by Kevin Neary
The little boy turned to Santa and said, “Don’t let her sit on your lap Santa, she’s too heavy!”
The girl was naturally embarrassed, but after Santa reassured her, she did eventually sit. However, the boy wasn’t done with his remarks. This time he turned to his sister and replied, “Santa, check out my sister, she’s growing a mustache!”
At first, I felt so sorry for the teenage girl, but I was confident justice would truly be served. As soon as Santa’s Helper finished taking the picture, the girl turned to her brother, smiled, and said, “Wait until we get home!”
All I can say is, I would hate to be in his shoes when they eventually got home.
A similar story occurred again the following Christmas season. Unlike the sister from the previous season, who chose to wait to settle things at home, this time after comments were made the teenage girl took immediate action. Again, Santa’s Helpers were arranging the parents and the children so that a family portrait with Santa Claus could be taken.
This time, the young girl was the first to sit on Santa’s lap, followed by her younger brother. As soon as the brother sat he turned to Santa and said, “Watch it Santa, your leg is about to break.”
Again, unlike the first girl, this teenager was not going to wait until she got her brother home. As soon as Santa’s Helpers took the picture, the girl reached over and pulled her brother’s ear and said, “Come on, Scott! I’ve got something I want to tell you!”
I’m telling you, it wasn’t pretty.
As I mentioned in one of the previous sections, at times Santa is often presented with a rather lengthy wish list. Lillian was determined to tell Santa Claus about each and every item, but brother Billy did not have the same level of patience for his younger sister.
Lillian was concentrating on the details of her list while she proceeded to read it to Santa, “I want a Barbie doll, and a Magic Nursery doll, and a Tickle Me Elmo …” Lillian continued but after each request, you would hear this big sigh coming from Billy.
Lillian continued, “I want Hit Stix, I want an Etch-a-Sketch, I want …” Finally, by this time Billy had heard enough and it was time for him to speak up. Billy turned to his little sister, Lillian, and said, “Oh, shut up!”
The next story involves Craig and his mother, and even to this day, I’m not sure how to really title this visit with Santa. Craig was about five and he sat on Santa’s lap and proceeded to tell me about all of the toys he wanted for Christmas.
The conversation continued for a few more minutes, but the entire time Craig was nervously clutching a plastic Godzilla doll. I noticed that one of Godzilla’s arms had been broken off. So Santa decided to ask about his Godzilla doll, “Craig, did you know that Godzilla’s arm is broken off?”
Craig replied, “It came that way when I got it.”
I naturally thought to myself, Why did they buy a toy that was defective? They should have at least returned it for a replacement Godzilla. Obviously, there were no Elves involved in this toy-making process. It certainly would not have passed Quality Inspection.
Then Craig’s mother spoke up, “Craig, tell Santa right now how you got that doll.”
Craig replied, “I stole it from Nick. He’s my friend.”
Some friend you are!
Apparently, this too was recent news to the mother and she thought a confession by Craig to Santa Claus would help prevent further temptations for her son to steal.
Tony, on the other hand, was blunt in another way, voicing his opinion that Santa could stand a visit to the nearest Weight Watchers office. He minced no words when he blurted out, “Hey, Santa! You’re fat!”
Santa sincerely thanked Tony for his “concern.” Then I believe Tony thought he may have offended Santa in some way. In an effort to redeem himself Tony responded, “But that’s fine, that weight looks good on you … don’t worry if you can’t fit down our chimney; we’ve got a big backyard. So you can park the sled out there.”
Two cousins came to visit Santa one day. Both were about the same age and both were boys. The one cousin, named Landon, knew Santa Claus was all-knowing but he didn’t want to take any chances when it came to the behavior and actions of his cousin Lucas, which did not sit particularly well with him.
Landon whispered to Santa, “Guess what Lucas did to me while we were in line waiting to see you?”
Expecting almost anything by this point in time, Santa responded, “What did Lucas do to you in line?”
Landon replied, “He spit in my face!”
I was dying to say at this point, “I guess it was a little ‘mucus from Lucas!’” However, every Santa Claus quickly realizes one of his duties is to encourage proper behavior and good manners.
Speaking of good manners, the next story involves a little girl who could have used a lesson or two.
From what I could tell, the little girl was staying at her grandparents’ house for the holidays when they came to visit Santa Claus one afternoon. Assuming this was a typical visit, Santa turned to the little girl and asked if she would like to sit on Santa’s lap and tell him all about the wonderful toys she would like for Christmas.
The little girl, who we had determined was named London, responded coldly, “I find this whole thing a tremendous bore. Besides, my grandmother gets me everything I want anyway. I’m just here for a stupid picture.”
Aren’t you so sweet! thought Santa.
One day several seasons back, a mother and her two boys came to visit Santa Claus. All attempts by the mother had failed at keeping one child from continuing with this one troublesome habit. Apparently concerned, the mother figured wisdom from Santa may help her cause.
Her two boys made their way to Santa’s lap; the oldest boy William was apparently ten years old and his younger brother, Harry, was seven years old. The mother was the first to speak, “Santa, I would like you to tell Harry that he is not permitted to play with matches.”
Surprised by her words, Santa immediately echoed those same words to Harry. Then I got a little worried wondering if my beard was flammable or not.
Santa asked, “Harry, have you been playing with matches?”
This is when his older brother William spoke up, “Yep, matches, lighters … anything he can get his hands on!” I have to admire Harry, who didn’t say a word. He just sat there, smiled, and continued to look at Santa. I, on the other hand, thought, I know I’m going to see this kid one day on the local news.
The story of Harry offers the perfect example as to when it is also absolutely necessary to say the right words of wisdom. Hopefully this will change the behavior and create better habits in little ones. Parents feel such advice from someone as important as Santa Claus will only help make their job that much easier.
When Santa met Samantha one year he was asked by the parents if he could express to their daughter how important it was not to kick her grandpop.
Santa turned to Samantha and said, “Remember, Samantha, it is not nice to kick Grandpa.”
Her eyes told the whole story. She nodded and said, “Alright, Santa.” Apparently, Samantha followed Santa’s advice for about five days and the following week the parents were once again back with her to see Santa for another round of similar advice and the need not to kick Grandpop.
Another example of how Santa has been asked over the years to encourage good habits involves Bailey and her mother. As Bailey was seated on Santa’s lap, her mother turned our way and said, “Santa, can you remind Bailey that she is not supposed to eat her teacher’s crayons?”
As Bailey was leaving, I wondered to myself, should I ask her if all the colors taste the same and what’s her favorite color?
Then there was “Little Slugger,” who was affectionately named this by his father. What was consistent about Little Slugger was that his hat and jacket both had the name, “Little Slugger” sewn onto the material. Based upon my initial experience with Little Slugger, I can only imagine this little guy of four was a handful.
During Little
Slugger’s visit, his father quickly passed on some suggestions and advice, hoping that if Santa made mention of it to him then this may actually promote some good habits in the young lad.
So, at some point during the visit Santa Claus asked, “Little Slugger, do you know that it’s important to always be good?”
His response to Santa only helped to confirm the reason for the nickname, Little Slugger, when he said, “Does this mean that I can’t hit my sister Elise until after Christmas?”
A little girl named Nora, who came to visit Santa one year with her sister Mila, also had a problem with hitting. Mila, apparently, was a huge fan of the Disney film Tangled. I found this out after the two sat on Santa’s lap and proceeded to tell him all about the great toys the two wanted for Christmas. [Note from Santa: I will be the first to admit, I love the animated feature Tangled. I have never gotten tired of watching it over the years with my two girls, Emma and Grace. I’ve always believed it is a classic in the true sense of Disney animated features.]
It was at this point that Mila turned to Santa and said, “Santa, can you tell Nora to stop hitting me with the frying pan when I’m not looking?” Nora did not deny her actions; she just sat there and had this devilish little smile on her face the whole time.
This is when the mother of the two informed Santa that Nora had watched Tangled one too many times. For those of you who have not seen the film, the main character Rapunzel uses a frying pan as her weapon of choice as her means of protection.
Through the years, parents and guardians have also said their share of crazy and unkind words, on occasion.
I can’t tell you the number of times I’ve heard the expression by parents trying to soothe a crying child into seeing Santa, “Oh please sit, Grandma wants a picture!” Then there is the line that is often uttered by grandmothers who take their grandchildren down to see Santa for a picture. I hear this combination of words every year when the child begins to act up in front of the grandparent and is now reluctant to visit with Santa Claus: “Your mother never cried when I brought her down to see Santa!” Wow, what a guilt trip.
Take, for example, Sarah, a little girl no older than seven years old, when she came to visit Santa with her mother one year.
Unlike the majority of children who see Santa, Sarah did not sit on his lap. Rather, Sarah just stood alongside Santa as she read through her Christmas List. As she continued to read her list, I naturally asked Sarah if she would like to sit on Santa’s lap.
It was at this point I realized why Sarah was not sitting after her mother replied, “No, Sarah, you’re much too fat.” I felt so sorry for little Sarah and thought about all the self-confidence issues she may experience as the years go by.
Another example of parents behaving poorly was James’s mother. Apparently, James and his mother had waited in line quite a while to visit with Santa Claus. I guess the waiting, the hot lights, and the screaming children in line could get the best of anyone.
In fact, I will be the first to admit that the screaming and crying of hundreds of children can be deafening. Think about a construction site and how noisy that can get at times, now multiply that sound by ten to the second power. You can always tell the magnitude of how noisy it is getting when you look over and see Santa’s Helpers popping Tylenol on the side. Speaking of crying, I always wondered, if we as adults never stopped crying when we got hungry, how loud would a typical Olive Garden waiting area be?
Sadly, from the outset, little James wanted nothing to do with Santa Claus anyway. As soon as James got a look at Santa he made his intentions clear by letting out a tremendous scream, one that to this day is floating out in space waiting to be discovered in some region of the galaxy.
However, James’s mother didn’t feel the same way about the situation and said quietly to her little one, “I waited in line for this man for forty-five minutes, blah, blah, blah, blah … and if you don’t sit I’m going to beat the stew out of you.”
As you can imagine, James’s behavior changed rapidly.
A similar story occurred in my very first year as Santa with a little boy named Darryl. He too was accompanied by his mother on their visit to see Santa Claus.
Darryl was probably nearly ten years old and the notion of Santa Claus had started to lose its appeal. Darryl didn’t cry or scream but merely said, “I don’t wanna sit on no Santa Claus’s lap.”
In response to Darryl’s comment, his mother smiled peacefully and simply replied in a quiet and calm voice, “Darryl, you better sit on this man’s lap or I’m gonna break your legs.”
Needless to say, Darryl perked up, smiled from ear to ear, and then Santa’s Helper took the picture. As soon as the picture was taken, Darryl’s facial expression went from a smile to this look of disdain.
This chapter would not be complete until I detailed the events surrounding Aubrey’s visit with his grandmother. You could tell the grandmother had very good intentions when she decided to take her grandson for a visit to see Santa Claus. The little boy was, however, asleep. So, in an effort not to wake him, she gently picked up the boy out of his stroller and walked him over to see Santa.
The grandmother said, “Don’t worry if he is asleep, I want the picture anyway.”
I figured the little boy was just about two and there was a good chance he would sleep through the entire visit. As a family, we have often joked with our daughter Emma, who also was about two years old when she remarkably slept her way through four hurricanes our area experienced in 2004 here in Florida.
All was going well until the grandmother, as she was attempting to make the handoff of Aubrey to Santa, jolted him ever so slightly. We were hoping he would not even wake up and if he did he would just go back to sleep.
This was not the case, though, as the little boy awakened. He quickly began to focus on what was around him. I must have been his worst nightmare come true. The boy took a quick look at Santa, with eyes now bulging, screamed, and then did this Olympic-size leap off of Santa’s lap and out into the main store.
The grandmother, however, was not surprised by any of this. She leaned over my way and said, “Oh, I’ll be right back.” Well, I thought this was the last time I was ever going to see the two of them. But I was wrong, and about fifteen minutes later I began to hear some screaming that seemed to be getting closer. Then out of the corner of my eye, I noticed the grandmother, this time without the stroller or any of her belongings, carrying her little one. It is, however, unfair to make the statement “carrying her little one.” To better describe what actually occurred, the grandmother was walking slightly bent with her right hand extended down holding the ankle of her grandson, who was practically elevated and being dragged facedown across the floor. The little one was putting up a pretty good fight, with his arms extended while he pounded his fists on the marble floor.
The best analogy comes from the old Frankenstein movies. If you recall, there is at least one scene in the film where you see Frankenstein chasing a would-be victim. The victim is naturally running, at a sprinter’s pace, and then there’s Frankenstein motoring along at a snail’s pace. But it never fails; Frankenstein always catches them, and in this case so did the grandmother.
Final Memorable Encounters with Santa
The following stories involve children who will make you laugh and make you cry. These are the stories and memorable encounters between some truly unique children and Santa Claus which has helped to make the role for me so exceptional.
Take for example, Carmela, who came with her mother and grandmother for a visit to see Santa Claus one Sunday afternoon. When she was asked by Santa’s Helper if she would like to sit on Santa’s lap and get a picture, Carmela replied, “Nah … I have to get to work!”
Both shocked and amused by little Carmela’s comment, Santa’s Helper repeated her question as to whether she would like to sit on Santa’s lap and get a picture.
This time Carmela replied, “I don’t want the boss to see the picture.”
By n
ow, Santa, Santa’s Helpers, and several other visitors in line who were waiting to see Santa, heard Carmela’s response. Everyone was laughing at the funny and innocent words echoed by this little girl.
Then, Carmela’s mother let Santa in on a little secret. Apparently, Carmela’s dad, when asked if he would like to join the group on their visit to see Santa, replied the same way. However, this was his excuse because there was a big football game on that Sunday afternoon and he didn’t want to miss it. It goes to prove that you don’t stand in the way of Eagles fans on game day.
Philadelphia might be known as “The City of Brotherly Love,” but when it comes to Eagles football the city is notorious for its lack of affection. In fact, in 1968, Eagles fans in response to their dismal 2–12 season, once booed Santa Claus and even threw snowballs at him during a halftime show.
Well, if you were curious, Carmela did eventually sit on Santa’s lap and a picture was taken, much to the satisfaction of Mom and Grandmother.
There are times when the children who visit Santa say something and you either don’t hear them or just don’t understand what they are actually saying. Sometimes, it is the crowd around you and the crying and screaming that is experienced in a busy Santa line. Often, you can keep the conversation going with a child by just saying, “Oh, sure,” or even a cheerful nod can go a long way.
One day, I guess I learned my lesson not just to agree with whatever the child may have said, even though Santa couldn’t hear or understand them. Little Stevie came to visit Santa this one particular day and said, “Hey, Santa! Do you want to see me hit myself on the head?”
Not having heard a single word that Stevie just said to me, Santa naturally replied, “Oh, sure!”
Being the good little boy that Stevie was, he then proceeded to pound his fist on the side of his head. After one or two wallops, Santa shouted, “What are you doing?”
