A scientist? You mean like Marie Curie?”

  That woman’s visage floats across my brain and I shake it away.

  No, more like womanly perfection. Just with a really big brain.

  But I don’t say it. I don’t correct her. Until I do.

  A sigh escapes my lips. “Sis, I have a problem.”

  A pause. “Of course, you have a problem. You’re a smart, funny, good-looking guy who’s holed himself up in the middle of nowhere, so he doesn’t have to face the ghosts of his past.”

  “Not that kind of problem. A Marie Curie problem.”

  Another pause. This time longer and filled with questions. “Did she steal from you or something? I mean, really, Gray, if the old lady only wanted a leaf what’s the problem with that. You’ve got millions. I think you can spare some. Come winter, they’re all going to fall and rot on the ground anyway.”

  “Um… Marie Curie looks more like Kim Kardashian West.”

  “Oh… I guess I’m most surprised that you even know who that is.”

  “There’s a picture of her on the wall at Tankard’s. Dean Wilson kisses it between shots at dart. Says she’s the only way he can get a bullseye. She’s a goddess.”

  “Gray Parker. Do you have a crush on the leaf lady?”

  How much to conceal and how much to reveal? I go with a version of the truth. “I might have fallen for her just a tad. But it doesn’t matter… does it?”

  “I guess that depends on how hard you fell. Did you fall like a birch or an oak?”

  My lips tug upward at the corners. She knows me pretty well. Better than most. I miss our childhood when she used to be my partner in crime for toad hunting and mud digging and tree climbing. Without my sis, I never would have indulged in my passion for trees and forests. I’d always dreamt of becoming a forest ranger or a park ranger. Spending all my days outdoors is my kind of paradise. But when I lost my scholarship, I lost everything. My parents barely scraped by and with a two-parent household, I couldn’t qualify for any loans or grants.

  And then they’d died.

  Keeping my life simple keeps my head above water so I never have to feel the pangs of hunger or of going without basics again. It keeps the wolves of pain at bay.

  “More like an evergreen. I fell hard but my soft needles cushioned the impact.”

  “I see.” As she collects her thoughts, I stare out the window and watch the orange ball of sun dip below the horizon. A woodpecker destroys one of my trees in the distance and Hank barks at it through the screen door. “The way I see it, Gray, there’s only one thing you can do in this type of situation.”

  “Oh, what’s that?”

  “Go after her. Find out if it was real.”

  I scoff and narrow my eyes. “I can’t just go after her. She’s about to get her doctorate in botany in the city. Talk about outpunting my coverage. Like a woman with a genius-level IQ would ever settle for some redneck like me. Try again, Jules.”

  “Don’t you ever talk like that about my favorite brother again! You’re just as smart and talented as most people I know. Look at what you do all by yourself? You built a motherfucking house, Gray! With your bare hands. You craft art from antlers. You collect fresh honey from your own bees and create tea blends from your own herbs. You chop wood and sell it to logging companies. You built a logging road through a dense forest. There’s nothing you can’t do or be. Whatever you set your mind to, it’s yours. So if you want to go after this leaf hunter, I say go after her.”

  Something tugs at my heartstrings, refusing to be swept away. Something a lot like hope. A fist forms in my stomach, twisting at the thought and sending a chill of anticipation through me. What would a life with Dove even look like? Could it work? Could we both compromise enough to come together in a way that worked for us both?

  I open my mouth, willing the words to come. The possibility of a future is like Pandora’s Box, and if I flip the lid, failure might explode in my face. I close my eyes, hating the words and the knowledge that comes with them. “I’ll think about it.”

  “Don’t think… do. Nothing ever got done by sitting around and waiting for something to happen. You’ve got to take the bull by the horns, little brother. You deserve a woman who loves you, who looks at you like you hung the moon. And kids. A whole cabin full of little lumberjacks with your blue eyes.”

  I picture Dove standing on the front porch, holding the hand of a little boy in red flannel with her raven hair and my blue eyes. Shaking my head, I find the image refuses to relinquish its hold on my heart. Then I think of slipping inside her wet pussy bareback and filling her with my swimmers until she’s barefoot and pregnant for the next ten years.

  “Well, you’ve given me something to think about, that’s for sure. I’d like to tell you that you helped me work through this, but you’ve just made things even muddier.”

  “Remember that new program I told you about? The one at the College of Northern Minnesota that’s open only to students with an affinity for the land and a financial need. You could apply, you know. You could fulfill your dream of graduating with a degree in forestry management. They consider that one of the sciences.”

  Sciences. Christ. I would be a scientist just like Dove. Would that be enough? The suggestion gnaws away at me, laying me bare to its logic. A long moment passes, each of us lost in our own flurry of thoughts.

  “Wow, I kind of forgot about it when you mentioned it the first time. I guess I didn’t have any reason to ever leave the safety of my forest.”

  “Is she worth it, Gray? Is she worth taking a risk?”

  Dove’s visage colors my vision. The way she tugs at her glasses. The way her smart mouth calls me out on my shit. The way she looks standing inside my forest.

  Laying inside my bed.

  I swallow sharply. “She’s worth everything.”

  “Then you need to at least go to her and have a discussion. See what she says. See if she’s willing to compromise at all. See if you are. All I know is that things worth having are worth fighting for. And family… that’s everything. I want to see you happy and with someone to call your own. Just like what I have with Steve and our boys. That’s what Mom and Dad would want for you, too.”

  The truth of her words whispers through me. Haunting me. Despite being as confused as a tangled mess of fishing line, I know what I have to do. It’s going to take some planning. After what Dove told me about her dissertation and her final interview and how challenging and nerve-wracking that is, I can’t go now even though every nerve fires at the thought of chasing her. But she t
old me her proposed end date the day we rolled logs, so I know when she should be done.

  I can go there under the guise of celebrating her becoming a doctor. If she balks at the sight of me, no harm no foul. I was simply at the college to congratulate my new friend on her crowning achievement.

  A chuckle moves up my chest and spills out into the evening air. My plan is perfect.

  “Thanks, sis. I’ll let you know how it goes. I appreciate you being here for me.”

  “Anytime.”

  Chapter Seventeen

  Dove

  I stand on the steps of Langdon Hall, a small group of my fellow new doctors huddled around me.

  “Gah,” Liz Monroe says, her blond bob sashaying around her round face. “I’m so glad that’s over. I feel like I could sleep for the next six months and still be tired.”

  Bill Ramble scrubs a hand down his weeks’ worth of beard growth. “You’re not kidding. But it will be worth it once the dough starts rolling in.”

  “What dough?” Liz asks with a tinkling laugh. “You’re a doctor of biology. That means research and big pharma. Dove and I are doctors of botany. which means plants, zero research grants, and zero big-time jobs at medical companies. Teaching might be the only gig we can get.”

  I take one step down and hike my backpack higher up on my shoulder. “Hey, Liz. Don’t say that. You never know. What happens when big pharma discovers that a tincture of the common oak leaf can cure cancer? Stranger things have happened.”

  Liz scoffs and narrows her eyes. “If it were that simple, they would have done it years ago. Besides, I’ve lost faith in modern medicine. They probably already have a cure for cancer but they’re repressing it because it means less money for the greedy bastards.”

  Bill reaches out and bumps her on the shoulder. “You’ve been a poor college student for too long, Liz. You’re starting to sound like a tinfoil hat conspiracy theorist.”

  She knocks his hand off her shoulder and shoves a curvy hip into his torso. “It’s the truth, dipshit. No tinfoil hat necessary. The only tincture big pharma would care about is one to cure ED.”

  Bill hugs me from behind and whispers into my ear, “Why do you tolerate her? She’s so prickly. Dan was just saying how he can’t believe you two are roommates.”

  Bill’s partner Dan isn’t Liz’s biggest fan, but the couple still hangs out with us all the time because they’re my very best friends in this world.

  “I heard that!” Liz seethes, putting a hand on the metal railing and squeezing. “Tell Dan next time I see him, he’s toast.”

  Bill wags a finger in front of her face. “Oh, stifle it. You know we love you. We just love Dove more.”

  I giggle at their antics. It’s the same banter every day. Bill plants a kiss on my lips and I watch him walk away. “Later, gator,” he tosses over his shoulder, blowing me another kiss.

  I capture it in my hand and hold my palm to my heart. It’s our thing. I’ve loved the man since freshman biology when we were lab partners. “Want to get a mocha at Perk Alert?” Liz asks, giving the middle finger salute to Bill’s retreating back.

  “Nah, I’ve got to get home and polish up the resume. Dad told me I had to find a real job and make myself official. How about dinner? I think I have the ingredients for my famous lasagna. We could share a bottle of wine. And carbs. And cheese. I can’t think of a better way to celebrate.”

  “I can,” Liz says, her gaze settling on a huge man standing about a hundred yards off next to a statue of Herbert Humphrey. When I meet eyes the color of a calm lake in June, he turns and leaves.

  Walking away. Without saying anything.

  “Gray!”

  I take off at a trot but with his long legs, he quickly widens the gap between us.

  “Gray!” By now, I’m shouting and running as fast as I can go. My breath comes in rapid pants and my heart gallops in my chest. I’m not sure if it’s from the exercise or the fact that Gray Parker is here and he’s not going to tell me why.

  He hesitates for a single moment and glances back over his shoulder, allowing me to catch up and put my hand on his elbow. Memories slam through me, hot and haunted, tormenting me with everything we had and everything we could have.

  “Gray,” I skid to a stop but don’t break physical contact. Like if I do, he’ll disappear. “Is everything alright?”

  His eyes scan my body. He looks like a man who’s been walking in a desert and just found the oasis. Except the oasis is a damn mirage.

  “Everything’s just fine.”

  His clipped tone confuses me. He hasn’t contacted me since I left the forest. We didn’t have any plans to communicate or get together or anything. Why is he so mad at me? Did I leave something important behind? My mind races with all the things that could be causing Gray to be standing in front of me on the campus. One thing I know, he’s never looked at me like this.

  And I don’t like it.

  “How did you get here?” I ask, grasping at anything to break the silence. Even though it’s only about fifty miles from his cabin to campus, he couldn’t have walked. Someone had to help him get here.

  He shoves his hands in the pockets of his jeans. “My sister drove me.”

  I glance around. “Where is she? I’d love to meet her.”

  “She went to a coffee shop and said she’d be back in an hour.”

  “Oh.”

  A long, uncomfortable pause lingers in the electric air.

  “Who was that guy?”

  I glance over my shoulder. Liz is gone, so she must either be hoofing it to Perks or she’s headed back to our apartment. “What guy?”

  “The guy who kissed you. On the mouth.”

  At his tragic expression, it finally hits me why he’s angry at me. Or maybe he’s angry at Bill. I stifle a giggle and take his hand in mine. “That’s my friend, Bill. He’s on his way home. He lives with his partner, Dan.”

  In one heartbeat, Gray deflates. “Oh. So he’s not your boyfriend?”

  I give a little tug until he meets my gaze. “No. I told you before. I don’t have a boyfriend. Guys aren’t usually attracted to a girl like me. Look around you, Gray. If you try, I’m sure you can see why.”

  He doesn’t break eye contact even though I demand it. “I only have eyes for you.” His hand leaves mine and crawls up the nape of my neck to land in the back of my thick hair. With one tug, he removes my ponytail holder so that my hair cascades down my back and around my shoulders. “Better. This is how I remember you.” His voice lowers to a husky whisper. “Except in my mind, you’re naked in my bed with your silky skin a rosy shade of pink.”

  I close my eyes against the image, aware that students are everywhere like ants marching, getting to class, talking to each other. As much as I want to indulge in an X-rated trip down memory lane, now isn’t the time or place.

  “Why did you come?” I ask. I want to know the answer. I don’t want to know the answer.

  I just want to melt into him and pretend nothing exists outside of the two of us. I want to beg him to take me home with him and make me his. But I don’t. Instead, I wait for the words that might slay me.

  “I want you, Dove. That is… if you’ll have me. I know I’m not good enough for you…”

  Before he can go on, I put a finger to his full lips. “Shh. Don’t you ever say that again. If anything, you’re too good for me. But how will we make a relationship work? You don’t want to leave your cabin, and I can’t do my job without electricity and basic Internet. I’m having a hard time figuring out how we could mesh our lives.”

  Even now, after spending time together, I would know if this wasn’t the right decision for me. But it feels right. Because the memory of us as a couple comes with a lingering promise of something more. Gray is impossible to forget, and I don’t want to. A pang of worry threads through me. All of our stolen moments float inside my brain, entering my consciousness at the worst possible times like a movie of my life. Since the moment I fell inside his for
est and fell into his arms, I’ve been waiting for him.

  I didn’t plan to go back but now I can’t imagine not trying. Not when he’s here, touching me. Wanting me. I remember the taste of him on my lips. The feel of him in my arms.

  I remember feeling safe for the first time in my life. As if nothing can touch me. Touch us.

  “I talked to Julie about getting ATVs and having basic electrical installed. It’s not the way I would choose to live, but I’m also willing to compromise. Because having you is far more important than being stubborn. Whatever it takes, Dove. I’ll do whatever it takes to make you comfortable enough to choose me.”

  I already chose you, you stubborn fool. The moment I fell in your forest and knocked myself for a loop I chose you. Mother Nature had a hand in it, but she knows what’s best.

  I take his hand and nestle my cheek into his palm, luxuriating in the heat and safety of his touch. Wondering if it will always be this way between us, I look up at him to find him staring at me.

  “I’m willing to give it a try if you are,” I say, planting a kiss to the sensitive portion of his wrist. The admission weakens me, and I hold my breath.

  Until I don’t.

  “I can’t even tell you how hard it is for me not to throw you up over my shoulder like a sack of potatoes and find the nearest place to throw you down. I want to kiss you senseless. I want to put my head between your legs and taste you until you scream your pleasure. God, I haven’t thought of anything else since you left me with your scent clinging to my sheets like a glimpse of the future I was meant to have.”

  Throwing caution to the wind, I catapult myself into his huge arms and wrap my arms around his neck. “Kiss me.”

  He captures my lips with his and seals our promise with a passionate kiss. The sea of people part around us, no one really caring about a little public display of affection. Damn, how I missed his strength… his hardness against my softness.

  “Is there someplace we can go?” he asks against my lips.

  “My apartment’s within walking distance. But won’t your sister be worried? You don’t have a cell phone.”

  He snakes a hand around my waist and snuggles me into his side. “No, but you do.”