Air Kiss
Page 7
I chuckled. “She mistook Paul for James. She was completely embarrassed, but it was a plus in my view. It meant she didn’t watch the show. A lot of people who apply for jobs with us are fans trying to get close to one of the guys.”
Reya nodded. “Makes sense. Trev always tries to downplay the fan mail he gets from girls.”
“Hey! You have nothing to worry about. Trev is completely besotted with you. He doesn’t even look at other women.”
She grinned. “I know.”
All of a sudden there was a lot of cheering. Cal and Paul were neck and neck. I wasn’t surprised they’d managed to get so high up. Anyone else might’ve worried someone would get injured, but we did much more dangerous stunts on a daily basis. Climbing was our bread and butter. Truth be told, I was kind of disappointed I hadn’t taken part. I was smaller and more agile than both of them and could climb way faster. My competitive streak groaned at the missed opportunity to beat Cal. There had always been something intensely satisfying about beating him, more so than anyone else, which was an impulse I did not want to analyse too deeply.
In the end, Cal made it the highest, which I guess meant Paul had to strip and run around the forest while primal screaming. I was just glad it wasn’t Cal. Him being naked often ended with me getting myself into trouble (of the sexy variety.)
The two of them began climbing back down, and I went with Reya to get a drink. We joined Trev, James, Diana, Isaac and Michaela, who were all sitting on a picnic blanket enjoying the party. Reya lowered herself to sit next to Trev, and I took the space beside Michaela.
“You surviving okay?” I asked quietly.
She shot me a wry grin. “Yeah, just about.”
There was a wolf whistle, and I turned to see a bunch of people egging Paul on as he stripped down to his boxers. Cal was in tears laughing, and I couldn’t help my small grin. It was nice to see him having a good time. In spite of everything that had happened between us, and in spite of how difficult he could be, I still cared for him, still wanted him to be happy.
I just knew that it would never be with me.
“Oh, my God, what is Paul doing?” Diana asked. “Why is he taking all his clothes off?”
“They had a bet,” I told her. “He lost.”
“Well, it’s a good thing we’ve been having a heatwave this summer,’ Diana replied, “Otherwise he’d catch his death.”
“Actually, when we run our core body temperature increases,” Michaela countered shyly. “Technically, it’s better for him to run naked in the cold than in heat. It puts him in less risk of heatstroke and dehydration.”
Diana frowned at her, annoyed. “Who are you again?”
“That’s Michaela, babe,” James said. “Remember, I told you? She’s our new assistant.”
“Oh, really? How cute,” Diana chirped. Not surprisingly it came out disingenuous.
Diana was someone whose cattiness always bothered me, but I tolerated her for James’ sake.
Cal and Paul came to join us, with Paul dropping breathlessly down on the other side of Michaela and Cal taking the spot next to me.
Paul winked at Michaela. “What do you think? Do you like blokes when they’re all sweaty?”
He was only teasing, but Michaela gave a nervous giggle and blushed.
“You’ll have to keep an eye on him when you come with us to Joburg,” Trev teased her. “Paul’s got a habit for sneaking into girls’ bedrooms at night.”
“Hey!” Paul protested. “I’ll have you know sleepwalking is a serious disorder.”
“Oh, is that what they’re calling it?” Trev chuckled.
“Speaking of Joburg, I can’t wait to show you all around,” Isaac put in. “My cousin Thato almost lost his shit when I told him we were coming. He’s excited to meet you all.”
Isaac was the newest and youngest member of our cast. He grew up in a township on the edges of Johannesburg, and he’d fascinated Trev with tales of his upbringing. So much so that Trev had managed to convince our director, Barry, to shoot the fourth season there.
We’d never filmed so far afield, and I for one was eager to explore the city. I adored going places that looked and felt distinctly different from London. It gave me a thrilling rush to be in a part of the world I knew nothing about, to learn about the customs and culture, the history. Joburg also looked like an incredible place to freerun. Since Isaac was born and raised there before he and his family emigrated, I was hoping he could show us the real side of the city, rather than the usual tourist spots.
And the fact that I’d be living in the same house as Cal? Well, that was the only thing I wasn’t looking forward to, but I could handle it. I’d managed to keep a professional distance from him for almost a year. I wasn’t going to let a few weeks of filming break me.
“Have you been seeing anyone?” Cal spoke low, and I jumped a little. I hadn’t noticed how close he was.
Then, I frowned, because he knew well that wasn’t a question he should be asking after all the drama that went down. “Are you referring to Ben Young?”
Cal’s facial muscles moved in a way that told me even mentioning Ben’s name pissed him off.
“He’s an arsehole, you know that, right?”
“And what are you, some kind of saint?”
“At least I’m upfront about it. Ben’s the sort of bloke who acts like an altar boy then shags your best mate behind your back.”
“I’m pretty sure Paul wouldn’t be interested,” I scoffed.
Cal shot me an aggravated look. “You know what I mean.”
I let out a heavy sigh and relented. “I’m not seeing Ben Young. I was never even interested in him to begin with. You just blew everything out of proportion, like always.”
I could tell what I said irritated Cal from the tight set of his jaw. He eyed me closely. “What if I told you I’ve been seeing someone?”
I tried to ignore the sting in my chest at the idea of Cal having a girlfriend. “You are? And where is she tonight?”
“She had to work late. She’ll be here later.”
There was that sting again. I rubbed my chest, knowing I had no business feeling jealous. He and I were over, and we both needed to find other people eventually, so why not now?
Cal continued to watch me until I grew uncomfortable. “Why are you staring?”
“You’re jealous,” he stated.
“No, I’m not.”
“You forget I can read your facial expressions like a book.”
“Well, if you think I’m jealous your reading technique is off, because I could care less if you’re dating someone,” I bluffed.
“Oh really? So how would it make you feel if I told you I lied just now?”
That little shit. I shoved him in the shoulder. “That was manipulative.”
Cal grinned. “You’re relieved, though, right?”
I was, but I’d never admit it. My jealousy and subsequent relief wasn’t logical. It was illogical. And that was why I refused to let how I felt for Cal control me. I could never feel free if my emotions were constantly dependent on the actions of someone who’d proven themselves to be unpredictable.
I made sure to look him directly in the eye. “Cal, believe me when I say this, I want you to be happy. I want you to find someone.”
His expression sobered and he didn’t speak for a long moment. When he did, he looked away and picked up a fallen leaf, smoothing his fingers over its lined surface. “Yeah well, I don’t think I’m ready for a relationship. I’ve got a lot of issues with my temper that I need to sort through. What happened with Ben Young helped me realise that, so at least something good came out of that shitshow.”
I studied him. It was unlike Cal to admit he needed to work on himself. I’d more expect him to claim he was perfect and that the rest of the world had the problem.
“Are you telling me you’re turning over a new leaf?” It seemed poetic that he was holding one in his hand.
“Maybe not an entire leaf, bu
t I am trying to drink less. Two a night is my new limit.”
Hmm, Cal did always do his worst damage when he was drunk.
“That’s good. I guess… I guess I’m proud of you.”
His expression softened. My statement seemed to mean something to him. “I really am sorry for what happened, Leanne. I never want to feel that out of control ever again, or put your career in jeopardy just because I’m a jealous twat.”
Maybe that was why I always felt like I lost control when we were together. His wildness was contagious.
“You know I…” I coughed, my throat suddenly tight. Why was I feeling so emotional all of a sudden? “You know I mean it when I say I want you to be happy.”
His eyes brightened, his voice almost wistful. “I want you to be happy, too.”
For a second, the emotion in his voice plunged me into a memory.
How can it hurt this much to lose something you didn’t even know you had?
Cal’s question from three years ago still echoed in my head regularly. It was the reminder I needed to stay away from him. If not physically, since we had to work together, then at least emotionally. I needed to constantly remind myself of all the reasons why letting Cal back into my heart was a bad idea. He took me on these crazy, exhilarating rides, but it always ended in pain. I couldn’t do it again. I wouldn’t.
What happened several weeks ago was a prime example of the chaos Cal brought into my life. I kept it at the forefront of my mind, so that I wouldn’t slip.
My heart had taken too many beatings over the years, and I wasn’t sure it could survive another.
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About the Author
L.H. Cosway lives in Dublin, Ireland. Her inspiration to write comes from music. Her favourite things in life include writing stories, vintage clothing, dark cabaret music, food, musical comedy, and of course, books. She thinks that imperfect people are the most interesting kind. They tell the best stories.
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