Amanda Vs The Universe

by Patricia B Tighe

  “For you? Absolutely.”

  Before I could recover enough to speak, he moved ahead to join Cady, and they climbed into her van. People waved as they drove off, while I held onto the back of one the rocking chairs. I felt woozy, like I’d walked into a door or something. What had just happened? Did he feel the same attraction for me that I did for him? Or was he just being super friendly?

  I headed back inside, not wanting anyone to notice I was feeling weird. I went all the way up to my room to be alone for a few minutes. Once I got there, though, the Alex text hit me in the face.

  I was so tempted to call him right back and shut him down. Tell him there was no way I’d ever hang out with him. That he was and always would be an ass, and he should never text me again. My chest burned, and my hands shook.

  But wait, Amanda. What if he’s sorry for the way everything went down? What if he’s realized that he loves you? Are you gonna throw that away?

  For several long moments, I froze like a statue. Then I got into bed and covered my eyes with my forearm. If I was honest with myself, I had to admit there was a teeny tiny part of me that wished for Alex to want me again. That wondered what it would be like for a guy like Alex Delgado, who all the girls panted after, to truly want to be with me.

  Me, Amanda Bryson. Nobody spectacular. Not a cheerleader or student council president. Just me.

  That maybe if Alex wanted me, then maybe I was actually okay. Worth knowing, worth caring about. How many days ago was it that I’d decided I didn’t need a guy, any guy to make me feel better about myself? And now I was falling into the same pattern.

  Gah, why was I such an idiot?

  I rubbed my eyes. Okay, time to stop being stupid. Responding to Alex’s text would be ridiculous. I had nothing to say to him.

  I stood in front of the dresser, staring at my mirror, which still showed the pep talk from the girls.

  I couldn’t move. Couldn’t do anything but stare at the words. My heartbeat pulsed in my neck faster and faster. I wanted to say those words aloud. I did. “I am … ” I whispered past the scratching in my throat. Okay, I needed to try that again. “I am beautiful.” I wet my lips. “Creative, and smart.” The words squeaked out, breaking the silence of the room. Then I said them over and over until they slipped off my tongue as easily as if I were saying, “Good morning.” I didn’t shout, because, um, other people in the house. I ended with the line about not needing Alex. It felt good. As if something crooked was beginning to straighten.

  Nineteen

  The next morning, I pulled the SUV out onto the highway, wondering if I should go back. I was worried about Gamma. When I’d called her last night, her caretaker said she’d already gone to bed, and when I called her about an hour ago, she had three major coughing fits in the course of a five-minute conversation. She’d been her usual positive self, but she sounded sicker than when we’d left town.

  I talked to my parents about it. My dad said he would pull a few favors to see if they could get her in to see a doctor. By the time I was ready to walk out the door, my parents were huddled together in the kitchen, talking in low voices. That should’ve reassured me, but it didn’t. “What’re we going to do?” I asked, walking up to them.

  “About Gamma?” Mom asked.

  “Yeah. I’m really worried. Shouldn’t we go straight home?”

  Dad came over and hugged me. “It’ll be okay. I’ve already talked to the director of the retirement home. They’re taking her to Dr. Herrera at the medical center in half an hour. Hopefully we’ll know her status by this afternoon.”

  “There’s nothing we can do for now,” Mom added. “Go on. See if Cady needs any help preparing for that art festival next week.”

  “And tell them thanks for participating last night,” Dad said. “It was fun having them over.”

  “I will.”

  And now, driving through Midtown, I was second-guessing everything. I should be with Mom and Dad, helping them figure things out. But there was nothing I could do. And I wanted to help Cady too.

  And then there was Kyle. My breathing stuttered when I thought about why he might’ve invited me over. He couldn’t think we were ready to get involved with each other. Could he?

  I needed to stop obsessing. Focus on helping Cady with whatever she needed.

  A few minutes later, I turned onto Cady’s driveway and parked the car. But I did Mrs. Guevara’s deep-breathing exercises before I went to the door. I needed all the help I could get.

  I smoothed back my hair and knocked. I almost turned around and went back to the car. Why hadn’t I put on more makeup? I’d only added a little mascara and forced myself not to use lip gloss. If Kyle actually liked me, I wanted it to be for my plain old self, not because I’d put on a crap ton of makeup. Remember, Amanda, that was why. I wanted to do things completely differently than with any other guy. I’d even put on my oldest pair of jeans and a faded blue T-shirt in case I had to handle any clay.

  All the worrying was completely dumb, anyway. He’d seen me ugly cry. It couldn’t get any worse than that.

  The door swung open to Kyle grinning. He’d gotten dressed this time—shorts and a tee—his hair wet from the shower. “Hey! You’re just in time. Bacon’s ready.”

  “Great,” I said with a fake cheeriness. This whole nervous thing better not go on all day. I followed him into the kitchen.

  “Scrambled eggs?” he asked, dishing up a plate.

  “That’s too much,” I said. “I had cereal a while ago.”

  “Gross.” He slid a bit of the eggs back into the pan.

  “Hey. Don’t start dissing on my food choices. Once I’ve had bacon, I’ll be ready to fight.”

  “Good. I always want you in fighting shape.” He carried our plates to the table, which was set with orange juice, coffee, and water. “I didn’t know what you might want to drink.”

  Fighting shape? What did that mean? “Orange juice is great.” I didn’t object when he poured me a glass; my hands were too shaky. “So, where’s Cady?”

  “On her computer,” he said, sipping his coffee. “She wanted to make sure her inventory matched what her friends are willing to sell for her at the festival next week.”

  “Is she worried?”

  “A little, I think. It’s like she’s gone into overdrive, checking things over and over.”

  I bit into a slice of bacon. “Oh my gosh, that’s good.”

  “Yeah?” He leaned in a little.

  I forced myself not to smile. “Yeah, but don’t go getting a big head about it.”

  “Ha. I’d never make that mistake.”

  I took a bite of eggs. “These are good too. I’m gonna have to start calling you Breakfast Man.”

  “It’s about time,” he said and chewed some bacon.

  I ignored that and ate quietly for a minute. The sun shining through the pines outside shed a dappled glow across the yard. I started to relax. It was fun hanging out with Kyle, even if nothing happened between us. I’d come over to help Cady anyway. Speaking of which.

  “So how’re we going to compete for Cady’s attention today?” I asked.

  He sat back like he was surprised. “You think I’d give away trade secrets?”

  I laughed. “Come on. You must know what she needs to have done.”

  “Like I said, she’s checking with her friends. Once that’s done, the game is on.” He sipped his coffee, hiding the expression on his face.

  I could’ve sworn he was smiling. I narrowed my eyes. “All right. Game on.”

  We finished eating and put our dishes in the dishwasher. “I’ll clean the pans later,” he said. “Let’s go find Cady.”

  We stopped in the small alcove near the den where Cady usually worked on her laptop, but she wasn’t there.

  Kyle pursed his lips. “She must already be in the studio. I’m surprised she didn’t come say hi to you. Come on.” He held the door for me, and we headed out into the warm afternoon. “It would be so nice to do abso
lutely nothing today.”

  “Yeah. You should see the rampant laziness at my house. All the others—except my parents, of course—are hanging in the backyard with blankets with the idea that they’re going to nap all afternoon.”

  “Ha. Wish I could.” He strode forward and mumbled something that sounded a lot like “with you.”

  And since I wasn’t sure, I’d better not ask. “We have some bad news, though.”

  He stopped abruptly. “What?”

  “Have I talked to you about my great-grandmother, Gamma?”

  “No.”

  “She normally comes with us on vacation, but she came down with a cold. And when I talked to her this morning, her cough sounded worse. I’m really worried about her.”

  A stream of sunshine lit up Kyle’s faded black shirt, leaving his face in shadow. He frowned and rested a hand on my shoulder. “I’m sorry. Are y’all gonna have to leave early to take care of her?”

  Wow. He understood. One of the few people who actually did. “I don’t know yet. She’s seeing a doctor this morning, so my dad said we’ll know by this afternoon if we need to go.”

  “I hope you don’t.” He gave his head a quick shake, letting his hand fall away from my shoulder. I missed its weight. “I mean, I hope she’s okay.”

  “Me too.”

  We walked on to the studio, both lost in thought. What if Gamma was so sick that we lost her? She was almost ninety. Stop, Amanda. You don’t even know how sick she is yet. Yeah, I needed to stay focused on Cady and Kyle. I’d find out about Gamma soon enough.

  In the studio, we found Cady by the far wall where she usually boxed up her pottery for shipment. She carried a clipboard, a pen between her teeth. When she saw us, she pulled it from her mouth and smiled. “There you are. Good morning, Amanda.”

  “Morning.” I went over and hugged her.

  Kyle made a grumbly noise in his throat. “Should you be walking without—”

  She waved a hand. “Don’t even start. Now. We’re in much better shape than I thought. When will the figurines be finished?”

  He moved closer. “I’ll glaze them later today.”

  “Excellent,” she said. “Then if you could finish packing and sealing this box for Matilda, I can take it to her. Gordon’s box and Darla’s box can go in a few days.”

  “I can take it to Matilda for you, Cady,” I said, giving Kyle a sideways glance.

  He grinned. “No way. I’ll do it.”

  Cady set the clipboard on the table and gave us an amused look. “Fighting again, are we?”

  “It’s not really a fight,” I began. How exactly was I going to finish that sentence?

  Kyle stepped in. “It’s like a long-distance race. We’re just trying to see who you love more.”

  Cady erupted in laughter, looking kind of shocked. “What? That’s ridiculous.”

  “Right?” Kyle said. “I just can’t get Amanda to stop competing with me.”

  “Hey!” I said, laughing. “You started it.” I couldn’t honestly say that was true, but it didn’t matter. As long as Kyle was smiling, it was all good.

  “I have a feeling you both had an equal hand in starting this competition,” Cady said. “So here’s what I’m going to do. I’ll reserve judgment on which one of you I love more until the end of today’s chores. Deal?”

  Kyle nodded, his lips pursed. “Deal.”

  “Amanda?” Cady’s eyes gleamed like always when she was enjoying something.

  “Yes, of course, I’m in.”

  “Good. I’ve made a list.” She tapped a finger on the clipboard. “Let me know when you finish. I need to check on the laundry.”

  She looked around, but I spotted her crutches and snagged them before Kyle could. He made a growly noise. Cady looked from one of us to the other, and then at the ceiling. Kyle raced to the door and held it open for her. She was still chuckling as she left the building.

  Kyle headed back toward me. “Okay, we both got a point there, but I’m pretty sure she loves me more.” He stopped in front of me, his lips quirking.

  I tore my gaze away from his mouth. “You’re wrong. She loves me more.”

  “Today is the big test. It all comes down to this.”

  He looked so friendly with his brown eyes sparkling and his relaxed stance that I almost couldn’t believe he was the same guy I’d met a week and a half ago. “You know, it really made me mad when I came to visit Cady last week and found you here.”

  “How do you think I felt? You walked up and started yelling at me.”

  I laughed as heat filled my cheeks. “Yeah, oops.”

  “‘Oops’ is an understatement.”

  “I just wanted you gone,” I said. “I needed my private time with Cady.”

  “Who doesn’t? But I’m sure I wanted you gone more.”

  I rested against the table. “Competing in this, too? Okay, I wanted you to walk into the mountains and get lost.”

  He pressed a hand against his chest. “Ouch.” He let his hand drop and stepped nearer. “I wanted you to be stuck cleaning out every closet in your house.”

  “Ha. Well, I wanted you … ” My words fell away. He was staring at my mouth.

  “Did you?” he asked, leaning closer.

  “Not then,” I whispered.

  “What about now?” he whispered back.

  “I think so.” I didn’t know what I was saying. His body warmed the entire area around us as he moved in close, but we didn’t touch. We stood a feather’s width apart, our breath coming faster, our gazes moving from eyes to lips.

  Finally, when I thought I might combust from trying to keep from launching myself at him, he cupped my face and pressed his lips softly against mine.

  I closed my eyes to revel in the feeling. Such gentle pressure, but sparks shot straight through me. I sucked in a surprised breath.

  Kyle gazed at me with such a caring look that tears stung my eyes. He tucked a strand of my hair behind my ear before stepping back and releasing me. “I shouldn’t have done that, should I?”

  Of course you should have! I wanted to yell and laugh and kiss him again. But there was also confusion, and words that had to be said. “I’m scared, Kyle.”

  “I am too.” He rubbed his forehead. “It’s just that I really, really like you, Amanda. Every crazy, beautiful, competitive part of you. And it’s probably too soon for you because of your ex, but you might have to go back to San Antonio earlier than you thought, and I couldn’t waste the chance to tell you how I felt.” His words trailed off as color rushed into his cheeks.

  Why had I never met a guy like this before now? The rawness from Alex still hurt, but alongside it a new sensation bloomed, like a flower opening up after a spring rain. I didn’t want to lose that.

  He stared at the boxes behind me, and I could see him shutting off the feelings he’d just shared. I couldn’t let that happen. I took hold of his forearm, then slid my hand up to his bicep. “I really like you, too. Every crazy, beautiful—”

  He laughed and hauled me against him, the impact making me shiver. “I’m not beautiful,” he said, still laughing.

  “You are to me.” His expression softened, like he was seeing something new in me. I couldn’t wait any longer. “Can I kiss you?” I asked. “For real, this time?”

  A broad smile spread across his face. “The other time wasn’t real?”

  “That one was amazing and sweet and made my lips tingle.”

  His eyes grew intent on my mouth. “And?”

  “This time I want to make your lips tingle.”

  “Go ahead, then,” he whispered.

  With my heart pounding in my ears, I slid my hands into his hair and pulled his head down to mine. The first touch of lips was gentle again, but then he slanted his head and deepened the kiss. Warmth raced across my chest. Kyle was a seriously good kisser. Maybe because he cared. I didn’t know, but it was so different from Alex, who most of the time went from zero to seventy when he was just saying hell
o.

  Instead, Kyle moved slowly, like he didn’t want to miss out on any sensation. Neither did I. And even though our kissing was brand new, it didn’t feel awkward. It felt easy and comfortable, as if we’d been together forever.

  He pressed kisses all the way down to where my neck met my shoulder. Chills raced through me. “Kyle,” I whispered, stroking his hair.

  Abruptly, he lifted his head, his eyes unfocused. “Sorry,” he whispered, and gave his head a shake. “I, uh, you … ”

  I smiled. “It’s okay. But we should probably get to work.”

  “Right, right.” He loosened his hold on me and cleared his throat. “It worked, by the way.”

  “What did?”

  He let out a heavy breath. “Your evil plan to make my lips tingle.”

  “Good.” I grabbed his face, kissed him quickly, and then pulled away to pick up Cady’s list. “Okay, so pack box for Matilda, deliver box to Matilda, dust and sweep show room, make figurines, and discuss repainting wall. That last thing has a question mark.” When he didn’t respond, I looked up. He watched me with a slightly irritated expression. “What?” I asked.

  “You recovered a lot quicker from—” he motioned back and forth between our lips “—than I did.”

  “Not really,” I said with a smirk. “I just hide it better than you do.”

  He laughed and gave me a smoking hot look. “The competition is just beginning.”

  “Um, which one?”

  He came over to look at the list with me. “I’ll leave you to figure that out.”

  Twenty

  I laughed more that afternoon than I had in months. Kyle and I worked side by side on every chore. When I wanted to go clean the display room by myself so we could get things done faster, he shook his head with a smile. “There’s no way I’m wasting the day being apart from you.”

  Which absolutely made me blush from head to toe. Especially when he came over and brushed a kiss across my cheek. “Have I told you how much I love your freckles?”

  I swallowed. “No.”

  “That was stupid of me.” He lightly slid a finger down my nose.