by Kevin Neary
I don’t think Anna meant “two carrots” that one might find at your typical farmers market, but rather at Jewelers’ Row.
On several occasions each year you do get a big brother or big sister looking out for the younger ones. So it came as no surprise to this Santa when Christopher, age five, sat up on Santa’s lap and began to ask for something for his little sister.
“Santa, I think my sister Colleen would like a new rattle.”
“That’s very thoughtful of you Christopher to be looking out for your baby sister. Doesn’t Colleen have a rattle?”
“Well she did, but daddy’s van ran over it.”
Frank also thought that he was looking out for his little sister when he asked for a “muzzle for his sister.” I think the crying by his sister was getting the best of Frank.
Children will also often request presents for their beloved pets. The best request that this Santa has heard over the years was from Brooklyn, who had a little dog that she loved dearly. So naturally a request directed to Santa Claus for her doggy was certainly appropriate. Brooklyn phrased her request something like this, “I want a tree for my doggy.”
Walt was a little boy no older than six, who decided it was time for Santa Claus to get a gift for his pet hamster.
“Walt, is there anything you would like for Christmas?” questioned Santa.
“I would like a new metal spinning wheel for my hamster.”
How nice, but why a metal wheel? Santa wondered. I guess I’d better ask.
“But why a metal wheel?”
“Because Sparkle keeps biting through the plastic one.”
Adam asked Santa for another little puppy because he thought the family’s other dog needed company. Adam, however, was reluctant to actually request a new dog because, in his words, “I want another dog Santa, to keep Spooner company, but Daddy said that he’d leave the next pet I bring home on the highway.”
Santa instinctively thought Miley was making a request for her dog as well when she said, “Santa, I would like a pooper scooper for Jack!”
Naturally, Santa asked the next question, “Is Jack your little doggy?”
Wrong again, Santa! “No, Jack is my little brother.”
Then there was little Joe, who requested, “Can you stop Chewy from pooping on the carpet?”
Before we leave this subject and the age-old question, “What can Santa get you for Christmas?” I don’t want to forget the last category of individuals who have come and visited Santa Claus, and in most cases sat on my lap.
The group I am referring to are the “big kids”—those adults out there who have faithfully taken the time to visit old Saint Nick. The notion or idea of Santa must pull some emotional cord in these big kids during the holiday season and they begin to think back to their younger days and attempt to recapture the feeling of Christmases gone by.
So, not to disappoint this collection of bigger kids, Santa Claus plays along. They generally get a picture and then let Santa in on some of their requests. What’s so funny is that the smaller kids in line don’t think anything is suspicious or wrong with an adult sitting on Santa’s lap. They figure adults want toys too and Santa is the same guy who fills their requests.
I must say of the adults who do come to visit Santa Claus each year, I really do enjoy their visit. As you might expect, some of their requests are quite memorable as well.
Take for example Al, an employee at the department store this Santa has been working at for years. Al has been one of this Santa’s more faithful visitors year in and year out. Al was eighty-two the first time he came to visit Santa. Every year, Al makes one request.
“Now Santa, I’ve been pretty good, so how about getting me a blonde for Christmas?”
Unfortunately, each year Santa has to disappoint Al when he replies, “Al, wouldn’t that be a little messy trying to get down the chimney?”
I must say, Al takes it pretty well. I know I’d be disappointed too, but Al seems to have a good time with the request every year.
Generally, the ladies that visit Santa each year have expensive taste. How can you blame them? If you’re going to wish, you might as well wish big.
Take Lorraine, who was following the traditional routine of wishing big. Lorraine popped by one evening prior to closing to visit Santa and said, “Hey Santa, how are they treatin’ you today?”
“Oh, pretty good. How about you? Are you all shopped out for today?” asked Santa after noticing that both of Lorraine’s hands were clutching shopping bags full of Christmas presents.
By this point Lorraine was sitting back and relaxing on Santa’s lap.
“Yeah and my feet are killing me,” said Lorraine.
“Well Lorraine while you’re here, would you like Santa Claus to bring you anything for Christmas?”
“Why not. Do you think you can get those Elves working on a brand-new black Ferrari? Heck, I’ll even take a used one.”
Emily also came to visit Santa at the conclusion of a busy day of shopping and like Lorraine had some rather expensive tastes.
“Emily, how can Santa help you today?”
“You know, big guy, there is something you could get me for Christmas even though I haven’t been good. How about a red-hot Porsche 911?”
Sandy thought Santa could play the dual role of matchmaker and gift-giver when she paid a visit one Christmas season. Playing along, Santa asked the question, “What does Sandy want for Christmas this year?”
Sandy responded, “I don’t want too much Santa, just a new man in my life. I kicked the last one to the curb a couple weeks back.”
Leigh figured Santa and his crew of Elves were probably going to be too busy to make anything special for her, so she decided to request the basics.
“Hey Santa Claus, how about a stack of fifties for Christmas?”
Obviously, this Santa has heard a similar request a time or two before as my response to Leigh’s question will indicate, “As soon as Santa gets back to the North Pole I’ll have the Elves print them up!”
[Note from Santa: Marvin had first phrased his request to Santa this way, “Remember Santa, I want all of the gold in Fort Knox.” So it was that I learned from the best how to most appropriately respond to such requests.]
Zoey, however, was concerned about Santa’s well-being when she decided to ask for an air-conditioned suit for Santa. She figured this would be the ideal gift Santa could deliver to himself.
Santa thanked Zoey for her generosity and concern. And, I know, I mentioned before that I love the job of playing Santa Claus, but to be honest, the wool suit, beard, hat, boots, and the hot lights and flash from Santa’s camera does sometimes create a rather pressure cooker for me at times. So, an air-conditioned suit would be an ideal addition to my wardrobe.
On most occasions, grown-ups get the biggest kick out of seeing Santa Claus and you can see it in their faces. To satisfy the grown-up desire to be a kid again Santa often turns to the parent or adult and asks them the similar question, “What can Santa get you for Christmas?”
It is my basic belief that grown-ups actually have more fun at times than the children, and their requests have certainly reflected this trend. Oftentimes, when a family is there to get a picture with Santa, I will ask the children what they would like for Christmas and then I usually turn to the parents.
Asking the parent about their own wish list serves two purposes—it allows the parent or adult to experience the Christmas tradition of seeing Santa again and secondly, by asking this simple question this reconfirms to the child that Santa is for real. However, I believe Evelyn’s mother took Santa’s question too seriously. After Evelyn told Santa all about the wonderful toys she wanted for Christmas I then turned to her mother and father to ask the question, “What can Santa get you for Christmas?”
Naturally, I was expecting the usual reply, such as “peace, happiness, and a healthy family.” Well, it was at this point in the conversation that Evelyn’s mother decided to let Santa in on what
she really wanted the big guy to bring her. “There is something special I would like for Christmas, Santa. There’s this black bra I saw in the window of Victoria’s Secret that I would just kill for!”
You can understand why I was left speechless. I felt like saying, “I don’t remember if black bras were available this year. I know red bras were popular with the Elves this year but not black.”
I’ve also noticed that adults love to admit to Santa that they have been bad, especially the women. They seem to think it is an appropriate time to confess to anything when they are around Santa Claus. I know Santa is derived from Saint Nicholas, but ladies I’m not a priest. For example, Allison’s reply to Santa’s question went something like this: “If I told you Santa what I really wanted for Christmas, then I’d be on your naughty list!”
Olivia’s reply to the traditional Santa question had many similar qualities.
“Santa, I can’t tell you that! I’m not sure whether it is legal or not.”
Then there is a group of individuals out there I truly feel sorry for each Christmas season. They are the guys who come with their girlfriends to what they think is just an innocent visit to see Santa Claus. The guy thinks that a visit to see Santa with his girlfriend is going to be a great way for the two of them to capture that Christmas spirit.
What he doesn’t realize is the guilt he will eventually receive once his gal pal reaches Santa’s lap and how the visit was actually all part of some grand scheme.
Allow me to set the table for you, as played out at least four or five times each Santa season. The couple visits Santa Claus for that ideal Christmas picture. The girl will generally sit on Santa’s lap and the guy will kneel on the floor beside the two of us. The picture is taken and not to disappoint any on-lookers as well as to keep the tradition alive Santa will ask the question, “What can Santa get you for Christmas?”
Like clockwork, the girl is always the first to speak. She turns to Santa and then to her boyfriend, points and replies, “For him to give me an engagement ring!”
So there she is, still pointing at her boyfriend and of course he’s speechless, the most he can muster up is a shrug of the shoulders, mouth open and then the sluggish reply, “oh, man.”
So guys, heed my warning. If you are not ready to pop the question, be very careful when your girlfriend innocently asks you, “Wouldn’t it be fun to see Santa this Christmas?”
But sometimes, magic is in the air for couples visiting Santa. Take Kevin and Sue, a couple both in their mid-twenties who decided that this particular Saturday in December, a few seasons back, was the perfect time to see Santa Claus. For the two of them, the visit and picture with Santa was going to be the ideal backdrop to their Christmas. Kevin was the first to speak, letting Santa know that this marked the fourth visit over the years by the two to see this Santa.
Touched by their loyalty Santa replied, “Welcome back, I’m glad that you’ve made Santa one of your Christmas traditions.”
I guess I should have figured something was a little different when Kevin replied in a peculiar fashion. “You can call it that if you’d like.”
By this time, Sue was sitting on Santa’s lap while Kevin had positioned himself next to the two of us on the floor. The picture was taken, capturing the special moment, and then I decided to ask the standard question as to what the two would like for Christmas.
Kevin, still kneeling on his one knee, turned to Santa and then to Sue and said, “For her to marry me, Santa.”
Santa truly thought he had heard it all until then. At first, I wasn’t sure if Kevin was serious, but then I quickly knew his request was certainly no mistake. The most I could come up with was, “So, what will it be, Sue?”
Sue, by this time, had already put her hands to her face and was crying.
Kevin then mentioned how much he truly loved her, and how he wanted her to be his wife and that he would be the happiest man on earth if she would spend the rest of her life with him. You know, all that mushy stuff.
Sue was still crying, hands still to her face, however she did begin to nod and blurted out a somewhat inaudible, “yes, yes, yes …”
It was at this point, some of the crowd waiting patiently to see Santa, figured out what was going on with the couple. In the background you could hear the “Ahs” echoing from the crowd. You might be asking yourself, what was I doing while this was going on? The answer, absolutely nothing. I became somewhat of a spectator, but with front-row seats.
Then all of a sudden Kevin reached into his coat pocket and he pulled out this engagement ring. By this time, word had reached everyone in line and then I noticed Santa’s crew of helpers just watching with smiles as well. When Kevin pulled the ring from the coat pocket the crowd seemed to respond in harmony with one loud and collective “Ah.” Kevin placed the ring on Sue’s finger and repeated his desire for her to be his wife and with that the crowd, the helpers, and Santa all broke into applause.
It did occur to me later that night when I was retelling the story to my family and friends, I may have been one of the few men in the history of recorded time to have another guy propose to his girlfriend while she was sitting on my lap.
Unfortunately, I never did receive an invitation to Kevin and Sue’s wedding. Though to be fair to the couple, mail to the North Pole can be rather slow at times!
Dear Santa . . . Letters and Artwork for Santa
Over the years, this Santa has received thousands of letters from children detailing their Christmas wishes. For many children, the letter is an important part of their visit to Santa. Each child takes extensive time and care to craft and detail those toys they most want for Christmas. It also helps the child gather their thoughts better, especially when most children are very nervous at this special meeting with Santa. The longest letter this Santa has ever received featured 112 toys covering 17 pages!
When they are given the opportunity to share their letter with Santa, the child experiences a level of great joy. To add to this level of excitement, Santa will often say to the child, “Santa is so glad you brought him your letter. Can Santa take this letter back to the North Pole with him to show Mrs. Claus, the reindeer, and all the Elves?”
This is very important stuff to most children that Santa will be spending this much time with their letter.
I do remember a little boy named Juan, who, when asked the question “Can Santa take this letter back to the North Pole with him?” said, “No, Santa! I’d rather you didn’t. I’ve grown kind of sentimental to the letter.”
Drawings presented to Santa Claus have also been very popular over the years. But, children’s art is as unique and individualized as each child is different. Santa often has to ask them what they have drawn and sometimes I take a guess at the picture as to what it could be. Most of the time I am wrong.
Take for instance Gracie, who gifted Santa a beautiful picture she drew.
Santa said to Gracie, “Wow! This is a beautiful picture.”
“Thank you, Santa,” she replied with a proud grin on her face.
“Is this a picture of you, Gracie?”
“No,” replied Gracie. Strike one.
“Is it Mrs. Claus?” I already knew by this point it was strike two and I continued to be wrong.
“Is it Santa Claus?”
“No,” said Gracie once again and it was strike three at my end.
“Then, who is the picture of Gracie?”
Gracie then replied, “It’s Kim Kardashian, Santa. Can’t you tell?”
“Oh, that was Santa’s next guess. The next time Santa is out in Beverly Hills he will stop by and visit the Kardashians and show Kim and Kanye your beautiful picture. Would that be okay?”
“Thank you, Santa.”
Another one of Santa’s favorites features no name, just a list of items the child would like Santa to bring them for Christmas. Interestingly, the child started out with good intentions, asking for sunglasses, clothes, jewelry, and even a remote control car but then decid
ed they would just keep it simple for Santa Claus by asking for “Cash”!
The next letter emphasizes one of the greatest fears of any child who comes to visit Santa Claus. They are well aware of Santa’s “all-knowing” ability when it comes to his “Good Book” and “Bad Book,” but they are suspicious of his use of GPS.
In this case, David wanted it to be clear that he would like any delivery of toys on Christmas Day to arrive at Nan and Pop’s house.
Then there’s the question of a child’s definition of being “good,” which doesn’t always parallel to those around them. According to Kathleen, she believed she had been well-behaved, but acknowledged that regard for such behavior might depend on who you talk to.
I truly enjoy the next letter, because Gilbert captured the true concept and understanding of what the holidays mean. However, when he began to play the role of a “judge” and attempted to tell Santa Claus all about his sister’s behavior, this is when he got into some trouble.
According to Gilbert’s mother, his sister wasn’t too pleased by her younger brother’s letter, and in her words, how he was “snitching to Santa Claus” about her in his postscript. She then did the next best thing and scratched out the comment by Gilbert of how she “has been bad.”
The next letter is short and sweet, but very effective. If I were to guess, the letter was probably written while waiting in line to see Santa Claus. If I were a betting man, which I am not, I would imagine the child, in this case named Sandra, realized she had no list for Santa Claus. The ambitious parent with them then grabbed the first piece of paper available to them and jotted down the requests of their child. Problem solved!
The first side says it all; they “tried to be good” and it was very polite to include Mrs. Claus on the letter. It also ends on a cliffhanger, meaning you have to turn the page over to see the contents of the “wish list” and the toys Sandra would like Santa Claus to bring her for Christmas.
I love the next letter because it helps to showcase how some of the sweetest children that this Santa has seen over the years request things for a parent, guardian, grandparent, or loved one and not for themselves.
