by Kevin Neary
Stevie replied, while still pounding away on his skull, “I asked, do you want to see me hit myself on the side of my head?”
This time hearing every syllable, Santa replied, “No, let’s not, but maybe next year.”
Then there are children like Louise, who must have figured Santa is an old guy and there is a good chance he might be a little hard of hearing. So Louise, in her loudest voice, shouted toward Santa, “I want a Barbie doll, Shopkins, a Bratz doll, and a …” If I wasn’t hard of hearing before, I began to feel it now.
As a department store Santa Claus, I have also experienced my share of grade school classes. It was a popular class trip for many schools for their first, second, and even third graders. In many cases, it was similar to an assembly line—one child after another would sit on Santa’s lap, take a picture, and describe to Santa the contents of their wish list.
Two stories that I will always remember occurred in separate years, but they both involved the same elementary school.
The first story involved a second grader named Vincent. He was next in line to see Santa when Santa’s Helper naturally went up to him. Santa’s Helper did what every good Santa’s Helper should do—she gathered his name so then she could secretly pass it on to Santa. This way, Santa, being the all-knowing individual that he is, would naturally know Vincent was the little’s boy’s name.
Then Santa’s Helper decided to ask Vincent if he was going to have his picture taken with Santa.
In a concerned voice Vincent replied to Santa’s Helper, “No way, baby! I’m broke! I’m flat busted!”
The second story involved Ray, a third grader, a year later. Unlike the second grader, the issue was not that Ray lacked the necessary funds to have a picture taken. It was just that he didn’t quite trust everyone around him.
Ray was greeted by Santa’s Helper who said, “Hello, who do we have here today to see Santa?”
The little boy insistently said, “Ray, my name is Ray, not Raymond, just Ray!”
Santa’s Helper then asked, “Ray! Would you like to have a picture taken with Santa today?”
This is when Ray turned to Santa’s Helper and replied, “Sure lady, but you hold the money. I don’t want the guy in the chair to rip me off!”
I can only imagine Ray thought Santa was a little short of cash that day and may have been looking for an excuse to ask for his money.
On another occasion, two little girls were waiting to see Santa. When it came time for the two to sit on Santa’s lap, they decided to go up separately. The first of the two girls was named Gabrielle and she was very excited to tell Santa Claus all about the toys she wanted for Christmas.
Just before Gabrielle was about to leave and make room for her friend, Santa figured he’d get a jump on the next little one in line.
“Gabrielle, is that your friend over there?” asked Santa.
“Yes, Santa, she came down with me to see you,” added Gabrielle.
Naturally Santa’s next question was, “And, what’s your friend’s name?”
Gabrielle’s reply: “I forget.” Some friend you are, I thought.
Another memorable story I like telling involves my parents. I can honestly say my parents were faithful visitors every year I was in the role of Santa Claus.
Besides, every visit usually meant lunch at some point after, and this was a good excuse for Santa to feed his reindeer. [Note from Santa: Of course, the expression, “Santa has to feed his reindeer” was code for it’s time for Santa to have a lunch break.]
Naturally, a visit from my parents made for a picture-perfect moment featuring the three of us. Normally, after my parents paid their respects to Santa, they would often stand on the side, outside of Santa’s house, and listen to some of the children make their way towards Santa. On this day, the next little one to see Santa was a girl named Leslie. While sitting on Santa’s lap, she made an innocent comment about Santa’s weight.
“Santa, you’re a fat guy!”
My mother heard the comment and immediately took offense to these words about her son. She wasn’t aware of the fact that such remarks are just part of the territory when playing the role of Santa. My mother was offended that someone had actually referred to her son as fat, and it took me some time to calm her down.
Speaking of the phrase, “Santa has to feed his reindeer,” I remember the one year the store decided to hire a breaker Santa Claus. His job was basically to sit in the dressing room, in full Santa gear, and wait until I went on break. He at that point would take over Santa’s chair until I got back from feeding those hungry reindeer.
Many people have asked me over the years if the store I worked at during Christmas employed more than one Santa. The answer is yes. After all, one human cannot physically, mentally, or emotionally perform the role of Santa Claus for the entire six to seven weeks that Santa makes himself visible. However, just like there is only one Mickey Mouse in the whole world, in the mind of a child, there too is only one Santa Claus.
In regards to the Santa they hired, his name was Richard, and he was a really nice guy and good for the role. However, the only problem was a matter of continuity. For example, I stand in full Santa gear about five-feet-nine-inches in height. The other Santa stood over one foot taller than I did.
So, one day, Santa’s Helpers explained to the next collection of parents and children that Santa would be right out, but he had to go feed his reindeer.
One of Santa’s Helpers would then escort me to the dressing room and collect the other Santa. As the other Santa was approaching the chair, the change was very noticeable, leading several of the children to scream in line, “Santa just got bigger!”
Then, I remember on one occasion, it was five o’clock on Christmas Eve. The store was just about to close for the holiday and I was pleased it was the end of another successful Santa season.
As I was approaching Santa’s dressing room, a woman, along with her daughter, came running up to Santa and his Helper and asked, “Where is Santa going?”
Santa’s Helper, in an effort to keep the story of Santa going, replied, “The store is closed and it is Christmas Eve so Santa is going back to the North Pole to begin his busy night!”
Knowing that Christmas was the next day, the parent then asked, “Will Santa be back again the day after Christmas?”
Obviously, she wasn’t getting this whole Santa legend, and I wanted so much to reply, “Yes, Santa will be back for returns and complaints.”
Another funny story involving Santa having to feed his reindeer occurred during one of my final years of playing Santa for the store. Again, one of Santa’s Helpers began to accompany Santa back to his dressing room when a mother and her son approached the two of us.
The mother repeated a familiar chant, “Where’s Santa going?”
Speaking on behalf of Santa, the Helper replied, “Santa is going to feed the reindeer. Santa will return soon.”
So off went the mother and her little boy to either wait for Santa to return or come back at a later point. It was then that I noticed the two had stopped and the little boy made his way back to Santa and his Helper.
In a panicked and concerned voice, the boy said, “Santa is going to do what with his reindeer?”
This time Santa replied, “Santa has to go and feed the reindeer.”
Now breathing a sigh of relief, the boy said, “Oh, I thought you said Santa has to go and beat his reindeer.”
Terry was a little girl about nine years old when she came to visit Santa a few seasons ago along with her mother. Terry faced a dilemma that she was hoping Santa could help solve. Apparently, Terry’s mother unfortunately had to work on Christmas Day, and she naturally wanted her mother home for the holidays.
The conversation went something like this: “Hello, Terry, have you come to visit Santa and tell him about all of the wonderful toys you would like him to bring you for Christmas?”
Hoping that Santa could use his influence Terry replied, “Yes, Santa, bu
t before I begin could you see what you can do about talking to Mommy’s boss and see if he can give her Christmas Day off?”
Speaking of Christmas Day, Channel came to visit one year and was just a little confused about this whole Christmas ritual. Channel knew that she wanted one item in particular for Christmas; she just wasn’t sure when the item was supposed to show up.
Channel was very pleasant and was enjoying her visit with Santa on that day.
Santa turned to Channel and asked, “What can Santa get you for Christmas?”
In a soft voice, Channel replied, “I want a bouncy ball.”
Santa replied, “Wow, you want a bouncy ball; did you want any certain color?”
“I want a red one,” said Channel excitedly.
“Channel, would you like anything else for Christmas from Santa?”
“No, that’s it!” replied Channel. We chatted for a few more minutes. I thanked Channel for coming to visit Santa, and then she was on her way.
About an hour or two later, all of a sudden, Channel appeared yet again. This time, Channel looked a little concerned and she proceeded to look into Santa’s house and shout my way, “Where’s my bouncy ball?”
Channel might have been cute, but she just didn’t have the whole Christmas process down yet.
The next two stories involve a couple of “Doubting Thomases,” or in other words non-believers. Over the years I have certainly gotten my share of children who have questioned the authenticity of me as Santa or even the concept behind Santa himself. So when I would come across a non-believer or doubter who would make a statement such as “You’re not Santa Claus!”, my reply back would always be, “Can you be absolutely sure I’m not the real Santa Claus?”
Not wanting to tempt fate at this point, the child usually retreated from the accusation, fearing a possible wrath by the one and only Santa. However, Jeffrey needed a little more convincing.
Santa asked Jeffrey the age-old question, “What can Santa get you for Christmas?”
Then Jeffrey blurted out that all too familiar statement, “You’re not Santa Claus!”
Santa’s reply back to Jeffrey: “Can you be absolutely sure I’m not the real Santa Claus?”
Then a long pause from Jeffrey before he finally spoke, “If you are the real Santa Claus, then I want to see some identification. Do you have a driver’s license?”
From what I can remember, I believe I answered Jeffrey’s question this way, “Santa left it back in his sled.”
The second “Doubting Thomas” was Sean, and he too wanted to see some identification. Sean was introduced to Santa by one of Santa’s Helpers. Santa greeted Sean and then proceeded to ask Sean what he would like for Christmas. Then Sean made the statement, which in some ways truly hurts all of those caring individuals out there who play the role of Santa Claus, “You’re not Santa Claus!”
Once again, Santa replied, “Can you be absolutely positive that I’m not the real Santa Claus?”
Conceding slightly, Sean replied, “Okay … if you are the real Santa Claus, take off your white glove and let me see your hands.”
What my hand had to do with it, I haven’t a clue. But to appease Sean, I did take off my one glove. Sean wasn’t finished with Santa yet, so he made another request, “And if you are, who you say you are, then I want you to leave a picture of yourself behind when you visit our house on Christmas Eve.”
Often the role of Santa Claus is not always filled with a sugar-coated pathway. At times, you are faced with many sad stories from children who visit Santa. If you think about Santa in the hierarchy of a small child’s life, he’s a pretty important guy. The little ones look up to Santa in an almost saintlike manner. Santa in some cases can almost represent for a child, their last hope.
One such story involved Crystal, a little girl no older than four. Crystal sat up on Santa’s lap and instead of asking for some toys for Christmas, she said sadly, “Santa, they said my daddy may not be coming home from the hospital, can you make him better?”
From what I could tell from Crystal’s grandmother, her father had a massive heart attack at work and the doctors were not promising much hope for his recovery. What do you say to a child that makes this type of request? What you want to do is give her a big hug and tell her that everything is going to be alright because you’re Santa Claus.
However, reality sets in and you come to the realization that miracles like those don’t happen overnight. It is moments like this when you wish you were truly Santa Claus.
Honestly, all you can do is reply, “Santa will say a prayer for your daddy.”
Most of the time, this will soothe the child’s spirits, but you know deep down that they were wishing for more.
Then there are times that it seems unfair to refer to the children as children, considering how mature they really are. Reality is often unfair to the children when it robs them of their childhood. Tucker asked Santa for one request, “Can you help my father get his life back in order?”
I’m not sure of all the particulars surrounding this child, but again all I could say in reply was, “Santa will say a prayer for your daddy.”
Another uncomfortable situation you are faced with at times while playing the role of Santa Claus is when children find themselves in the middle of a recent divorce. Take for instance, Donny, a five-year-old that found himself right in the middle of a custody battle. It hurts you when a child says, “My mommy and daddy don’t live together anymore, and can you get my daddy back?”
The downtown Philadelphia area where I played the role of Santa Claus for the department store really symbolized a melting pot for the children I saw over the years. Some were very rich and well-to-do, while others you could tell came from families who were barely making it.
Some of the sweetest children this Santa had encountered over the years were those children who didn’t ask for many things for themselves at all for Christmas. Their Christmas wishes were generally for their mommy or daddy or another family member. They might ask for a new pair of slippers for their mommy and her tired feet or a pair of warm gloves for their daddy, who had to be outside in the freezing weather.
During the Christmas of 1990, as you might recall, the United States was sending troops to help solidify positions in and around the country of Kuwait. The United States was for all intents and purposes bracing for all-out war on Iraq. That period of time was a nerve-wracking one for most Americans as well as for children. One day, I too felt the effects of this action taken by the country. It involved Adrien, a little boy whose father was just sent to Saudi Arabia as a pilot for the 193rd Special Operations Group. Well, to make a long story short, Adrien was concerned that Santa Claus during his traditional Christmas Eve journey may run into some unfriendly fire over the Middle East.
Adrien asked, “Santa, do you think it is going to be too dangerous for you to fly over Iraq?”
To ease Adrien’s worries Santa said, “Don’t worry about Santa. He represents everything good in the world and again you don’t have to worry.”
He then asked Santa, “That’s great and when you do go, can you deliver this letter to my daddy while you’re over there?” Adrien handed me a sealed envelope marked “Daddy.”
This book would not be complete without telling you the story of Kembry. Personally, this story happens to be one of my favorites.
Kembry was a little boy no older than five, who came for a visit to see Santa Claus in one of my final seasons playing the role for the department store. Kembry was accompanied by his father and the two were apparently tourists visiting family members in the area.
The father was the first to speak. “Kembry, tell Santa where you are from.”
Already sitting comfortably on Santa’s lap, Kembry replied, “We’re from St. Catharines.”
Fortunately, Santa was familiar with his geography and replied, “St. Catharines, that’s in Ontario.”
Excited that Santa knew his hometown, Kembry replied back, “That’s right!�
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However, at the outset Kembry wasn’t completely sure if Santa knew on the map where St. Catharines was. So Kembry brought with him a little inflatable globe and began to point to where he and his father lived. After some convincing, Santa was able to assure Kembry that because Canada was so close to the North Pole, it naturally was one of Santa’s first stops on Christmas Eve.
Now it was down to business, “Kembry, is there anything you would like Santa to bring you for Christmas?”
Without hesitation Kembry replied, “I want a violin, a piano, a cello …”
Kembry proceeded to give Santa a whole laundry list of requests that he wanted for Christmas, and every single one of the items was a musical instrument. When Santa does encounter a rather long list, I will often repeat a request to show interest and keep the conversation rolling.
For instance, in Kembry’s case Santa said, “Oh, you want a cello.”
Kembry thought this repeating by Santa meant that he didn’t understand the request.
So, when Santa said, “Oh, a cello,” Kembry replied, “You know what a cello is Santa Claus? It’s like a big violin!”
Well, I guess Kembry made his point clear. Kembry continued with his requests after setting Santa straight. Still, the only items he was asking for were more musical instruments.
After Kembry finished, Santa naturally asked the logical question, “Kembry, you must be a musician.”
However, the word “musician” must not have been part of Kembry’s vocabulary yet because he replied, “No, I’m not a musician; I’m a little boy!”
I’ll leave you with one final story, which involves my own three children. For more than a decade, I was extremely fortunate to have my own children visit me when I played the role of Santa Claus for the cruise line.
I remember they came to visit Santa with their traditional wish list in hand and of course a picture I helped craft with them the night before. Again, little did they know that they would visit me, their dad, as Santa.
Needless to say, it was one of my proudest moments each year. However, I remember one year, my oldest daughter Emma, who was no older than six at the time of this particular visit, commented at the dinner table later that night to me and my wife, “Santa sounds like daddy!”
