by Lady Lissa
I look at her with my eyebrows raised and roll my eyes.
“Mama, for real stop playing. I told you what I want to do and you keep saying no, but you ain’t told me nothing else. If you don’t tell me what to do, I’ma just go beat her up, so you better come up with something and you better do it fast because that bitch’s time is almost up.”
I laugh and sit forward, resting my forearms on my thighs. This lil’ hoe has some nerve. “Cruz, you said that shit like I’ma be the one sitting in jail if you do that dumb ass shit. You hit that girl and she pregnant if you want to, I’m flying right back to the A, and leaving you down here.”
She blew out a frustrated breath. “Well, what do I do then?”
“I don’t damn know. You sounded like you had a plan when you came to my house the other night. Got us all the way out here in this lil’ migrant country and you don’t know what the fuck to do. Damn, I should of stayed my black ass at home.”
“I just needed to get away from Vega for a minute so I can handle this shit without him in my face. He makes it hard to stay mad with him. Then he keeps saying it ain’t his and he don’t know why she’s lying. Ma, I really don’t know what to believe. I brought you here because I know you gon’ give it to me straight and have my back if shit goes wrong.”
She got that shit right.
“Listen Cruz, let’s stick with your original plan. We’ll follow her to see her every day routine, to see if she’s fucking with anybody else. If we don’t come up on nothing, we gon’ run up on her ass and see what the fuck is up. If she gets too out of hand, I’ll tie her ass to a chair and you can slap her around…cool?”
Cruz smiles and nods her head slowly, “Yep!”
“Good. Now that we got that out the way, can we go get something to eat? I’m hungry as hell and I’m going through dick withdrawals. I need to put something in my mouth.”
Cruz’s whole face turns up. Her nose is tooted up and she is frowning at me. “Why you gotta be like that? That’s so not becoming of a woman, let alone somebody’s mama.”
“Bitch, don’t judge me. You the same one got your dick addicted mama down here to help you find out whether your man is having a baby with somebody else. Sweep your own doorstep first lil’ hoe.”
“You ain’t even have to say all that.”
“Yes, the fuck I did.” I walk into the kitchen to grab me some water from the refrigerator and to get away from Cruz, but as soon as I turn around there she goes. “What girl? Why you following me around like that?”
“I love you ma. Thank you for coming with me.”
She hugs me and I feel awkward for a minute because I haven’t felt this from any of them in so long. I sit my water down on the counter and hug her back. I squeeze her as tight as I can because I know she needs love right now. If I don’t know about nothing else, I know how it is to have a nigga hurt you.
“Mama loves you too, Cruz. You are my baby. If you don’t ever get a backbone, you gon’ still be my baby.”
She laughs. “Backbone, ma? For real?”
“Yes, Cruz. You acting like a weak bitch right now. Grow a backbone and handle this shit,” I pull away from her and look at her face. “You ain’t the first woman to go through this, and you won’t be the last. Handle it.” I kiss her nose and walk off.
It’s late and I’m tired. Riding around in the heat all day has me tired as hell. All I want to do is take a bath and lay down.
“I’m about to cook us something to eat. I’ll bring you some when I finish.” She yells behind me.
“Okay. Call your sisters. I know all y’all glued to the hip ass hoes miss each other.” I don’t even wait for her to say anything before I turn the shower on and close the door.
Right now I’m happy. The happiest I’ve been in a long time. Maybe Cruz can bring my other two lil’ mamas around so I can get reacquainted with them too.
Chapter Twenty-Four
Cruz
My heart is beating fast as the phone rings. I’m standing against the counter with the phone tucked between my shoulder and my ear as I season some chicken. I’m taking my mother’s advice and calling Vanity and Ronnie. I really didn’t want to worry them with my issues but I guess I should at least let them know that I’m okay. I haven’t really been in a rush to call them before because I already know they know I’m good. We just know each other like that.
“I’m slapping the shit out you when I see you, Cruz Washington.” Vanity says as soon as she clicks on the line.
“I’m sorry Van, I’ve just been trying to get myself together. Ya know?”
“Yea, I know sis. It’s cool. You doing okay? Where you at?”
“Hold on let me call Ronnie on three-way so I don’t have to tell the story twice.”
I click on the icon to add a call to our line and call Ronnie. She picks up immediately like she’s been waiting on me to call. Her voice sounds urgent as she comes on the line.
“Where you at, Cruz? You alright?”
Vanity and I both laugh at her. She sounds like she’s been worried sick.
“I’m cool lil’ Ronnie. Chill baby girl. Just took some personal time to get this shit with Vega and this baby in order. Y’all already know y’all sis is good. I just need to put an end to all of this mess before it drives me insane.”
Vanity sucks her teeth. “Tell me about it, boo. I need to get myself in order, too. My life is spinning all over the damn place. Between Rico, Malcolm and all these damn people threatening to tell on me, I can’t even breathe sometimes.”
“Me either, man. I don’t know what’s going on with us, but I feel the same way. Turk is crowding me acting like a maniac, and I just don’t know what to say about Courtney, Stasia, and that lil’ hoe, Tay that Turk’s been messing with. On top of all this school work, I can’t catch a break.”
All three of us sigh, in limbo about our own problems but also taking on the weight of each other’s issues as well.
“Sounds like I should have brought y’all with me.”
“First of all, where yo ass at anyway?” Vanity is always so blunt with everything.
“In Puerto Rico. I’ve been watching that girl trying to see what’s up with her. If I don’t find something soon, I’m going to her house and beating the shit out of her.”
“Get her ass, Cruz!” Vanity says.
“No you don’t, Cruz. That girl is pregnant. You will go to jail.”
It’s crazy how Ronnie is the youngest, but seems to always be the most level headed. Me and Van stay on go. We act first and think about the consequences after the fact.
“Plus, you don’t need to be running up on her by yourself anyways. You don’t know what she might do.”
I listen quietly to Ronnie, wondering whether or not to tell them that I’m not alone. I mean, it’s not like I have nothing to lose if I do, so I go for it.
“I’m not by myself. I brought mommy with me.”
“Laura?” Both of them ask at the same time. The disbelief in their voice is loud and clear.
I laugh at them because I expected this reaction. “Yes y’all, our mama, Laura. She’s here with me. I flew her out when I came. She’s been with me since I left.”
“What in the hell made you take her?” Vanity asked.
“That’s what I’m trying to see,” Ronnie joins in.
“She’s actually been a big help. I can see a change in her for real y’all. When we get back we all need to have a day out so y’all can see for yourselves.”
“We sho' in the hell do, because I need to see this shit for my damn self,” Vanity says.
We all laugh and continue our conversation. After we each take turns telling our problems, we do what we can to make each other feel better before ending our call. Once I hang up with them, I feel much better. They’re my best friends and I hadn’t even known how bad I needed to hear their voices until I just called. We talked for a little over an hour so I’m almost done cooking by the time I sit my phone on the counter. I turn
around to take the chicken out the oven when my phone starts ringing.
I suck my teeth because I forgot to turn it back off once I got off the phone with my sisters and now Vega’s ass is calling. I stare at it until it stops ringing. I want to talk to him so bad but I don’t know what that nigga is about to say. I don’t know if he mad, or what. I’m still staring at it when it starts ringing again. When I don’t answer it this time, my phone beeps with a text.
Vega Baby: Rico told me u just talk to Van. Pick up. Please.
The phone starts ringing immediately after that. I reach for it, then pull my hand back as if the phone is hot or something. I wait a few minutes too long because it stops ringing again, only for it to start ringing again.
“Pick up this damn phone girl. The hell is you scared of? Backbone Cruz, backbone. Damn!” My mama grabs my phone off the counter, answers it and puts it to my ear.
“Cruz, baby. What’s going on? Where you at, mami?” Vega rattles off question after question not waiting for an answer to either of them. “Why you doing this? It’s been a week and you still ignoring me? You know what this does to me. Stop Cruz. Damn, just stop.” He sounds exhausted, almost weak.
My words get caught in my throat as I think about the way he must be feeling right now. I want to cry thinking about how much pain my being away is causing him. I can hear it all in his voice. I try to speak again when he calls my name but nothing comes out. I look up and around the kitchen and my eyes land on my mama. She’s eating a piece of chicken and mouths the word backbone, before walking away again. I try my best to gather myself.
“Vega,” I manage to finally get out.
“Cruz,” he whispers back. He’s breathless and I can hear his ragged breathing through the line. “Come back to me.”
I nod my head as if he can see me. “I am, just not yet.”
“Yes now. I need you here.”
“I’ll be back soon, Vega, just not now.”
“Where you at? I’m coming to get you.” He sounds a little angry now, but I can’t let that deter me.
Backbone. That one word my mom said keeps replaying itself in my head.
“I have some stuff I need to take care of and I can’t do it with you around. You mess up my thinking, I need some space Vega.”
“Space? Fuck space. You ain’t getting no space from me!”
I sigh and lean against the counter. He’s about to get irrational. I can feel it coming on so I prepare myself. I hold the phone and don’t say anything, because I’m not about to let him manipulate this situation. We wouldn’t even be in this position if it wasn’t for him, so he has himself to thank for this. I listen to him breathe, waiting for him to say something.
“Cruz, I know this is fucked up, but you being away isn’t making anything better. We need to be together. That’s the only way we’re going to get any of this figured out.”
“That’s where you’re wrong. I tried to let you handle it, but you didn’t. So I have to do what I have to do for myself, Vega. I said I’ll be home to you so that’s all you need to worry about. I love you.”
I hang the phone up while I have the nerve and power it back off. I can’t deal with Vega right now. I gave him a chance to handle it and he came back with that weak ass excuse, so now it’s up to me.”
I finish preparing dinner for my mama and I fix us each a plate. I join her in the living room and sit next to her on the sofa. I scoot as close to her as I can so we can eat together. I swear I love my mama. She ain’t the best but she’s mine, and I’ll fight a rock about her, especially since I know she’s trying. Shit been sour with us the last few years, but it’s time for a change. If she’s willing, then so am I. And so will Vanity and Ronnie when I get their asses in check.
“I ain’t got no elbow room,” she pushes her elbow into my stomach playfully. “You always have been my clingy child. When you was little, you used to get on my damn nerves. Every time I turned around you was right in my face. I see that shit ain’t changed.”
“Nope. It’s probably about to get worse since I’m older now.”
“Lord help me.” She says as she smiles and shake her head.
We get comfortable and eat our food. I feel better now than I have the whole week. I’ve talked to my sisters, my man, and now I’m having quiet time with my number one girl. Hopefully, I can get this mess wrapped up with this lil’ pregnant bitch and go home to my regular life. This shit is so played out.
Chapter Twenty-Five
Vanity
I can’t believe all this time Cruz has been with Laura. I don’t know why she felt like she could trust her more than me or Ronnie. Laura has never been there for us like we have been for each other. The fact that she chose to take Laura with her to Puerto Rico instead of me has me feeling some kinda way right now. I guess I’m all into my feelings or something because I feel like the walls are closing in on me. My sisters told me I should talk to Rico about my inability to keep my cookie jar closed while he was locked up.
As much as I appreciate them for their honesty, I don’t think that is something I can do right now. I just love Rico too much to risk losing him because of some stupid shit I did before he got out. What he doesn’t know won’t hurt him right? I promised Rico when he went in that I would remain faithful until he was released. I tried my best to keep that promise. How was I supposed to know that my pussy would be weak, and I would need some dick before his time was up?
This is the one thing I know I got from Laura, the ability to please a man with my pussy. If it’s one thing my mom taught us well was how to use our pussy power to make a man want you more and more. Laura, what can I say about her? She did try her best to teach us and love us, but what she did teach us way too early was about sex. We were exposed to her and her sexual activities way too early in our young lives. A good parent is not supposed to teach her kid about sex the way we learned about it.
I shouldn’t have known my mom was selling her pussy ever in this lifetime, and I shouldn’t have found out she was having sex when I wasn’t even a teenager. She claimed that it was the only job she was good at that gave her the money she needed to raise us. I don’t believe that. I know she was young when she had me and my sisters, but surely she could have found another job. This bullshit fuck show that she be doing, lying on her back or letting niggas get it in doggy style is not a job.
I can’t believe Malcolm let his friends treat me like that. I know that the relationship we had wasn’t exclusive and I wasn’t his girl, but he still had mad respect for me before he found out I was a stripper. Just because I dance at the club shouldn’t make him have less respect for me. The way he acted makes me wonder if he ever respected me at all.
I am in the kitchen fixing dinner when Rico walks in. The look on his face lets me know that his day did not go well. I hope and pray that it has nothing to do with me. He walks into the kitchen and grabs a beer out of the fridge. He leans against the counter, sipping his beer and looking at me.
“Hey,” I said.
He doesn’t respond. He just continues to look at me while sipping his beer.
“What the hell is wrong with you?”
I have no idea what be going on with Rico. I mean, one minute he’s showing me love and affection and the next he’s pissed off. If he’s gonna love me, he needs to keep the shit consistent. I can’t have him flipping on me every chance he gets. I can’t fucking live like that.
“Okay, since you’re not going to tell me what the hell is wrong with you, can you get out the kitchen please? I’m trying to cook dinner and you are distracting me,” I said with an attitude.
I had a long day at school and I don’t have time for his bullshit. The last thing I want is to deal with Rico and his mixed feelings and fucked up signals. Don’t get me wrong, he’s my baby and I love him. It’s just when he gets like this, he’s stubborn about it and I just can’t deal with him. Right now, I wanna just jump in his arms and ride his dick as he grips my ass and shit. I don’t know what i
t is about me or him, but when he’s angry with me, he bites down on his bottom lip and that shit is super sexy to me. He is biting his lip and looking at me intently and all I’m thinking about is how much I wanna have sex with him.
“Van, I just need you to keep shit one hundred with me,” he says.
“About what baby? You ain’t even talkin’ bout nothing. How can I keep shit one hundred with you if you ain’t sayin’ shit?” I ask. My heart is pounding like crazy because I know he heard something about me today. Maybe I should just be honest with him about everything. Maybe I should just put it all out on the table.
“Look, I love you Van. I love you so much. When I was sitting in jail, the only thing that kept me alive was knowing that I was coming home to you. My heart ached so bad when I was away from you. Do you understand that? Do you feel what I’m telling you?”
I stop doing what I’m doing and stand in front of him. I run my fingers through his soft, curly locks. Rico is all I have ever wanted in a man. I wish he had never gotten in that trouble that had him taken from me for three years. But no matter how much I wish it never happened, doesn’t change the fact that it did happen and he was away from me.
“Baby, I understand how you feel because that is the same way I felt. I felt like I couldn’t eat, sleep, or breathe without you. I love you so much, you have to know that. While you were away, I felt the same way you did. I couldn’t wait for you to come home to me so I could show you how much I love and missed you,” I said, my eyes misting with the tears that are threatening to flow out.
“Then why haven’t you been honest with me? All those times I was sitting in jail, why didn’t you just tell me what you were doing?”
“What do you mean? You wanted me to tell you that I was stripping while you were locked up? You have got to be kidding. You blow your fuse for the smallest thing. This was something huge, and I don’t think that me coming clean with you while you were locked up and away from me was the best thing to do. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you but you can’t keep holding that against me. If we are going to stay on track with our relationship, you have to let this go. If you love me as much as I love you, let this go.”
